This certainly sounds like a crossover with some series that I've
never heard of. I'm guessing it's actually not, but correct me if I'm wrong.

	This was different all right. It seemed to almost deliberately
follow the standard conventions of Ranma fics, until the end, at which point
it suddenly got both poetic and dark. It's not the most sudden turn for the
dark I've ever seen, but it's close. Maybe I'm missing some overarching
significance or important detail, but the whole thing seemed kinda pointless
- there's no strong central theme, or thread to ie the scenese together.
It's like you got that final scene in your head, and had to write something
contrived to bring it into being. Which is a perfectly valid way to write a
story, but you've got to take more care to make the beginning and middle fit
the end.


Nitpicks:

"SILENCE." She pulled a kitana out of seemingly nowhere and brandished

	sp: katana.

could use the Heaven Blast of the Dragon. She was out of 
practice of course, 
but this opponent wouldn't even be aware of what she was doing 
into too late 

	sp: until too late.

	Note: Ranma is both fast and arrogant. I don't see him admitting to
being slower than his opponent even if he lost outright, much less before
the fight even begins. Also: why is he out of practice with the Heaven
Blast? Random plot setup?

The air around
the two combatants swirled and churned heaving everything 
towards the sky.

	So Ranma's fear caused the Hiryuu Shoten Ha (aka Heaven Blast) to go
awry? Doesn't sound quite right, unless there's some scene in the manga /
anime where this happens. Ranma's well trained in keeping his emotions down
while executing the move (indeed, that's one of the keys to it), and I'd
imagine fear to be one of those emotions. Is he _that_ out of practice?

other, why 
succumb now to the fickleness of nature? 

	"Fickleness" doesn't seem to be the right word there. "Forces of
nature" makes more sense, though it doesn't have the same ring to it.

Hitomi, crying gently 
on his now bear and bloodied chest. 

	
	sp: bare.

was simply too far away. As the sun set, they were black 
against the huge and 
glorious yellowish-red orb.

	The phrase 'yellowish-red orb' doesn't evoke the mental picture you
seem to be aiming for here. Words like 'fiery', 'angry', 'golden', and
'burning' are more common and poetic ways to describe the sun at an
emotional moment. This scene seems to be the linchpin of the story, and this
sentence adds a jarringly mundane note.

Now you understand, don't you? 

	I'm not sure if I do or not.