I'm afraid the words "What did you do, Ray?" have been
indelibly etched in my head since the fall long ago
when my brother and I both contracted Taiwanese Flu the same day; we were
tucked into the hide-a-bed each morning by our parents before they left for
work, and they would thoughtfully leave a few tapes
near the VCR, which was set on repeat-play to save us the
trouble of raising the remote. While the pressure of filled
sinuses often left us too blurry-eyed to see the 13-inch
screen of the ancient, stalwart Commodore RGB monitor we used
(no cable on the island back then), 'Ghostbusters' was our
favorite movie as much for its dialogue as for the sights. It
wasn't uncommon for us to watch it three or four times a day
(it was on the same tape as 'Journey of Natty Gan' and 'The
Man From Snowy River', and I won't even _try_ to guess what
the psychological effect of that has been), drifting in
fevered stupor or riding the high of flu-induced mania; by the
end of the second week we had memorized the entire movie, and
would often recite it to each other for our parents amusement.
Probably their secret horror as well, but I don't know for
sure.
So, it's no surprise that Rei and Ray got mixed up one day
in my head; here's just a little of the spam that resulted.
I can't remember _who_ owns these two series' rights, but
I'm not trying to make any money here, so they shouldn't
worry, whoever they are.
*****
"I see her!" Makoto whispered tensely.
"She's an ugly little spud, isn't she?" Rei's voice
crackled from the bulky walkie-talkie Makoto clenched in
one hand.
"Well..." Not really, actually. Their prey eased out
of the room directly opposite Makoto's position at the end
of the hall, surprisingly quiet in thigh-length leather
heel boots, wrapped in a thick fur-lined cloak. Her
thick purple hair pooled in the hood of the cloak, shimmering
like a cool river.
Makoto dropped back into the shadows, swallowing back
nervous excitement, fingers tightening on her proton
projector. The target flipped her cloak back, revealing
clean, soft arms clad in long leather gloves, and a sort of
plum swimsuit lined at the bodice with soft fur.
Makoto's mouth felt dry as she watched the girl's chest
heave slightly. Her eyes were drawn to the soft roundness of
her breasts, fingers shifting as she imagined the satiny heat
of the skin there. Almost against her will, she glanced up to
watch the target's lustrous violet eyes, which were themselves
lifted to the ceiling, obviously searching for the source of
some sound.
"I think she can hear you, Rei," Makoto found herself
saying out loud, keying the handset.
"Don't worry... she won't hurt you!" Rei replied easily.
Makoto realized an instant too late that her radio had drawn
their target's attention, screaming out in fright as the
apparition bounded towards her. One small part of her mind
noted that her attacker's breasts bobbled delightfully as she
ran, but was distracted when it noticed the decidedly feral
grin in her purple eyes. Oh, my...
"OoAAAAAAAAH!!!"
"Makoto? Makoto!?"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!"
Rei pounded down the stairs and into the hallway, heaving
lungfulls of air in. The apparition vanished quickly through
a doorway, but the sight of Makoto spread-eagled, dishevelled
and glistening, on the floor pushed all other considerations
aside. Her heart unclenched when she noticed that her partner
was struggling weakly to rise, groaning softly.
"She... slimed me..." Makoto muttered through
mucus-covered lips.
"Slime-half yo!" shouted the apparition from somewhere
across the hall.
"That's great! Actual, physical contact! Can you move?"
Rei shouted ecstatically, gently poking at Makoto with one
gloved hand. She noted the thick, gelatinous purple slime that
covered Makoto, and her friend's half-disrobed, heavy-lidded
langour, with interest. Professional only, of course.
"Ami, I'm with Makoto... she got slimed!" She reported
into her handset.
"That's great, Rei, save some for me!" Ami called back.
Nodding, Rei reached into her skin-tight sailorsuit and
retrieved a sample tube. She scooped a healthy dollop of goo
into the tube, quirking one eyebrow when she saw how each
touch caused Makoto to twitch lightly.
"I feel so... funky..." moaned Makoto, writhing about
weakly.
Rei's radio crackled to life as Ami shouted excitedly,
"Get down here, both of you, it just went into a ballroom!"
*****
"He's not my boyfriend; I'm interested in him as a
client!" Makoto retorted hotly, then relented: "...and because
he sleeps above his covers. Four _feet_ above his covers. He
barks, he drools, he claws!"
"He reminds her of her old boyfriend..." Usagi continued
in a sotto voce aside to Rei, who grimaced in an attempt to
hold back giggles.
"It's not the boy, Jupiter, it's the building." Ami cut
in, unrolling a set of elevation blueprints on the rickety
table. Rei regained control and leaned over the plans,
flipping through them until she found the penthouse and roof
sections.
"The architect's name was Egawa Mishima," continued Ami,
"I found it in the Idiot's Guide to Wierdness. He was the key
founder of an obscure sect of American Zen Buddhism devoted to
the teachings of Robert Heinlein, a science-fiction writer
whose plethora of works cover everything from cannabalism to
cross-dimension travel."
"These supports are made of a Millenianoid alloy," Rei
commented, pointing to a star-shaped structure above the
penthouse, "and the entire roof structure is laid out in a
complex grid that represents a crystalline latticework. I'm
pretty sure these stacks here aren't fans, but rather
heavy-duty gyroscopes and capacitor-driven solenoids."
"So... they don't make them like they used to!"
"No! Nobody _ever_ made them like that! The designer was
either a certified genius, or a pathetic wacko." She gave
Makoto a meaningful look, then sighed.
"This whole structure is designed to draw in and focus
transdimensional energy. Your boyfriend," Ami told Makoto,
slamming one finger down on the blueprint, "lives on the top
floor of Whacky Central."
*****
"Are you... a god?" asked the floating apparition,
raising one pink eyebrow.
"Um..." Rei looked around, but her friends just nodded
and motioned, so she turned forward. "No?"
"Then...DIE!!!" shouted the gatekeeper. Lighting and
streams of energy burst from her fingertips and twin ovoid
hair-horns, blowing the four Senshi back against the outer
wall of the rooftop park. Usagi barely caught Rei as she
tumbled over the edge, using a crumbling gargoyle as a brace
to keep from sliding over herself. Far, far below the crowd
cried out, dodging and swirling as red-hot bricks and masonry
blown from the roof crashed to the pavement.
"Rei," Usagi ground out, "if someone asks you if you're a
god, you say... YES!"
*****
"The Choice is made!" the gatekeeper's voice boomed forth,
and Makoto's head whipped around in disbelief.
"What?!"
"The Choice is made; the Traveller has come!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Nobody choosed anything! Ami, did you
choose anything?"
"I didn't choose anything!"
"Usagi?" Taking the blond's headshake for a negatory,
Makoto turned back. "_I_ didn't choose anything!"
All but Rei turned to the west in shock as what sounded
like a bomb detonation thundered from the direction of
Shinjuku. A few seconds later, it sounded again; again not
much after that, and something massive passed behind the tall
skyscrapers. When the shocks continued, in time to the
bobbing of the elusive giant thing, realization hit them all:
footsteps. Giant footsteps, heading their way.
"It can't be!" Rei blurted out, then had the grace to look
sheepish when the three other Senshi slowly turned around,
anger and disbelief battling for control of their faces.
Makoto, the first to recover her voice, pitched a low,
growly question between the pounding footsteps. "What did you
do, Rei?"
"It can't be! It just can't be!" Rei looked close to
breaking down, tears shimmering in her eyes as she turned
imploringly to her impassive team-mates.
"Look!" Usagi suddenly cried, pointing in the direction of
Downtown, where rising fireballs and shattering neon signs
garishly lit a tangled stream of fleeing Edo-ko, abandoning
their vehicles to escape whatever nightmare stalked the
street.
"I tried to think... something safe, something that would
never, ever destroy us!" Rei shouted over the din, joining the
others where they strained against the roof's edge to catch a
glimpse of the mysterious monstrosity.
"Oh, Lord, Rei, what did you do?!" Makoto shouted out
again.
The beast let out a horrifying roar as it turned the
corner to head down the main boulevard towards the park, blond
mane swinging ponderously, reflected light flaring on its huge
jewelled mask and ruby jems, white knee-boots mercilessly
crushing scurrying pedestrians and panicking cars with equal
disregard. Huge wings flapped restlessly in the confines of
the boulevard, sweeping across facades at either side of the
street with each giant step, brushing aside trees, people, and
glowing signs with ease. Standing at least two hundred meters
tall, the terrifying sight left three of the Senshi totally
speechless.
"It's the Super SS Sailor V," Rei confirmed over the sound
of shattering concrete. With a shudder, she turned away from
the awful carnage, blushing.
"There's something you don't see everyday," Makoto
allowed, lips twisting in ghoulish humor.
Struggling to explain, Sailor Mars blurted out, "We always
read Sailor V comics, by the fire at Grandpa's temple!" She
turned to follow the destruction with her eyes as Sailor V
kicked a fuel tanker through an especially garish sign
advertising Nipless appliques; it exploded against a building
painted with a likeness of Hello Kitty on its side.
"Rei's gone 'bye-bye', Ami; what have you got left?"
Makoto asked out of the side of her mouth, leaning closer to
the blue-clad Senshi.
"Sorry, Jupiter. I'm terrified beyond the capacity for
rational thought," Ami replied. Looking closely, Makoto saw
that the shorter girl's irises were completely surrounded by
white, all reflecting the hellish flickering light of gas
fires and sparks. She amused herself for a few seconds trying
to estimate the current location of Ami's eyebrows, probably
somewhere about ten cm back from her hairline. She was
distracted, however, by the sound of giant timbers shattering
nearby.
"Hey! Nobody steps on a temple in my town!" She cried,
seeing Sailor V giggling insanely as she pressed one foot down
on the massive torii in front of the shrine which had stood
next door for more than three centuries.
Flicking her accelerator wand to full power, Makoto rallied
her partners with quick glances to either side. When the
others nodded their readiness, she shouted, "Roast 'er!" and
unleashed a steady stream of protons at the roaring monster.
Flames engulfed Sailor V's fuku, and she screamed louder with
each beam directed towards her. The conflagration reached
nearly to the height of the Senshis' position, roaring.
"Heh," Makoto sneered in triumph, snapping off her beam.
Her sneer dropped away quickly when she realized that the
firestorm was moving, _walking_ towards their building, and
she barely had time to join Usagi behind a large planter
before the flames swept up the side of the edifice as the
cotton of Sailor V's 9000cm Z^23-cup brassiere fueled the fires
to blast-furnace temperatures.
Further crashes, and the ever-higher leapings of the
flames left no doubt: the behemoth Sailor V was climbing the
building! Attempting to distract herself from contemplation
of which would kill them first, the baking heat or the
monstrosity carrying the fire, Makoto grinned over at Usagi
and shouted, "Hey, we've been going about this all wrong!
This Sailor V's alright; she's a sailor, she's in Tokyo... we
get this girl laid, we won't have any problems!"
Grinning wryly, Usagi simply pointed at Makoto's own
tattered, green-embroidered sailor fuku, and yelled back, "Are
you speaking from experience?" then fended off Sailor
Jupiter's half-hearted smacks with a laugh. They were trading
mock-glares when Ami and Rei crawled up next to them.
"I have a plan," Ami yelled, punching some numbers into
her palm-comp. "We may be able to close the doors by reversing
the flow."
"How?" Usagi braved, gritting her teeth.
"Cross the streams."
"Excuse me, Ami, I thought you said crossing the streams
was _bad_," drawled Makoto.
"Cross the streams..." Rei groaned.
"There's definitely a very slim chance _some_ of us might
survive," Ami admitted, smiling in innocent encouragement.
With a short sigh, Makoto unshipped her beamthrower and
smiled broadly. "I love this plan! I'm excited to be a part
of it!" She duckwalked towards the center of the courtyard.
As she prepared to crawl after the others, Usagi muttered,
mostly to herself, "This job is definitely not worth another
'F' this year!"
*****
A few points should be made here:
1. I apologize for any butchering of the original dialogue that occured; I
don't have a copy of the original handy out here, more's the pity. If
anyone can point me to a script online, muchas gracias in advance.
2. I know, I know: "Why didn't you do the rest?!" or "Why did you even
bother posting this?!" Well, this was all I wanted to write, but if you
like it that much, let me know and either I'll (a) write the rest as I see
fit, or (b) encourage you to finish it off. And I put this out, incomplete
as it is, because that's what spamming is all about!
3. I bet there's a few Makoto fans out there that're gonna want my head for
the 'slimer' part, but hey... I figure that if any of the Senshi were into
that particular bent, it would be Makoto. She's had, from what little I
know, the most 'experience', and she seems to be pretty easy-going to me;
plus, of course, she's from the farthest inner planet, and who knows what
those naughty Outer Senshi might have taught her during the cold Jovian
nights? :)
Anyhow, _I_ thought the idea was amusing, so I just had to write
it. I do hope you enjoyed!
_______________________________________________________________
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