Hi,
I've just started reading this. 
A few comments##. Why unknown soldiers? First of all
there are plenty
of people in the Pacific Rim that HATE the Japanese.
And not wearing
uniforms won't hide the identity of a modern army.
There are too many observation
platforms, etc to hide troop movements large enough to
invade Japan. Japan has one
of the WORLDS best Air/Sea/Land early warning
organizations. It's designed to let it
catch invaders on the beach and destroy them. PLUS the
USA isn't going to stand by and let Japan be invaded.
Unless you're planning on having the USA BE the
invaders. 

As I said, I've just started this. However, since you
explicitly stated that this was a "HUMAN"
invasion----they have to follow human rules. The JSDF
is small but has front line equipment the equal or
superior of ANY in the world. Any invader is going to
get hurt. The home island could be successfully
invaded . . .but the idea that mystery soldiers are
going to be running around is not plausible. 


The invasion came without warning. 
##NOT possible. The Japanese SDF has the world best
warning system.
There had been no declaration
of war, no news programs to say it was going to
happen. It simply
happened. 
##Not possible. An invasion of that magnitude can't
�simply happen'. You COULD get a small strike group
into Japan. And they could run around destroying
things for a short time. For instance you could slip
in, perhaps, a few companies of shock troops on
civilian airliners. You could take the Airport or
destroy it. You could even hold it for a while. You
could NOT get in artillery or armor. You would have
limited food and ammunition. Food and water you could
ge on the ground but you could not resupply. And the
JSDF would be banging on the door with tanks, attack
helicopters and ground troops. 

It wasn't aliens, or monsters from another dimension
or
even people from strange lands with weird powers this
time. It
was soldiers. A military invasion.

The soldiers were dressed in various military style
uniforms. It
was clear that whoever was behind the invasion didn't
want the
people of Nerima to know which country was actually
responsible.

##Stupid. With modern forensics they'd ID the racial
type within a day or two. Weapons and supplies would
be traced back to the source. The people of Nerima
might NOT know immediately who is invading. People
being shot at often don't know who's shooting at them.
And don't care. The point is, there is NO WAY to hide
the identity for very long. And no point in it. 

Give your invaders an identity. (You may have done
this later.) Still, the beginning needs, IMO, a
rewrite. Give the invaders an identity and a purpose.
It's not hard. Almost NO ONE in that part of the world
likes the Japanese. (Slave labor camps, forced
prostitution, rape, biological warfare experiments on
civilians, etc. in WWII, did not make them many
friends.)  Give a reason for the invasion, and
especially why they're in Nerima? What tactical or
strategic reason for THAT part of Japan. If you give a
reason later, fine. But DO NOT say that the invasion
came without warning by unknown invaders. (The
Japanese have NOT forgotten Pearl Harbor.) They could
be taken by surprise. A sudden air attack, by stealth
planes could do a lot of damage. Maybe. But you are
talking about troops on the ground. As if they are
taking and HOLDING ground. Hard to do. IT can be done,
but you've just blown off the difficulties.

These first paragraphs, IMO, ruin whatever you've done
later. If you must have a sudden and mysterious
invasion, IMO, it's going to have to be changed from
human to �monster' with super-human capabilities. 

For example, look at the conflict in Serbia. All of
NATO is having trouble with invading a country much
less sophisticated militarily than Japan. And, with
their best efforts, it's pretty much known who's
killing who, and who get's indited for war-crimes.

If you must have a sudden human invasion by mystery
men . . .it can be done. But to be believable, the
beginning needs elaboration. 

Why invade Japan?
Why Nerima? 
Why hide identity.
And even if the people of Nerima don't know who the
invaders are, (how many people in the US could tell
the difference between an admiral of the Turkish navy
and a colonel in the Swedish air force from the
uniform?) So why bother? Unless they think they can
take and HOLD Japan. And an invasion of that magnitude
can't be launched by surprise. Plus, please remember,
the Japanese invented the Kamikaze attack. Any modern
invader is going to pay a horrible price.

 A small, sudden strike by shock troops is going to be
a suicide mission. 
Are they religious or political fanatics?  This is
more plausible but should be
made clear at the beginning.
*****************************************************************************

"Such cowards these invaders be." Were the last words
of
Tatewake Kuno as they gunned him down in the street.


##OK, they're shooting people down in the street. 

Kodachi's last fragile link to sanity snapped and she
rushed the
soldier who'd slain her brother, grabbing his gun.
##???You've established the soldier's are willing to
kill. How does Kodachi rush a soldier who's already
shooting? First, she HAS to be within 30 feet of her
target. Any further away and the soldier has time to
change his target.
 She wrestled
it free, then pistol whipped the soldier until he was
upon the
ground, where she shot him in the mouth, laughing
hysterically.

##Pistol whipped??? Officers, radio men, other
specialists usually are the only one's with pistols.
And what are his buddies doing all this time?
She took out two dozen other soliders before returning
to her
brother's side and using his bokken to end her own
life,
collapsing onto the body of her brother.
##Hard to do with a �wooden' practice sword.

"Mistress Kodachi! Master Kuno! NO!!!" Sasuke screamed
in
anguish and fury. "I, your loyal manswervant, Sasuke,
shall
avenge you." He drew his own sword and stood between
the soldiers
and the fallen bodies of his master and mistress.

But the soldiers ignored him and moved on to other
conquests.

##?????OK, they shoot down Kuno without a qualm. Let
an unarmed girl take away one gun, 
beat and shoot that idiot thenkill several other's
before killing herself. THEN they decide they've had
enough??? These aren't unknown invaders . . .They're
the Keystone Cops.
 BTW, how did Kodachi figure out how to use the gun?
Most Japanese aren't familiar enough with firearms to
use one. In tests in America it usually takes an
average of 45 seconds for someone to figure out how to
fire an unfamiliar semi-automatic pistol. (faster with
a revolver, but most countries issue semi-auto
pistols) 

I'll try for more C&C later.

An interesting concept, but it needs some rough spots
ironed out. 

^_^


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