Tenchi never thought he would
miss the 'whoosh' sound the doors made
Sadly, the sound technicians who made the 'wooshing' noise had perished in
the crash
And since they were supposed to be powered at all
times, the designers had failed to take into account how much effort it
would take to manually open them. It was like trying to force something
with a rusty lock open.
Hmm, this doesn't seem right - ships do crash or get partially destroyed in
battles after all. Surely, the designers would take into account loss of power?
It would be sort of sexist if they didn't, but on
the other hand, if some of the policemen he knew had to wear outfits like
that, the sight really wouldn't be pretty.
True, but it was really a secret weapon for the GP: the criminals would be
distracted by the female GP members, while they'd fall to the floor laughing at
the male GP members. :)
A two meter long groove rode the length of
the ship from bow to stern, most likely from that final shot that had sent
the ship on its death-plunge.
So, is the groove two meters long or ship length? Needs rewording, I think.
It was a miracle they had walked away from
their landing at all.
Yep, Mihoshi is God in disguise. :)
The area that had
fallen in was verdant with plant life.
'The area that they had
also, chances are that the area had been verdant with plant life after the
crash :)
grasses and shrubs, with only a handful of slender tress, or what passed
for trees on the planet, that decorated the landscape.
trees
of the African Savanna. Wind made waves across the ocean of tall grass,
savannah?
man, that could have 1appeared so beautiful. For a moment, a tear
inappropriate 1 there
"Sure. Go into that red tool box and pull out a pair of runxeterrs."
'ruxeterrs' according to later spelling
"Ah, okay." Tenchi began looking through the box Mihoshi had indicated. He
wasn't sure what a pair of ruxeterrs looked like, but he was a man, and if
it was a tool he could identify it. It was a basic instinct with men.
True, but this is Tenchi we're talking about. :)
There were some tools in the box that he was easily able
to identify: Pliers. Ratchet set. Duct tape (that was a universal constant,
according to Washuu), Bolts.
suggest: to identify: pliers, rachet set, duct tape (...), bolts.
There
were a wide assortment of both slender and wide, long and short, one piece
and complex moving parts, items inside.
suggest losing the both; also: slender, wide, long, short, simple, and
complex items
Between
those two items, they felt they had little to worry about in the form of
dangerous animals.
like the crew of Sa'bre's crashed ship. :)
had no wheels, but instead three flat squares where they tires should have
been.
the tires
I don't think motorbikes have three wheels :)
"Even if there's a starship as near as only a system away, it'll still take
suggest: Even if there's a rescue starship one system distant,
Twin screams of terror rang through the air as the hovercyle went from zero
to two hundred kilometers per hour in less than two seconds.
Uh, this is likely to cause whiplash, if not more serious injuries
Joffry was laying on the bridge in as comfortable a
hmm, perhaps: 'laid out on'
position as could given the condition of the ship and his shattered legs.
as could be?
The second
alternative was looking more appealing by the moment with the way
Malgaunt's own temper was stretched thin.
suggest replacing 'with the way' with 'as'
"A watched Glarph never soils," Malgaunt said, invoking the power of the
ancient proverb.
gee, those poor things must suffer terrible constipation :)
He nodded his head in towards something underneath
the metal. The directed light showed that it was what Malgaunt had thought.
head at something
It's got some big firepower, but it's a real delicate instrument."
suggest: heavy firepower
The quartet walked a little ways before Malguant said, "Well, if there was
Malgaunt
"That might mean a long wait." Everyone turned in surprise to see Autolycus
standing slightly behind the captain. No one had realized he had returned
to the bridge.
Autolycus can stand? I thought he was a blanket or something
"Not if you want it brought back you're not," Fera said, her voice not
"Not if you want it brought back, you're not," Fera said, her voice not
"If you shoot her, can I have the bike?" Funuyaki asked as she leaned
lackadaisically against the torn wood and metal of the hole.
Heh. Loved this comment.
If that
bike of hers has a sensitivity web that that's high attuned, none but the
suggest dropping the 'that's' from the sentence
steering column. The lever turned out to be the emergency break.
brake
Mihoshi shook her head clear. She had forgotten all about the emergency
break.
brake
A small blush formed on Mihoshi's cheeks. Mihoshi didn't mind it. Tenchi
minded it. Aeka and Ryouko would have minded it violently, but Mihoshi
didn't mind it at all. She looked over her shoulder at Tenchi and said, "No
Hmm, not sure about Ryouko minding it - figure she'd love it, actually :)
[HA! I knew it. Here we are, latent bi-sexual tendencies stored away really
deep in the subconscious. Darn near tripped over the things, they're hidden
so well. I bet you thought Kagato was a real cutie.]
"I'm not gay!" Tenchi shouted.
But I did think he was cute, Tenchi admitted. :)
She took a
non-outright agreement as a sign he might actually be interested in her and
cheered up considerably.
'the' rather than 'a'
It was a simple object; a large, intact, gun-metal gray metal sphere that
was about two and a half meters in diameter. The outer coating lacked the
scorch marks that one associated with orbital entry, despite the fact that
was obviously how it had arrived there. The surface was somewhat plain,
covered only with a series of tiny one inch protrusions of metal identical
to that of the sphere, and a single red oval near the top. A simple object,
at least from the outside.
Unfortunately, the sphere had cracked open upon impact, allowing the Shihana
to perform its function and kill everyone onplanet :)
Well, a very nice chapter all in all. The Tenchi inner voice thing could get a
bit annoying, but not just yet. And I have to admit, IMO Tenchi is a dweeb.
(Having just watched Tenchi Forever, he comes off as a major dweeb :).
Hope this helps.
Phil.