I must be on a roll. Two C+C's in the same night:
"The Man in the Mirror"
*********************************************************************
Today is your fortieth birthday. You've been avoiding the subject all
week, not liking the reminder of the unsightly wrinkles and the extra
weight you've acquired during the past twenty years. It doesn't help
that your wife still looks as young and beautiful as the day you met
her.
You unsuccessfully try to swallow back the bitterness that rises at
the reminder of her eternal youth.
% Ah, Makoto and Ifurita. A very realistic reaction for him.
Then she began to resent you for letting your dreams wither and die.
And so you grew angrier. You began to hate her for not being able to
give you the normal life you wanted: to have children and to watch
them grow.
In a bitter twist of fate, his kids probably would have grown up just like
Jinnai. ^_^
It had been so long since you've seen it. It feels like a whole
'nother
I'd really go with 'another' here. 'nother' just looks out of place.
"Ifurita, do you remember when we were in El Hazard and I wouldn't
stop chasing you until I could show you how much I loved you?" Your
grip on her sleeve tightens as she looks down sadly on the bed. "I
was a nice person once, wasn't I?"
End.
*********************************************************************
Author's Notes: Um. . . I'm not really sure what to say about this
except that I'm sorry to all the Makoto fans out there; I didn't
really mean for him to come out as such a big bastard.
Nah. It's a very realistic possibility that it could come to this. Of
course, I hold a more optimistic view, but there's nothing wrong with
seeing a sadder resolution to their relationship. Love doesn't necessarily
conquer all, and stories like this remind us of that fact.
Makoto's emotions are dealt with realistically and the reasoning behind his
resentment is sound. The narrative flowed well, though overall the story
felt a little short, though I'm not certain what you could have added to
it. Overall, a very nice piece.
D.B. Sommer