This is my first fic series in here. Tell me how did I do,
be honest. Give me all the C&C that would be good for my
health.

Frankly, your narrative style, in fact your entire writing style
altogether, is a complete train wreck. You have no concept of
paragraphs, you have no concept of proper sentence structure, and you
have no concept of correct formatting for prose. You mash sentence
after misshapen sentence together in a rambling cacophony of words
which, while seeming to be almost correctly assembled, are virtually
incomprehensible as a whole. 

I got two paragraphs--and I use that term very loosely, because you
don't actually *have* paragraphs here--into this literary disaster
before I gave up in frustration.

Don't give up your day job. You won't be writing the Great American
Novel anytime soon.

--------------------------------------------------------------------
What kind of Pokemon are you?
How do you do the things you do?
Share with me your secrets deep inside...
What kind of Pokemon are you?
Are you loyal through and through?
And do you have a heart that's true?
What kind of Pokemon are you?

-The Eternal Lost Lurker
(the 666th Pokemon)

"Pokemon, getto daze!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------