================================================================
Ranma 1/2
Ranma vs. the 18th Hole
by James Epnett
================================================================
Ranma eyed his opponent. It was hopeless. He had
never in his 16 years on this Earth thought this
day would come.
But it had. All the training. All the time
consuming practice and dedication to his art. It
all meant nothing at that very moment. He had
finally met his match.
The small white golf ball seemed to stare
back at him as he eyed it.
It lay there silently on the large patch of
smooth green grass that surrounded the small white
hole in which he was supposed to knock the ball.
Akane looked at Ranma, her hands on her hips.
She let her golf club rest silently against her arm
while she waited.
P-Chan sat on the ground on the opposite side
of the hole, watching Ranma, a small grin covering
his little piglet face.
The rest of the group, Nabiki, Kasumi, Soun,
Genma, Nodoka, Daisuke, Hiroshi, and Ukyo all
waited, looking rather tired and bored.
�Come on, Ranma!� Nabiki called. �Other
people want to play golf to, you know!�
A thin coat of sweat gleamed on the
pig-tailed martial artists forehead. He moved into
position and lowered his club so that it rested
just behind the ball. His tongue lolled out of the
corner of his mouth and he squeezed an eye shut,
concentrating on the ball and the hole.
With a sudden, fierce battle cry, Ranma
pulled the golf club back, over his head, and swung
it forward. It struck the ball and sent it into the
air with great speed and verve.
P-Chan squealed and fell flat on his belly as
the golf ball rushed over his head. He looked up at
Ranma and screeched in anger.
Everyone flinched as the sound of the golf
ball embedding into a tree rung out through the
course.
Ranma stood silently for a moment, staring
after the ball. He suddenly threw his club to the
ground.
�Jeez! I ain�t no good at this, Akane! It
ain�t like I can figure out what were supposed ta
be doin�! Why do we have to learn this game anyway,
huh??� Ranma turned to his fiancee, his face
twisted in frustration.
Akane stifled a chuckle and picked up her
pitching wedge. She walked past P-Chan toward her
ball, looking up at Ranma. �Because it�s something
we can all do together, Ranma. Plus, there aren�t
that many full-sized golf courses in Japan. It�s a
chance for us to do something new.�
She stopped behind the small white ball and
looked up at the green, which she stood roughly a
foot from.
Ranma moved away from the green, picking up
his club.
Akane aimed her club at the ball and swung.
The ball flew into the air for a short moment and
then landed on the green. It rolled slowly towards
the hole and fell in.
Akane smiled to herself and turned to face
Ranma, who looked rather astonished by the ease at
which she managed to sink the ball. �It isn�t that
difficult. You just have to know what you are
doing.� She paused, then said, �And don�t hit it so
hard. What kind of club did you use?�
Ranma watched Akane as she approached him. He
lifted his club. �This big wooden one.� He held a
three wood up in her face. �There are too many of
these things, so I just grabbed the nearest one.�
Akane suppressed a laugh and pulled a putter
from her golf club holder. �Here, use this one.�
Ranma took the club and handed the three wood
to Akane. He looked the small metal club over.
�This tiny thing?� He shrugged and walked over to
the tree. He reached up and pulled the ball from
the bark and dropped it.
The ball rolled down the hill that the tree
stood on and back onto the green.
Ranma walked back to the green and stood over
the ball, looking down at it. He lowered the golf
club and began taking slow, deep breaths. He pulled
the club back and swung again - hard.
The ball soared into the air and flew toward
a tree. Ranma watched as it hit the tree and
bounced off. It flew and hit another tree and
bounced back towards the green - and right into
Ranma�s face.
�URK!!!� Ranma shouted as the ball struck him
directly between the eyes. His body fell backwards
from the force at which it moved, and he hit the
ground hard, groaning.
�Dolt,� Akane whispered, shaking her head.
She walked up to Ranma slowly. �Anything Goes
Martial Arts wont help you on the golf course,
Ranma. You�re now training in Akane�s Anything Goes
Golf.� A small grin covered her face.
Ranma sat up slowly, his hand over his face.
�Hey, if ya can learn to boil water without blowin'
the house up, I can knock that lousy ball into a
hole.� He sprung to his feet and turned to face his
ball. A big red dot tinted the skin between his
eyes.
Akane smirked, bending down to pick P-Chan
up, who instantly snuggled into her arms. �If you
say so, Ranma.� She walked over to the golf cart
and picked up the score sheet. She marked a three
under her name. �It�s a par 3. It isn�t THAT hard.�
Ranma looked over towards his ball, which lay
several inches from the hole. �Okay ball....� His
hands hung down by his hips. He wiggled his fingers
as if two guns were strapped to his waist.
Akane and the others watched, curious looks
on their faces as Ranma slowly approached the ball.
Ranma�s face twisted in a childish smile as
he kicked his golf club out of the way. �It�s just
you and me now.�
Akane smiled to herself. She could hear the
whistling music before a gunfight from old American
western movies playing in her head.
�Take this!� Ranma cried as he flung his body
towards the ball. A large cloud of dirt and grit
rose into the air, covering the golf ball and
Ranma�s flaring body, arms and legs.
Akane stared in disbelief and her cheeks
flushed red as complete strangers began to watch
the rather childish display, whispering amongst
themselves.
Daisuke and Hiroshi glanced at each other and
shook their heads simultaneously.
The rest of them watched as the smoke cloud
moved across the green, Ranma�s grunts and oofs
becoming louder as he continued to 'fight' the golf
ball.
�Don�t tear up the green, Ranma!� Akane
yelled.
The cloud suddenly began to clear, and Ranma
could be seen laying on his back, his legs pointing
up into the air. His pants and tai-chi top were
both torn and tattered.
The pig-tailed marital artist breathed
heavily, laying on the green, exhausted. His eyes
opened slowly and he realized that the golf ball
lay on his forehead, right between his eyes.
His eyes crossed and he looked at the ball.
�You are a worthy foe. We�ll just call it a draw.�
With that, he sat up.
The golf ball rolled down Ranma�s nose, over
his chest, and off of his body. It whirled steadily
along the green, between his legs and past his feet
until it fell into the small white hole.
A smile washed over Ranma�s face and he was
suddenly on his feet, doing a small victory dance.
�Yes! Witness my newly developed Saotome School of
Anything Goes Martial Arts Final Attack: The all
powerful Beat-The-Ball-Into-Submission Technique!
Whoo-hoo! Who da man?! Who da man!?�
Akane watched Ranma, a disbelieving look on
her face as he danced across the green. She sighed
and picked up the score sheet. �Well, at least you
finally got the ball in.� Under Ranma�s name, she
wrote '247'.
Ranma strolled over to Akane and glanced at
the score sheet. �247... That�s good, right?� He
looked up at his fiancee, smiling smugly.
Akane opened her mouth to speak, then paused.
She grinned weakly and nodded. �Well, you�re
certainly improving.�
================================================================
___________________________________________________________________
Get the Internet just the way you want it.
Free software, free e-mail, and free Internet access for a month!
Try Juno Web: http://dl.www.juno.com/dynoget/tagj.