A chilling wind blows.across Jusenkyo.
I think that would be better in the next paragraph.
<SNIP>
I know you and I were never the closest of friends. I'd always meant to sit
down with you someday and just talk -- about everything that I've been going
through all these years, especially in the
early days when we met each other for the second time. About what you meant
to me, and what I wanted you to mean to me. I guess someday never comes. Or
if it does, it comes too late.
So, I take it this is Ryoga talking here?
<SNIP>
I know you can't hear me anymore, but do you understand, Ran-chan?
Understand why I killed you?
Ukyo? Wow, this is gonna get interesting.
<SNIP>
Even though she was my oldest friend -- both figuratively and literally --
I wasn't completely sure that I should trust her on this. I like Shan Pu,
really I do, but I know as well as anyone how
vindictive she can be when she doesn't get her own way. I hate to admit it,
but that's something she and I had in common. Was she planning to make
things worse for you, Ran-chan, just out of spite
because you decided that you loved Akane better than her? Yes, I know that
that was a long time ago, and like me, she'd already loved and married
someone else. But you're the kind of guy a girl never
really gets over.
But after all this time?
<SNIP>
My heart as it pounded in my chest like a gorilla trying to escape its
cage. I exhaled, then breathed in deeply, trying to calm myself down,
knowing that if that one old, fragile organ went, so did I.
Take out "as it" in the first sentence.
All in all, an excellent read. I thoroughly enjoyed the ending,
symbolizing Akane and Ranma being together at Jusenkyo by uniting the pools.
Nice touch.
Keep writing!
Jed