"The moon shines brightly over the floating world"

               - Oishi Kuranosuke before committing Seppuku

Bailesu:  [blinks at his monitor screen]  Who?

Ami:  Don't ask me.

Bailesu:  But you're a supergenius!

Ami:  [glued to her monitor]  Can't talk.  Playing Doom.

Bailesu:  ...

Dr. Price:  Seppuku is what you're going to want to do after you watch
this next one.

Ami:  I thought you'd forgotten about us!

Dr. Price:  Nope.  I watched you two last night to get in the mood for a
romantic evening with my inflatable dolls.

Bailesu:  HEY!!!!!

Ami:  [blushes]  Ack.

Dr. Price:  So get on down to the theatre, children, because the carnage
is about to begin!


In the not-too-distant future--
Next Sunday A.D.--
There was a guy named Bailesu,
Not too different from you or me.
He studied at the University of Maryland,
Just another grad student in a red t-shirt
He did a good job studying Merry old England,
But his professors didn't like him
So they shot him into Kansas...

We'll send him lots of fanfic,
The most we can find (la-la-la).
He'll have to sit and read them all,
And we'll monitor his mind (la-la-la).
Now keep in mind Bailesu can't control
Where the fanfics begin or end (la-la-la)
Because he used that part of the budget
To hire some helpful friends.

Commentator Roll Call:  (Let's go!)
John Walter Biles as Dread Space Pirate Bailesu!  (The egotistical God of 
Fanfiction, just ask him :)) 
Amy Anderson as Mizuno Ami!  (The helpful commentator)
Komatsu as Carnage (The useless commentator)

If you're wondering how he finds time to eat and study
and other grad school facts (la la la),
Then repeat to yourself, "It's his life, 
I should really just relax
For Mystery Fanfic Commentary Theatre 3000!"

*******

[Our hapless protagonists are now in the Fanfic Theatre, settling down for
another show as the credits roll]

				Sailor Moon vs. Barney: A Tale of Carnage

Bailesu:  So what does a cheesy Spider-man villain have to do with this?

Ami:  I don't know.  I don't want to know.

Carnage:  [oozes out from under the next seat into the chair and reforms
to his normal stupid appearance]  It means I'm your guest commentator!

Ami:  I thought we sprayed for spiders.

Carnage:  [puts on an Orkin hat]  You did.  [grins]

	In Japan, the temperature tends, in the summertime, to get both
sultry, and humid.  While it can be very unpleasant for people used to
the cool, dry weather of America's East Coast, most Japanese seem to have

Bailesu:  Ahh, yes, like the cool, dry weather of Washington DC, which
nature intended to be a swamp.  Sounds like my home state Texas.

Ami:  Or Florida, the Sahara of the South.

Carnage:  Hey, I'm the one who should be making the sarcastic comments
here!

accustomed themselves to it, more or less.  In contrast to most
Europeans, the Japanese also have the decency to make good use of air
conditioning during warm weather, and to bathe frequently.  It seems that
there are lessons we could all learn from Japan.

Bailesu:  So, this story is about cleanliness?

Ami:  Apparently so.

Carnage:  I want to see BARNEY DIE!  This has NOTHING to do with Barney!

Ami:  It does seem that a rant about Europeans needing to bathe more
frequently is probably not the best way to get an audience of Americans
and Europeans to read one's story.  At least not at the opening.

Bailesu:  Exactly.  If I hadn't volunteered to do this review sight
unseen, I would have quit reading after the first paragraph.  It's rather
preachy and doesn't seem to have any relevance to the story the title
promises.

Carnage:  Where's the sex and violence and Jessie Helms?  I could be
popping someone's head like a zit right now!

Bailesu:  However, I don't endorse anything HE says.

	Indeed, in a country with air conditioning and frequent bathing,
what could possibly go wrong?

Bailesu:  I see the narrarator doesn't watch CNN very often, given the US
fits that description.

Ami:  Clearly a sign of obsession with cleanliness.  Perhaps Kasumi wrote
this.

Bailesu:  Now that makes sense.

 No one can fail any tests, because school is out during the summer, and
joyous children can be seen running through the parks, the toy stores,
and their cramped apartments, enjoying the pervasive love of children
within their country.

Carnage:  So this story is about pedophilia?

Ami:  I don't think so.

Carnage:  Damn.  

	It rends my heart to shatter this sunny, utopian calm, but if this
story's gonna go anywhere I must.  At the height of the peaceful Japanese

Ami:  anywhere, I must.

summer, early one morning, when everyone except for psycho hard-core
martial artists, over stressed factory workers, diminutive company
executives, and, of course, municipal employees, were asleep, the result
of something which had been brewing since times before memory came to
fruition.

Carnage:  In other words, everyone but Usagi was awake.

	Deep within the depths of the earth, Satan, the dark father of
lies, had been hatching foul schemes to entrap and corrupt the souls of
men.  Though he went about this in ways both devious and diabolical,
close to his heart he kept the most secret, the most foul, the most
unclean of his designs; something which the earth itself would not bear
to hold within it's depths, until it's pure spirit had been corrupted by
the blood and pollutants spilled upon it by man.  Over the years, as the
pollution done by man increased, and the cruelty of man stayed constant,
Satan felt the spirit of the earth weaken, allowing him to release his
most cruel creation, in the middle of the peaceful Japanese summer...

Ami:  First you say the Earth wouldn't hold the creature until its spirit 
had been weakened, then you say the Earth had to weaken before it let go
of the creature.  This doesn't quite make sense.

Carnage:  It means you need to be possessed by an alien symbiote and bear
my child.

Ami:  I don't think so.

Bailesu:  I DEFINITELY don't think so.

	Tremors of pure evil radiated from the spot.  In the middle of

Bailesu:  No mother, don't touch it!  It's EVIL!!!

Ami:  [blinks]  Flashback?

Bailesu:  Time Bandits.

Happy Sunny park, in a dusty clearing surrounded by thick-trunked trees
and several brick walls bearing the park's rules of conduct, the wind
suddenly began to pick up.  The majority of the people in the park,
having no familiarity with the feel of spiritual corruption, continued

Carnage:  Since they didn't work for Microsoft or use Windows 95.

their leisurely strolls and activities, oblivious.  In fact, this foul
aura was completely unnoticed within the park, except by the birds and
animals.  Some thought it strange to see so many rodents, stray cats, and
pigeons leave the park at once...

Ami:  No need for trailing dots here.

Bailesu:  So this is a Tenchi story?

Ami:  ...

Carnage:  Now there's a good use of trailing dots.

Ami:  Like you have any right to complain about abuse of ..., Bailesu.

Bailesu:  [blushes]  You're the one who complained!

	Rei felt her muscles slowly relax as hot, steaming water lapped
about her shoulders.  Sitting in the small ofuro behind her father's
temple, she massaged her neck, letting her mind drift like the moist

Carnage:  Gimme some porn!  Stand up!  Stand up!

Ami:  Do something, Bailesu.

Bailesu:  Stand up, Rei!

Ami:  HEY!  [whips out a handkerchief and blindfolds Bailesu]  Do
something about Carnage!  Don't peep on Rei-chan!

Bailesu:  Only you get to peep on Rei-chan?

Ami:  Yes.  I mean, NO!

Carnage:  Porn, Porn, Porn!

vapor which rose from the surface of the water.  She should have been
relaxed today, but something that happened this morning caused her to
feel enraged all morning.  Dressed in her priestess' robes, she had
entered the temple, broom in hand, to find a greasy looking man trying to
pry open a small wooden donation box.  The man hadn't looked poor or
malnourished; he obviously didn't need the money all that badly, and he
was probably looking for a thrill in sneaking into a temple and stealing
the donations.

	This made her feel quite upset.  Clenching her fists into tight,
white balls, she screamed "Put that down, you filthy greedy bastard

Carnage:  Those aren't white balls.  I'll show....

Ami:  SHABON SPRAY, FREEEZING!  [freezes Carnage in an icy frost, briefly
silencing him]  Maybe now we can watch in peace.

Bailesu:  Probably not.

	Rei was beyond angry now.  Without even her having to think about
it, Rei's broom tip slammed into the man's groin.  Gasping, enraged, the

Ami:  Without her even having

man staggered back.  There was fire in his eyes as he brandished his
knife.  Or at least there was fire for the next few seconds.  The thief's
fury was replaced by agony as Rei held her broom horizontally in both
hands and slammed the middle portion of it into the man's jaw.

Carnage:  So, this man goes off and joins with Barney for revenge, just
like Venom, right?

Bailesu:  I hope not.

Carnage:  Then he comes back and eats her.

Ami:  I DEFINITELY hope not.

Carnage:  So this guy is like the hero of this story, right?

Ami and Bailesu:  [in unison]  NO!

	As his head was snapped back, sending two bloody teeth flying with
a clatter into the small hole in the top of the donation box, the man's

Carnage:  Now that's the kind of donation I like to make.

Bailesu:  We know.

attention was distracted enough for Rei to drop her broom and apply a
brutal wrist-turning technique to the man's knife hand.  The sickening

Carnage:  She's got long arms, I see.

Ami:  I assume she stepped in a bit closer first.

	Noting with satisfaction that he was grunting and panting with
shock, humiliation, and fright, Rei allowed the man to scurry
doggie-style from the shrine.  "What a weakling", she thought, "it makes

Carnage:  What breed of dog?

Bailesu:  I don't want to know.

me sick to think of him trying to steal from my temple!"  Picking up her
broom, Rei began huffily sweeping the floor.

Carnage:  So she's going to keep the teeth donation?  Cool.

Ami:  ...

	But Rei felt more relaxed now, as she left the bath house.  Towel
tied about her waist, and after a quick glance left and right to make
sure that no one was looking, she nimbly hopped over the rickety,
moss-covered cinder blocks that were the stepping stones from her room to
the bath house.  Once she was in her room, she draped her towel about her
shoulders, and used a large red hair dryer to dry her dripping locks.
She loved this hair dryer, because it had the heat and the power to

Carnage:  Ahh, so she uses the hair dryer to...

Bailesu and Ami:  NO!!!!

Carnage:  You people are no fun.  

quickly dry her thick, waist-length dark tresses.  Normally, hair like
that was extremely difficult to get dry within a reasonable period of
time.

Carnage:  If she fused with an alien symbiote, she wouldn't have this
problem.

Rei:  [pops her head in the theatre doors]  Thanks, I'll pass.

Carnage:  I rent cheap, baby!

	Her hair dry but a few minutes later, Rei carefully hung her damp
towel on a small wooden rack in the corner of her room, and strolled over
to her closet, containing ceremonial priestess' clothing, as well as a
few pairs of civilian clothes.  Flipping through, Rei began to pull some
ceremonial robes out, when the feeling hit her.

Carnage:  She just had to do the funky chicken or die.

Bailesu:  ...

Ami:  You're just disappointed he thought to say that before you did.

Bailesu:  You know me too well.

Carnage:  In the biblical sense?

[Ami and Bailesu both blush]

	Rei, in her capacity as a Buddhist priestess, had sensed the evil
emanating from the park.  Immediately, she knew that something was not
right.  The force she sensed was extremely powerful...a power she had not
sensed anything comparable to in this lifetime...

Bailesu:  Her old master, Obi Wan, had finally returned.

Ami:  Better than it being her old master, Darth Jar Jar.

Carnage:  Now that's even more evil than I am.

	Rei knew something had to be done, before the problem on hand had
a chance to get worse, but there was nothing that she could do here at
the temple.  Stumbling about the room, Rei attempted to go to this drawer

Carnage:  Sure there is.  You could dance naked for us!

Bailesu:  Only if Ami takes off my blindfold first.

Ami:  No chance of that.

and that, fetching a sock there, some underwear here, while calling her
friends on their little Sailor Moon palm-held communicator thingies.  As

Ami:  They're not thingies.

Bailesu:  They're merchandising.

Ami:  Exactly.

much as she wanted to take immediate action, running into the street
naked and getting arrested would accomplish nothing, and she was certain
that she would not be powerful enough to stand against the evil alone.

Carnage:  It would accomplish something.  It's called 'fanservice'.

	Hearing the urgency in Rei's voice, the rest of the girls knew
that this unknown evil in the park was something not to be trifled with.
Within minutes, they rendezvoused at the temple, in time to see a
slightly frantic-looking Rei stumble towards them, wearing, as usual when
in the temple, a priestess' garb.

Ami:  in time to see Rei, who looked slightly frantic, stumble towards
them in her usual temple garb.

	Several minutes later found them all at the park.  The

Carnage:  Where did the other minutes find them?

Bailesu:  Depends on if it was five minutes or not.

Ami:  ?

Bailesu:  Don't make me be blatant.

bold-hearted Rei, now in the form of Sailor Mars, could not resist a

Carnage:  As compared to the italics-hearted Venus, the Times New
Roman-hearted Jupiter,...

Ami:  That's more help than the Author needed, I think.

shudder.  "My god," she whispered, "the intensity of the evil in this
place is so great...".  Sailor Mercury, her nose in her palm-held

Bailesu: [puts on a Rei mask]  That it almost equals the time I met Jessie
Helms!

Carnage:  Hey, Jessie is my role model!

Ami: ...

Carnage:  So Ami's computer is nose-operated?

Ami:  I hope not.

supercomputer (computers are getting so small these days, aren't they?),
hushed her.  "We're very near...", she warned.

Carnage:  Technically, you're always near to something.

	As if on cue, the five girls, bedecked in really stupid-looking
sailor outfits, entered the clearing which the emanation had originated
from.  And the sight they saw was one to chill the blood.

Bailesu:  Rush Limbaugh was making love to Howard Stern in the middle of
the park?

Carnage:  Man, even I can't think of something that evil.

	A large, sickeningly obese purple and green dinosaur was letting

Carnage:  I like dinner plump.

out terrible dark hymn, which tore at the sanity: "I love you! You love
me!  We're a happy family....!"  Already, there were at least a dozen
goggle eyed children staring at the corpulent beast, trance-like
adoration in their features evidence of the possessed nature of their
souls.  "That's right," guffawed Barney, his Japanese bearing a heavy
American accent, "once you love me, you won't need your other friends and
parents."  His tone of voice changing, Barney let a tear trickle down his
revoltingly fat cheek, as he continued, "In fact, when they find out

Carnage:  I think his cheeks are sexy.

[Bailesu and Ami scoot three seats away from him]

about me, your parents, the police, your teachers, they just won't
understand.  They'll try to keep you all from seeing me.  Now, isn't that
mean?"  The children, whose faces were now tormented with shock,
confusion, and tears, nodded.  Barney spoke, "So, either you bring them
to me so I can make them my special friends, or...you KILL THEM!!!  KILL
THEM DEAD!!!!"

Bailesu:  Just in case they might accidentally kill them alive.

Carnage:  Trust me, that can happen.  

	Barney was in the middle of his tirade when Sailor Moon and Sailor
Mars burst into the clearing.  "We can't stand in it anymore!!  How could

Ami:  We can't stand it anymore!!

Bailesu:  Maybe they were standing in something.

Carnage:  Maybe they actually want to sit in it.

you find it in your heart to destroy the souls of these innocent

Carnage:  He used the Bell Atlantic Yellow Pages.  It was easy.

children!?!?"  Moon and Mars were quickly followed by the rest of the
sailors, Sailor Mercury straggling behind and grumbling about why didn't
they let her finish scanning for his weakness, and how rashly they were
all acting.

Ami:  I hate it when they do that.

Carnage:  Maybe if you didn't play Civ III when you were supposed to be
scanning, they'd have the patience to wait for you.

Ami:  I do not!

Bailesu:  She plays Anime Strip Poker on her computer when they aren't
looking.

Ami:  Exactly.  [pauses]  No!

	Because of this rift in his black magic, the children were
suddenly released from Barney's spell, and they ran screaming from the
clearing.  "Wait, come back, come back, you stupid kids!!"  When none of
them came back, Barney turned to face the Sailor Scouts.  "You pack of
whiney bitches!!!  How dare you disturb my ceremony!"  He glared straight
at Sailor Mars, with such a terrifying, hateful expression tormenting is

Bailesu:  Unless 'e's cockney, that should be 'tormenting his'

saccharine features that Mars couldn't help but tremble.  "You, bitch!  A

Bailesu:  So this is Snoop Barney Barn, eh?

priestess, huh?  Well, let me tell you this; I'm much stronger than any
demon your ancestors would have handled, so don't even try.  I can crush
your holy power under my foot as I would crush a delicate, fair flower!"

Carnage:  But where's your steam roller?

	This vicious monologue was interrupted by Sailor Mercury, who
cried out, "I've found his weakness...it's....what the hell?  I didn't

Ami:  Hey, I never curse!

need a super computer to tell me this....his crotch!!"  "I though that's
the way it is with most guys," commented Sailor Jupiter.  "Wha...what was
that," bellowed Barney, "I heard that!  Now, I'm really mad!  Prepare to
suffer!"

Ami:  Only one person should speak in a given paragraph.  'I thought
that's the way'.  

	And, with a truly sadistic grin, Barney began to sing, at maximum
volume: "I LOVE YOU!  YOU LOVE ME!  WE'RE A HAPPY FAMILY!!  WHEN THE
SAILOR SCOUTS DIE FROM THIS, JAPAN IS ALL MINE!!  HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

Carnage:  You know, if we put baggy pants on him, this could be a top ten
hit.

Bailesu: I find that frighteningly plausible.

And indeed, the Sailor Scouts weren't taking this too well.  Clutching at
their ears and grimacing in agony as the foul hymn touched their very
souls like a dagger blade of ice, they slowly sank to the ground, feeling
their strength slip away.  With a desperate gasp, Sailor Moon managed to
bring her arm up to her forehead.  "Moon Tiara ugh..." she mumbled as she
sent her glowing, frisbee shaped attack at Barney.'

	"You mean bastard," shouted Sailor Mercury, "don't hit girls
there!", as she launched her Mercury Bubbles attack at Barney's crotch.

Ami:  I am not a pottymouth!  And I think I'd use a better attack than
just my normal bubbles.  All it would do is make Barney wet down below.

Carnage:  Speaking from experience?

Ami:  SHINY AQUA ILLUSION!  [Carnage is now frozen solid in a block of
ice]  Now that's how you deal with monsters.

Barney yelped as he jumped straight up and thrust his legs out to his
sides, and the fireball passed inches under his crotch.  Sailor Mars used

Bailesu:  Ami's bubbles turned into a fireball?

Ami:  Wow.

this opening to run in, and , as Barney was descending from his jump,
perform a backwards hook kick, connecting her high heeled-shoe to
Barney's facial structure.

Bailesu:  That sounds like she surgically attached her shoe to his face.

	Blood and teeth spilled upon the ground as Mars recovered from her
kick and assumed a fighting pose.  Clutching at his now-mutilated face,
Barney realized that he would not be able to sing without a solid lower
jaw.  His words disfigured by his injury, he screamed, "YOU BUDDHIST
SLUT!!  NOW I CAN'T PERFORM MY HYPNOTIC MAGIC!!!"  Without missing a

Carnage:  [pops out of the ice]  That's 'Shinto Slut'.

Rei:  [pops up through a trapdoor]  That's Ms. Hino to you, if you're
nasty.  BURNING MANDALAS!  [bakes Carnage with six wheels of flame, then
pops out of sight]

Bailesu:  ...

 >beat, Mars slid her foot forward as she rotated her
body, ramming
her >elbow into Barney's chest.  Although the technique she used was

excellent, Barney had so much padding on his body that not even Chuck
Norris could have injured him with a similar strike.

Bailesu:  Especially since he's old and washed up.

Carnage:  Hey, I worship Walker, Texas Ranger as a GOD!  He would have
kicked Barney's ass in seconds.

Ami:  That explains a lot.

	Fuming with rage, Barney, taking advantage of the fact that Mars
was recovering from her attack, clenched his fist into a fleshy mallet
and brought all 200 pounds of his arm down savagely onto the crown of
Mars' head.  With a grunt, she fell to her knees, dazed.  To the horror
of the other Sailor Scouts, Barney pinned her head between his legs,

Ami:  Sailor Senshi.

Bailesu:  So the other Sailors are just kinda hanging out while he does
this?  Been reading Teenage Wasteland again?

grabbed her ribs, and lifted her lower body into the air.  While Mars
feebly tried to get the agonizing pressure on her head to subside, Barney
mercilessly power bombed her repeatedly into the ground.

	Crunch!  Crack! Pop!  The sounds of Mars' head connecting to the
sound filled her friends with horror.  "Weakling Buddhist!  Where's your

Carnage:  That's 'Snap!  Crackle!  Pop!'.  They're eating Rice Crispies,
right?

Ami:  How did Mars' head connect to a sound?

Rei:  [pops up from the trapdoor again]  I am NOT a Buddhist!  Shinto!
Shinto!  Shinto!

prayers now!?"  Derided Barney as Mars' screams and struggles gradually

Ami:  derided Barney

weakened with each savage blow.  "Oh my god!", shrieked Sailor Moon, "we

Bailesu:  So this IS Teenage Wasteland 2:  Electric Boogaloo.

have to stop this immediately!"  Grasping her scepter, she began spinning
around, powering it up for the task of destroying Barney.

	Barney, however, was no fool.  As soon as he heard the scepter

Bailesu:  A highly debatable point.

	Sailor Mars felt the fire within her soul erupt into fury as she
saw Barney squeeze the life out of Sailor Moon, but she realized that
channeling this anger into a powerful flame blast would probably mean
death for Sailor Moon, who was so close to her intended target.  So, she
used another attack, one which would not harm those pure of
heart...pointing her finger, dozens of white prayer strips shot through
the air and covered Barney's back.

Ami:  It's about time.

Carnage:  I was hoping she would flash him.

Bailesu:  No fanservice for you.

	The ice-hearted Barney, gloating over the fact that he had made
this pretty one lose her morning meal, bent over and grasped Sailor
Mercury's hair with one powerful fist.  Brutally pulling her to her feet
by her agonized hair roots, Barney flashed his hideous, deformed grin,
even as a steady trickle of green blood flowed from his ruined eye, and
mingled with the ichor running from his shattered jaw.  Barney twisted
Mercury's head, forcing her to stare at him, head on.  Her innocent face
was contorted with pain, as she weakly clawed at his hand in her hair,
trying in vain to pry his fingers apart.  A fresh stream of vomit began
rapidly flowing from the right corner of her mouth, mingling with beads
of sweat, dripping on the ground and splotching her dirt-smeared uniform.
A still-sticky natto bean, coated with the watery, pale green fluid, hung

>from the bottom of her jaw.  Here eyes seemed to be having trouble

focusing on Barney; the were glazed, and kept moving erratically,

Bailesu:  Her eyes     ; they were

	Happy Sunny park attracted nation-wide attention when a tremendous
white pillar of flame erupted from a small clearing, and blasted into the
heavens, vaporizing everything in it's path.    All the buildings and
trees within four yards of the clearing were burned down to fine ash from
the heat; the objects within the clearing had been completely vaporized.
Or, at least most of the had.

Bailesu: In anime Japan, this sort of thing happens all the time.
Probably no one even noticed.  

	Sailor Mars lay on her back, looking up at the sky which had just
accepted her supreme instrument of destruction.  Her body was shaking,

Bailesu:  It had a choice?

and she was panting.  She felt so feverish, in spite of the fact that
most of her clothing had been burned away, and she was positively

Carnage:  FANSERVICE!!!!

[Rei pops up a third time]

Rei:  No way!  MARS FLAME SNIPER!  [She chases Carnage out the exit door,
raining down flaming arrows on her]

Bailesu:  How's she doing that without transforming?

Ami:  The righteous wrath of anime women is not bounded by any law.

Bailesu:  Right.

dripping with sweat.  Barely able to push her plastered, singed hair out

Bailesu:  Where did the plaster come from?

	But, it was too late.  The United States Marine Corps, on alert
for Barney based on information provided to them by the CIA, had finally
caught up with him.  Only a token of his strength remaining after having
been lambasted by Sailor Mars' supernova, he was completely at their
mercy.  The last thing Barney ever saw was the wrong end of an M-16
assault rifle.

Bailesu:  A supernova doesn't kill him, but a marine can just shoot him to
death?

Ami:  You know, the JSDF probably wouldn't be too happy about the Marines
running around Japan without permission.

Bailesu:  Like they could stop the Marines.

Ami:  Hrmph.

	The marines left without a trace, ignoring the exhausted,
bleeding, burned, half naked girls that were sprawled about the clearing.

Bailesu:  Oh yeah, that's in character.

Ami:  Are you badmouthing the Marine Corps?

Bailesu:  Either they would leer or help.  They wouldn't just ignore them.
I wouldn't.

Carnage:  [far off in the distance]  FANSERVICE!!!!

Either unconscious or too exhausted to move, they were eventually found
by a seedy-looking tourist, who used up twelve rolls of film on them
before he kindly called the paramedics and scampered off.  Upon being
asked by a doctor what had happened, Sailor Moon said simply, "Our
barbeque went out of control."

Bailesu:  Like that group of engineers who used liquid oxygen in their
barbeque.

Ami:  ...

Dr. Price:  Have you all gone mad yet?

Ami:  I'm feeling fairly angry, yes.

Bailesu:  Are we there yet?

Carnage:  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!

Rei:  [triumphantly]  Next step, kill John Byrne.

Bailesu:  Good idea.  Let's go.

Ami:  Was there a point to all this?  Other than letting the author
work off his aggressive urges on the Sailor Senshi?  And why did we all
fight without really using our powers very effectively?

Bailesu:  Probably warped his brain by reading Teenage Wasteland
repeatedly, then drank from the wells of Jyusenkyo.  Now what do you want
to do?

Ami:  Well, since Rei-chan is here, we can actually play a decent game of
spades.

Bailesu:   Sounds good to me.



	
John Biles
Emperor of all He Surveys
http://www.tass.org/~rhea/falcon.html

PLEASE!  NO TRACTOR-TRAILERS!
--When I saw this sign in the Shoney's parking lot, I knew I had entered
the Deep South.