Patrick McClanahan wrote:
Some random notes, general comments at the end.
I posted this twelve hours ago and it STILL hasn't
shown up yet.
You should wait longer than that. This is a big list, and it's
sluggish at times.
Kasumi ran to the water closet. Her morning of
peaceful solitude had been broken by the wail. Her
family joined her in front of the water closet door.
"Water closet" sounds distincly Western. I'm not sure what they
generally call the bathroom in Japanese, but this term seems out of place.
'Bathroom' would work just as well.
I don't agree. Water closet works very well to distinguish between the
room for bathing (the furo) and the room for eliminating body wastes.
WhooooaaaK. While your basic premise is interesting, it's revealed
too rapid-fire here. Radical changes like this are more easily digested in
smaller pieces. As it is, this story just went way over my head.
It worked better without the expansion.