On Mon, Jul 12, 1999 at 01:49:14PM -0500, Richard Lawson wrote:

Just for a reference, I LOVE feedback, even harsh
(my English teachers used to specialize in that
department).

Good.  Let me crack my knuckles here.  <CRAAAACK>

Actually, I can't crack my knuckles at all, but Lara Bartram gives me
the screaming heebie-jeebies when she cracks hers.  I'm certain I've
just heard all her fingers fall off.

In that case, Lara should really be taking her Dapsone...

<duck, run like hell...>  :)
 

It was dusk, and the wind was hot and dry as it blew
across Hotaru's face as she sat in the grass.

<bapbapbapbap>

Avoid passive voice whenever possible, *especially* for the first line
of a story.  "It was a dark and stormy night..."  <shudder>

There's no passive voice in the indicated line.  It's rather clunky,
yes, but there's no passive voice.

To rewrite the above sentence so that it uses passive voice:

  It was dusk, and the wind was hot and dry as it was blown by the  
  pressure differential between the air mass over Hotaru's head and
  an adjacent air mass across Hotaru's face as she sat in the grass.

Take that, Bulwer-Lytton!  :)

"Well . . . " he hesitated, "Alright."

Nonword alert!  Nonword alert!  "Alright" is a bastardization of "All
right".  Not technically correct, although its use has become so
proliferate that it's barely acceptable as slang language in dialogue.

Well, if you want to be pedantic about it, yes.

However, when it comes to fanfiction writing, I'd say that pedantry
is only useful when trying to depict a character who is pedantic.

Still, I would guess her father's not speaking "slangy", so I'd go
with "All right."

Well, now we're talking.  Here's a legit reason not to use 'alright'.

-- 
  -Sean Connor  (sec@konatsu.dhs.org)
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(BTW, whatever happened to the Bulwer-Lytton awards?)