Gary Kleppe wrote:

I don't normally comment on Slayers fics, but Red said there'd been no
response to this one yet. 

Aw, Gary, what a pal!  Heh, remind me to whine and complain to you more
often.  ;-)

I'm not very familiar with the series, so take
anything I say for what it's worth.

The Red Priest <peli_kurisuta@yahoo.com> wrote:

Due to positive responses, I have decided to continue this.  ^_^

[Refrains from making a certain comment]

Well, I *did* get good responses for the teaser...  

Dang.  I'm a hypocrite, aren't I.  ^^;  And here I've tried so hard to
*not* grovel for C&C...
 

I finished this at 3 a.m. so it's quite possible that this fic
isn't as coherent as I'd like it to be.  C&C of any kind is craved
and appreciated.

Stick with us... you'll learn how to be incoherent all day long. :)

I'm getting there...  ^^
 

Rezo Greyweirs, the Red Priest, felt it, when the boy was born.

The Red Priest is for loading and unloading of spells only. There is no
parking on the White Priest.

BTW, suggest removing the comma after 'it.'

Whoops.  Meant to do that.
 

Half a continent away, right in the middle of a casting a
complicated spell to heal some foolish street urchin who had
broken his back falling out of an apple tree... and he still felt
it.

*What is this?* he thought, so surprised by the overwhelming call
of the newborn's strangely familiar life force that he nearly
lost his concentration for the spell.  The crippled boy lying at
his feet moaned in pain, snapping his attention back to his
current situation.

"It's my spine, you dope! You're not a real priest, are you?"

^_^;;;
 

The moment the spell was complete, Rezo lifted his head and gazed
into the distance, ignoring the urchin's cry of delight and
gratitude as the boy slowly staggered to his feet like a newborn
foal; ignoring the usual gasps of amazement and awe from the
crowd.

That semicolon should be a comma, as the last bit isn't a complete
clause.

Will fix.
 

He had never known the girl personally, having left her mother
before she was born to continue his search for the cure to his
blindness.  And he had no desire to consort with another
ill-begotten result of a lapse in his personal judgement.
Besides, it appeared the girl had fared well enough, even without
whatever dubious fatherly guidance he might have given...

Like "Don't do that, or you'll go blind?" :)

*chortle*
 

Rezo's forty-something daughter raised her loving gaze from the
infant in her arms... and favored Rezo's other grandson -- the
son of his son by another woman; a strapping young lad in his
mid-twenties -- with a radiant smile.

"He has your eyes," she said warmly.

"Well, make him give 'em back! You think I want to walk around like that
Red Priest guy the rest of my life!?"

Ewww...
 

*sh-ching*

Outside, in the distance; the jangling sound of metal on metal...

So what *was* this sound from?

Ah, well, for those not familiar with Rezo's usual magical methods,
that's him jangling the rings on his Shinto-esque priest staff.
 

The house was near pitch black, all the lamps extinguished -- a
side effect of the encompassing miasma of the sleep spell.  But,
to a blind man, darkness is darkness, and Rezo slipped through

darkness was darkness, (past tense)

Oops.  Thanks.  :)

If Rezo was surprised at this, he was even more surprised at her
sudden gasp of recognition as she saw him.

"You!" she exclaimed.

*Oh dear,* thought Rezo.

"Oh dear" strikes me as a weird reaction. Dunno what would be better,
though. At least he didn't say "Oh my!" :)

Well, in spite of a few, um... obsessions and personality hangups,
Rezo's a pretty mild guy, even when he's trying to resurrect Dark
Lords.  He and Kasumi would probably get along fabulously.  ^_^
 

"I... looked for you," his daughter said finally, her voice
trembling.  "We both looked for you... mother and I.  We looked

Capitalize Mother when used as a name.

Oops, will fix.
 

"I'm afraid I am not here for a family reconciliation, or to

nor to

He felt soft skin; a light thatch of thin, silky hair.  The small,
delicate curve of an ear... the whisper of an eyebrow... the
little bump of a nose.  And then he felt tiny, warm hands reach
out and grasp his fingers in a surprisingly strong grip...

"Come, little Zelgadis," he whispered.  "It's time."

And, as he began to cast the spell, it was only then that Rezo
realized that there were tears leaking from his sealed eyes...

Hmmm... this last bit is nice, but it comes a little abruptly. It'd help
to hear some of his thoughts first so we know where this reaction comes
from.

I'll see what I can do to elaborate, now that I'm more awake.  I was
kind of slipping into unconsciousness when I wrote that last bit.  ^_^
 

All in all, this was a nice character-based story. The writing was
skillfully done, and humanizing the bad guy is always a good thing.

Rezo's not bad... just 'misunderstood.'  ^_^

Thanks for the comments!  

TRP
-- 
"I think it's impossible to really understand somebody, what they want,
what they believe, and not love them the way they love themselves." 
                                                                
			from _Ender's Game_
			by Orson Scott Card