A Cabbit Rabbit Production...

Written by Andrew

Ranma 1/2, Sailor Moon, Tenchi Muyo are copyrighted...(insert people, places,
and dates here)

Star Trek: Voyager... in
"By the Power of the Borg"
Part 2: Cloning the Moon

(We see a typical Federation Starship tractored beamed next to a Borg cube. We
switch to Dr. Tofu's sick bay office as he examines a holopad.)

Dr. Tofu: Doctor Tofu's log, Supplemental. Why do they call these add-ins
supplemental when it hasn't been a complete period? Seems like these stardates
were written by women during their menstratual cycles. Or astronomers, same
difference.  Oh...you're recording? *Oh.* (In a more offical sounding voice.) I
have examined Ryouga's biological attributes and through an anal probe,
discovered the source of his lack of proper direction. He doesn't have an actual
working brain. Therefore, we have genetically altered his DNA structure so that
he can actually grow brain cells and reconstitute his brain. I realize that this
is a violation of Federation law, but Ryouga signed a waiver to waive his rights
for to prosecute me in case of failure. Besides, I have written an argument
stating why it is necessary for him to have a genetic reconfiguring.

(There's a pause while Dr. Tofu looks at the thing and finally realize he's been
reading the holopad upside down.)

Dr. Tofu: Anyway, it has come apparent that genetic tampering had been done
before, which was discovered during the operation. I had fixed the tampering,
only to discover he has the remarkable ability to become a pig. A black
pot-bellied pig, which I had reactivated. Apparently, there is are a series of
springs that act as genetic manipulation devices. Also, someone had tagged
Ryouga with an anal probe, which I had to insert another anal probe to remove
the first one. However, now there is the problem that the first anal probe has
activated its defense mechanisms and now I have a small spaceship with a
fascinating creature riding in the spaceship firing at me if I even get close to
Ryouga.

(Laser fires interrupt Dr. Tofu's reading of the holopad. The lasers miss Dr.
Tofu, but it does destroy his desk.)

Dr. Tofu: That's it! I'll have to hurt you so that I can save the patient!

(The creature pops open the top of the spaceship and smiles.)

Creature: Pika! Pikachu! (Dr. Tofu examines the creature through his medical
tricorder.)

Dr. Tofu: Fascinating. An electrical ball of energy with organs!

(Pikachu starts playing the accordion.)

Ryouga: Doc! You gotta help me! I can't stand the accordion.

Dr. Tofu: There's no regarding for taste.

Ryouga: But you've got to help me!

(Another pokemon creature comes out.)

Pokemon two: Meowth?

Pikachu: Pika! (They kiss.)

Dr. Tofu: Fascinating! The first contact from two g--

Ryouga: Does it matter at this point whether or not they're straight or not?
Just help me get out of this!

Dr. Tofu: I'm going to need some assistance. (He goes over to the side and opens
up a hidden panel. He tapes a couple of codes and a stream of lights appear in
the middle of the room, where an emergency transporter system appears. Dr. Tofu
grins.) Well, I'm sure glad that they put these hidden features in these
spaceships. Now, let's see if I can't find someone on these Borg ships...

(We cut to the main transporter room where Nabiki, Ten of Eleven, and Ryo-oh-ki
are just now getting up. Ten of Eleven (aka Tenchi) looks around.)

Tenchi: Where are we?

Ryo-oh-ki: Miyaa!

Tenchi: Yes, I know we're on the U.S.S. Alpha, but where exactly? (Nabiki walks
back a bit, drawing her phaser.)

Ryo-oh-ki: Miyaa!

Nabiki: Now, you're on my turf. (She grins.) There's nothing you can do to fool
me now. (Tenchi promptly takes off his Borg gear revealing the beefcakeness of
his chest. Nabiki drools, goes gag-gag-googa and falls over in a heap of puppy
love over the lit' stud muffin. Tenchi smiles as he walks over and takes her
phaser.)

Ryo-oh-ki: Miyaa!

Tenchi: You're right. I should do that more often.

(Meanwhile, in the engine itself, we see Queen Bezryl, Jadeite, Nephite,
and Kunzite playing Magic: the Gathering. They're still trapped in their
dilithum crystals.)

Queen: So, how long will it be before these Trekkie goons activate this engine
and kills us all?

Kunzite: I don't know. I'm still awaiting to find out if I'm related to that
author.

Jadeite: Quiet, boy! Let's see...I'll tap my blue lake.

Queen: And I'll set out these mummies. Your turn Nephite. (Nephite lays down his
cards.)

Nephite: Gin! (The other three face-fault, then start to beat up Nephite.)

(Back on the Borg ship, we see Kasumi, Akane, Sailor Moon, and Sailor Pluto
sitting down in a discussion room. Akane looks a little disformed, but that's
from the bumps on her head.)

Kasumi: Now, I'm not the Captain, but I do have betazoid telepathic powers, and
other brain powers that no one else knows about. So, I can deduce what exactly
would the Captain would want, and therefore be the perfect negotator.

Akane: Telepathic powers? (She looks at Kasumi, and shakes her head.) Kasumi,
you don't have telepathic powers.

(Kasumi turns to Akane and stares at her. Akane looks at her like in a dazed and
huge-eye kawaii like state.)

Kasumi (deliberately and slowly): Akane Tendou, whom do you love?

Akane (very slowly): R-a-a-n-n-m-m-a-a...

Kasumi: Good.

Akane: ...and R-y-y-o-o-u-u-g-g-a-a, T-a-a-t-a-w-w-a-a-a-k-k-k-i-i-i
K-k-k-u-n-n-n-o...

Kasumi (looking suprised): How many boys do you really love?

Akane (in a dream-like voice): Five hundred and twenty three.

Sailor Pluto (whispering, grinning): Damn. That beats your four hundred and
sixty-six, Usagi. 

Sailor Moon (whispering): Pluto, I told you, don't call me Usagi! I hate that
name!

Kasumi(slowly): Okay, so sit here until you decide on the one boy you want to
marry for the rest of your life. Not just the one you want to have passionate
sex with. We can talk about having a slave next week. (Kasumi grins that
axe-murderess grin.)

Akane (dream-like voice): I want to have Ranma as a slave.

Kasumi: Oh, my! (Akane starts singing the theme song from Jeopardy!)

Sailor Moon: You have quite the ability.

Kasumi: It's a gift. So, how about we trade some people. You can bring three
people down from the borgs here and we'll exchange you for three people.

Sailor Pluto: With a player to be named later, and 2.5 billion credits.

Kasumi: I'm afraid all we have is 1.7 billion credits. How about if we throw in
bimbo?

Sailor Moon: A bimbo? What good would it do to have a bimbo?

Akane (slowly): I also want three acres of land, a mule and a lot of
shrubberies...

Sailor Moon: How long have you hypnotised this girl here?

Kasumi: Ever since she was two.

Sailor Pluto: Are you two related?

Kasumi: Somewhat. We all have the same father.

Sailor Moon: So, what's with the bumpy thingys? I hope she isn't got some nasty
zits.

Sailor Pluto: Should I get the steel brush?

Kasumi: Ther'es no need. Akane's a Klingon. Well, partically Klingon. Her
mother's was a Klingon.  It makes it very bad for her during days when she has
to wash and dry clothes. 

Sailor Pluto: Wash and dry clothes?

Kasumi: She's extremely allergic to fabric softeners, especially the sheets
kinds.

Sailor Moon: Ah. That explains why there are socks that cling on her back.

(Kasumi pulls the static clinged socks off Akane's back. They pull right back to
her.)

Sailor Pluto: Can we take this girl here as one of our three?

Kasumi: If you take this boy with her. (She holds up a picture of Ranma.)

Akane (slowly): I really waant to marry Ranma, and then make him a slave...

Kasumi (slowly and deliberately, to Akane): Are you sure? Over the 522 other
boys?

Akane (slowly): Yeeesss...

Kasumi: So, why do you say you hate boys?

Akane (in a dream-like state): So, I don't get this urge to glomp on boys and
smell their underwear and boxers. They smell so much like fish.

Kasumi: So...

Akane (dream-like voice): I call boys perverts because I don't want them to know
I'm a pervert myself.

Kasumi: Oh, my! (Akane starts doing the "I'm a Little Teapot" song routine.)

Sailor Moon: Are you sure she'll be alright here?

Kasumi: She'll be fine. Do you want them to go through a routine physical?

Sailor Pluto: That would be fine. Now, for the third one...

(We switch over to Dr. Tofu's sick bay, where Dr. Tofu is talking to the
pokemons, as they lay down on the couch.)

Pikachu: Pika, pika, pikachu! (Dr. Tofu writes all of this down.)

Dr. Tofu: Fascinating. And since when did you two realize you loved each other?

Meowth: Meowth! Meowth!

Dr. Tofu: But, isn't that bad for you to wash Jessie and James make out like
that?

Meowth: Meowth!

Dr. Tofu: Well, good. I'm glad you did. Incest is genetically bad for the
baby.

Pikachu: Pika! Pika!

Ryouga (who's still sitting naked on, with a spaceship still attached to his
butt): Have you gotten them to tell me how to remove this spaceship?

Dr. Tofu: They wouldn't know, it's an automatic feature.

Meowth: Meowth?

Dr. Tofu: Well, I don't know. Behaviorist specialist still argue on whether
being gay is a natural state or not. But if the bonbons monkeys can do it, I
can't see why Pokemons can't.

Meowth: Meowth!

Pikachu: Pika! (They dance around and do a little jig.)

Dr. Tofu: Now, since I helped you, why don't you help me. Do you know who put
the anal probe into Mr. Hibiki?

Meowth: Meowth!

Dr. Tofu: Oh, dear. I-i-is she on the Borg ship?

Pikachu: Pika.

Dr. Tofu: I see. Well, I'll go get her, then.

(Dr. Tofu walks over to the emergency transporter that's in his office while the
pokemons go underneath the couch...and you know. Anyway, Dr. Tofu taps on the
console a bit, and notices something on the monitor.)

Dr. Tofu: Well. I see we have a match here. Well, then I'll just have to get all
of them. (He taps in some variables and moves his hand over the digital slider.
A teleporting sound and light shines as seven people are transported from the
Borg ship to Dr. Tofu's sick bay. We see Washu, Mishoshi, Kiyone, Jesse, James,
Misty, and Ash.)

Washu: And now we'll just...hey where are (she sees Dr. Tofu)...well, Brother! I
didn't expect you to be here. Where are we?

Dr. Tofu: You're in my sick bay. And I need your help, sister.

Mishoshi: You know this man?

Washu: He's my brother, you doofus. Didn't you listen to anything we said?

Mishoshi: Huh? (Washu rolls her eyes.)

Washu: Nevermind. (She turns to Dr. Tofu.) So, what do you have in mind for the
World Greatest Scientist and Older Sister?

Dr. Tofu: There's this caretaker here who has a spaceship attached to his butt.

Jessie: He's cute!

Misty: He has a funny butt!

Kiyone: He's more handsome than Ten of Eleven...

Washu: Woah. He's one heck of a speciemen. You want me to remove that cute
little spaceship from his butt?

(Pikachu and Meowth comes out to defend their spaceship, then they see the seven
newcomers.)

Pikachu: Pika!!! (He holds his hands out wide.)

Ash: Pikachu! (James looks incredulous.)

James: Meowth? Is that really you?

Meowth: Meowth! (Ash, Misty, James, and Jessie comes over and hugs the two
pokemon. All four of them promptly get shocked.)

Washu (eyes narrowing): What a reunion.

Ash: Now, Pika, what are you doing here?

Dr. Tofu: Those two animals were put in an anal probe that was up Ryouga's butt.
I tried to remove the probe without activating it without success.

Washu (smiling): How?

Dr. Tofu: By putting another anal probe in Ryouga.

Washu: Ha!

Mishoshi: You would have done the same thing, Washu. (Washu glares at Mishoshi,
before whapping her hard.)

Dr. Tofu: So, do you have any suggestions?

Washu: Well, let's see if I can open the side panel. There's usually a side
panel right here. (She tugs on it. It's stuck.) Say, Brother, can you help me
here? (Washu & Dr. Tofu try to open it. They do, but they get an extremely high
charge of electricity running through them. They fall over in a heap.)

Dr. Tofu: Ouch.

Washu: Double ouch.

(Mishoshi walks over, looks inside of the spaceship.)

Mishoshi: Say, there's this switch here inside! (Kiyone stretches out her arms
and waves her hands back and forth.)

Kiyone: Don't open the ship! You might get electrocuted. (Mishoshi opens the
spaceship, and flips the ship. The ship strinks and two anal probes pop out from
Ryouga's butt.)

Mishoshi: It was the on and off switch! (Everyone else face-faults while
Mishoshi smiles.)

(Meanwhile, yet in another part of the Starship, the camera "walks" into the
brigade, where prisoners are kept. There, we see Soun Tendou, Genma Saotome,
Ayeka, Ryoko, Sasami and Nobuyuki are imprisoned there. Nobuyuki has opened up a
panel. The others are leaning against the back wall.)

Nobuyuki: This is great! We can control the ship from here! (Ayeka, Ryoko, and
Sasami look skeptically at Nobuyuki.)

Ayeka: It's probably a trap. You know how those cur Federation people could
unwillingly booby trap a brig like this.

Ryoko: Yeah. At least I have Tenchi's sword.

Ayeka: So, why don't you blast this place out? You know something has to be
going on if the guards were transported away from here.

Ryoko: The force field probably would absorb my power.

Ayeka: Can't you go through this wall?

Ryoko: Are you kidding? Without Tenchi's sword, I could easily. With it, I'm
liable to destroy the freakin' ship!

Ayeka: I didn't know it took energy to pass through walls.

Ryoko: Everything we do takes up energy. What, do you think I've got unlimited
energy?

Sasami: Yeah.

(Ryoko pouts.)

Soun: Nobuyuki-san, what are you trying to do?

Nobuyuki: If I recall from reading the plans of this ship, the brigs were
designed to be emergency escape pods.

Ayeka: You, reading something other than naked girls taking their sonic showers?

Nobuyuki: Not *you*, I assure you, Ayeka. (Ayeka whaps Nobuyuki.)

Sasami (sighing): Nobuyuki no bakemon.

Nobuyuki: Anyway...it just occurred to me, I usually never get this much air
time in any script these days.

Genma: Would you get to the point?

Nobuyuki: Anyway, the pods are essentially A Type-Nine Personal Shuttle, but
they are still connected to the Starship in case it doesn't explode or is
captured. So, who ever gets into this brig will be able to be able to control
the ship from here! (Everyone else looks at Nobuyuki like they don't believe
him.) It's true!

Ryoko: He's making this up, like the rest of the damned Star Trek writers.

Nobuyuki: No, and I'll prove it to you. 

(He reaches in and tries to tap the pad.  He starts to get shocked. Genma and
Ryoko goes over, and with Ryoko's sword, moves Nobuyuki's electrocuting body
over to the force field. He and the force field explode. Sasami reaches over and
feels nothing as Nobuyuki's chard and dead body falls to the ground.) 

Sasami: Well, at least we're free.

Ayeka: Ryoko, you were right, for once. (Ryoko smiles.)

Ryoko: Thank you.

Soun: Come on, there should be some phaser rifles and cannons underneath that
compartment there!

Genma: How do you know?

Soun (closing his eyes and acting rather haughty): I know my daughter. She'd
put those kinds of stuff there. She was a guest on "VIP" last week.

(Genma looks down there and sees some Varon-T disruptors.)

Genma: How did your daughter get a hold of these! These are illegal virtually
everyone!

Ayeka: Except Los Angeles.

Soun: Hey! Those were Nobuyuki's weapons!

Ryoko: Yeah, they were his. Well, now they're ours.

Sasami: But shouldn't Nabiki dispose of them?

Soun: Dispose of them? My daughter? Ha! She thinks a lot like me, you know!

Sasami: So you two cheat a lot huh.

Genma: Always trying to get the upper hand, any way possible? (Soun nods.)

Soun: She was my favorite child.

Ryoko: So, why are you here?

Soun: Because my daughters didn't want me to cry at all during this series! (He
starts to cry.)

Genma: Oh, my friend! My friend, we'll get the family united, somehow! Someway!
(He starts crying.) We'll find a new way of living! Someday!

Ryoko (grumbling): I think I know why they're in here with us.

(Ayeka reaches in and grabs the illegals weapons, phasor cannons, rifles, and
tricorders. Sasami passes them out to everyone. Ryoko wields her sword.)

Ryoko: Well, let's kick butt!

Sasami: Wait! There's only eleven lifeforms on this ship. (The others
face-fault.)

(Back at the Borg ship, Diana, Artemis, Luna are chatting with each other.
Onna-Ranma groans and she gets up.)

Onna-Ranma: Ooh...what the--- (Aarrrggghhh!!!)

Luna: Ranma! Ranma! Calm down! (An enraged Onna-Ranma glares at the cat.)

Onna-Ranma: What have you done to me?! I was a boy, and now I'm a girl! With
38-D sized breast!

Artemis: Well, at least you've got that going for you.

Luna: They're not that big. (She smacks Artemis. Grumbling.) I wonder what ever
I saw in that no good for nothing cat.

Onna-Ranma: Well, can't you turn me back into a boy?

Diana: Not ---

Onna-Ranma: WHAT?!

Diana: --- really. (Suddenly, Onna-Ranma calms down. She looks at herself.)

Onna-Ranma: I-i-i'm not shaking anymore. I'm not afraid of cats! B-but how?

Luna: We altered your brain so that, um, you wouldn't be afraid of anything
anymore. However, the fluid we used so that we could alter your brain was left
around you for too long and it accidentally caused you to turn into a girl.

Onna-Ranma: Fluid?

Luna: We found a planet that had these springs that the Borgs found could to
assimulate people very effectively by turning them into various animals and
people. We also found that they could be used to alter people's personalities
permanently. (She starts to smile.) We, er, left in there too long with you.

Onna-Ranma: And that's how I got turned into a girl?!

Artemis: Well, er, yes. But we've found that hot water would turn you back into
a boy, althrough the fluid has a tendancy to attract water, so you probably
would revert back to your girl form very quickly.

Onna-Ranma: I'm in hell. Why did you do that?

Diana: So you can be assimulated without being neurotic. (Onna-Ranma
face-faults.)

(Meanwhile, Tenchi has carried Nabiki into her Captain room. Nabiki's giggling
and looking at Tenchi like a 14-year-old girl would. Ryo-oh-ki comes with her.) 

Nabiki: Oh, Ten of Eleven, you are so handsome! Take me away! Calgon, take me
away! (Tenchi looks very embarrassed at this situation. He looks over to the
cabbit.)

Tenchi: You really think I should assimulate her while having sex?

Ryo-oh-ki: Miyaa! (She nods her head. Then she runs over to Tenchi, and whispers
something in his ear.)

Tenchi: Oh...okay! (He smiles. He smiles and turns to Nabiki.) Now, Miss Tendou,
I am going to assimulate you, and do so in a very pleasurable way. Are you
ready?

Nabiki (her eyes fog up): Yes! Yes! Oh, yes, Ten of Eleven! Make me your
slavegirl! I wanna be your assimulated slave girl! Make beautiful music to me!

Tenchi: Okay...(He completely strips. Nabiki squeals in delight. She rips off
her Captain's uniform as well, revealing that she's isn't wearing a thing
underneath. He gets on top of her and they start doing it, and doin' it
well...while Ryo-oh-ki films the entire sex-scene.) 

***************************************

What will come out of the immoral copulation of a Borg and a Captain? Does Soun
even know how to fire a phaser without crying? Will he ever stop crying? Now
that he's not afraid of cats, will Ranma eat them for lunch? Would you want a
Hypnotist like Kasumi running around causing mayhem? Will Sailor Moon trade the
future for better starting pitching? And why, on Earth, doesn't she wanted to be
called by her earth name, Usagi? Find out the answers to these and many other
silly questions next time on Part 3 of the Star Trek: Voyager Spoof... "By the
Power of the Borg"

***************************************

Author's Notes:

Sorry about the first part, being pasted on the ML three times. The first two
times, not all of the fic got all the way through, which was strange since a
test run found nothing wrong and it wasn't even big by any stretch of the
imagination. As you might guessed, I got this from watching Star Trek: Voyager
and the final episode of Deep Space Nine.  

	But I digress. I want to hear from you folks and tell me what you think
about this series. Do you like it? Did you find it funny? Or was it completely
tasteless and pointless? Either way, let me know, and tell me what I can do to
make this series better (after all, isn't it what we're on this ML for?)!

	Thanks a lot for your help!

	---Andrew (who's last name is Kunz, but is not related to Kunzite...)