On Tue, 13 Jul 1999, DB Sommer wrote:

<snip>

You spent a whole paragraph on how Nanami looks?!  Not critisism, just an
observation.

Loathe though she was to admit it,

Is this proper use of Loathe?  I think that it's supposed to be something
like "Although she was loathe to admit it,"

And if it was necessary, her
brother could protect her, since he was the best fighter among them, or
had been until Utena Tenjou showed up.

I suggest splitting this into two sentences, terminating the first before
the 'or', and starting the second with 'At least until...'

In the end, the pink-haired girl spanked Nanami with her
own bokken and sent her on her way; that was how easily she was defeated.

had spanked, had sent

As Nanami skipped along, she took note that it was a nice day.

This only gets mentioned now?  It's much better than the cliche 'It was a
sunny day in Nerima'.

Hey, now there's something I should have pointed out to Ryoucillo!

Taking one of the family
cars would have meant one of the drivers would know where she had gone.

had gone = was going

She hasn't quite made it there yet.

He had sent flowers the day after the party with a card telling her
what a wonderful time he had.

This is rather forward, when one considers that she was not holding the
party, and they had met only at the end.

"Oh no!" Nanami shook her head while remaining in his embrace. "I don't
want them to know about my stupidity. I could never live with myself if
they knew what a fool I'd been."

"You, of course, are not that important."

"You want him to intimidate her?" Iizuka asked. It sounded like a good
plan.

"Actually, could you have him break her arms and legs?"

Heh.

hadn't the Dean asked her to participate in it? Of course, Ranma was good,
but she was better.

If Anji's been expelled, then this is after Ranma beats Nabiki, isn't it? 

A scowl creased Nabiki's brow. Ranma's opponent was a girl? That wasn't
good. Ranma already had too many other women in his life, and most of them
were hanging around him far too much already. Akane wasn't much of a
threat, but the new Kuonji girl (who was not really Ranma's fiancee,
Nabiki assured herself) was a growing hindrance.

Er, how?  If you're going by what JK's released, then Nabiki shoudn't have
even met Ukyou yet.

The last thing she needed
was the possibility of some strange girl from another school trying to get
her hooks into Ranma as well.

It looks like Nabiki is getting as posessive as cannon Akane.  Perhaps
she'll be sleeping with P-chan next? ^_^

Certainly he wasn't like the willful, stubborn mule-head that she had to
deal with on an almost daily basis.

Been reading Robert Jordan?

The idea really was quite simple.

Either take out really, or move it after 'was'.

one. Not as a boy, of course, but as a girl.

Though in Ranma Universes, the distinction between the two isn't all that
clear anyway. 

 Princes could be girls too,

or so she believed.

Girls could be princes too, or so she believed.

In pursuit of that childhood dream, Utena went on to read every book she
could get of noble samurai, or foreign lords like the prince she had first
read about, and endeavored to figure out just how she should act.

Noble samurai?

"Wakaba, I shall date you if you defeat me!"

I suppose that she went through a frog kissing stage as well?

Driving was all right, but it made him pine for the days when he rode
horseback in the lands of his youth. There wasn't a single decent horse in
all of the Empire. He began to consider asking if he could take a vacation
in the lands of his youth.

Repetition of 'lands of his youth'.

trouble. She was pretty enough to have half the male population of her
school panting about her, apparently had several nobles from the most
prominent families practically in heat as they pursued her, and had more
than a handful of WOMEN swooning after her.

Including that one who insists that she's married, despite Utena's
denials...

Worse, she cross-dressed (and
Nabiki began to worry that Ranma had a thing about that after the whole
Kuonji situation came up),

Again, how does she know about this yet?

"Oh? Let me see." The new girl held out her hand towards the watch. Miki
handed it to her. She clicked the top of it once, examined it carefully,
then clicked again. She gave a sigh. "It looks like it's broken to me."

"WHAT?!" Miki snatched the watch out of her hands and began pressing the
button.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

BTW:  Does the whole watch thing ever get explained in canon Utena?  The
rental place only has up to tape 3, it seems.

..suddenly found it stopping in mid-motion. He was in shock, trying to
figure out who had stopped his arm, but a side glance showed there was
nothing there. No hand, foot, or even wire. It was some sort of invisible
force that was so powerful he could not even bring his fist one millimeter
forward, despite having the full use of his muscles to him.

Anthy, right?  Either her, or this is Gosunkugi's revenge.  If it -is-
Anthy, then I assume that the rules of RGU don't apply here, since I doubt
she'd be allowed to interfere in a duel.

Hey, perhaps the End of the World is the group of deans?  ^_^

-Natsume Ranma Ranma
-------
The sardines weren't worth the trouble.  A few more shots, then 
Ryoga-san would overheat and explode.  Ducking around a corner, 
I managed to lose him as I entered the ramshackle residence of 
my Anime supplier.

One look at his face and I knew that I was betrayed.  "Tell me."
I insisted.  He refused, so I slammed him against the wall.
"Last chance.  Where can Ranma-Ranma find good fanfics?"
"Try Jason Liao." he whispered, before he slumped to the floor.
I heard the sounds of a door splintering as I left through the 
window, one step ahead of Tendo Heavy Industries...