Okay, okay all ready; here's some C & C.

Primary problem:  you don't seem to have made up your mind
what you want this story to be.  You end up in WAFF, but you
start with a cliche-ridden unfunny "comedy" that looks
like a bad attempt to imitate Gregg Sharp.

Akane walked through the market district with a growl. "Ranma 
no baka..."

It's a bad idea to start with such a fanfic cliche.  Many of
your potential readers will just delete your story at this point.
What you should be doing is hooking your readers with an unexpected
sentence, for instance:
    Akane walked through the market district with a wistful
expression.  "Something just perfect for Ranma's birthday present..." 

might like for his birthday, since Ranma, in his words, 
"didn't wantcha
makin' me anything this year Akane, it might eat me!"

Also cliche.  Akane's food doesn't eat people, and Ranma doesn't
think it might.  There's also a disconnect, of sorts, between
"makin' me anything" and eating, as Akane can also knit bad
scarves, and presumably make other presents badly, none of which
present any danger to Ranma.

He had been too busy flirting with the Chinese bimbo to
take time out to go shopping with her.
<clip>
Beneath the front tire of Shampoo's bicycle, Ranma sneezed. 

Another cliche.  Canonical Akane is not in the habit of
mistaking the type of event you describe.

Given that your story ends up in pro-Akane WAFF, one wonders
why you are repeating such negative cliches about Akane at this
point.  Why do you expect your readers to care about someone who
behaves this way?

She turned and stepped into an antique shop...

Quite an odd choice of destination for Akane to look for a
birthday present for Ranma at.  At this point, your reader
is looking to see Akane deliberately buy an antique artifact
that she is hoping will hurt or cause difficulties for
Ranma.  She has too many bad experiences with antiques to
be going into this store for any other reason.

Inside was a small crystalline star attached to a 
thin gold chain.
<clip>
The star sparkled beautifully in
the dusty air of the old shop, refracting beams of sunlight 
along the walls.

"The ancient Chinese said this star was cursed to cause its
owner to marry a macho tomboy.  Not that I believe in it,
mind you..."

"How much you got?" the shopkeeper asked, grinning slyly, 
reminding Akane
far too much of Nabiki.

Why put this in?  You didn't use it for anything.  Part of
the craft of writing is to take out sentences which don't
belong in the story you are writing.  This bit didn't belong
here.

The days seemed to fly by quickly after that, one by one. 
Mallets, dates,
roof smashings, city spanning chases, challenges and the like 
all became a
blur. Finally, Ranma's birthday arrived.

You didn't need this paragraph either.  Just cut to the
party.

Akane did not give Ranma anything at the party that was 
inevitably held.

The word "inevitably" seems odd in this context.  Ranma never
has a birthday party in the manga.  Given the potential for
conflict, why would the Tendos arrange one?

Akane offered Ranma nothing. She paid very little
attention to him, though inwardly she seethed at Ranma's 
other fianc�es.

This just isn't the Akane from the manga, who doesn't hold
grudges, and never seethes at anyone.  She gets mad very
quickly, but just as quickly forgets all about it.

They all came to her at some point and asked, with more 
desperation than
hope, if she had decided to give up on Ranma.

This isn't like them, either.  

First came Shampoo, wearing little more than a few pieces of 
string. She
bounced up to Akane, grinning like a cat. "Violent pervert 
girl finally give
up and realize Shampoo the best for Airen? Is good Akane no longer
delusional, like before." Akane gave no response, stared at 
the wall, and
did her best to control her anger. She could not, would not 
make a scene.

Well, this isn't much like the manga's Akane either.  Why wouldn't
she make a scene?  Akane is perfectly capable of getting along
with both Shampoo and Ukyou as long as neither are making overt
moves on Ranma.

As story-telling, I don't see the point.  If you're trying to
get us to sympathize with Akane, you're failing.

Biting her tongue, Akane walked
away from the mad gymnast.

Canonical Akane wouldn't bite her tongue, especially around
Kodachi.

Akane inwardly seethed at Ranma for toying with Ukyou.
If not for the engagements, Akane felt that Ukyou
might have been one of her best friends. She was polite, 
kind, and genuinely cared for people.

In canon, Akane and Ukyou _are_ very close friends, starting
sometime after the "secret sauce" storyline.  I'm not
sure Akane would think of Ukyou as "polite", however, given
the Kansai informalisms.  And we're given little reason in
the manga to think that Akane believes Ranma is "toying"
with Ukyou.  Even in the "secret sauce" story, while Akane
can and does accuse of Ranma of really stupid plans, she
can't and doesn't fault his motives (once she learns that
he feels responsible for the sauce being bad).

Why should you care about canonical characterizations?
Many, perhaps most, of your readers care; that's why there
are vociferous debates on the subject.  As an author, you
are free to assign any characterizations you want to your
characters, but you can't expect your audience to like,
sympathize with, or care for this Akane.

"Everything's wrong, Ukyou, everything. You shouldn't have to 
be unhappy because of Ranma. I wouldn't even wish that
on Shampoo or Kodachi. I certainly wouldn't want that
to happen to you."

Why does Akane think that Ukyou is unhappy?  You don't
explain.  Canonical Ukyou is perhaps the happiest character
in the cast, barring Kasumi.

But everyone has so much at stake, here. My life, your life,
even the lives of Shampoo and Kodachi lay in the balance here,

This seems shallow even for a sixteen-year-old.  Why "life",
rather than "happiness"?

Are you fighting for Ran-chan, like we are? If you are, none
of us have noticed. It seems like you're only intent on
pushing him away, yet you speak and act as
if you've already won him."

Ukyou, Shampoo, and Kodachi do indeed believe that Akane is
Ranma's current favorite, but they believe that the contest is
not yet over.  They do _not_ believe Akane is not fighting for
Ranma.

Suddenly, something snapped inside Akane. Was it true? Had 
she been ignoring Ranma?

Akane never ignores Ranma, though she sometimes pretends
to.  She follows him and constantly worries about him, and
Ranma is well aware of this.
 

Perhaps Ukyou would have to rethink her assessment of the
youngest Tendo.

??? What brought this on?  What was her assessment?

Crying silently, Akane ran.

What brought this on?  (Not that it takes much to get Akane
to cry...)

Ranma... quickly got rid of the party guests that he
could, intent on speaking with the one fianc�e he truly 
wanted.

You're just giving this to us out of nowhere.  In canon, yes,
we understand, but given your departure from canonical Akane,
we don't understand.  Why does your Ranma "truly want" your
Akane?  Do you know?  Then tell us.

At the sound of Ranma's voice, Akane turned. Her eyes were
red-rimmed, cheeks tear stained. "Ranma?" she asked softly.
He nodded once, looking rather sad. Grabbing the present 
in a quick motion, Akane stood and rushed forward to face
Ranma.

At this point, your reader becomes aware that your apparent
intent is to write a WAFF story.  It would work better if
your intent was apparent at the beginning of the story.
We can't get warm and fuzzy feelings about characters we
don't care for.

"Why am I doing this?" she asked herself. "Why am I making a 
fool of myself
over Ranma? I promised myself a long time ago I wouldn't do this."

When was this?

"It's the most beautiful thing anyone's ever given me..."

Canonical Ranma couldn't get a sentence like that out if his
life depended on it, unless he was acting and didn't mean it.
He should be stuttering and grinding to a halt.  You'd ensnare
your readers' interest more if he was, too:  if we could tell
what he meant, and could tell that it was a struggle to get
it out.

"Ranma," Akane protested. "Just shut up and kiss me. Okay?"

Where did this Akane come from?  This certainly isn't the
canonical one, but it also doesn't seem to flow from the Akane
you established earlier in your story.


You appear to be trying to write a WAFF story, using character
interpretations which don't lend themselves to it, and
assigning motives and understandings to your characters
which come out of thin air.  This doesn't, and _can't_
work for you.

As an author, you can interpret the characters any way
you want, but you have to bear two risks:
 1) if you depart from canonical interpretations, you risk
    losing readers simply and solely because of it.
 2) then they become _your_ characters, and you have to
    explain _why_ they act the way they do, and give us
    reason to care about them.

You give us no reason to care about your Akane or your
Ranma.  We don't understand where your Akane is coming
from.  Therefore, we don't feel anything when we get to
the would-be WAFF end of your fic.