At 11:33 AM 10/28/99 -0500, The Eternal Lost Lurker wrote:
Whee, and away we go...
Doing this one solo, no revue crue.
Ahh. Obviously, you hold the story in such high esteem that you don't
trust anyone but yourself to comment on it. ^_^
"Evolve, Pantyhose, Evolve!"
The makings of a true comedic masterpiece. ^_^
You know when you have the word "pantyhose" in the title that it's gonna be
good... ^_^
Ash Ketchum was not having a good day.
Which is about normal. ^_^
Okay. "Ash Ketchum was having a worse day than usual."
His newest Pokemon was proving to be quite recalicrant.
The first time he had tried to train his newest Pokemon...
Repeat of the Primeape incident?
Dunno. Haven't seen the episode. Although I have seen _more_ Pokemon
since we wrote "Pantyhose Tarou, I Choose You!" (which I wrote after
seeing... maybe four episodes), I haven't yet seen the whole arc of the
series. :)
Misty tossed it back with one of those I-don't-care-about-
this-stupid-thing-anyway looks on her face that foreshadowed even
more future resentment for Ash.
Translation: Misty's going to remember to harass him about the bike some
more.
Oh, everyone knows that bike is just Misty's excuse to follow Ash around
because she thinks he's cute. ^_^
"But... but... it's a Pokemon! It's supposed to fight, so
it can evolve." His voice dropped into a resentful murmur. "At
the very least, it isn't supposed to be trying to maim me."
Okay, despite the fact that this is intended to be silly, I feel obliged to
inject some actual character commentary here:
Aww. That's no fun. ;)
The comment "It's supposed to fight, so it can evolve." is out of character
for Ash. He's one of the rare breed of Pokemon trainers that doesn't
believe in forcing Pokemon to evolve. He let Pikachu choose whether or not
it would evolve into Raichu, and didn't force it when it rejected the
Thunderstone, and he defended his Bulbasaur's decision when it refused to
evolve into Ivysaur. (Also, while Ash isn't against Pokemon evolution, he
has a very good reason to be wary of it: Charizard.)
Okay. This is a well-made point, although I haven't seen either of the
episodes in question. I'll see what I can do to fix it.
Anyway, enough rantish. Back to ficish...
Yay!
There's been some great villainous duos in history.
Bonnie and Clyde.
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.
Not to be confused with Butch and Cassidy, the other incompetent Team
Rocketeers...
You mean the slightly-more-competent-but-still-incompetent Team Rocketeers?
^_^
And then there's Jessie and James. They had all the makings
of a great team of bad guys: the same fashion sense, a catchy
theme entrance, and great hair. Unfortunately, they had something
else: a complete absence of competence.
Prepare for bubble(head)! Make it double! ^_^
I _like_ Jessie and James. They're my favourite thing in Pokemon. :)
All anyone really needed to know to understand Jessie and
James is that their nominal sidekick, Meowth, was the smartest
one; also, that this didn't so much compliment Meowth as it
insulted Jessie and James.
Meowth! That's right!
It's a great intellectual leap for a Pokemon to learn to speak the human
tongue, after all. Unfortunately, it seems to have used up all of Meowth's
intellectual power. ^_^
"Pantyhose! What a scrumptious name!" James said, peering
through an incredibly sophisticated pair of binoculars. Team
Rocket always had great equipment--bombs, ice-rocket guns,
helium balloons shaped for some reason like Meowth--but this was
They'd use Jigglypuff-shaped balloons, but that'd just be asking for it.
I finally saw an episode featuring the Evil That is Jigglypuff. -.-
Pikachu forlornly wandered away from the crowd. Once
it had been the apple... or banana... of Ash's eye. The
glory had been its. The fame. The applause...
All taken away by a big ugly Pantyhose.
You know, there's cause for alarm somewhere in that statement, on several
levels...
Ain't there?
"Well, what now?" James said.
"Meowth, I'm thinking!" Meowth said.
The leaves gave way.
You'd think they'd *learn* sooner or later...then again this is Team Rocket
we're talking about...
One given of Pokemon seems to be that Team Rocket _always_ loses in the
end. :)
"Maybe it's like Charizard," Brock mused. "Or Pikachu,
even. Some Pokemon don't want to cooperate with their trainers.
You have to show them whose boss."
Actually, Pikachu knows who's boss. Pikachu's the boss. After all, it can
shock. Ash can't shock back. ^_^
Makes you wonder why the Pokemon even listen to their trainers at all... :)
Brock had picked up the pokeball and was tapping it with his
finger. "Maybe the Pokemon doesn't respect your strength, Ash.
Pantyhose is so strong, maybe it expects you to be able to do the
same things it does."
<falls over laughing at the sheer absurdity of that image>
Ash: Okay, Pantyhose! Let's train!
Pantyhose: <Pantyhose picks up a boulder and throws it to Ash>
PANTYHOOOOOSE! (Translation: Catch)
"Prepare for trouble..."
"Make it double..."
"To protect the world from--"
"Pidgeotto, bring them down," Ash said wearily, tossing out a
pokeball with a resigned gesture.
<cheers> Yes! Interrupt the motto!
That thing's almost as annoying as the Sailor Moon transformation
sequences. At least they don't use stock footage...
So Jesse and James did something entirely out of character;
they did the right thing at the right time, rather than the wrong
thing at the wrong time, or the right thing at the wrong time, or
the wrong thing at the right time... well, they basically didn't
screw up like they usually did. A few dozen rockets erupted from
the bores of the launchers the Dysfunctional Duo pulled from
nowhere, and Pidgeotto was embedded in a block of ice almost before
it even got off the ground.
Amazing. They actually kept a piece of perfectly good equipment that
backfired on them at the time it was originally used.
Yeah, because they used it _stupidly_. :)
And they've kept that stupid Meowth balloon all thims time, even though it
simply screams "Hey! Look! It's TEAM ROCKET!". :)
"Oh, man," he said. "This sucks."
BTW, Brock *does* have a Zubat, but that'd only be able to follow them...
Hmm... I did see that episode (Clefairy! Clefairy!), but didn't think of
it at the time we were writing. Might add something about Zubat, might not.
Still the NAME! How did the brat know his name? Tarou
tried to shake his fist, but there was no room to shake it. If
he spent much more time in here, he'd go insane; it was like
being encased in breathable concrete.
Eww. Probably the second most unflattering depiction of being inside a
Pokeball I've ever seen...
I really gotta wonder what makes Pokeballs so great that the pokemon are
willing to stay in 'em...
And it was then that Jessie and James got their first
good look at the rare specimen.
"Oooh, those muscles!" Jessie exclaimed.
"Pantyhose is the _perfect_ name for such a magnificent
beast!" James added.
And mass facefaulting ensued.
I don't think there's any end to the jokes you can do with Pantyhose and
Team Rocket. ^_^
Ash and company went still, as Pantyhose froze for a moment
and stared at Team Rocket. And then they broke into loud cheers
at the mayhem that ensued, thereby impressing on their young
minds that violence was, indeed, the way to solve problems, even
more than talking.
Heheheheeheh.
If this were an actual episode of Pokemon, there's no way they'd bring it
over here. ^_^
By the end, Team Rocket's balloon was deflated and hanging
>from a tree, and the basket was in pieces on the ground. Jessie,
James and Meowth lay in an unconscious heap nearby, and Weezin
had been knocked off into the distance by one mighty blow of
Pantyhose's fist.
All the better for Weezing...it needed to be put out of its misery ages
ago...
Weezing. Almost, but not quite as lame as Psyduck.
The light faded, and Pantyhose was changed. His fur had
become scales, and his tentacles now appeared metallic; rather
than an eel's head, a long barbed spiked tipped his tail.
<blinks> He turned into Blade's GRIT character?
Didn't think of that interpretation, but, if it fits, sure, why not? :)
He threw back his head, and bellowed, "GARTERHOSE!"
<facefault> Well, I suppose it's a step up from Pantyhose...
Better than Firehose. :)
"We would've made a great team," he muttered with a sigh.
A great hand fell upon his shoulder.
Naturally...
Of course. There couldn't be another story if Tarou just left. ^_^
"Hey Ash, why does Garterhose keep on pouring hot water over
himself and screaming?"
"I dunno. Maybe it's some kind of ritual they do after they
evolve."
"Or maybe it's getting ready for mating season."
O_o ...don't need to go there...
Yes, we did. :)
Q: Alan seems very hostile. Did he have a bad childhood?
David: I dunno. Ask him. *inches away*
Alan: I had to club baby seals to surive!
O_o Right. And I suppose you had to serve them up as club sandwiches to a
spiky red-haired freak named Jack?
No, no. Dead baby seals form the basis of the Canadian economy, as
everyone knows.
Q: Cute, fluffy, big-eyed baby seals?
Alan: Yes. They were most adorable... aaaah! Aaaah! DADDY!
Daddy! I don't _want_ to go in the Room of Fire again!
<backs away quickly>
Where are you all going? You come back here! Come back! AUUUGHH! Why
do you all fall down?
We're sorry there wasn't 1,000 elephants like we said there'd be.
That was just a lie to make you read the story... because we're
so lonely... so very, very lonely.
Awww....have a Pikachu plushie. And a Garterhose plushie. And
Jigglypuff...no, not a plushie. The real thing. See?
No! Don't bring the Pikachu plushie near David... aaaah! David! Stop that!
o/~Jigglypuff, jigglyyyypuuffffffff....jigglypuff, jigglyyy....o/~
"Jigglypuff? Jiggly, jigglypuff puff? ... PUFFFF!!"
[and out comes the marker...]
Note: Have Garterhose stomp Jigglypuff in next installment.
Thanks for the commentary/MST, Lurker. Much appreciated. :)
Ciao,
-Alan Harnum