Have no idea what possessed me to write this. Wait till a few lines
in, most of Mr. Kuno's advice is valid, even if the main point isn't
and the rest is applicable only to a few.
If you can't identify the original, then screwit anyway, it's not
sung to any tunes.
Kahunas and Wahines of da class of '97:
Go to Hawaii.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, Hawaii would be
it. The long-term benefits of a trip to Hawaii have been proven
by.... nevermind that, they have been. However, the rest of my
advice has no basis more reliable then the various students who gave
me the ideas for this. I will dispense this advice, now.
Enjoy the power and speed of your martial arts techniques. Oh, never
mind. You will not understand the power and speed of those
techniques until you've forgotten them. But trust me, when you hit
age 300, you'll look back on yourself and recall in a way you can't
grasp now how much potential you had, and how great you really were.
Your fiance is not as baka or hentai as you imagine.
Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to avoid the Bakusai Tenketsu technique by
building a house out of stone. The real troubles in your life are
apt to be things that you never had even heard of, the kind that
attack you, screaming "PREPARE TO DIE!!!!"
Learn one martial arts technique every day that you thought was
impossible.
Practice.
Don't be insensitive to others' feelings. Don't put up with people
who glomp you despite that it's likely to get you malleted.
Practice
Don't waste your time on your own jealousy, or the jealousy of
others. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. If you ever
lose a fight, just remember your family's secret technique to run
away to think of something better.
Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed
in doing this, nevermind.. you won't succeed. The compliments are
too few and far between, the insults too habitual.
Keep your old martial arts scrolls. Throw away your old panda-signs.
Practice
Don't feel guilty if you don't know which girl to marry. The most
interesting people I know didn't know at 18 who they were going to
marry. Also, but of little relevance, some of the MOST interesting
people I know -STILL- aren't married. [okay, so they're also 18 or
younger]
Get plenty of practice. Be diligent keeping up with your techniques,
you'll miss them when you can't do them anymore.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe every attempted marriage
you have will bomb out, literally. Maybe you'll live in chaos all
your life; maybe you'll go on a training trip to china for you're
250th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate
yourself too much. Come to think of it, don't congratulate anyone
else, either, or they'll think you're feeling guilty for something
they don't know about. Your choices are 98 percent chance. So are
everybody else's.
Enjoy your curse, use it every way you can. Except for using it to
get into some girl's bed, that's a bad idea in case you ever get
caught. It's more a challenge then an obstacle, and the greatest
surprise advantage you'll ever have.
Practice, even if your Dojo is under repairs and you have to do it
in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.
Unless, of course, your name is, well, I'll not mention any names,
but the initials are R.H.
Get to know your parents. Especially your mother you've been hiding
from all these years, since you never know when they'll be gone for
good. Don't overcharge your siblings on interest, and don't sell
pictures of them. They will be your best friends if you don't use
them the wrong way.
Understand that friend/rivals/enemies come and go, and tend to
switch places between the three positions often, but there are a
precious few you should hold on to. Work hard to cure them if they
are geographically challenged. Whatever you do, don't drift apart,
they may prove to be your only link to your past.
Live in Joketsuzoku once, but leave before you accidentally end up
either engaged or with someone trying to kill you. Live in on the
road once, but settle back down before you forget where you once
lived. Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths: Your fiancees will always be at
odds with each other. You will always be blamed for
misunderstandings. You, too, will go bald like your father. And when
you do, you will fantasize that when you were young, your fiancees
were best friends, you never got into misunderstandings, and that
panda was someone -else's- father.
Throw your father into the pond to shut him up.
Don't expect anyone else to be able to deal with your life. Maybe
you'll be kidnapped by aliens. Maybe they'll all get hit with a
chemical or light beam that makes them all forget about you. But you
should realize the improbability of either one.
Don't take the dragon's whisker out too much, or your hair will grow
out and you'll be bald by 30.
Be careful whose leads on cures you accept, in fact, don't accept
any false leads at all, there is no cure. Jusenkyo is a form of
revealing one's inner self. The simplest way of showing one's inner
self is to bring it to the outside in a plainly visible form.
However, don't interpret this as me calling you a girl, or a pig.
They could mean something else entirely.
But trust me about Hawaii.