Not unpromising, but there are some real grammar problems,
and some characterization issues as well. The characterization
issues can often be answered by saying, "It is supposed to be an
alternate world, after all," but changing too many things with no
reasons given gets to be pretty annoying pretty quickly, in my
opinion. If there are valid reasons for some of the issues I'll
cite, then I'll suspend those concerns.
Characterization first. This Nodoka bears very little
resemblance to the one from the manga. She carries a katana,
and talks about Ranma being manly, but that's about it. In the
canon, Nodoka is a real ditz who shows no particular sign of
any skill with the sword, and her ideas of manliness seem to
have been acquired from Happosai. The Ranma in this story
wouldn't seem to meet her criteria - he never once attempted
to peep at any naked females. If the nature of Nodoka is the
major change in this universe, okay, but I really wonder why
this Nodoka would ever marry Genma.
With his mother's influence on the trip, we would
expect Ranma to be different. I'm not sure I can buy him being
a better martial artist in this world than in the original. You
state that he could beat Genma regularly by the age of twelve -
canonical Ranma didn't achieve that level until after he'd been
trained by Cologne. If Ranma is actually going to school more
often, and learning music, and helping care for his sister, where
does he find the time to get so much better so much faster? He
uses the "Moko Takabisha" - where did that come from? In the
manga, he created it after realizing the "Shi shi hokodan" was
ill-suited to his personality, and gave it a name that was
obviously inspired by the "Shi shi hokodan." Where has he
encountered the "Shi shi hokodan" or a similar technique? Genma
does know some ki techniques, including vacuum blades, but he's
never used anything like that, so I doubt he could have learned
it from his father. And where would he learn to play the
piano on a multi-year road trip? Is Genma carrying one
strapped to his back? No wonder he seems to be grumpy.
A fanfic cliche almost as popular as "Ranma doesn't fight
girls" is "Akane hates boys." The source is similar - Nabiki
says it at one point and Akane echoes it before the fight - but
the fact is Akane doesn't actually hate boys. She fights back
against the boys who attack her everyday - gee, how unreasonable
(sarcasm alert). She doesn't like Kuno - the only girl in the
manga who does is Mariko, and she goes off him by the end of her
story arc. She has issues with Ranma - big surprise. The fact is,
when faced boys who aren't trying to either molest her or insult
her, she tends to be pretty friendly and easy-going. She likes
Ryoga, and gets along with Mousse and even Taro, her erstwhile
kidnappers. Here she is shown to be way too hostile to a Ranma who
hasn't done anything to get on her bad side yet. As for thinking
all boys are perverts - I don't recall her ever saying anything
like that in the manga, and she doesn't act as if she thinks
like that.
We have her challenging Ranma to show she's the best - I've
seen this is several stories recently, and I'm not sure where
it comes from. I don't recall her ever claiming to be the best
anywhere in the canon, and the reason for her disgruntlement with
Ranma in the manga is not that he's better than she is - she seems
to be proud of his ability, and in fact appears to have an exaggerated
notion of it - but that he doesn't seem to take her seriously as a
martial artist. If she challenged him on that score, I would
find it more believable.
Genma gets bashed - well, that's almost universal. I'll just
point out that the guy who invented the Yamasenken and the
Umisenken is not the pushover everyone seems to think. And why
wouldn't he be up front about going to visit the Tendos? In
the manga, Nodoka is aware of the engagement and supports it -
it is a matter of family honor, after all.
Nabiki is portrayed as a seller of information with her
network of agents - I'd point out that Kuno is the only one who
buys information from her, and only the anime shows her with
anyone working for her, and then only in connection with the
betting, if I recall correctly. This is so ingrained in fanfics,
though, that it's probably useless to carp about it. She's
supposed to be selling info about Ranma on the first day - the
only info she has is what Ranma himself has announced; are the
other students deaf or something? As for the "Operation Wild
Horse" bit - I believe there are something like 33 kanji that
can be pronounced "ran" and over 300 that can be pronounced
"ma" - unless she saw his name written down, in kanji, she
would have no idea what meaning should be assigned to his
name. Additionally, although I see way too many stories that
show Nabiki as some sort of manipulative genius, here she
seems a good deal dimmer than the manga.
Main spelling/grammar point is that you've got '-ed'
tagged onto a lot of words where it doesn't belong, even
nouns, for some reason.
This is long enough that I'll have to split it into
two parts.
Xile writes:
front, a woman in her mid thirty with a bundled wrapped in clothed
mid-thirties bundle cloth
walked toward the viewer. A girl with fiery red hair with a large
Exactly who is the viewer?
Behind him, a panda grumbled and a young girl happily skipped on the
sidewalk. He smiled at the scene. For some reason, he always felt
Who is he? You've mentioned no men so far. (Yes, I know it's
Ranma, but it's a bit jarring, and since there's no impending
meeting with the Tendos, what is the purpose of having him be female,
in terms of the plot?
happy when his father was unhappy for any reasons. Looking back in
reason.
the last ten and a half years of traveling, he wondered what would
happened if his Mom never came along. He shuddered at the thought.
what would have happened if his mom hadn't come along.
<<Even with Mom along, he still got into trouble. It's a good thing
Mom was there to correct it.>> He glanced at his the father and found
extra 'the'
He loves watching her play. With all the traveling, he didn't get to
loved
stay around anywhere long enough to really enjoyed being a child,
enjoy
always training, and seeing Ranko just being happy helped him treasure
the moment he had.
I don't see why a lot of traveling would have prevented him from
enjoying being a child. Children of nomadic tribes seem to manage. The
constant training might have, but why wouldn't this Nodoka have prevented
that?
Finally, he succumbed the her request, "Ok. Ok, but you have to finish
to
the house and located his room. The room was incredibly clean
considering he hadn't been here for almost eleven years. He quickly
Excuse me? What about eleven years of dust? Or does Nodoka have
enough money to have cleaners coming in for eleven years while no one
lived there.
settled his pack in the corner and emptied its content. He was about
contents.
"Hi, Mom. Is that my uniformed?" Ranma asked while trying to hide his
uniform
to gauge her so son reaction. Noting that he didn't object, well not
son's
loudly, she continued, "The uniform will fit both of your form. I
forms.
curse doesn't mean I like it. But Mom's right, the more we tried to
hide things, the more trouble we're in. Not only that, it's something
the more we tried ... the more trouble we're in. Tenses don't agree.
Nodoka nodded, "Very well, Ranma."
nodded.
"You're father and I talked about it and we decided that you will spar
"Your
in the morning with your father and with me after school. After that,
you'll do your homework and practice your music lessons. I don't want
you slacking in any of your lessons, young man, especially your
music," Nodoka said sternly.
Why not? Canonical Nodoka showed no signs of being particularly
musical. In this world, Ranma's going to school full time (longer
hours than U.S schools, and possibly to cram schools as well, if
this Nodoka is big on education) and he's training as the heir for two
different schools of martial arts as well. I think Ranma's smarter
than many people give him credit for, but I have trouble seeing him
as some sort of Renaissance man, especially with only twenty-four
hours in the day.
remembered his father asking, more like demanded, him to quit his
demanding, that he quit his
and said that he like playing the piano, his father almost had a heart
liked
attack. One of the first things his Mom taught him about music was
mom
your heart guides your hand, then the music you play will always be
guide
longer ago that she gave birth to him. Looking back in the last 11
long at
years, she was very thankful she came along on the training trip with
had come
her son. After the first few weeks, she couldn't believed some of the
believe
possibilities of all the dangers her so called husband would have done
dangerous things her so-called (and why
so-called? They are married, aren't they?)
they would trade off teaching their respective art. Overtime, she
arts. Over time,
hurt him to leave. She was also very grateful with Ranko birth.
for Ranko's
Since that day, Ranma dedicated all his time to her. He taught her
You mean, all the time he wasn't training, or going to
school, or learning music....
status of the piano. Once satisfy, he closed his eyes and allowed his
satisfied,
view his face during the entire performance. She listened as his
of his face
right decision. Ranma approached music like he did with martial arts.
as he did the martial arts.
Though he learned and could played anything she gave him, he had yet
play
to truly mastered it. It wasn't until the birth of his sister did he
master
realized his mistake and understood her lessons. Since then, he could
This is awkwardly phrased. First, we don't know what his "mistake"
is. Second, if he has now master music, don't say that "he had yet to"
do so.
As she listened, she noted that he was expressing his thoughts after a
long journey and the emotions of coming home. She felt tears welled
well
returned his bowed with equal height. Nodoka gazed at her son and
bow (with equal height?)
Ranma didn't reply and simply squeezed his mother. <<It's good to be
home at last. No more traveling or sleeping on the hard ground. No
more fights in the middle of the night from some strangers. It would
be so good to have a quiet normal life for a little while.>>
Frankly, I don't see Ranma thinking this. He's been on the road
for eleven years. That IS his normal life.
They released each other and returned to their room. In the dojo, we
They share a room?!
This is a side of Nodoka we haven't seen often!
found a sleeping panda with several bumps on his head. Wonder how
those got there.
Don't break the fourth wall if there's no reason to. Here there isn't.
bed and thought about going to sleeping in her room for the night. He
sleep
brother chest. This was nothing to new to her as she slept with him
nothing new to her
sister and glared at her. He then grinned as he pulled the welt
covered off.
I assume you mean "wet covers".
noticed his sister closed her eyes. <<Perfect>>
close
death and all he did was laugh. She 'hmphf', dropped to the floor,
said, "hmmf!"
Ranma remained on the floor for a few more minutes before he headed
for the dojo. Once there, he found his father sitting in the middle
of the dojo.
I always had the impression that the Saotomes didn't have a
dojo, but perhaps that's changed since Nodoka knows martial arts.
leaped, twirled, hoped, twisted, and displayed their agility in the
hopped,
and left to go washed up for breakfast. By the time he got to the
wash
disappeared in a flashed. Ranma on the other hand was eating at a
flash.
As soon as they're done, Ranma and Ranko rushed out of the house.
they were
Just as he turned the corner, his eyes widen in shocked and then
widened in shock
entire male student bodies were on the ground unconscious. When he
student body was (and it wasn't all the boys in
school engaging in these fights, by the way).
dagger glare. So his surprise, he almost got hit by the roundhouse
To
kicked. Ranma staggered back away from the girl and waved his hand,
kick.
"Because you're a pervert!" the girl said matter of fact.
matter-of-factly.
"You're a boy. I hate boys," the girl explained.
Urg.
"Truly such a boyish lot. Evidently each tends to ask you out on the
They are a boyish lot, but I think you mean "boorish". each intends
dawn that he defeat you in combat, Tendou Akane," spouted Kuno.
defeats (no introduction
for Kuno?)
the two combatants and jumped into action. "Um.excused me, can you
Um, excuse
"Go away you pervert!" Akane shouted, "This is my fight."
She's really over-reacting.
"You there! How dare you become familiar with the fair Tendou Akane?"
Why wouldn't one of them simply tell him so he'd go away?
Akane eyes widen when she heard the introduction. <<How can this be?
My father is the only master of Anything Goes Martial Arts.>> Then
her eyes narrowed. <<How dare he use our school of martial arts? Who
does he thinks he is?>>
I don't recall anyone ever saying or thinking that there was only
one ryu-ha of the Musabetsu Kakuto Ryu.
"Step aside peasant for you have no right to approach the fair Tendou
Akane lest you defeat her in honorable combat."
This sounds as if Kuno thinks that merely approaching Akane will
enable Ranma to defeat her.
"There's nothing honorable about beating a girl," Ranma retorted.
Excuse me? Hasn't this Ranma been training under his mother for
more than a decade? This attitude makes absolutely no sense given the
setup of this story.
"Are you saying that you're better than me?" Akane asked dangerously.
Ranma crossed his arms and said, "As a matter of fact, I am."
"Why you!" Akane screamed.
Cripes, get this Akane her medication. Is she supposed to be
nearly psychotic in this world? Does she truly think there's no
one better than her in the world? This is way over the top.
Ranma easily dodged the attacks and peaked at the clock tower. <<Oh,
peeked
his defense before he realized it. With a few well place strikes,
well-placed
mother school of sword, Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu. We just returned
mother's
yesterday from our 10 years training trip."
ten-year, and I thought it was ten and a half,
or eleven.
might have just returned from China, it does not excused your from
excuse you
"I wouldn't have been late if you hadn't stick you nose in other
stuck your
people fight!"
people's
better of it. <<It's not use talking back to someone who already made
no
Ranma heard the comment, but decided it was best not to get involve.
involved.
Again, she felt the familiar temper flared within her. <<How dare you
flare
"Tendou! Is there something you like to share with the class?" the
you'd
glanced at Akane a few times and wondered why she was staring at hem.
him.
because of his mother influence, but he been constantly defeating him
mother's he had been
since he was twelve.
I assume you mean Ranma had been defeating Genma, but it certainly
isn't clear from the pronouns.
look for him. By the time she was outside, Ranma was no where in
nowhere
Up on the roof of the school, Ranma leaned over the edge to check to
see if any of the girls were looking for him. For some reason, he
Why any of the girls? Has this Ranma done a lot of dating?
wasn't surprise to see Akane searching for him. For the life of him,
surprised
father idiotic and ill-conceived logic. After a few songs, he was
father's
Under the cover of a tree, Akane and her friends talked about the day
day's
while, her friends got the hint and changed the topic, though not as
exciting.
though nothing else was as exciting.
In one of the class, Nabiki sat in her desk directing a group of
classrooms, at her desk
girls. After the other nodded and left the room, she stared at her
others
helpful. Even with the amount of information she had, there were
still female students who paid a good sum of money for it. Even Kuno
had inquired about the 'foul sorcerer Saotome.' She wasn't surprised
at his comment, as a matter of fact, she expected. She would worry if
expected it.
Kuno started making sense. She snickered at the idiotic fool that he
was. Still, she needed information about Saotome and the best was to
approach him directly. <<Better finish my lunch before the bell
rings>>
It made sense for Kuno to approach Nabiki for info in the manga,
since Ranma was staying with her family, and the pig-tailed girl had
been seen with Akane, and had talked of Ranma. Here?
squinted her eyes. Unfortunately, the glared from the sun prevented
glare
her from recognizing the figure until he landed few meters ahead of
a few
he might have dropped from, but found nothing but empty space. When
She did notice the school standing there, didn't she? Why
wouldn't she conclude he jumped off the roof?
She was fidgeting her dress nervously. "Ko-chan," he called.
with her dress If Nabiki wants information,
why wouldn't she approach him immediately?
Ranko's mood immediately changed to delight when she heard her brother
brother's
voice. She searched the through the number of adults until she came
searched through
across a smiling Ranma. She ran and leaped at him. "Oniisan!"
I thought she was calling him oniichan?
practiced with him till they were called to diner.
dinner.
Once everyone was at diner, Ranma realized what was wrong. "Hey,
Pops. Where were you today?"
Excuse me, how would Ranma know his father had been out while
Ranma was away at school? As for after he came home, he was practicing
in the dojo until dinner, so, since his sessions with Genma are in the
morning, I wouldn't think there was anything unusual about not seeing
his father until it was time to eat.
Genma grumbled and said, "You mother suggested that I look for a job."
"Your
Ranma paused and then laughed very hard. He almost choked on his
food. Genma grumbled even louder. He would have said something, but
it would be of little consequence with Nodoka nearby. He then got an
idea, "Ranma, my boy. There's a friend I want you to meet. How about
we go after diner?"
dinner. If Nodoka is raising her son properly, why
wouldn't she expect him to show at least some outward respect to
his father. Instead, she seems to be encouraging him to show his
father as little respect as possible. So why doesn't she just
divorce him? And why wouldn't the whole family go to visit the
Tendos, since this is a family matter?
"That's what I thought. You know very well that you cannot live off
martial arts alone and having a proper education is a manly thing.
Don't you agree, dear?" she asked coolly.
Can't live off martial arts alone? Seems like half the cast of
Ranma does nothing else.
Once his homework was completed, Ranma went down stairs and into the
downstaris
Ranko practiced for another half-hour before perfected it. Ranko
she perfected
Once done, he heard Ranko clapped loudly.
clapping
"That was very good Ranma."
good,
"No yet, Ranma. But as soon as they're located, you'll be the first
"Not
"Ah, Mom," Ranma said sheepishly.
I think I'm going to hurl.
Nodoka smiled, "I'm sure you will. But you must practice when you
ever you can."
practice whenever you can."
Ranma missed the changed in her expression, "Yeah, I don't really know
change
Feeling the affect of the long day catching up, he said tiredly "It's
effect
been a long day, Mom. I think I better call it a day. Night, Mom,"
Repetition of "long day", then "call it a day."
"Goodnight, Ranma," Nodoka said automatically. <<Tendou Akane, huh?>>
"huh" sounds wrong here. Perhaps, "hmmm".
it to the Furinkan's gate, he saw the same spectacle as before.
to Furinkan's gate,
Except this time, he decided to stay back, watched and only interfered
watch, and only interfere
gazed and line of sight. Unfortunately, he didn't get very far when
gaze
"How dare you speak such false pretext in my presence. I have never
"pretext" is wrong here. perhaps
"such falsehood"
been defeated. To say such is unhonorable. Prepare to die, knave."
dishonorable
Ranma was about to kick Kuno, but another kick sent him into low
sent who, Ranma or Kuno?
the trouble.>> Ranma shrugged and was about to leave when Akane voice
Akane's
"You heard me. I challenge you to see who's the best!"
"Why?"
"Because there's no way a jerk like you could be better than me. I'm
the best at this school."
This strikes me as way OOC for Akane.
Ranma paused and stated, "No. Kuno is better than you are. The only
reason why you've won was that he held back."
Since Ranma hasn't sparred with her himself, I question whether
he could actually tell this.
Akane turned red at the implication. "Argh, how dare he?!"
Is she talking about Kuno? I agree she wouldn't care to be taken
lightly, but why is she simply accepting Ranma's word?
"Look. You might be good, but you're not anywhere near my level.
Your lack of control makes you even worst."
worse." Cripes, I see his
mother hasn't taught him anything about politeness or diplomacy.
Frankly, he seems as boastful as canonical Ranma, if better
spoken. Doesn't seem to fit the "perfect gentleman" mold his
mother is depicted as pushing him toward.
handle my attacks," Ranma said while continued to dodge.
continuing
building. She grinned at Ranma. <<Let see you dodge this.>> Akane
Let's
Akane blinked and then blinked again. She lost. She lost miserably.
Then the comment registered and she got angry. <<He acted like I was
nothing.>> She turned and was about to shout insult when a bucket
fell on his head. Akane stared dumbly at the redhead. She blinked
several times.
Ranma muttered obscene insults as he removed the buckets from his
I thought it was one bucket that fell.
head. He looked out at his wet. He shook his head and grumbled some
at his wet what???
"Pigtail Girl!"
That last comment caused Ranma to wince. He turned and saw Kuno
running up at him with opened arms. He violently shuddered at the
thought of Kuno coming near him. Just as Kuno was about to wrap his
arms around him, he sent Kuno flying across the yard and embedded him
in the wall. Kuno's last comment, 'Pigtailed girl, you may date me.'
sent shivers all through his body.
I don't see this. Kuno didn't become infatuated with onna-Ranma
until she had challenged him and defeated him. She's dressed in a boy's
school uniform, her hair is sopping wet. He's seeing her from a distance,
and from the side or back. And he gets infatuated instantly? Come to that,
with the boy's uniform on, how does anyone know instantly that she's
a girl? It's not skintight or anything.
Nabiki, on the other hand, was grinning evilly. <<This is way too
good to be true. Think of all the money I can make from him.>> Nabiki
quickly took a few pictures and gave her hoodlum some orders. She
She's got a hoodlum??
looked back at Ranma and saw him punched Kuno. The last comment from
punch
Kuno only made her grinned even more.
grin I don't see this bit either. Why would
Nabiki think he can make her a lot of money? I could see it if this
were "Blonde 1/2" (a very funny story), because the whole premise is
onna-Ranma is so gorgeous all males, and many females, instantly
lust after her. Here, she might look cute, but there are other cute
girls at school.
"My name is Saotome Ranma." He paused as the classed erupted with
class
knowing how to read Chinese. Anyway, he dragged me there and kicked
me into one of the pool while I was talking with the guide. I was
pools
kicked into the Nyannichan, the spring of drowned girl who drowned
Nyannichuan
there 1500 years ago. The cursed is activated by water. Cold water
curse
change me into a girl and hot water changed me back."
changes changes
To demonstrate, he poured hot water over him, then cold water, and hot
himself,
any you guys get any ideas, no matter what my body looks like, I'm
any of you
anything by honorable intentions; I'll send you to the hospital for
but
the next eight weeks." That brought laughter from the female half of
the class while the male flushed in embarrassment.
Frankly, I think even if a guy approached him with honorable
intentions that Ranma would be pretty cheesed off.
Akane stared blankly at Ranma as he demonstrated the cursed. She
curse.
never believed in magic or cursed before. Now, she wasn't sure what
curses
to think. Here was a boy who turned girl with water. <<Weird>>
turned into a girl
happened. He didn't care about magic or cursed or anything out of the
curses
"Excuse me, everyone," said a girl with crop brown hair.
I assume you mean cropped brown hair.
Ranma cocked his head to one side and gauge her. From the reaction in
gauged
the crowed and the various low muttered, he knew her type. He crossed
crowd mutters,
his arms and said, "Not interested."
"Oh, I think you would. I can offer you a solution to your current
problem," Nabiki said sweetly.
Ranma grinned, "No thanks. I already have the solution. And if my
guess is correct, you're going to charge me for the service. Then you
'll charge everyone else for the information I give you."
I don't get this. What "problem" is she supposed to help him with?
That people are asking him a lot of questions? How does she know he minds
that? Maybe he likes being the center of attention. This seems like an
awfully weak approach. Moreover, I would think she would be sure to talk
to him alone. In the manga, she generally prefers to conduct her dealings
in private, unless there's some point to a public display.
Nabiki held her neutral face and looked at Ranma. She didn't expect
this from him. <<Time for plan B>> "Would you mind telling me how
you planned on accomplishing this?"
Ranma grinned and held out one finger to his lips and posed. "Hmmm.."
He turned to with one eyes closed, leaned forward, and said, "That's a
to her(?) eye
secret." The posed he imitating was exact duplicate of his favorite
pose was imitating was an exact
anime character, Xellos, he saw while traveling.
Xelloss, from a series he had seen while traveling.
Nabiki stared at Ranma and then fumed. She turned and slammed the
door behind her.
This really seems like a very weak attempt by Nabiki.
The entire classed went into an uproar. Many were holding their sides
class
because it hurt to laugh. Some were in tears. For the first time
anyone had ever known Nabiki, she lost control.
You know, guys, it wasn't that funny.
humiliated her. <<How dares he? Just you wait Saotome, I'm going to
dare
she didn't even noticed Kuno standing next to her.
notice
to the list of offense she had on Saotome. "What do you want Kuno?"
offenses
"I wish to know the where about of the Pigtailed Goddess," Kuno
whereabouts
"What?! That's out." Nabiki glared cut off Any further comment.
Nabiki's glare cut off any
"Thank you, Kuno. Saotome has your Pigtailed Girl."
"WHAT?!" Kuno screeched and ran out of the classroom raving about
sorcery and magic.
Why? Her comment didn't suggest anything of the sort. You know,
Kuno constantly raving about sorcery is another fanfic cliche. It
happens in the manga, but not all the time, and generally not unless
there's been some reason (at least a Kuno-style reason).
In class 1F, Akane watched the students settled down from their antic.
settle
the topic evolved around Ranma.
revolved
Once lunch was over, Ranma returned to class and everything quieted
down. However, during PE, he was constantly bombarded by water. He
wondered if it was natural to attract this much water over a sort
short
period of time. Actually, he knew where the water came from and why.
Well, I'd like to know. The third month of classes means we're
into June, PE class is being held outside, and if it's not raining,
it's not like there's a ready source of water unless they're near the pool.
Out of the corner of his eyes, he found Nabiki at some distant away
distance
with a camera in her hand. He knew what it was for, but chose to
ignore it in the mean time. When school was over, he leaped out of
meantime.
the building again, but this time he found Kuno waiting for him.
How does Ranma know what Nabiki's going to do with the pictures?
Pigtailed Goddess. It's a cursed."
curse."
expressing her love to my magnificent."
magnificence."
Ranma stared at Kuno in disbelieved. He had no word for him. <<Maybe
disbelief.
I could add a new world to the dictionary and have his pictured next
word
Ranma easily dodge the attacks and leaped away. "Are you blind as
dodged
"Die!" Kuno took advantage of the distraction and was able strike at
able to
Ranma winced and retorted. His hands blurred and hundreds of blows
retaliated.
implanted itself all over Kuno. After a second, Ranma stopped and ran
implanted themselves - but even that is awkward.
By the time he made it to the school ground, he found his sister alone
and crying. His guilt went full scale as he hurried to her side. He
quickly wrapped his arms around her and whispered, "I'm sorry,
Ko-chan."
Geez Louise. From your account, the whole business with Kuno couldn't
have taken more than a couple of minutes. Get a grip, kid.
Ranma smiled and nodded. "Promise." Ranma kissed Ranko on the
forehead, "How about I treat you to some scream this weekend?"
scream? Primal scream therapy, maybe?
Ranko's face lit up like a bulb. She nodded vicariously. "And we
vigorously.
Not far away, a girl in uniformed followed.
a uniform
"Heh. Some one dropped a bucket and it splashed me near the
Someone
The next morning, Ranma stood before the horde of boys of Furinkan and
sighed. Ranma stepped in front of all of them and called their
attention just before they initiated their attack with an explosion.
"Excuse me, but I just can't help but wonder why you're doing this."
I can't help but wonder why Ranma is doing this. It's one thing
if he's her fiance, but they're not even friends. For all he knows,
maybe she really likes it this way.
The crowd looked at each other and lowered their heads.
Excuse me, is this Nerima? Since when did any of this crowd
listen to reason?
By the time lunch came around, he really needed a break. Everywhere
he went today, water found him and so did Kuno. He was becoming very
You know, the kids stay in class and the teachers move around.
I assume no one is actually bringing buckets into the classroom, so
how is this happening?
off the roof and ran off. By the time he settled down at a new spot,
Every time he
someone would popped up and bothered him to no end. Lunch was over
pop bother
before he even realized it. Gym wasn't much different. For some
reason, the coach kept pushing him and making him do weird exercises.
When school ended, he quickly took care of Kuno and ran off to meet
his sister.
Yoicks. All this and I'm not even done yet. I'll have to send
this off and finish it later.
Reid Carson
rcarson@rcarson.com