Julian Fong wrote:

Ryan, I've noticed that when you spend a long time writing a
story, it seems like you can't maintain the same momentum you had
when you started off.  As a result, your endings sometimes feel
a little rushed.  "The Game Eternal" and "Reunions" looked that way
to me, and so does "Mother's Day" to some extent.  I think you've
violated the "show, don't tell" rule a few times here

That's often true, and I fight against that tendency.  However, sometimes
"telling" instead of "showing" gets you through parts of the story that
would drag if you spelled out the details.   

To address your points:

Washu tries to stabilize Ryoko's condition, the discussion about
asking the Juraians for help

Two good examples.  I started to write the first scene, then realized I
didn't really have anything to say.  Yet another scene with Ryoko being
analyzed by Washu wouldn't have added anything to the story, unless I used
it as an opportunity to explore the characters' thoughts
-- and I was already doing that plenty in that chapter.  As for the Juraian
council, that scene was to be added right after she walked through the
doors, when I just decided that we all knew what was going to happen.

In my opinion, "show, don't tell" is only essential when *how* something
happens is just as important as *that* it happens.  If it's only important
*that* it happens, showing it anyway can be a waste of readers' time,
unless the author can use the showing as an opportunity to illustrate a
character.

Mihoshi's perfect landing

This, on the other hand, was a throwaway joke, thought up on the spur of
the moment as I was writing.  It would have thrown off the pacing of the
story to have detailed this as a scene.

and the new scene you've added about the baby

A timing issue.  Another scene that was supposed to have been shown, but
that I couldn't fit in anywhere.  I needed the denouement (sp?) to take
place on Earth.  A long goodbye scene on Jurai would have made the closing
scene on Earth seem like a dragging continuation.

This has been bugging me a bit since the early chapters, but I
haven't brought it up until now: if the Emperor is on a tour of
the outer colonies, shouldn't Misaki accompany him, considering
that she's the commander of the Emperor's bodyguard (as implied by
Funaho and Yosho's conversation in OAV 13?)

Uh, I'd forgotten about that job of hers (sweat, sweat).  I was watching
that very episode yesterday.  I *hate* that episode, BTW.  The characters
are great, but dear God, is it **BORING**!!

Nevertheless, "Mother's Day" certainly ranks as a major
accomplishment in Tenchi fanfic, 

Wow.  Thanks.  I don't know that I'd go that far.  I think finally
finishing what was supposed to have been a six-month project (in 2 1/2
years) is the biggest accomplishment.

I do agree that the ending is rushed.  I'm just not sure I could have
"un-rushed" it without making it drag.

(If you could tell me in private email what you thought was rushed in "The
Game Eternal" and "Reunions", I'd appreciate it.  Those were two of my
favorite endings and I don't recall skimming over anything.  "Reunions", in
particular, was in script form, where it's awfully hard to skim... :-) )

------RM