It all started one day while I was reading through a magazine that I had
just received in the mail. "Make your dreams come true!" the ad said.  It
went on, and on about this revolutionary book, of which there was only one
copy, and how to obtain it.

Naturally, I had to mail in for it...and even then it was a one in a
billion chance that my envelope would be picked out of all of the ones that
were sent in.

So I did what it asked.  It never asked for money...just a few things.

"What you do:
Enclose in an envelope, these items.
One (1) picture of yourself at the time of mailing. (not a problem, I have
a polaroid)
The name or position of your favourite god (then it lists a few as examples)
One poem that you have written within the past year.
A picture of one of your favourite toys.
Address the envelope to:
Name or position of the god/ess
Trinty of that god/ess
Mythos of that trinity
Heaven, Asgard (or what name your mythos calls that place)
Postal code:  H3A-7E9-777-7777"

Of course, this thing is absolutely impossible...but what the heck.

I'll do my picture last...of course.  That should be the last thing in the
envelope.

And a picture of one of my favourite toys.  I have this cute little kitten
that my first boyfriend gave me.  She's all tattered now, but I think it
will do.  Grab my polaroid, Hmm...two shots left.  Just enough.  Take a
picture of Niko.  Let the film develop.  Okay...next.  A
poem...Hmmm...Pegasus should be fine.  It wasn't a year ago, but it's one
that I like a lot.  Okay, re-write it out, and then slip that in the
envelope.  Look at the picture of my toy.  Hmm...turned out better than I
thought.  You can't see the scuff marks or the tattered fur at all.

Now...favourite gods.  I've always been a fan of time.
time..time...Chronos?  I don't know if that's a goddesses position...but
I'll put it down anyways.

Now, to take a picture of me.  Just hold the camera out at arms
length....smile for the camera!  *click* there.  Now to stick that in,
don't look at it I don't want to know how bad this will turn out.

Seal the envelope, and now to write the address.  Hmm, let's see.  I've
always been fond of the norse gods.  Address it to Goddess of Time, the
Norns, I love that anime show.  Then put in Norse for mythos...and then
Asgard.  Now the postal code...

Holy SHI!!!  It just burned up in my hand.  Spooky.

I'll just continue with this story I'm writing now.

***** two weeks later *****

Off to check my mail.  Hmm...there's a package for me at the postal
office...but it's to someone called "diety registrant"  Probably some joke.
Walk out to my car, and stick the keys in.

Hmm...that's funny, people should be out at this time of day...oh well.
The postal office is only just down the street.  Hmm...the clock tower is
stuck on noon.  I should tell someone about that.  Pull in, and then walk
into the office.  Funny...no-one is here.  This is getting spooky.

Walk to the counter...

Jeez!  Where did all these people come from?!

Never mind.  Hand the card to the office clerk, and then get my package.
Get my butt home before something else happens.


Home at last.  Damn that was creepy.  And the clock tower says 11 in the
morning like it should, instead of noon.  Open the package, and look at the
junk mail...

Wait.  This is a book.  "So you want to be a diety"  Cool.  I doubt it
would do any good...but I'll try it out, anyways.

Open the book...chapter one.  "registering your divinity with the world
tree" Hmm...interesting.

"From your computer terminal, access the internet if you are able (I am,
thank goodness) or phone if you are not.
For internet capable terminals, go to your web browser, and access the site
address: http://<your name>:<your divinity choice>@77.77.77.7/registration
After the page is loaded, you will be presented with a number of choices.
Most of them will be there to prove that you are the one who applied for
the position."

Ahh...the page is up now.  Yup, there are some choices...my name, my age,
my birthday...position applied for...favourite toy...Hmm, there are two
pictures of niko here.  one of her right now...one when she was made.
Interesting...and I can choose two for this one too.  There we go, both
choices.  The name of the poem I sent in...whoa...that's creepy.

Hmm...location of residence.  Okay, here we go.  Oh my goodness...I need to
write it in.  Well...no problems with that...

There we go.  Now we just hit send...and then back to the book.

Wait...the page changed.  Hmmm...

"Thank you for registering your dietyhood.

Chapter 1.  Choosing your name.

In your new role as goddess of time, you should choose a name to which you
will be known to mortals.  State your choice aloud, for you are being
watched by your trainers.
Suggested names are:
Chrona
Tyme
<sorry for the delay, even gods have a hard time thinking of names> (I
snicker at this) <stop laughing, it's not funny!>"

I sit and think for a few minutes, just staring at the book.  Random names,
some japanese, some chinese, some other languages I don't know about, all
but a few of them male sounding.  One catches my eye as it appears on the
page.

Tokijiku...

"What does that mean?" I ask, intrugued.  <Always>

"Fitting for a name, wouldn't you say?  What language is that?"  <Yes, it
is.  Japanese.>  "I'll take it."

The page changes yet again in front of my eyes.  "Chapter 2, Getting to
know yourself."

"In this chapter we will show you how to...no wait!  Don't close the b..."
I close the book slowly, stretch, and then head to my room.  I'm
tired...time to get some sleep.

*****

I'm finishing this off at the time I'm heading to bed, myself.  Hopefully
I'll keep this up with me.  But then again, I might fall through again :/

Thank you for reading.

I await the flames!!!

Liath Corrine Shadow

<Who wishes that mail-order godesshood was a real possibility>