--- Bogue <bogue@negia.net> wrote:
Thanks for all the help on this project. Oh, I'm sorry that the
format is
legible. Totally my fault, but a lot of the badness to this fic
shouldn't be
purely
technical. The true horrifying aspects should be found in plot,
characters
and idiotic coincidences. Now, without further ado part two!
Hmmm... Okay, there's a consistency problem that could surely be
cleared up with a little effort:
A Fanfiction by Tiger Shark M. D.
Ranma and the Protectors of the Stones of Life
Ryoga shoutd."Ranm! Shut up!" and attacked him wtih a fist which neve
conevted becase Tiger Shark grbbed it. Tiger Shark said," You won't
fiht
in my hous or I'll throw you out ya big jerk." and then he pile drive
Ryou
ga.
Ryouga went unconscisous and Tiger Shark said," The jerk was asking
for
it! So I deliverd the message!"
Shampo, Ukyo, Kodachi, and Akane said," Yeah, your right Tiger Shark.
That
jerk desurved it!"
"Lets go insid and lev the jerk here!" Kuno sad and rthey went
inside.
Then the went inside. Ryouga was outsid waking up and saing,"I really
hat that guy!"
You see? Ryouga was a jerk when he got hit, and was still one when he
woke up! Now, in a truly awful fic, the last line would be:
Ryouga was outsid waking up and saing,"Wow,I din't realiz that I was
being such a jerk, its a good thin gTiger Shark decked m lik that, he's
really a great guy after all, Ill have to be nicr to him from now onn."
Of course, there would not be any actual modification of Ryouga's
behavior the next time he shows up. That, too, would be consistency.
Instead, he would need to be even more of a jerk (since it's clear that
he is the Designated Author-Hated Character [TM]--get one for your fic,
today!).
Also, isn't it about time for one of the female characters to be the
Designated Author-Prefered Fiancee [TM]? I mean, so far, all of them
have been relatively evenly portrayed....
In selecting and protraying your DAPF, I offer the following
guidelines:
1> Never pick Akane--it's too easy to defend that choice by citing the
OS and interviews with Takahashi, after all.
2> If you pick Ukyou, remember to use and repeat, often, the following
phrase: "Ramna's best (and/or only) friend". She must never, ever, use
her spatula on Ranma, although the DAHC is a valid target.
3> When biasing your fic towards Shampoo, of course, you must portray
her as not merely cunning, but as a rocket-scientist. Frequent and
gratuitous references to her "talent" are also a must.
4> By renaming Nabiki to "Sakura", you're already off to a good start.
You must now show that she not only single-handedly supports the
Tendo/Saotome clan with her schemes, but is also managing the largest
charity organization in Japan.
5> Kasumi, in the role of DAPF, must never utter a vapid phrase. It is
highly preferable for her to actually be a master-manipulator, who
clears out all the other competition (Possibly in a lethal fashion) as
a prelude to declaring her feelings for the incredibly grateful Ranma.
6> If your tastes run more towards Kodachi, then "talent" comments are
again a must, as is the claim that she is merely faking her insanity, a
ruse which only Ranma can see through.
7> Of course, by simple rules of absurdity, selecting as the DAPF any
one of the following is even better: Nodoka, Cologne, any male
character, or some sort of combo-package. Of course, the inherent
"rightness" of the perverse match-up should be immediately accepted
without complaint by everyone else, save for the DAHC, whose objections
will be silenced by his painful death at the hands of the SI.
8> The existence of a DAPF should in no way prevent the male SI
character from banging female-Ranma seven ways from Sunday.
--Freemage
Who really shouldn't do this, but it's so much FUN!
Until I find better things to write about .Ja ne.
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