HOT OFF THE PRESSES!!!!!!!!!!!!! No MSTing available yet.
-- Listar MIME Decryption --------------
Well, this is part 3 in the can. As promised, now that the summer is here, work
is progressing on a more regular basis. This chapter begins a couple of story threads
we think you'll enjoy. The innuendo gets a bit thick here, but we're staying well on
the safe side of lemon. Really.
* A Neon Genesis Evangelion/Slayers Crossover *
* *
* Cruel Lina's Thesis *
* *
* Part 3: Eat, Drink and Be Merry, for tomorrow... *
(Insert legal "please do not sue us" stuff here)
Any actual commentary with thought can be sent to :
laughlin@accessv.com
Or
evansjt@interlog.com
-------------------
the evening of
-------------------
It is sunset of the day of the 31st angel attack. Misato and Kozo Fuyutsuki are seated in
Gendo's office, (The one with the huge Kabbalist tree of life on the ceiling).
"...then cleaned up Aoba's Mr. Pibb from the console and as far as we can tell Commander,
that is the entirety of the events regarding this battle.", reported Cpt. Katsuragi.
"And what about the strange energy pattern that we witnessed during the battle? The one that
knocked down the sensors?" enquired Cmndr. Fuyutsuki.
"Well," Misato commented casually, "you seem to know more about it than we do. We
certainly can't trust any of the readings we've taken. All that Pibb frazelled up more things
than we'd care to remember. Ristuko is still trying to debug Balthazar... that small amount of
Pibb put it into sugar shock."
"I have every confidence in Dr. Akagi to solve the problem at hand. Er,... what 'exactly'
was Balthazar's problem due to the shock."
"Um,.... Mine Sweeper sir."
"Mine Sweeper?"
"Yes.... It seems to be locked in a sequence where it's repeatedly playing games of Mine
Sweeper that it can never win."
"I see. We'll Cmndr. Ikari will be glad for the thoroughness of your report. Will that be
all Ms. Katsuragi?"
"Actually there is one more thing Commander Fuyutsuki. The pilots have requested a
get-together for themselves and some of their schoolmates. You know, a 'team-building
experience'? Well I was wondering, since we don't really -pay- them anything, that we could
send them out to a restaurant or something?"
"Hrm,... Well we have had a pointless fight scene and a rather disappointing shower scene
in the last chapter. I think some time off and some character development would be in order. I'm
sure I can authorize Gainax to grant the funds and get Gendo to agree."
"Agree to what Fuyutsuki?" The door to the office opens, casting a beams of light from the
hallway onto the couple talking. A silhouette vaguely recognizable as that of Gendo Ikari stands
at the entrance. There's something .... different... about him. Something.... wrong.
Gendo pranced up to his desk like a proud show pony. Misato and Fuyutsuki could only stare
in horror. It was Gendo Ikari, but his hair was not its usual hodgepodge of pokers. His hair was
styled like Little Richard. This... was not right.
Misato quickly sought escape, "Oh,... ah,... Commander Fuyutsuki can brief you on all the
details sir. I'm,... I just have to go and.... do... something... elsewhere.... Yes, elsewhere.
Bye." She fled the scene through the open office door.
Commander Ikari sighed, "And she didn't even mention my new perm.... I'll have to have
words with Renaldo about this..."
Fuyutsuki could only gape at the sight.
--------------------------------------------
Experiments in human interaction
--------------------------------------------
Asuka sighed, figuring that she'd probably have to explain this at least one more time;
however, liking it was not mandatory.
"So,...." Shinji tentatively began
"Listen. We're going to be taking the new kids out for dinner. Okay?!"
"Then why am I here.", Hikari enquired. Having gone home and changed her clothes after the
angel attack, she was the only one there who was neither in school uniform nor completely
privy to Asuka's master plan.
*Sigh* "Because you're the class president and only the class president has the authority
to pull off a stunt like this."
"Ok. That's her. What about me?" asked Toji
Hikari fielded that response, "You're here because you're my boyfriend!" She smiled
playfully, clutching his arm, all past grievances forgotten.
Kensuke mumbled to himself (barely loud enough for Hikari to hear), "I though he said he
was here to see that White Serpent chick again?..."
Hikari, scowling, tightened her grip on Toji's arm, all past grievances recalled. "Asuka,
tell me why 'he' (nodding to Kensuke) is here again?"
"Because Misato wouldn't agree to let us go unless it was 'a team building experience'",
she replied mournfully.
"So,... I'm coming because...." Shinji tentatively began, again.
"It's a team building event, and God help us, you're part of the team. Besides that,
IF YOU DON'T I'LL KILL YOU!!!"
"Heh, heh.... Ok." That was explanation enough for Shinji. Consistency was the hallmark of
his relationship with Asuka; most of the time. He turned to Rei to look for sympathy.
Ayanami's only response was to look at him, shrug her shoulders and reply, "What?"
-------------------------
The stage of mages
-------------------------
It was a pleasant 2 story, semi-detached flat: fully furnished, a living/dining room, 2
bathrooms, a kitchen and 4 small cubbyholes which were what passed for bedrooms in Japan.
The landlord had been more than happy to accept 3 bars of gold as a deposit and a couple of
month's rent. The jeweller they had spoken to after the angel had been destroyed had provided
them with what they considered a generous amount of yen (generous, considering that Lina et al
had 5 more satchels of it lying around).
After a brief jaunt to one of the nearby malls which had survived the assault of the
latest angel, they had acquired a fair supply of provisions: 'modern' clothing, simple spell
components (salt & chalk; eye of newt is kind of rare in Tokyo-3 and apothecaries don't just
pop out of the ground here...exactly), and a large supply of food (which would last an Ethiopian
family till the next millennium, but wouldn't survive the night between Gaurry and Lina).
"Oi! Lina. What do you think?" Gaurry came out of his room wearing a plain white T shirt,
denim jeans and carrying a red jacket over his shoulder. The Sword of Light hung at his side.
"Not bad Gaurry, not bad at all. You look like a regular guy for a change." Said Lina, who
was sporting a black Metallica T-shirt and a pair of khaki's "Why don't you just pick up the rest
of the food and put it in the big, humming box with the freeze spell on it."
"Sure thing." Gaurry turned away from Lina and bent over to pick up the remaining four bags
(and taking a case of Mr. Pibb in hand). The jeans became very tight, focusing Lina's attention
briefly. For that fleeting moment, Lina indulged in a daydream; but only momentarily. Musing
she thought, "Over here, he's just a regular guy and I'm a just a regular girl. But I'm not a
regular girl. And he's..."
"OW! BAKA!", yelled Naga as Gaurry crashed into her by the doorway to the kitchen.
Continuing her musing, "He... is a moron. He wouldn't know if a girl was coming on to him
even if they bit him in his very,... very tight butt." A sly grin crept across her face fading to
a sad frown, "*bah* Who am I kidding. He's no prince and I'm no princess." Clenching her hands
and with stars in her eyes she declares, "And I WILL marry into a rich family with a handsome
prince where I will be kept in the style that I am accustomed to."
No one knew where Amelia had acquired the Sailor Moon T-shirt from, but it seemed
appropriate. "Lina," she added enthusiastically, " you could marry my DAD, Prince Phillionel!
Then you could be my stepmother and we could fight justice together as a family! Wouldn't
that be great?!", shattering Lina's daydream with the potential of a nightmare.
Not wanting to hurt the feelings of the young 'champion of justice in training', Lina
replied (with much more tact than she is used to), "Ah,... your dad is a bit old for me Amelia."
Deciding to put her own 2 yen's worth into the discussion, Naga interjected, "Oh, I don't
know Lina. At your age I'd think your options were limited. You should take what you can get."
Despite being garbed in a sweatshirt and pink spandex pants, which made her almost look
homely, Naga still had an unquenchable thirst for insulting the red-headed sorceress that
would not be sated.
"Now what's that supposed to mean Naga? You're older than I am.", Lina retorted.
"True, but look at how men flock to me." she smirked, "Whereas you... wellllll..... you
know how it is. BWHo-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho----ACK! Ack-ack-ack"
Typically a comment like that would have elicited at least a Dil Brand, but they'd just got the
house and were still making payments so Lina opted for the good ol fashioned hands on
technique of choking the living snot out of the Great White Serpent.
Amelia tried to get Lina off Naga but stopped as the doorbell rang. Ignoring the squabbling
sorceresses, she ran to the door and answered it. "Hi hi!" she said, opening the door to whoever
lay beyond.
Unsurprisingly, those beyond the threshold were Asuka, Toji, Kensuke, Hikari, Shinji, and
Rei. Hikari puts on a brave face and speaks, "Hello again, Amelia isn't it?"
"Yup Hikari-San. What can I do for you?"
"Well, I was wondering *heh-heh*...", she stutters nervously as she is prodded from behind
by a very stern Asuka to continue on, "... Actually, this would be easier if we could tell
everyone at once. Where are your friends?"
"Well that's Naga and Lina on the floor behind me..."
The collective unit of the Evangelion cast leaned to the right and gaze beyond the
threshold. Naga has managed to overpower the younger sorceress and sat astride her, leaning
forward and pinning her hands to the ground. "Haha! Once again I have proven to be the more
powerful of the two. Now you shall taste the punishment of the Whiiiiitee..... Oh, hello there.",
she says as she notices the group of students observing the two of them on the floor in a very
compromising position.
Toji grinned, "All right, we're not even half way through the 3rd chapter and we already
have some hot girl-on-girl action."
Kensuke shouted gleefully, "I KNEW missing Star Trek tonight would be worth it. I wish I
had my vid-cam."
"Something tells me Mr. Suzahara is NOT going to be getting a good night kiss tonight.",
murmured Hikari.
"Something tells me Mr. Suzahara IS going to be getting a good night knee-to-the-groin.",
thought Asuka.
Shinji, hoping to escape the situation, interjected, "I think we should leave these people
alone, don't you?".
No such luck.
Gaurry stepped over the two prone women, while marching to the door. "Hey hey. How's it
going fellow students."
"Gaurry!", squealed two of the adolescent high-schoolers in joy. Mind you, the joy came
from two completely separate sources. Hikari, after seeing the flagrant infatuation that Toji
displays was now en route to making him jealous whereas Asuka just wanted possession of Gaurry's
weapon.
Asuka's eyebrow twitched in anticipation as she thought, "That's the sword that he was
carrying this afternoon. It was really powerful. It held off the combined might of my progressive
knife and the strength of my Eva in single combat. Just THINK how powerful I'LL be when I wield
it. I'll be unstoppable. Angels will fall before my every blow. That'll show Shinnnnnnnji and
Ms. Teacher's pet (Rei) who's the best pilot. This plan of mine to get them drunk is the perfect
way to steal the sword from him; assuming everyone sticks with the 'class tradition' story." Asuka
had only briefed everyone on a need-to-know basis, and, since she was the only person who knew
what was going on, she was the only one who needed-to-know everything. For everyone else, this was
a 'let's indulge Asuka before she throws another fit' thing.
"So what's all this about then?" Gaurry asked as Lina and Naga stood up, dusted themselves
off, and looked anywhere but at each other.
Hikari explained as the remainder of the Slayers cast gathered around the door to hear.
"Well, you see, it's um,... tradition among our class that when new students come around we
generally try to make them feel welcome by taking them out for dinner and drinks."
"Dinner?!" spoke Gaurry and Lina, in mutual happiness.
"Booze?!" grinned Naga.
The profusion of smiles caused an unsettling feeling of fear and a collective flinch from
the Eva cast, even Rei (but she hid it well, so no one noticed).
Amelia, always all smiles, bowed and replied, "Why thank you very much. You are quite are
quite a kind and justice filled society to make strangers especially in light of our recently
pillaging of your b-OWIE!"
"Bento.", supplied Lina after firmly pinching Amelia's arm. "After we ate all the delicious
food in your bento. It must have taken an awful long time to make food that good. Right
Gaurry?"
After taking a second to clue in, Gaurry added, "What? Oh yeah,... right. It was great stuff.
Well, at least the stuff that I got to try anyways with Lina hogging the box and all." (Lina
scowl's) "But yeah, those sausage octopi were cool. You're a real good cook Hikari."
"You... You really think so?" replied Hikari, glowing under the praise and getting just that
little bit closer to Gaurry; a fact which did not escape the attention of Toji, or Lina for that
matter. "They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.", reaching out a tentative hand
to touch said area behind the fabric of Gaurry's shirt.
Taking her hand in his, he laid it against his chest. "Well then," he added in an oddly
suave voice, "that must mean I'm in love."
Hikari burst into a fit of bashful giggles. Toji fumed and stalked forward. "Ok. Break it up
Romeo. Who do you think you are? James Dean?"
"James? Dean?" Gaurry had his typical confused look on his face. "Lina?"
"Don't expect any sympathy from me. You're on your own." she replied with disdain. "By the
way, how did you find out where we were? We haven't registered this address with the school yet."
Asuka looked up into the sky. The scene becomes fuzzy, as if we were looking into a
flashback.
Asuka confronted 2 MIB's who are walking down the hallways of NERV HQ at a steady
pace. She, of course, has no authority over them other than that of a juvenile, homicidal
red-head. However, in her own mind, the entire planet is expected to bow to the might of Ms.
Langely Sorryu. "Hey! You two. Get over here. I want you to do something for me. I need you to
track down a couple of new students."
Without breaking stride one of the pair answered, "They're living at 221 Nobiyuki Lane."
"Na... Nani?! How did you know what I was going to say?"
"That's what We're paid to do ma'am."
Still trying maintain her composure under the blanket of her own self confidence, she
challenged them, "Well if you're so good then you know what I'm..."
"Pink," the other MIB interrupted, "with little blue bears."
Asuka stopped dead in her tracks, turned around and peered at the change room. Staring at it
in astonishment she muttered quietly to herself, "Geez. You just never can tell can you..."
Asuka blinked, returning to reality. "Um, uh, you can thank the modern marvel of computers,
and the Microsquish network (TM)! Who do you want to own today?"
Rei frowned. They never let her mention the ad herself.
"Well ok. Whatever. So," Gaurry rubbed his hands together in expectation, "when do we go
to eat?"
"We came here right after the attack was over, so we'll just have to stop off at our
apartment to change before we go." said Asuka, indicating Shinji and herself.
"So you two live together?" enquired Naga.
"With our guardian, yeah." she replied glum.
"Ooooh, I see. I bet things would be really interesting if you didn't have a guardian there eh
Sorryu?"
"Wu-wu-WHAT! Me, and Shinji? Shinji!? The human doormat?!"
Shinji muttered to himself, "Yup, that's me. Shinji Ikari, footstool to the insane. Guardian
of Justice. Protector of Tokyo-3. The infamous 'Third Child'. Textbook fruitcake for
psychiatrists everywhere. Good ol' Shin-boy."
Amelia managed to catch the important part of that, whispering in quiet awe to herself,
"You're a guardian of justice too?". Her eyes now looked upon him with a modest reverence.
"Get serious! I have a real boyfriend Naga. He has brown hair and the most beautiful eyes.",
Asuka retorted, as her own eyes began to glaze over with memories of Kaji.
"Oh, the one with the glasses?" Naga pointed to Kensuke.
"Oh Asuka!", Kensuke cried as he fell to his knees and the high pressure tear ducts in his
eyes engaged. "If I had only know of your searing desire for me sooner; how much you have
longed for the passionate embrace of Aida Kensuke!"
Sliding over behind Kensuke, Asuka clocked him over the head with her fist, knocking him
to the ground. "Doorknob. I wasn't talking about you, I was talking about...."
Kaji walked up to the group and interrupted Asuka just before she could finish that sentence,
"Hi everybody!"
"Kaji!", she completed as she sprang at him encircling his waist in her arms, thoroughly
hugging him.
"Well hello there Asuka." Turning to the rest of the group and nodding and dispensing
hellos. Still, he took a special moment for the Third Child. A simple "Hello Shinji.", and the
laying of a comforting hand on his shoulder was the greeting offered. "I know the most of these
faces, but you seemed to have acquired a few new friends. So tell me, who are they?"
Shinji introduced the transfer students, wisely leaving out any references to albino lizards.
Kaji then introduced himself as one of their chaperones for the evening.
"So, when is Commander Katsuragi due to arrive?" Kaji enquired. At mention of Misato,
Asuka broke her embrace with him, sulking.
Shinji answered, "Well Misato said she'd be here at 6 o'clock." Checking the time on his
wrist watch, "It's 6 now, so she should be here any second I guess."
As if summoned by dark eldritch forces, the Tactical Commander in question careened
around the corner in a minibus plastered with NERV logos. With a squeal of tires, the vehicle
came to a perfect two-point stop, and then settled onto all four wheels.
"Hurry up! We have reservations for 7:00, and I've still got to go by my apartment for some
stuff."
"Oh good." Asuka climbed into the shotgun seat. "I want to change out of my school
uniform."
"That's a good idea, Asuka." Amelia grabbed an opportunity when it presented itself. "We
should also stop by Rei's place so she can change too." , while thinking to herself, "Aha! The
first strike of my battle to free poor Ayanami-San from the cruel bindings of monotony and
melancholy. No one can have fun in such stodgy uniforms! Such villainous vestments must be
riven from our evening of joy and happiness!"
"Riven?" Rei fixed Amelia with a curious glance. Then she shrugged. "It doesn't matter. All
I have to wear are my uniforms, anyway."
"Hey, I'VE got a great idea!" Misato smiled.
Everyone who knew Misato twitched. Misato's 'Great Ideas' were infamous; one that
involved the space shuttle, a positron rifle and all the electrical power in Japan came to mind.
"You can borrow some of Asuka's things." Misato smiled, sure she had made the evening
perfect.
Asuka stared at Misato, speechless.
But not for very long.
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAT??!!"
------------------------------------------
Somewhere where everybody knows your name.
------------------------------------------
"WERE ALL GOING TO DIIIIEEEE!" Asuka's knuckles were white as she clutched the
armrests of her seat with every ounce of her strength. The minibus, in a feat of remarkable
agility, nimbly jumped the median in the highway in order to get to the plaza on the other side.
Dodging oncoming traffic like orange pylons on a test track, Misato yanked the wheel hard to
the left, overbalancing the careening machine and throwing it into a roll.
Three flips, an Immelmann, and a 360 degree turn later, the van slammed perfectly into the
last parking spot in the lot, between a Cadillac and a Gremlin. The Gremlin exploded.
As the smoke cleared, the passengers attempted to unweld their fingers from the seats.
Amelia's eyes shone. "AGAIN!"
Lina and Naga's eyes were closed. Naga was babbling incoherently. Lina was merely
groaning. "Oh Xellos will be SO disappointed that he missed that."
Gaurry was uncharacteristically cool about the entire event.
"Now I know why she asked us all if we had to go before we left.", Toji mumbled.
"Uh, Asuka, could you please not hold onto the armrest so firmly", Kaji asked in a strained
voice.
"Why?"
"Because it's not the armrest."
"Oh." Asuka quickly let go, and busied herself with removing her seat belt.
The extended cast piled out of the NERV-mobile, and looked up at the facade in front of
them.
"Planet Hollywood-2?" Lina asked. "What happened to Planet Hollywood-1?"
Misato shrugged. "After the Second Impact, the head office and all the franchises sunk into
the sea. Sadly, enough washed-up actors survived to resurrect it."
As they walked in, they were surrounded by the bric-a-brac, paraphernalia and cast-offs of
films and actors often thought to have hastened the end of the world: William Shatner's
hairpiece, Adam Sandler's backpack from 'The Waterboy', Steven Segal's ponytail, Carrot Top's
trunk, Yahoo Serious's hair and guitar from 'Young Einstein', a life-size mock up of
'Mini-me' (the clone of Dr. Evil from 'The Spy who Shagged Me'), Paul Hogan's hat, and a
complete collection of Pamela Anderson's Bikini tops chronologically cataloguing the transition
from before to after and back to before.
The group sat down at the large table reserved for them. Rei noticed that there was a
poster of Keanu Reeves beside her, with a push button marked, 'Press for dialogue'. She pressed
it. It went, *Whoa!*. She pressed it again, it went, *Whoa!*, in a slightly different tone.
Shinji looked at Rei while she repeatedly pressed the button. "Why don't you stop pressing
that?"
Rei frowned. "I'm waiting for it to say something other than...", she pressed the button
again, Keanu faithfully went, *Whoa!*.
Shinji gave this up as a lost cause, and turned to the menu.
The table was a long rectangle in one corner of the restaurant. Shinji was at the foot of
the table, tucked into the corner. Rei was at his left, then came Lina, Toji, Hikari and Naga.
To Naga's right sat Misato at the head of the table, with Kaji beside her to her left. Asuka was
at the side of the table, pinned between Kaji and the red-jacketed Gaurry. Then Kensuke and Amelia.
This arrangement strategically ensured that everyone got what they wanted. Misato was
beside Kaji and able to keep an eye on everything. Asuka was free to flirt with Kaji while
simultaneously trying to get Gaurry drunk and steal the Sword of Light. Hikari was in good
position to flirt with both Gaurry and Toji. Naga was free to insult whomever she pleased
(Lina). Kensuke was right in the thick of it. Amelia was almost directly across from Rei and
therefore free to continue in her campaign of justice to bring happiness into Rei's life.
And good old Shinji, in the back corner, had settled down for what he hoped would be a
peaceful evening. He was far from the action at the head of the table, safely out of Asuka's
immediate grasp (or at least in a position which afforded him a good head start) and had the
'buffer zone' of the enigmatic Rei and the hypermatic Amelia in front of him. At the moment,
life was good.
"Hiya everyone.", hailed the buxom, blonde valley-girl waiter.
A mumbled chorus of greetings answered.
"You, like, all care to start off with drinks or, like, have you already decided on what
ya want?"
Misato spoke up, "We'll need a couple more minutes to decide for the food, but in the mean
time, I'd like you to give Kaji a blowjob and I'll have an orgasm. Well heck, since Gainax is
picking up the tab tonight, let's give all the boys blowjobs and all the girls can have orgasms!"
*Whoa!*
The entire group of 'students' were stunned into an eerie silence, save Rei, who was always
like that anyways.
Kaji smiled, "How generous of you Misato. A good round of drinks for a toast is the perfect
way to start off an evening."
"Like, whatever," added Valley girl, "but I'm gonna have to like, card one of you or some
junk like that to make sure, k? Like, you at the end of the table", pointing at Shinji. "Let's see
some ID."
Shinji carefully pulled out his gun,... er, the fake ID that Misato had made for him. (Phew,
almost pulled a DJ Croft there).
Reading off the licence, the waitress repeated, "Sanjay Ikmantoruman? Age... 41?"
Some members of the cast had a strange vision of Shinji, in a turban atop an white elephant,
but quickly dismissed that figuring that they'd save their imaginations for later. Shinji could
only smile nervously. Misato grimaced at the inspirational stroke that had brought about that
idea.
"Like, whatever!" replied the waitress. She then walked away with the order (and a
discretely placed 500 Yen note from Kaji) while Misato tried to start a group conversation,
"So, Naga. You look old enough. Tell me, have you ever had an orgasm before?"
If Naga were a bit more humble, she might have blushed,... but this is Naga we're talking
about. After a derisive snicker that threatened to turn into one of her hideous laughs, she
responded, "I, Naga, the Great White..."
Lina, "...Hype..."
"...Serpent,... have seen more orgasms than even a lady of your significant age." The
challenge in her voice was obvious.
*Whoa!*
Misato's eyebrows were twitching erratically, "Significant..." *twitch* *twitch* "...age..."
*twitch* *twitch*.
"Let's face it Katsuragi,", muttered Kaji with laid-back finesse, "We're over the hill. The
world belongs to the young."
"Oh no Kaji, you're not that old.", pleaded Asuka.
"Actually, he's right.", responded Gaurry suavely. He stopped leaning on his chair and pulled
a toothpick out of his mouth. The red jacket he accentuated his youthful physique very well.
"We're I come from someone his age would've already settled down and had a family by now.
Unless he was a really good fighter, he'd probably be dead or retiring."
"Oh really Mr. Gabriev. And what makes you think that I'm not that good a fighter?" Kaji
replied casually resting his chin in his hand. Gaurry was the young buck, Kaji, the old stallion.
The former had stamina, the latter, experience. Asuka's head was zipping left and right like she
was watching a tennis match on fast forward.
The tension of contention between the various members of the group was coming to a head
rapidly, someone had to diffuse the situation quickly. That person was NOT Kensuke, but he
tried anyways, by inviting the quietest member of the group into the conversation. "So Rei,
Asuka's dress looks really good on you. How do like it?"
Rei looked down at her frock, a deep blue version of the yellow one which Asuka was
wearing tonight. She never really considered anything in terms of beauty or elegance, just in
terms practicality and sometimes comfort. Her response was intended to convey that, but
interpretation is a subjective experience. "It's fits me... I guess. The top is a bit tight and
the waist is baggy." (Points that Shinji had noticed and had tried not to observe overtly).
The tension rose, mathematically, but decreased on the whole. You see, tension is created
by 'tense ions' which are quantifiable particles released by the person experiencing the
emotion at the moment. While, for the remainder of the group, the count dropped (relieved by a
good laugh) Asuka's personal count skyrocketed, easily outstripping their pervious combined
total and threatening to set off the fire extinguishers.
Kaji, knowing Asuka's temperament, turned to her, "There there dear, it was all in good fun."
This diffused the situation somewhat.
"But Kaaaaaaaajiiiiiiiii...", she whined.
Quickly man, feed her ego! "They're just jealous dear." That should keep her quiet for a while,
Kaji thought.
"Of what?", enquired Naga.
Once again, due to subjective interpretation, Asuka got pissed.
Kaji moved for the save, "What, you don't know? You're in the presence of the infamous,...
er,... famous Second Child."
"So, what. She has a older brother or sister, big deal."
"Ah. No. Where did you say you were from again?" Kaji asked.
Lina, looking up from the menu supplied the answer, "We're from out of town. Foreign
exchange students. I thought Hikari explained that?"
Hikari was shyly looking off to the side, giggling, "Um, I had other things on my mind at the
time." In a quick flashback we see Hikari talking to the two MIBS, she finishing a sentence, "...if
you know everything then I have a question about my boyfr...". Cutting her off, they answered,
"Pink, with little blue bears." Returning to reality, Hikari is snickering louder.
"Hey. What's so funny?" inquires Toji.
Patting his hand politely, she smiled and responded, "It's nothing dear."
"I just don't get women."
"I just don't get women either.", echoed Kensuke.
Asuka took that statement the wrong way and almost snapped off a snide remark at Mr.
Wanker-mecha-newest-member-of-the-team-fanboy, but was interrupted from doing so by Lina,
who beat her to the punch. "I'm not surprised.", said with all the audacity and airs of superiority
she could muster.
Laughter ensued. (Humour prosecuted, a running gag cross-examined and we'll let the
audience be the judge). Lina continued, "It should be clear to all that women are the preeminent
of the two sexes.", Lina looked over at Naga and added under her breath, "...present company
excluded of course."
"You know, you remind me of someone. I'm not sure who. Aaaaasuka?" Misato queried
with a bit of a leer added for good measure.
Turning, Misato found the crimson Eva pilot trying to lift the Sword of Light off Gaurry.
Sadly, with her attempt foiled and with all eyes on her, her hands slipped and instead of acquiring
the sword, they ended up landing in Mr. Gabriev's lap. At this turn of events, Gaurry did not react
shyly. In fact, he had quite a bemused look about him; not at all an uninviting one, either.
In a quick burst of recovery, she blushed, "Yes? Oh. What? Lina? Looks like someone we
know?" She looked pensive for a moment, then cheerfully replied, "Nope, can't think of anyone!"
A good majority of the table facefaulted, save Amelia, (who's been chatting with Rei about a
really neat new vision she's received from a large wooden box with a crystal screen concerning 5
young female warriors on a quest for justice) and, of course, Rei.
Amelia replied, "You know Ms. Asuka. You do look a lot like Miss Lina. *Gasp* You two
could be sisters!"
"NO WAY!", exclaimed Lina, standing and slamming her hands on the table.
"Impossible", scoffed Asuka, turning on Misato.
"What kind of a pea brained idea is that?", Lina directed to Amelia.
To Misato from Asuka, "How did THAT notion ever enter your mind?"
"We're absolutely nothing alike!" they said in unison, staring at each other and pointing
with the sincere conviction of crazed fanatics, thoroughly convinced of correctness their
positions....
*Whoa!*
Embarrassed, Lina and Asuka dropped back into their chairs and studied the tablecloth
pattern very closely. They were silent amid the roar of laughter from the occupants of the table
(even Rei managed to crack a grin).
A momentary dialogue, communicated solely with glares, passed between Naga and Lina. It
said that if Naga makes even one comment about Lina's own breasts not being up to the size of a
16 year old (heck, we've had 31 angels, at least 2 years must have passed), then Ms. Inverse will
ensure that all the alcohol that the Great White Serpent receives this evening turns to water.
Under the threat of sobriety, Naga backed down.
--------------------------
Elsewhere in the Restaurant
--------------------------
Maya Ibuki was having a lousy day, and she needed a drink. Of course, Hyuuga and Aoba
often joked that they'd much prefer Maya with several drinks in her, but that was beside the
point. Days when Angels attacked were more or less by definition bad, but today was particularly
miserable. Miserable enough that Maya had been in the bar for over an hour already, and she'd had
a drink in her hands for most of that time.
The bar wasn't very busy. The closest patron was a man with permed mousey-brown hair and
glasses. He seemed to be moping into his drink. The bartender produced another Margarita promptly
and proceeded to wipe the same glass repeatedly in a very professional bartender manner, available
as a sounding board if anyone wished to talk.
Maya played with a small collection of tiny umbrellas, and finally the combination of
frustration and alcoholic lubrication got her mouth working. "'Snot fair, y'know? Here I am,
Univershty grajuat, top o' my clash, ann I don' get no reshpect." Maya took another drink of
Margarita, and wagged a finger at the bartender. "Itsh not like I'm ungrateful, don' go thinkin'
that. 'Sa great job, an my bosh is gorg-great! Thing ish, she jush treatsh me like an ashishtant.
Well, I am an ashishtant, okay, but I can' help thinging we'd be a great couple-team! Y'know? I'm
a good ashishtant, loyal an stuff. An a friend, too. I jush wish she'd see me as sumpthin more."
The mousey man on the nearby stool seemed to be half-listening, as he bobbed his head up
and down and mumbled somthing like: "Burns is d'sameway. Jusht Good Job Well Done. Even when I work
like a dog. Lapdog."
Maya nodded loosely and smacked a fist into the table. "'Sright. Like today f'rinstance.
Angel attacks, everythin goes spla. WonderMaya saves the city inna face o' all opposishan, an' I don'
even get a friendly shoulder squeeze o' thanks. Not even a lousy smile!"
"Mmm. Hava cigar m'boy. Bracing Gentlemanly handshake my ass."
"Ya." Maya was now waving her drink around for emphasis. "Even whenya tryta do em'
<hic> Do em' favours. Y'know she's puttin in an all-nighter? Gotta figure out tha weird readings.
But itsh, 'Oh don't worry Maya. you go home'n resht. Ya earned it'. Hunh. Don' wanna resht, wanna
help tha Doc work all night inna confined, secluded lab. Hunh. Bet Hyuuga an Aoba could stay if they
wanned."
The mousey man nodded again. "An yer always there for 'em. An ya help 'em whenner sick.
An ya gettem food'n stuff. 'Slike yer married; but does he notice? Ha! Anyer just doin it for their
own good, right?"
"You tellem!" Maya toasted the mousey man, spilling part of her drink. "She'd work herself
ta death without me, I tell ya. She'd be so much better off an' happier with me by her side fer always
an' always." Maya sighed, and slumped in her stool.
Dejected, her gaze wandered, and she noticed the rest of the cast at their table across the
restaurant. Yet, her train of thought rambled on. "I jusht whish there was a way ta get HER ta
see that."
-----------------
Back at the Table
-----------------
"K. Like, Drinks are on!" announced the valley-waitress gaily. She dispensed small yellow
shooters to everyone. The only difference between each drink was that the ones given to the guys
had whipped cream on top whereas those given to the girls did not. When she stood behind Asuka,
between Gaurry and Kaji, she seemed to fall into an almost trance like state of euphoria. She passed
each of the men their drinks with coasters. On both coasters was written, "Kiss kiss. I'm Buffi.
555-5555, call me. I think you're hot." She had dotted her I's with little hearts; it was freaky.
Walking behind Misato, the waitress seemed to recover and pulled out her notepad. "K? So,
what can I getcha?"
Orders for food were placed. Several notepads were used up between Gaurry's and Lina's
order (which was essentially doubles of everything for both of them, and a Mr. Pibb for Gaurry).
Buffi wasn't phased in the least by that,... except for the Pibb, that is. "And for drinks with
your food?", she asked.
"I'll handle this.", Misato pronounced. "I have a knack for knowing exactly what type of
alcoholic beverage would suit a person."
Thought Shinji, "So THAT's the requirement for being a tactical commander in NERV."
"For Asuka and Lina,", began Misato, "...flaming Sambucas. Kaji... a grin and tonic as
usual?"
"Of course dear." he replied.
"For... Amelia, isn't it? Give Amelia Sex on the Beach. It's fruity and bubbly and bright red;
you'll like it."
"Oooh!", Hikari piped up, "I'd like Sex on the Beach too!"
Toji inquired discretely, "I though you wanted in front of a fireplace near Lake
Tah-ARGHH!!! Don't pinch so hard!"
"Ok, so those two will be having sex on the beach." Misato indicated Hikari and Amelia.
"Rei hrm,... I've got it. Get her an Electric Martini. You'll like it Rei, it's just like you:
shaken, put not stirred and blue with a big, bright cherry."
"Do I have a cherry Captain?", Rei asked.
*Grrrrr* "No Rei, your eyes. The cherry matches you eyes. Kids are so literal nowadays",
complained Captain Katsuragi. "For Aida and Suzahara..."
"Beer!", they sounded in unison, "And Ikari get's one too!"
"Well, the boys have spoken. Actually,", Misato said to the waitress, "...bring a beer for
every guy at the table."
"Um Misato,... I don't drink.", Shinji commented.
"Oh come ON Shinji, lighten up.", barked Asuka, "This is a team-building experience'! You
can't remain sober while all you friends get plastered. That's hardly very team-like. Geez,
lighten up! At least drop the doom and gloom act for one night."
"Yes Asuka. I'm s..."
"And DO NOT start apologizing! We did that in chapter one and we don't need another one
of those. Remember, we're here to have fun. On a night like this, you can do no wrong."
"Except to you."
"Exactly!"
Shinji sighed, "Consistency."
"Perfect.", thought Asuka. "I get to pick on Shinji while he's drunk while I'm sober (due
to my naturally superior German tolerance for alcohol) and I get to flirt with Kaji and get a
magic sword. Life is good."
"Now, as for YOU Missy.", Misato continued while turning to Naga. "I'm gonna pay YOU
back for that age crack you made earlier. One bottle of vodka for the two of us,", she ordered
the waitress, "...and keep the beer chasers coming. I'm going to drink you under the table Great
White Serpent.", Misato declared in challenge.
"But before we put you two under the table, I think we should start of the evening with a
toast. But what should we toast to?", questioned Kaji.
Suggestions trickled in.
Misato's, "To NERV... nah.",
Toji's, "To Gainax (for picking up the tab)... nah."
Rei's, "To the health of Commander Ikari (may he suffer a massive coronary)... nah."
"To justice!.... nah.", from Amelia, who else?
"To teamwork and friendship?... nah.", offered Shinji.
"To alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, most of our problems; the mental
restraints that it loosens; and the peaceful unaccountable oblivion that follows.", stated Kaji.
"To ALCOHOL!", they all intoned and downed their drinks.
"Um, Gaurry? You have whip cream on your lip." Misato mentioned.
"I'll take care of that.", Asuka replied in a near-sultry way. Taking her index finger, she
dragged it across the top of Gaurry's lip, wiping off the cream. She then sucked the sweet white
substance off her finger. This particular action was -very- out of character for Asuka and
attracted a couple of stares from that end of the table. After a moment or two, she seemed to
snap out of her entranced state, finger still in her mouth, wondering, "What was I thinking!". The
gazes directed at her also seemed to ask the same question. Any answer that would have been supplied
by Asuka however, is abruptly cut off as a large glass containing a flaming liquid is placed in
front of her. The other drinks were here. This was going to be a long night.
------------------
My Melancholy Maya
------------------
"What the heck?"
Maya had, for lack of a better way to occupy her time after the mousey man had passed out,
been watching the festivities at the pilot's table. The way the waitress had fawned over Kaji and
that other guy was nauseating. You'd never catch Maya mooning over some stupid man like that.
However, Asuka's blatant seduction attempt had startled Maya almost sober.
It was nothing like the childish flirting that Asuka always directed at Kaji, and even less
like the uncomfortable, confused stumbling that happened around Shinji when Asuka thought no-one
was looking. It was... almost... predatory. It was certainly completely unlike any Asuka Maya
had come to know. It was completely unlike any Asuka ASUKA knew, if the red-haired pilot's sudden
backing off was any indication.
What could possibly have changed Asuka so strongly, if even for a little while? She couldn't
be that drunk yet, or she wouldn't have backpedalled so fast. Maya stared at Asuka who sat
abashed between Gaurry and Kaji. Gaurry had casually slung his red jacket over the back of his
chair, and was exchanging lively, manly banter with the older man.
What indeed?
Maya, resolved to unravel this mystery, threw some bills on the bar and stood, intending to
walk over to the table and ask questions until she got answers.
Sadly, she was more drunk than she thought. Booze-trumped resolve aided by vertigo, ended
Maya's evening out in a warm, fuzzy black.
------------------------------
Shouldn't this table be round?
------------------------------
7:30pm passed on to 8 o'clock and then onto 9. The food arrived after about 45 minutes.
Alcohol flowed like the Danube around the table and through the veins of it's occupants. By the
time it was 10:30pm, everyone at the table was suffering some level of inebriation ranging from
semi-conscious to outright tanked. Even Rei.
It was soon apparent to everyone that Amelia though conscious at the moment would soon
not be so. As her B.A.C. rose, her conversation with Rei became more and more angst filled.
Who would've thought that she would be a depressed drunk? "Y'know. I never really wanted to
become a champ'yun f-justice. Wusall my dad's idea. Whatta jurk. I mean really,
Goodwill-towards-all-mankind-kick'... What kinna attack is that fer a pacifisht? Eh?
Y'know what I wanted to be? Y'know what I wanted to be? I wanted to be a pony when I grew up.
A big cute pony. With pink hair and a little star on my butt. *Thunk* " and that ended
Amelia's half of the conversation.
Lina was happy that Amelia was happy. Well, she was happy that Amelia was drunk and
unconscious; being drunk and unconscious assumed happiness.
Not that the other member of the conversation, Rei, had even been listening. 7 martini's
combined with the monotonous droning of Amelia had helped Rei re-achieve the Zen-like state
she'd experienced sometime in a soliloquy past episode 6. It was almost exactly the same, except
for 2 things: now, she was in a bar, and now, she seem to understand what she was talking about
(at least to herself anyways). "The sky, the incandescent hum of the lamp light, Commander Ikari,
the Spice Girls, Evangelion, cherry blossoms, that funky smell from my neighbour's apartment,
the artist formerly known as Prince... yes, it all makes sense now."
*Whoa!*
Naga and Misato were still hard at it, Naga seemingly faring the better of the two, though
not by much.
Kensuke and Toji were involved in their own drinking contest. Toji had temporarily called
a time-out when he had tried to crush a beer can against his head, failing to realize that it
was both full and closed. That was ok though because it drew Hikari's attention away from the
muscle bound swordsman and forced her to fuss over his wound.
Unsurprisingly, Lina and Gaurry were wolfing down their food, and the vast quantities of
said substance was moderating the effects of their inebriation. Kaji, of course, was calm and
collected as always, making conversation here and there. Asuka continually tried to lift the
sword off Gaurry. Yet, every time she tried, an arm or elbow would get in the way and make her
look like she was pawing at him rather than trying to steal something from him.
And what of our great hero, Shinji Ikari? He was happily placed at the foot of the table,
safe and sound, nursing several beers, at least 3 of which were currently running through his
system. He simply sat back and mused about his situation at the moment. "I should be thinking
about how bad I feel. I should be apologizing. I should be thinking about how much my father
hates me. I should be retreating into my own world of self-pity and denial. I should be
having nightmares about how everyone's going to abandon me and how Rei will turn into this huge
white being that will kill everyone and destroy the Earth in an attempt to re-unify mankind into
the collective unconscious postulated by Jung. But all I can think about is how cute she looks
in that short blue dress and how much cuter she'd look if that neckline was 3 inches lower.
Y'know,... this beer stuff ain't half bad."
Despite being in touch with the existential forces of the universe, Rei in her drunken state,
had still noticed Shinji's poorly concealed glances at her. She had been alone for most of her
existence, never really knowing anyone else (such is the nature of being human). "Well,", she
contemplated, "he's always been nice to me. Gentle. Kind. And he's a lot better looking than
his dad. Cute, in a vulnerable, spineless sort-of way. But how to I get a boy's attention?"
Looking to Hikari and Asuka (and Misato too), who were engaged with boys of their own age,
it apparently involved a lot of touching. Ok. She could do touch.
"Shinji?", Rei inquired.
"Yah, Rei?", he replied.
"Why don't you move over here so we can talk; in private. You know, and not wake up
Amelia."
"Um,...", Shinji hesitated. Rei never initiated conversations, and given his current
ruminations, he had a right to be nervous. New territory. Not fully in control of faculties.
Run. Hide. Retreat into self. "You really don't have room on your side of the table there Rei."
Well, if Sanjay Ikmantoruman won't come to the mountain... The mountain got up and
sashayed over to Sanjay Ikmantoruman; sitting on the corner of the table. Arranging her skirt
and giving him an excellent view of her legs, she continued. "Oh, it's nothing like that Shinji.
I just wanted some feedback." Talking did seem to be involved at this stage of the game. But Rei's
only source of information about matters of intimacy and bonding were limited to school textbooks
and working on mental bonds with the Evangelions. Oh well, go with what you know.
"F-feedback.", Shinji stuttered.
"Mhmmm. About work."
"Oh! Work! *Phew* Oh, ok. For a moment there I though you were..."
"I was what?", she asked, leaning forward, sinking her neckline an additional inch.
"I-I-I thought you were... never mind."
She was enjoying his dilettante squirming. "You see, I was wondering about our sync ratios
with the Eva's. You know, they say that our ratios improve if we don't wear our plug suits,...
you know, leaving nothing between us and our Eva's." At this, one of the straps of Rei's
borrowed dress seemed to slide off of her shoulder of its own accord.
Shinji's eyes were growing wider by the minute. His throat was getting dry as well. Absently
he reached over and polished off half a beer in one swig. "Naked... Yeah... Work better naked."
"That's exactly what I was thinking. I mean, if I was your Eva", Rei smiled knowingly, "I'd
want to be as close to you as possible." She pushed Shinji's dessert plate off to one side and sat
directly in front of him, uncrossing her legs.
"Close. Very close." Shinji stammered.
"Because if I were Evangelion-01 and I had you inserted into me, I'd want no barriers." That
said, she gently flopped down into Shinji's lap, straddling him with her legs and encircling his
neck in her arms.
Shinji's hands shot out in alarm.
*Whoa!*
Keanu's sentiments were echoed by those witnessing the situation from further up the table.
"Rei," asked Misato politely (if not slightly slurred and amused), "whatr'ya doing over there
with Shinji?"
"We're discussing work commander. Sync ratios.", Rei said with a dead-even smile on her
face.
"Oh. Ok Rei. Carry on. But you can only talk about ratios if it's happy talk. Is it happy
talk Rei?"
"One moment Commander, I'll find out. Shinji?", she wiggled in a bit more on his lap and
brought her face closer to his, "Is this happy?"
The younger Ikari looked at Rei. He saw sincerity in her eyes; bleary sincerity, but sincerity
nonetheless. "Yes Rei." he replied with all the frankness he could muster, "This is happy."
"Ok! Carry on then." Misato drunkenly declared.
"You can't do that Misato! It's disgusting how they're carrying on!", objected Asuka with a
little too much fervour.
"And what about you? You're not any better with your hand in Gaurry's lap all the time!",
complained Lina, also, with a little too much fervour. "And why are you blushing?!"
"I'm not blushing. I'm flushed. It's the Sambuca. Why do YOU care?"
"I don't.", Lina replied with a hint of shyness.
"Then why are you blushing, hrm?"
"...not blushing.... flushed... Sambuca.", even Lina didn't buy that. Fortunately for both
girls, Gaurry was finishing off the last of Lina's Milli-Vanilla ice cream and didn't hear a word of
their conversation.
"And on that cheery note I think we should call it a night." Despite some heavy drinking, Kaji
had found enough sense to remain moderately sober. Between him and the rest of the party that weren't
asleep, they managed to drag the remainder of the cast off to Misato's apartment wherein they all
promptly fell unconscious.
-------------------------------
-------------------------------
Well, that brings us, and you, to the end of another chapter. No applause please, just throw
money. If you wish to contact us regarding this chapter or the previous one (or those not yet written
(oooh, scary)), please send to:
laughlin@accessv.com
or
evansjt@interlog.com.
We've only had one response to our name-that-angel contest. It was an okay idea, but it
wouldn't help us take the story where we want it. This is your chance to be immortalized in prose!
Well, not exactly, but we'll mention you in the footer. ;)
Part 4 has been scripted, and writing will begin soon. In this part, you can look forward to
such spectacular sights as:
-author avatar insertions (not us ;) )
-the quest for the 'aura of smooth'
-more of Cthulu and the angel naming committee
-yet another angel attack
-and finally, Palladium IN JOKES!