Here's a little thing I threw together. It's not serious and it's not dark.
Laugh please. C&C would be nice.
PokeKombat v1.0
By Frank Rice
Standard Disclaimers: No Profit, Blah...blah...blah.
C&C Would be appreciated. THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE SERIOUS, OR GOOD! IT IS
MADE TO POKE FUN AT POKEMON. PLEASE DON'T TAKE IT SERIOUSLY!
God Like Voice: This is the end of all pokemon. The last battle to decide
their fate. Once a generation pokemon meet to fight another dimensions
fighters in a fight to the death. However, no one ever leaves alive from
these fights, so there is no record of it. The fighters that go against the
pokemon are picked out of a dimension randomly. Where they are given a
choice...Die...or fight and possibly return to your dimension. The pokemon
have lost the last 5 battles. If they lose another they are wiped off the
face of their current dimension. There will be six fighters from other
human dimensions, and 20 pokemon representing their races. Lets hope the
pokemon lose...I mean win.
Camera (It's duck taped back together. Thanks to MacGyver for the tape.):
Fade out.
It is a peaceful day in the life of Ranma Saotome. No recent fights,
rainstorms, hammers, or pigs have been bothering him recently.
Ranma: I know somethings got to happen. My life is never this boring. Wait
a minute WTF is that?
Camera: Shows dimensional hole opening.
Shang-Mew (Giant mew.): You have been chosen to represent your race in
pokekombat.
Ranma: CAT!!!!!
Camera: Ranma runs away (I caught myself with the cat. Wow!).
Shang-Mew: Good he's afraid of cat's this will make things easier.
Camera: Fade out.
It is a peaceful day in the Slayers universe. No monsters, preists, or
other threats to the universe have happened recently. In other words, its
pretty damn dull in the Slayers world.
Zelgadis: Great, we've had no leads, no fights, no jobs, and were almost out
of money. Of course we wouldn't be out of money if Lina hadn't eaten the
prized cow of that last kingdom.
Lina: Hey! I thought it would taste good barbecued.
Camera: Dimensional gate opens.
Ameila: A monster, yes. Now justice has another thing to vanquish.
Shang-Mew: My name is Shang-Mew, I have a challenge for you.
Lina: A monster, good. Now we can at least kill something.
Shang-Mew: I wouldn't do that if I were you. I have what the two most
powerful of your little group would most wish for.
Lina: Big Breasts?
Zelgadis: My old body?
Shang-Mew: I think so...
Lina and Zel: What do you want us to do?...
Shang-Mew: Come with me.
Lina and Zel: Okay!!
Amelia: Hey wait you guys!!!
Camera: Lina and Zel step through the gate before they even hear Amelia.
(Not that it would matter.)
Camera: Fade out.
Shang-Mew (In disguise so as not to scare Ranma): Welcome to PokeKombat.
Each one of you will fight one of us in the ultimate test of skill. You
will have to beat us using techniques and tricks that you bring with you
into the ring. None of the rings have any weapons, so you will have to use
your fists and/or martial arts chi attacks and magic.
Lina: You said something about our greatest desires?
Shang-Mew: You will recieve it after you gain the right to fight Goro-Pika
and take the championship away from him.
Ranma: And my cure.
Shang-Mew: Same thing. Why did you bring a woman with you Ranma?
Ranma: Well...all my uh...fiancees were around when I got back...and the one
closest to me got sucked in here...so!
Akane: SO WHAT RANMA!! I'm the best fighter out of all of them.
Ranma: Uh...yeah, sure. Of course you are Akane.
Shang-Mew: Very well. The first fight will be against Bulbusaur and Lina
Inverse. The rest of you will take place in your matches afterwards.
Camera: Fade in to standard looking PokeKombat battle ring (Pokemon combat
rings look really close.)
Announcers Voice: Now in ring number 5 Bulbusuar will be fighting Lina
Inverse.
Crowd: BULBUSAUR!! BULBUSAUR!! BULBUSAUR!! BULBUSAUR!! (Guess what the crowd
is full of.)
Shang-Mew: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, FIGHT! Let POKEKOMBAT BEGIN!!!!
(Never done fight scene before. So this is my first.)
Bulbusaur: Bulbusaur (Vine Whip.)
Lina: What, is this?
Vines wrap around Linas hands and feet.
Lina: No matter. Source of all power...deliver the winds at my command!!!
LIGHTNING!
Bulbusaur: Bulbusaur (NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!)
Shang-Mew: Lina wins. FLAWLESS VICTORY!
Announcers Voice: Now in ring number 43 Shellder will be fighting Akane
Tendou.
Crowd: SHELLDER!! SHELLDER!! etc....
Akane: I'm supposed to fight a tounge, and a shell? Is this a joke?
Shellder: Shellder!!! (Clamp.)
Shellder takes Akane into her mouth.
Akane: Okay, that's it.
Camera: Akane reaches into zero space and pulls out her mallet.
Akane: DIE!!!!!
Camera: Akane hits Shellder again and again.
Shellder: Shell Shellder shell der der shell (You cracked my shell. Now you
will pay!)
Shellder: Shellder! (Ice Beam)
Akane: What!! It's soooo cooolllldddd...
Camera: Akane freezes within a block of ice.
Shang-Mew: Shellder wins. Coldtality. She will now be escorted back to her
dimension.
Camera: The Akane ice sculpture is lifted off the ground.
Little Guy: She appears to be in perfect carbonite...I mean ice suspension.
Shang-Mew: Damn, and I thought she would be dead. Oh well return her to her
dimension.
Shang-Mew: Next up will be Butterfree VS. Zelgadis!
Zelgadis: Okay, here it is my chance. My cure is almost in sight.
Anouncer: Buttefree is now being released.
Zelgadis: What kind of name is that for a monster?
Butterfree: Butterfree (Okay I'm out.) Butter free free but free (who am I
supposed to fight.)
Shang-Mew: That guy in white down there.
Butterfree: Butter (Ok.)
Camera: Butterfree flies down to fight Zel.
Zelgadis: Get away from me you little bug you'll distract me.
Butterfree: Free (Ass.) BUTTERFREE (Sleep Powder.)
Zelgadis: What are you doing?...Zzzzz.zzzzz.zzzz.
Lina: Wow Zel's really out. Now thats rare.
Butterfree: Fr (now), FREEE!!!! (Whirlwind.)
Camera: Powerful tornado builds up and all the dirt that is kicked up blocks
Zelgadis from view. The dust is now beginning to settle.
Zelgadis: Zzzzz...zzzzz....zzzzz.
Annoucer: Looks like the golem part of Zelgadis has kept him anchored to the
ground.
Butterfree: Butter...freee? (WTF????) Free BUTTERRRR!!! (Okay, PSYBEAM!!!)
Camera: We see a beam of light heading towards Zel.
Zelgadis: What was that? Oh, you tried a mind possesion spell on me? With
your mind as small as that, how would it work on me. Oh well, thats this is
the end for you bug, RA TILT!
Camera: Butterfree constantly avoids the Ra Tilts due to his small size.
Zelgadis: Okay, fine too fast for a Ra Tilt? How about this, FLARE WEB.
Camera: Butterfree gets caught in the web.
Butterfree: Freee....freeee...freee (help...help...please!)
Shang-Mew: FINISH HIM!
Zelgadis: COME FORTH MY ALLY (fine someone tell me a way to say summon
spider).
Camera: Small portal opens over the web, and a spider comes out. The spider
slowly descends to where Butterfree is suspended.
Shang-Mew: Zelgadis wins, FATALITY! Next up will be Ranma Saotome VS.
Wartortle.
Camera: We see Ranma in his usual red outfit waiting for the match to begin.
Shang-Mew: Okay, Wartortle I need you to expoit his weakness.
Wartortle: Tortle, war? (That, is?)
Shang-Mew: Wet him and he will become weaker. Also, you could expoit his
fear against cats.
Wartortle: War tle tort! (No problem!)
Shang-Mew: Don't get cocky. Did you see how easily all the other guys were
defeated?
Wartortle: Wartortle, war. (Don't worry.)
Camera: Wartortle walks away.
Shang-Mew: He's dead meat. Oh well, they all still have to go up against
Goro-Pika.
Annoucer: And we will now begin our next fight in ring #59.
Ranma: This is taking a while. Usually there is always an elaborate plot
before I start a fight. Oh well this works.
Camera: Wartortle emerges from outside of his cage he is carrying a
large...bzzzzzz.
Booming voice: Damn it, the camera is shorting out. Shit, its still
rolling. Got to push stop.
Color test screen appears on screen.
Female Voice: We are experincing techincal difficulties please wait. We are
sorry for this interuption of serv...
Camera: bzzzzzz....water pail. Wartortle takes a quick drink from it and
then turns around to get ready for the fight.
Ranma: Well, you move pretty fast for a turtle.
Wartortle: War tort, WAR TORT (Turtle? TURTLE!!!!!) WARTORTLE (WATER
GUN!!!)
Ranma: Now your spitting at me. Great.
Camera: Ranma dodges blast after blast. Ranma's picture is seeming to get
larger and larger.
Booming voice: NO NOT IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA!!!
Camera: New Jersey Devils shirt flashes by the screen as Booming Voice takes
the water. Bulbusaur finally hits Ranma with some water.
Ranma: YOU FOOL. It was in your mouth, its not cold!
Bulbusaur: saur, Bulb. (Really, well damn.)
Ranma: Okay you actually spit on me. NOW YOU DIE! Hiryu shoten ha!!!
Camera: Bulbusaur goes flying through the air, along with his bucket filled
with water. As the tornado starts to disipate the bucket lands on top of
Ranma's head.
Shang-Mew: FLAWLESS VICTORY!! BLOWOUT.
Ranma-Chan: Got any hot water?
Shang-Mew: Sorry, this is not a modern island.
Ranma-Chan: Got any pots?
Shang-Mew: No.
Ranma-Chan: Then what do you eat?!!
Shang-Mew: These.
Camera: Shows Ranma pokefood.
Ranma-Chan: Damn, that looks like Akane's fortune cookies.
Shang-Mew: NOW MORTALS, FOR YOUR FINAL MATCH YOU WILL BE FACING GORO-PIKA.
PREPARE TO DIE!!!!!!
Lina: You know all the bad guys say that.
Zelgadis: Come on think of something orginal for once.
Ranma-Chan: Hey, don't you know its in evil villans contracts to say stuff
like that.
Lina: Really?
Ranma-Chan: Yup, I got this one off of Happosai see?
Camera: Shows Lina, and Zel the contract.
Contract: At all times you will act both stupid, and always leave a way open
for the hero to escape. You will not use witty lines, unless you intend to
bring about the end of the world.
Zelgadis: Well that sure explains a lot.
Goro-Pika: PIKACHU!!!
Camera: Giant yellow blot. Slowly the camera fades back to see all of the
giant Pickachu with four tails and 8 red cheeks.
Lina: It's HUGE!!!!!
Ranma-Chan: Well the bigger they are...
Zelgadis: The harder they fall. LET's GO!!!
Lina: Darkness from twilight....DRAGON SLAVE!!!!
Goro-Pika: Pi...Pi...Pi...(HA HA HA.)
Lina: Well, looks like almost all the huge guys can take a dragon slave no
problem. Oh well. Zel.
Zelgaids: RA TILT!!!
Goro-Pika: Pi...Pi...Pi...Pikachu, pika, pika chu pi. (I have no soul you
fool!)
Ranma-Chan: What did he say?
Shang-Mew: Read the subs you fool!
Ranma-Chan: Subs?
Shang-Mew: Oh never mind...he said he doesn't have a soul.
Ranma-Chan: Okay looks like its my turn. HIRYU SHOTEN HA, REVISED
HORIZONTAL BLAST!!!
Camera: Dust swirls up obstructing Goro-Pika from view.
Goro-Pika: Pi...Pi...Pi (HA HA HA)!!! Pikachu, pika!!! (Now you die!)
PICKACHU (THUNDER BOLT!)
Camera: Giant thunder bolt hits everyone. They all fall to the floor
and....BZZZZ...black screen.
Booming Voice: YOU BAS%$#@!!! YOU BROKE IT AGAIN!!! DAMN IT!!! DIE!!!!!!!!
Giant finger comes down and swipes Goro-Pika into oblivion.
Shang-Mew: NO!!! Fine then I'll just hold one of you hostage and challenge
you myself.
Shang-Mew grabs Lina.
Lina: Just who do you want to kidnap? FIREBALL.
Shang-Mew: Ouch.
Shang-Mew falls to the ground dead.
Ranma-Chan: Okay, now where's all the stuff he promised us?
Dimensional gateway opens.
As the group is traveling through the gateway they see what they have caused
for all pokemon kind. They are now inslaved and are being used by children
to fight with.
Fade out.
Fade in on the exit of dimensional gate.
Zelgadis: Well, don't look a gift horse in the mouth in we go!
Everyone jumps in.
As the group is traveling through the gateway they see what they have caused
for all pokemon kind. They are now inslaved and are being used by children
to fight with. They are also stupid, and ignorant of their previous
existence.
Fade out.
Fade in on the exit of dimensional gate. It is a small room, with tons of
items all around.
Lina: Okay, I found mine. Breast doubling cream. YESSSS!!!!
Lina gets teleported out.
Ranma-Chan: Hey that one's mine.
Zelgadis: It is not it says cure so it is mine!
Ranma-Chan: Okay lets fine two bottles that say cure.
Zelgaids: Fine.
They both find another bottle and get teleported out.
Fade into the Slayers universe.
Lina: Okay Zel, what does your's say.
Zelgaids: Well mine says cure to all problems.
Amelia: So what is the directions?
Zelgadis: It says pour water on top of head.
Lina: So go ahead and do it.
Zelgadis: Okay.
Pours water on head.
Amelia: It working, Mr. Zelgadis?
Zelgadis: Not yet.
Hours pass by. There is still no effect.
Zelgadis: NO NOT AGAIN!!!
Amelia: Let me see that bottle.
Zelgadis: Here.
Amelia: It says here wait 5-10 years for results.
Zelgadis: Oh. Great. As usual I get screwed. How about your's Lina?
Lina: Well mine says only to use only in Poland Springs Drinking Water. Now
I just have to find Poland Springs....
Fade out.
Fade in to Ranma 1/2 universe.
Ranma-Chan: Okay here goes.
Akane: Wait!!! Ranma what just happened before?
Ranma-Chan: Ummm...you don't remember?
Akane: No...
Ranma-Chan: It doesn't matter see you in a minute, by.
As Ranma-Chan walks away from Akane he passes his father who is currently in
Panda form. Genma sees that his son is holding a bottle that says cure.
Genma-Panda: GROWF!!!
Ranma-Chan: It's mine old man now give it back!
As Ranma and Genma are fighting the bottle hits the ground and breaks.
Ranma-Chan and Genma-Panda: No!!! GRWWFFF!!!!!!
The End.
Okay, once again I am not making a profit off of any product, anime show,
movie, or stolen idea in the preceding fic. So it is not illegal. It is
being made to make those shows or products better known.
Note: I do not hate Pokemon it's just that it is being over-marketed way to
much. This fic bascially was made to vent my frustrations at the show. I
finally also settled the question on who would win in a fight between
pokemon and other shows.
By Frank Rice
Started on: 9/3/1999. 8:00 PM.
Date of Completion: 9/4/1999. 8:59 PM.
Time: 2 hours to finish.
Production Cost: $3.50 for power.
frice2000@yahoo.com or frice2000@hotmail.com
go to http://members.dencity.com/frice2000 for my DoCo 1/2 Fanfics, and for
my Slayers Card Game.
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