Well, because I'm in a good mood, I figure that my total lack of tact 
won't matter, so, here's one of the few public attempts at C&C of mine that I 
will personally post to the list.
	Consider this my good deed for the year.

In a message dated 6/13/99 2:52:05 PM Eastern Daylight Time, 
arumu_rina@HOTMAIL.COM writes:
<< Ummm, Hi!
 This is my first post to the FFML...
 Um, this isn't a newly written fic, actually it's a revised version of the 
 first fic I posted on the net. I know I didn't get all of the grammar 
 correct so maybe you could help me?
 Thanx!
 
 /Rina >>
	Let's see...

	Grammar and spelling: The grammar and spelling is good.  Nothing 
wrong here that needs fixing right now, really.  There are a few other 
problems that need fixing first.

	Names: I kinda agree on using Leda instead of Lita, because if 
nothing else it fits better then Lita.
	I mean, consider that all the names can be connected in some way to 
the Japanese names.  Mina is a possible shorting of Minako.  Amy and Raye are 
variant spelling/pronunciations that sound better to the English ear.  
Serena's derived from Serenity, her future/past name, though I kinda prefer 
the Mixx variant of Serena-called-Bunny, because it makes all the 
connections.  But Lita has no findable connection to Makoto.  Maybe they were 
looking for something that would roughly match the lips?

	Characterization: Pretty good, for what this is.  Still, you need to 
explain why boy-crazy Leda/Lita/Minako is going on a murderous rampage.  I'm 
pretty good at ignoring minor OCCness -- I'm to the point when, unless it's 
my fic, I don't notice -- but I really have to wonder why she's a homicidal 
maniac.  (And why she's so fond of using maldicta...)

	Plot: You've got a rather interesting idea here.  Sailor Jupiter 
cracks.  Only thing missing is why she cracked.  I would really like it if 
you were to write a prequel, or, better yet, expand this fic with flashbacks 
to the time leading up to and including Raye's murder.
	(Maybe start with Sailor Jupiter's death, and tell the story from 
whatever cause her to go off the deep end?)


		--Ryo Hoshi