"I made the arrangement with my friend Tendo before you were born,
Ranma.  At the time he had only one daughter.  Now he has three.  If
they're as pretty as his wife was, you should like one of them."

*insert lecherously grinning bald middle-age martial artist* ^_^

*Three choices.  Millions of girls in the world, and Pop limits my
choices to three.*  Ranma had very little experience with girls, but
he had begun to take notice of them, and they of him.  As far as
marriage was concerned, it was a step he was not ready to take.  *Pop

was-was. Try to phrase this differently.

gets more impossible every day.*

Even though it seems impossible in his case. Uh... ^_^

The last words were uttered as Kasumi left the table.  Seconds later
she was out of the house, stopping long enough to take an umbrella

>from the stand near the door.  Kasumi nearly ran over a soaked girl as

she flew down the sidewalk.

"Excuse me!  I didn't see you."

This could be either Kasumi or Ran^H^H^Hthe girl - I presume the
former, but suggest a cue.

"I'm not in the market for a husband right now, Dad.  I'm too busy.
Besides, having only ONE boyfriend is no fun!"

...

Soun could only shake his head at Nabiki's statement.  He'd thought
that Kasumi had been popular in high school.  Then Nabiki had started
attending Furinkan, and boys followed her everywhere.  Right now she
was going out with two boys, both of whom had expressed intentions of
marrying her.  Nabiki seemed to enjoy keeping them dangling while she
made up her mind between them.

"Expressed intentions of marrying her"? Um, this *is* just highschool,
you know - that sounds like going a bit *too* far. Especially
considering japanese girls usually tend to marry *late* these days.

The youngest Tendo sister hadn't said a word.  At first, Ranma thought
that she was as uninterested in his story as Kasumi had been, but her
body language betrayed her.  She was very interested, but trying to
hide it.  If there was anything Ranma had learned, it was how to read
the body language of girls.

... how to read the body langauge of girls? Just how do you learn
that on a martial arts training journey? ^_^

Not saying that it's not something he can't know, having after all
spent some time in schools, but making it "If there was anything
Ranma had learned," sounds like a bit too far.

The only person in the household Ranma really liked was the master's
daughter, Midori.  She was tall, and slender, with long thick hair
that she wore in a braid that was wrapped around her head like a
crown.  Midori was one of the few girls who seemed to be able to mix
being feminine with being a martial artist.  She was willing to fight
him as hard as he would fight her.  Yet, whenever he was in her
presence Ranma was all too aware of the fact that this was a girl, and
a very desirable one.  He could also tell that she had an interest in
him that went beyond what he'd seen in other girls.

Hnn. I think, unless Midori is going to show up again in the story
and have a major importance (which she very well might, I guess), you
could possibly be spending a bit too much time dwelling on the past,
considering the story-in-present has just barely begin - get the
ball properly rolling before you start looking outside it.

This way, you almost make Midori seem more important than Akane.

Before Akane could reply, Kasumi called them again.  This time, she
sounded angry.

OK, OK, you've made your point, she's different. We get it already. ^_^

>From there, things had gone rapidly downhill.  Akane had joined the

family (minus Nabiki, who was out on her date) at the dinner table,
and immediately announced that she had to write to Nodoka.

What's wrong with "things went " and so on? The story is written
in past tense, yes, but it's not a flashback - it's happening *now*.

Akane jumped to her feet.

"No! That's just wrong!  R-Ranma didn't JUMP into that spring. . .it
was an accident!"

Why is Akane defending Ranma so fervently?

(not to say it need be wrong - but I don't see the reasons; explain!)

The water was beginning to cool down.  Ranma sighed, and got out of
the tub.

He was grateful that his father and Soun had agreed with his request
for time.  It was bad enough being pressured to take a wife, but
having to choose one within hours of meeting her was totally unfair.

Ranma made his way upstairs.  The house was dark and quiet, and his
father was already asleep, snoring loudly.  He crawled into his futon
and closed his eyes, but there was too much on his mind to allow
sleep.

I must say I'm pleasantly surprised that you didn't do what I first
thought as soon as my eyes fell on the word "tub" - inserting a
variation on the bathtub scene.

Akane's response was to hold out her hand.  Ranma grasped it, trying
to ignore the feeling touching her caused.  *Not again.*

Actually, I can't see why Ranma's saying "not again" - since a happy
ending should seem like a distinct possibility considering the
circumstances.

to be continued

OK, overall comments ... I know I sound like Gary when I says
this (^_^), but - Where's the conflict? Right now, everybody seems
to be either perfectly happy or well started on the path there;
all situations have been peacefully resolved in mutual
understanding (except for the Nodoka-reunion, but that still
seems pushed into the semi-distant future).
---
Ronny Hedin, thark@mangakai.org, http://nabiki.newberry.edu/thark/
...20/980...                              "Baka baka, minna baka."