Okay.
First off, it's a very good next installment of a rather good fic.

    Domo Arigatou.  ^_^

It starts out very well, and is a pleasure to read... but it does

have it's

problems. No fic is perfect.

    Can't please all the people all the time, ne? :D

Daisuke seems quite over-intelligent.  It was like listening to a
psychoanalyst preach to a restaraunt full of advice columnists.  In

the

same scene, it occurs to me that Ukyou is more sensitive to Ranma's
feelings than she's ever been.  She never seemed to have the usual
fiancee-fantasies or overconfidence that you'd expect.  Now, this

may be

intentional, this may not.  <shrug>

    Daisuke's a genius, why shouldn't he seem over intelligent??
Maybe if you elaborate on this more I'll get whatcha mean.  (BTW,
The part about programming his calculate is a personal "IN" Joke
with my friends... has to do with a guy I know, not that it's
completely relevant, but if you know about the TI-83's and such, you
should know what I mean.)

Genma.  I didn't recognize this Genma.  I thought the Genma from

Quantum

Destines had put in a cameo.  Sensitive, determined to make amends,

and

caring about the welfare of his son.  I just can't get my mind

around it.

I suspect that an explanation or Genma-centric section is

forthcoming.  If

so, great, disregard this part.  If not, there should be.

    Genma did a lot of thinking.  One other person pointed out it
seems oddly abrupt, I might have to go back and look over a few
scenes from previous episodes... but I'm pretty sure in episode 4
that Genma displayed a wary acceptance, or encouragement, of Ranma's
date choice for the prom.
    Having to watch Nodoka screw his son's life up, and in a similar
fashion to how he did it, Genma came to a small tidbit of self
realization... which was accompanied by shame.

Nabiki. <grin>  *This* I loved.  I can really see Nabs getting this

annoyed

at Nodoka under the circumstances.  Nicely played, at least in my

eyes.


    S'funny... everyone seems to love my Nabiki all of a sudden.
*Makes personal note to keep Nabiki sly and slightly bitchy*

Soun?  Perfectly done.  Fits right in.

    I figure if Genma is no longer conspiring against Ranma, Soun
would take over.

The only truly major drawback I could see with this part of Ep5 is

the same

one that plagued the previous four: Hyperpunctuation and needless
overcapitalization.  Its really distracting to the eyes to push

thrugh a

half-dozen ?!?!?'s.  Trimming down on these would be a significant

plus.


    I know I know.  >.<  I have a problem with that.  Future
episodes will be written in Corel Wordperfect, where it tells me if
I use too much punctuation or the wrong type.  Nice program, Corel..
only wish I had Word 2000 instead.

All told, this section was very good despite its faults, and I'm

looking

forward to reading future parts.

    I'll be releasing one as soon as I possibly can, most likely
another 10 pages on episode 5.  After I'm done with episode 5
snippets, I'll snap 'em all together and toss 'em on the website for
the rest of the fans to read.

    Thanks for the input, btw.... ^_^

--
Sincerely....
Shimitsu Kaori.
Lost "Dragon-Gal"
of Shimitsu-Ryuu.
Princess of Chaos.
"What makes a curse is simply the view, a blessing to some is a
curse unto you, But
acceptance can conquer that fear you hold high, through acceptance
comes peace.....
are you willing to try?"
   -Quote from Kaori Shimitsu.
My Homepage at!
http://members.xoom.com/_XOOM/Shimitsu/chaos.htm
The FRAGILE CLAY WEBRING is at
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