"Stiffanie Flores" <stiffani@super.net.ph> wrote:
Nabiki had once again tried to lure Ranma into one of her scams, this
time by claiming him as her fiancee. He remembered his plan to get back
at Nabiki, to trick her by saying he loved her.
He'd grabbed her from behind, and shouted out, "I love you!", his mind
gleefully anticipating the shocked expression that would be in Nabiki's
face. Oh, it would have been priceless...
Except that he'd grabbed Akane by mistake. And the look in her eyes,
pleading with him silently, "Do you mean it, Ranma?" made his heart
throb painfully in his chest and his breath catch in his throat. And he
hadn't had the heart to tell her it was all a farce. But then again,
looking into her smiling face, as she accepted the bouquet of flowers,
he was content to be with her at that moment, and thoughts of revenge
had fled from his mind completely.
Either Ranma's remembering this wrongly, or you need to go back and read
the story again. As soon as he saw it was Akane he had grabbed, he
(literally) jumped up and down denying it. Then he explained that it had
been a trick aimed at Nabiki; Akane accepted the explanation, and he
gave her the flowers.
Dr. Tofou had just been ready to go to bed, when loud banging on his
HIs name's spelled Tofu, or Toufuu if you use the extra-vowel
romanization.
"I have a question to ask you," Dr. Tofou continued. "Would you know
where she got the poison? How she was inflicted with it?"
Everyone denied any knowledge. Dr. Tofou turned to Ranma, who hadn't
moved a muscle since his announcement. "Ranma? Do you have a clue?"
He shook his head. "I don't know," he replied stonily.
It's pretty obvious where it came from... I suppose too obvious is
better than not obvious enough, though.
Before anyone comments, I know Ranma is pretty OOC. The way I wrote him
in this story/short series, he has accepted and admitted to himself that
he loves Akane, that's why he's acting so sweet (not too sweet, I
hope... ^_^) And I believe that Ranma can be pretty nice when he wants
to be, and that's how he is in this story....
I don't have a problem with Ranma's characterization here. This is the
kind of situation that brings out the best in him as far as his
relationship with Akane goes. When she's all better, he may revert to
being a jerk. :)
What I'm wondering (and I think our protagonists should be very
concerned with this at the moment) is who sent the dress? Circumstantial
evidence points to Kodachi, but it seems unlike her not to make an
appearance. Shampoo and Ukyo also have motives, but they're not
generally this subtle either.
All in all, an interesting and nicely written story. I look forward to
seeing more of it.
Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics.html