----- Original Message -----
From: allyn yonge <ayonge@yahoo.com>
To: <jstaik1043@earthlink.net>; <ffml@fanfic.com>
Sent: Wednesday, September 08, 1999 10:06 PM
Subject: [FFML] C&C Who Will Crack First?
My Comments ##
--- Jack Staik <jstaik1043@earthlink.net wrote:
Ranma 1/2: Who Will Crack First?
"You and I are going to solve Ranma's romantic
problems. I already
have an idea how to do that, in a way that will save
face and prevent
anyone from being hurt. But I require your
assistance."
##1) Why is Kasumi involved?
2) Ranma has problems because Ranma � is a comedy. If
you remove the comedic
aspects you remove the reason for most of the
problems.
Two URL's providing information about marriage,
traditional and modern in Japan:
http://www.hhs.se/eijs/anomaly/Omiai.htm
http://cdc.qc.ca/langues/Pages/Japanlinks/Japansinglelife.htm
3) The authors definition of 'hurt' seems elastic.
There seems IMO to be a great deal of 'hurt'. In fact
Kasumi seems more than a little sadistic. Needlessly
so.
4) There is no explanation of why Kasumi is not
supporting Akane's claim. Family ties are among the
strongest of all obligations in Japan.
Nabiki put on her
'Oh-The-World's-Being-Silly-For-My-Benefit' smirk.
##???
"Of course, I'll expect some ... renumeration ..."
"You'll due it for free." Kasumi said.
"And why would I do that?" Nabiki asked.
Kasumi took out the blood-stained knife.
Nabiki: [slowly backing away] What happened to
"nobody gets hurt"?
##Cute. very nice.
<SNIP>
"Baka probably found some even sleazier bimbo."
Akane pouted.
##Pout???
"But they shall not
succeed - will they Harvey?" she addressed the
invisible rabbit who'd
taken to hanging out with her.
##Cute. I like this a lot.
"Quiet, Please." Kasumi asked, in a sweet tone that
was instantly obeyed
(It's a Kasumi thing).
##??? Ummm. I'm not aware that Kasumi is instantly
obeyed.
OOC for manga, anime, real life and this fanfic.
"You'll be pleased to know
that the surgery was
successful, and that two days ago, the doctors took
Ranma off the
'critical' list and moved him out of the Intensive
Care Unit."
##interesting attention getter.
"WHAT??" "Airen in hospital?" "Who did it??" "Oh
Ranma-"
##Confusing. might work better if each phrase put on
separate line.
Kasumi raised her hand. "None of you will discover
what hospital, so
there will be no bothering him until he has healed
and is ready to
return home."
##???She says "None of you will discover . . ." to a
group that has engaged
in 10 year vendettas (Ukyou)
chased people across several time zones and an ocean
(Shampoo)
fought demon dolls, dragons and demi-gods (Akane).
That's going to work. ^_^
Akane was pale and nervous looking. "O-oneechan? Why
was he in the
hospital? What did he need surgery for?"
"Well," Kasumi explained, "the classic form of
seppuku causes injuries
that cause the intestines to fall out of -"
"SEPPUKU?!?" several voices barked in astonishment.
"- the body cavity." she continued. "The surgery
necessary to save a
person in that situation is extremely risky. It's a
miracle he still
lives."
##I think every one present knows about seppuku. And
the surgery isn't
that difficult. Even in Japan. They're not very
innovative but they're good technicians. The
biggest problem would be infection. Or bleeding to
death before getting to the hospital. Assuming
he could get into a hospital. That's the problem with
universal health care.
"Why?" Ukyo asked in a quiet voice.
"Which one of these bitches almost chased my darling
to his grave?!?"
Kodachi snarled.
##Kodachi's statement seems odd, even for her.
"This is a mistake -it's a mistake -" Akane babbled.
"QUIET!!" Kasumi barked. "Ranma's suicide note made
##Barked??? OK, now we know this isn't Kasumi it's all
beginning to make
sense.
Actually, according to tradition
1) Seppuku is a PUBLIC ceremony. At the very least
Akane
would have to be there. (His parents of course would
be there)
2)He would have a second to cut off his head (to keep
him from screaming and thrashing around,
thus marring the stoic purity of the event)
3)He would write a farewell poem.
There is a VERY elaborate ritual associated with this,
unless you're in the middle of a battle.
Then it was acceptable to hold a dagger, point first
in your mouth, and dive head first off
your galloping horse.
If you must use suicide it works better if it fits the
society.
it quite clear - all
seventy-four pages of it.
##The Japanese prize brevity. NOT at all believable.
Especially for Ranma.
What it boils down to is
that *all* of you
forced Ranma into a position where he could see no
other way out."
##IMO the story breaks down completely at this point.
FANFIC cliche.
1)Ranma has spent a great deal of time AVOIDING
seppuku. Why quit now?
2)there IS a tradition of 'Lovers Suicide'. Generally
when duty conflicts with love. In that case
Akane and Ranma would A) Jump into the sea, tied
together or B) Akane would cut her throat
while Ranma slit his belly
3) There's nothing in Ranma's life that warrants
suicide NOR does this fit the societal norms for
seppuku. OOC for Ranma and for Japanese culture. If
you're going to have him suicide you need
to develop that within the story AND you need to fit
it into Japanese society. There are a lot of
suicides in Japan. It can be made to work. This isn't
it.
<SNIP>
"Now," Kasumi continued, "there are going to be some
changes around
here." She pulled out several official-looking sheets
of paper. "You
will note that this is a contract. Nabiki drafted it,
so forget about
loopholes.
##And when did Nabiki graduate from law school?
And, unlike Genma's this one is enforcable in a court
of
law."
##Ummm. Why? The author has thrown that out with no
explanation. What is the
legal basis for this?
Also ignoring Japanese cultural forms that make
Genma's contract MUCH more
binding than any legal document. Familial ties will
always supercede legalities.
This is, IMO, completely contrary to Japanese
cultural norms.
See:
Japan's Cultural Code Words by Boye Lafayette DE Mente
for a good introduction to these interpersonal
relationships.
she explained, handing them out. "This contract
stipulates the
conditions under which the courtship of Ranma will
proceed - and the
circumstances that will cause the engagement to be
*permanently*
negated."
##???Nonsense. Traditionally Nodoka, Genma, or someone
higher in the family OR
their Lord could do this. There are many Japanese
melodramas based on this.
In modern Japan this is almost never done.(Japan is
undergoing some fairly significant
changes in birth/marriage/contraception - - - -however
there are still some VERY
traditional families and a significant number of right
wing nationalists)
To the best of my knowledge in neither traditional or
modern Japan do Kasumi or Nabiki have any such
authority.
If the author wishes them to have this authority it
needs to be developed within the story.
<SNIP>
"Ranma wouldn't do that!" Akane siad. "His ego gets
stroked too much by
having all these bimbos around."
##Very true. Ranma LIKES the attention. I refer you
to the incident
of "The Contrary Jewel" Ranma COULD have gotten rid of
Shampoo at that point
merely by doing nothing.
"So much that he would kill himself to get away from
them?" Kasumi asked.
Akane blushed and was silent.
##Actually 'flushed' might fit the mood better.
Kasumi picked up the contract. "Rule one: No
speaking of romantic topics
around Ranma. No mention of engagements, dates,
weddings, boy- or
girlfriends, fiancees, or spouses."
"But I'm his *fiancee!!*" Ukyo protested.
"Not unless you sign this contract - and abide by
the rules." Kasumi
replied. "And that is Rule One - No mention of
fiancees. Ever."
##Fanfic Cliche.
1) Modern Japan is changing. Fewer and fewer people
get married.
2)If it's TRADITIONAL then all Ranma's mother/father
have to do is
TELL Ranma whom to marry.
This 'contract' thing does NOT fit either modern OR
traditional Japan. It's complete nonsense
IMO. A fanfic cliche of the worst kind that completely
destroys the story.
And WHY is Kasumi doing this. It is properly Nodoka or
Genma's place to do so.
Kasumi looked at the silent foursome. She continued.
"Rule Two: No
Gifts, no presents, no discounts,"
##Oooops. NOT Ranma. He/she LOVES discounts.
Recall the times he/she has used cuteness to get free
food.
She looked at
Ukyo and Shampoo. "And
definitely no free meals."
Akane chuckled.
<SNIP>
"He said that no-one could possibly cook *that* bad
unless they were
*trying* to commit murder." Kasumi finished. "Ranma
believes that your
cooking was a way of showing your hatred of him."
##Fanfic cliche. Old, tired and, in this case out of
place.
If you have ever read the manga or looked at Anime in
general you would
know that
1)Akane's cooking improves as the series progresses
Wrong... See Manga Vol. 36. (Sorry. Akane's Cooking DOES NOT improve.)
2) Bad cooking is a convention in manga/anime.
Invariably the
heroine is a BAD cook. Also invariably the BAD cook
ends up with the
hero.
Right.
Akane whimpered. The rest chuckled.
##Whimpered? Chuckled?
"Rule Four: No Sex! Of any sort - including veiled
references,
flirtation, or actual physical contact. Ranma-kun
was most insistent
about that one."
"Why? He need a break from being a pervert?" Akane
snickered.
Kasumi glared at her baby sister, causing Akane to
recoil. "Akane Tendo,
your fiance is in the hospital recovering from a
*suicide attempt*!! And
all you can do is insult him?!? You make me
*ashamed* to be your sister!
I'm seriously tempted to ask Otosan to move the
engagement to me - just
to protect poor Ranma from *you*!!"
###??? Have you ever read the manga? Or seen the
Anime?
If you want to change the characterization to this
extent that's your
right as author. However you should develop this
drastic change in the story.
<SNIP>
"And administering drugs, potions, and using magic
qualifies as
'violence'. As does yelling."
And the other fiancees were approaching their
maximums for
embarrassment, too.
##Ummm. You did notice that Ranma � is a very physical
comedy?
Lost of slapstick and sight gags???
Also, Ranma does his fair share of yelling and
hitting. Is he going to stop
as well?
"Rule Six: No Dates! In the past, all of you have
become jealous or even
violent about Ranma even talking to another girl,
while at least two of
you have had actual dates. If you insist on being
Ranma's fiancee, no
dating other boys! And flirting with other boys
qualifies." Again,
Kasumi looked at Akane. "That includes your flirting
with Kuno."
##???Are you SURE this is a Ranma � fanfic?
"I do *NOT* flirt with Kuno!!" she protested.
"Then why do you accept his 'date challenges'?"
Kasumi said. "If you
were really serious about not wanting him, all you
would have had to do
was go on the school loudspeaker and announce that
you would *never*
date anyone who attacked you. Kuno's pronouncement
would never have held
water with your clearly-stated opposition. Even Kuno
would have had to
back down."
##Nope. Never read the manga or seen the Anime have
you.
This is like blaming a rape victim for being raped.
It also does NOT fit in with Japanese culture.
1) NEVER say NO directly
2) show respect for superiors (In this case
'upper-classman')
Yup...
Also, while polite Akane NEVER encourages Kuno. And
most normal
men would take a kick in the face as a definite no.
(Or was Ran-KO encouraging
Kuno?) By the internal logic of your story Ran-ko is
guilty of flirting
with Kuno.
You might also look at p 123 of the Viz Translation,
bottom two panels. While
acknowledging that Akane is with her fianc� she is
STILL being attacked by boys
asking her for a date.
It's written as comedy. However, in your universe it's
no longer a comedy. Therefore
Akane is being physically assaulted in what can only
be considered, in your universe, as a prelude
to rape.
You can't have it both ways.
"Rest assured, Ranma will abide by Rules Four, Five,
and Six himself."
Kasumi stated.
They were all becoming very good at looking ashamed.
The thought that
they drove Ranma to suicide was bad enough, but
*celibacy*?
##???I wasn't aware there had been consumation! ^_^
Again this seems strange. Why Ranma's sudden aversion
to
4,5 & 6?
"Rule Seven: No attacking each other!! That should
be self-explanatory.
"Should any of you violate these rules, you will be
permanently removed
from consideration as Ranma's fiancee. This state of
affairs will
continue until either only one is left, or Ranma
proposes marriage to
someone - not necessarily one of you." Kasumi
concluded.
##???again this doesn't fit with manga, anime OR
Japanese culture.
It IS a fanfic cliche, and a bad one.
"But - this not fair!" Shampoo protested. "Nice Girl
not serious!"
##Obstacles for killing. ^_^
I'm afraid poor Kasumi would have an accident shortly
after this.
if not Shan Pu then Chologne.
Act... I doubt it... there are easier ways to remove kasumi than Killing,
plus Colonge IS smart eng. to know that Killing Kasumi is prob. the ONE way
to guatnee that all hell breaks loose on her and or Shan Pu (And Shan Pu
wouldn't make a move that Colonge supported.)
Again, why Kasumi? If Ranma's NOT going to marry
Akane, or one
of the other Tendou's then it's NONE of her business.
Plus . . .Ranma isn't that great a catch. He's poor,
ill mannered and uneducated.
His ONLY plus is that Akane loves him.
Otherwise She could do a lot better.
Who Says he's poor? All we know is that GENMA doesn't have a lot of money...
Nodoka has maintaed a house for 10 YEARS without Genma (Houses COST in
Japan.) While RANMA himself may not have cash on hand, he could have trusts,
or will inheirt property or money etc etc as a wedding gift (NOT The Tendo
Dojo...)
Also, he's NEVER been directly rude to someone who hasn't been rude to him
first (Canon. I own the mangas... and that's the way I read them.) While he
IS ill mannedred... he's not totally out of line...
Just Remember all we see is a slice of what is going on... and while I will
state Viz did do a decent job with the Anime, and the Manga... they HAVE cut
stuff out. (And some of that stuff answers some questions...)
"Ranma was - and is - expected to fulfil a contract
made with his mother
when he was only four." Kasumi explained. "An
immoral contract that was
unenforcable, and *evil* in its requirements
Under Leagel Terms, yes... Under what Japan courts would say... Enforcable.
Sorry Jack. (While Japan has Laws, they go "mores" first.)
##Sorry . . .again you seem ill informed about
Japanese culture.
1)Ranama has to honor his family no matter what.
a story that exemplifies this concerns a magistrate
who's mother stole some money.
His wife was blamed and executed for the crime. He
KNEW his mother had stolen the money. He
was praised for protecting his mother's honor.
2) If the original contract is UN-enforceable WHY is
THIS one EN-forceable???
- but a
contract that Ranma
will voluntarily honor. Are you saying you don't
love him enough to do
this? That you lack the honor? Just say so, and you
##WHY??? None of this makes a bit of sense.
BTW, Where does Ranma OR Kasumi get off blaming AKANE
for not getting rid of Kuno when Ranma has tried
suicide because HE
can't seem to get rid of 'unwanted' advances.
I detect a double standard here.
<SNIP>
Kodachi watched from the rooftops. She was still
incensed that they
expected *her* to follow their Plebian rules! But
she learned early on
that coming after Ranma meant dealing with all three
of her rivals. Best
to bide her time.
##Cute. Although I've never noticed Kodachi had much
use for planning or
patience.
How is Kasumi planning to enforce this contract?
The ONLY hold the previous contract had on Ranma was
family.
Kasumi isn't family UNLESS Ranma marries into the
Tendou's. In which case
the whole 'Kasumi contract' is even more ridiculous.
True. True.
Also has ANYONE but me noted the simple fact that the Tendo argeement is a
argeement between the two Families???
while the other two "manga" canon engagements are between GENMA as Ranma's
father and the other father in question?
In effect... Genma as "Family/Clan" Head made the Tendo argeement, while
Genma made the Ukyo and Karoi (not sure offhand about the person...) as
Ranma's father?
There IS a diff. there folks.
Works like this...
Genma as Family Head/Clan Head AND master of the School, engaged Ranma
while Genma as Father engaged Ranma...
Ranma would have to marry the person HIS Clan HEAD (or Family Head)
wanted... NOT the one his father wanted... Seems strange, but true (Took me
a week and a half to figure this out.) So Ranma will Marry Akane by those
codes.
Andrew Norris