Allyn Yonge <ayonge@yahoo.com> wrote:

    Ghosting through the night the small black cat was

night, the

      A sudden presence distracted her from her fears.
Whirling, she pounced. A small terrified shriek answered her
attack. Playfully she batted the small, furry shape tumbling
across the ground.  The little-squeakers were FUN. The
terrified rodent frantically dogged and twisted away from it's

its

enormous attacker.  With a feline grin the small cat let the rat
get almost away almost. 

Is the extra "almost" here intentional?

    At the very edge of her range the cat would leap,
pinning the squirming animal beneath her claws. Again and
again she repeated this play. Once, the rat turned on it's

its

tormenter razor sharp teeth bared. A lightning slash

tormenter, razor

dissuaded the cornered rat. 

    *Hah . . .too slow? Too slow! I'll show him that I'm
not too slow. . .* The cat's thoughts broke off in confusion.
*Show . . .him . . .???* Who would she show? Who? ]

Extra ]

    Shaking her head in confusion she saw a motion on

confusion, she

her periphery. Turning to the motion she faced a plate-glass

motion, she

door. The rat, sensing her distraction, scuttled away.
Ignoring her escaping play-thing the cat stalked this new

thing, the

thing. A shadow that moved when she did . . .moved AS she
moved. Slinking forward with a feral growl the cat inched

growl, the

toward the glass. Suddenly she sprang thumping painfully

sprang, thumping

     She snorted in disgust. Her reflection she was

reflection. She

    Frantically the small cat shook it's head, as if trying

its

    *I AM . . .I AM . . .Tendou Akane. Sister of 
Tendou . . . Sister  of . . .Tendou Kasumi.* Panting as if
she'd run a marathon Akane sank onto her haunches.

marathon, Akane

     *Ranma . . .Ranma.* She wept inside. For almost
losing herself. For almost losing HIM. *Ranma, Ranma,
Ranma.* Chanting the name to herself like a mantra Tendou

mantra,

    Ukyou was being chased. She couldn't see what was
chasing her but she knew it was getting closer. The harder
she ran, the slower she went. It was like running through 
mud . . .pulling at her feet, dragging her back. It was getting
harder to breath . . .there was a weight on her chest . . .

breathe

    Ukyou's hand froze on it's way to the bedside lamp.

its

    "I'm glad you're 

you're--"

     "You must have heard Cu Lon.  I . . .I called her."
Ukyou could feel the slight figure on her chest tense. 

That's the weirdest spelling of Ye Olde Ghoul's name I've seen yet.

    "Yes ma'm." The police dispatcher was calm and
soothing. "A car it on it's way. They will be there soon.

its

    "I'm sorry Hyobe. It's just . . ."

sorry, Hyobe.

    "Forget it Misao. Just help me with this bleeder."

it, Misao.

    Miaso grabbed sterile sutures from his kit.

    "Who could have done this?  WHAT could have
done it."

    "BP's dropping. Start a Ringers-lactate." Hyobe

lactate," Hyobe

(And the response: "No, probably not that....")

ordered. "And someone see about that medivac-chopper.
She'll never make it over surface streets."

    "Helicopter's on the way." A policeman called from

way," a

outside.

    "OK, BP's coming up." Hyobe relaxed slightly,
feeling a little hope for the first time since he'd arrived on the
scene.

    "Who could have done this." Miaso repeated as they

this," or this?"

continued to work.

    "Dunno'." Answered the policeman, wiping a sweat

"Dunno," answered

    The policeman shrugged. "With a sick'o like this,

sicko

    "Don't' mind me ladies."  Nabiki had noticed

"Don't mind me,

    "Sorry . . .sorry," Mari stuttered. "it's just . . ."

"It's

    Nabiki reached for the news paper and was shocked
when Ruri grabbed her hand.

    "You don't want to see that, Nabikichan."

    "Have they written something about 

about--"

    "He's bound to find out about it eventually." Ruri put

eventually,"

in reasonably. "It's all over the news, and everyone at school
is talking . . ."

    "Stop talking." Nabiki turned savagely on her friends.
"I don't want this . . ." Her voice dropped, cold and toneless.
"Ranma doesn't need to hear this. I will be unhappy if he
does hear. Pass the word." A humorless smile crossed her
face. "Point out to anyone not afraid of ME . . .Ranma will
NOT be pleased if he thinks anyone is being disrespectful to .
. ." her voice broke, " . . . to Akane's memory. I don't know

to..." Her voice broke. "...to

what kind of sick joke this is." She slapped the paper angrily.
"But I'm going to find out." Throwing the paper to the
ground Nabiki stalked out of the class room. Ruri looked

ground,

after her departing friend, then picked up the paper. Again it
fell open to a lurid headline and sensational pictures.

    AKANE LIVES!!!
    Written in Blood.
     Bizarre Vandal terrorizes district.

Why didn't she write "Akane is a cat?"

    "Don't Nihao me." Nabiki thrust a paper in Shan
Pu's face. "What do you know about this!"

"Is newspaper. Printed once a day! Cost is...."

    "Ummmm. It say . . ." Her head tilted to one side,
then the other. "Ummm. Shan Pu not read Japanese very
well. Look like someone painting on wall." She grinned.
"Some one write rude word?"

"Someone

    "Who write this? Who DO this bad thing?" She
paused, looking at Nabiki. "Nabiki think Shan Pu do this?"
Hurt was evident on her face. "Nabiki think Shan Pu do bad
thing. Try kill spatula-girl?  Write thing hurt Nabiki . . .
Kasumi . . . Akane Father. Hurt Ranma?" Tears pooled in

"Well, you right!" <Bonk!>

    "You stupid Chinese . . ." Nabiki panted with the
effort of pulling back with both hands and her entire body
weight against ONE of Shan Pu's hands. And still the blade
continued it's slow journey into Shan Pu's body. "ALL

its

    "If you didn't do this." Nabiki muttered, thinking out

this,"

loud. "Who did?"

loud, "who

    Shan Pu chose to ignore that and continued. "Who
want hurt Ukyou, hurt Akane family, hurt Ranma?"

    "Alphabetically or chronologically." Nabiki put in

chronologically?"

sarcastically. "Or maybe country of origin? Since Ranma
showed up we've had wierdo's visiting on a regular basis."

weirdos

    Shan Pu nodded and the two sped toward Furinkanen
high school.
              

Furinkan

A nicely written story. Some of the characterizations (in the previous
sections) are pretty weird, but overall it's a pretty good read.


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics.html