On Friday, June 25, 1999 5:46 PM, Ace Sanchez [SMTP:jsa@fl.net.au]
wrote:
Hey, cool, a pure Zelda fanfic. There has been one other cross-over
that I
saw on the list, but it didn't appeal to me. Anyhow, might as well
C&C this
as I read it. (and send it publicly so people don't think I'm
slacking off
@_@)
Thanks for the C&C! Usually I only get that from my sister. ^_^
<snip>
"Maron," he said, frowning in concentration. "Your name is
Maron."
Isn't it Malon? Unless her name is different between different
versions, but
I don't think so...
Is it Malon? I forget. I've been looking at Japanese trading cards and
listening to the Japanese CD while I write, so I've only got the
katakana with me to check by. I'll change it to Malon if that's how
it's supposed to be. Maron always makes me think of Dragon Ball,
Bakuretsu Hunter, and Kamikaze Kaito Jeanne - maybe that's why I used an
"r" (I actually used two "r"s until my sister pointed it out to me).
^_^
Anyhow good to see you're using my fave prospective girlfriend for
Link ^-^
My sister keeps insisting that she wants me to have them "shack up" at
the end. ^_-
"Wow!" exclaimed the girl. "You're right! How did you know my
name?"
she asked curiously. "Have we met before?"
"I don't know," Link answered truthfully. "I really don't know."
"That's okay, Psychic Boy," Maron said, smiling brightly. "Let
me
introduce myself. My name's Maron, from Lon Lon Ranch.
Um, didn't he just tell her that he knew her name? ^-^
Yeah, but I wanted her to give a formal intro. I'll think of a better
way.
<snip>
But the triforce of wisdom didn't give her the wisdom to see that it
really
wouldn't be worth it. ^-^ Except maybe, ruling the Gerudo, since she
could
use them as soldiers. All, in all, though, it's an interesting plot
line.
Evil Zelda! But she should know what happens to evil people in
Nintendo's
plot lines. Look at what happened to Ganon ^-^
Heh ^_^ I think that even though she has the Triforce of Wisdom, she
still is a little too emotional. After all, it's not the Triforce of
Vulcan Logic. And she's had several years of living on the lam to get
totally screwed up.
<snip>
"You're going to sneak in? That's SO exciting!" said Maron. "But
why
wait until dawn? If you're going to sneak in, wouldn't it be
better to
do it at night?"
"Because," Link said, as he consulted several printed sheets of
paper in his
hands, "that's what the FAQ says is the best way to do it."
Malon slapped him. "Why, you cheater!" Then she seemed to think
about
something. "Does it say whether I get you in the end?"
Link pulled out the last sheet of paper and read it. "Nah, it only
shows you
singing with a dorky look on your face with a big group of people,
while I
stare at Zelda until the word, 'The End' shows up."
"Oh, drat. I would've thought we'd both be in bed and ..."
Link shook his head. "I would've liked that too except, the scripts
say that
I have to be with Zelda."
"Double drat."
You sound just like my sister! Cute!
<snip>
"I'll stay here with you then, to keep you company." Maron
giggled, and
Link decided that he was happy she was there.
The night passed quickly, and dawn arose.
I wonder why the night passed quickly? ^-^
Ecchi! ^_^
<snip>
Quick, Link! Kill her now to stop her evil plots in the future!
Then again, if he did that, Zelda wouldn't have been alive to send
him back
in the past so that he could kill her. Ah, the paradox's of time
travel ...
Tell me about it. ^_-
<snip>
Anyway, back to your fic. It seems like a promising start. I like
the evil
Zelda idea. Different and interesting. The only thing is that you
seem to
follow the original storyline a bit too closely but just adding that
Link
'remembers' it. But that could change in future chapters, I suppose.
It will. I hated following the game so closely, and I tried to get
through the castle as quickly as possible to get to the Link/Zelda scene
at the end of the game. ^_^ But I wanted to start developing the
relationship with Malon, so I needed to get them to meet each other.
Don't worry, there'll be some interesting diversion in the story, even
though I still will probably have to have Link go through the dungeons
and stuff. But I probably won't go in depth on those. Can you imagine
trying to explain the entire Dodongo cavern one room at a time? Yeesh.
Forget that.
I think
you should also add some scenes where Link uses his knowledge to
his
advantage. For eg. it would be funny if Link played that "Pick the
right
treasure chest box" sub-game and he knew exactly which ones the keys
were in
^-^
I'm seriously considering it. Plus there'll be some other consequences
of Link's partial memory. Thanks for all the input!! I'll look at the
grammar issues that you mentioned also.
Jennifer
jcaliff@nsai-petro.com http://www.topher.net/~jcaliff/iserlohn.htm
Broken mirror, a million shades of light
The old echo fades away
But just you and I can find the answer and then
We can run to the end of the world
-"Small of Two Pieces" lyrics by Masato Kato, end theme of Xenogears