Greetings lovely patrons of the FFML. Well it's the holidays and since everyone else is in a good mood I figured SOMEBODY had to be in a weird one. Besides, first impressions are fun. ^_^
So I present to you my debut fic on the list, a nice short dark Sailor Moon piece entitled "Swiss Cheese". It's not very edited mainly b/c I'm lazy...
So read it and C&C away, coz I loves mail o' any kind. Have fun!
Swiss Cheese
a Sailor Moon FanFic
by Nishikaze, the West Wind
It's weird what life can do to you. One minute you're walking down a crowed street in the middle of the day, and all of a sudden you get this monstrous headache. The next thing you know you wake up sprawled out on your living room couch, or sitting at the docks staring out at the sunset. It's like there's this whole chunk of time that just disappears like it never existed.
It seems like that happens to me everyday. Sometimes I wonder if I'm finally going crazy, or maybe I was always crazy and I just never knew it. I'm sure all crazy people think they're sane at one time or another. If I really was losing my mind would I even know it for sure? It's human nature to want a rational explanation for things, but how can I explain away this?
Or how I'm drawn to that Usagi girl. She's such an obnoxious brat, and she's a junior high school kid. But despite all that... there's just this thing about her... this mysterious pull I feel towards her. But why? Yet another question I don't have an answer to I guess.
There are too many question marks in my life. For kami's sake, my whole past is a question mark to me. I can't even remember what my parent's looked like, or their names, or where I grew up. My memory must look like a piece of swiss cheese, with so many holes there's hardly any cheese.
Mamoru sighed and closed his journal. He held his face in his hands and just sat for awhile. Trying to hold on to some piece of reality, something he knew. In a flash of frustration he threw his journal at the wall, grabbed his coat, and stormed out of his apartment, remembering to lock the door at the last minute. He made his way quickly down the stairs and roamed the streets of Tokyo.
He didn't know where he was going, he didn't really care. Part of him wanted to go to the hospital and have himself committed. At least then he wouldn't have to worry about his headaches and blackouts, he'd be too drugged up to care.
The brooding college student pushed his dark sunglasses up his nose and trudged through the crowds, trying to be polite enough not to jostle anyone. Not looking where he was going he bumped into someone causing them both to fall over on the sidewalk.
"Hey watch where you're going!" Shouted the toppled pedestrian, Mamoru had knocked over.
Mamoru looked up and was about to apologize when he noticed who it was. Oh he was not in the mood for this today.... "Oh it's *you*. How's it feel to be the one bowled over instead of the one doing the bowling Odango Atama?"
"Hey don't call me that! And at least I always say I'm sorry!" Usagi pouted.
Mamoru just rolled his eyes and got up. "Geez, what a brat..." he murmured.
"Stupid jerk!" Usagi called after him.
Mamoru just kept walking. In hindsight he probably shouldn't have been so rude to the poor girl. After all, he had been the one that knocked her down, not the other way around. He resolved to apologize the next time he saw her.
It was weird how he always felt even more frustrated when he saw her. In some weird way it felt like she was a piece of this huge puzzle that was half-shrouded in darkness. Mamoru felt the need to punch something, hard.
It wasn't right and it wasn't fair. What had he done to deserve this? Why did he have to live without any clue as to whether or not Chiba Mamoru was even his real name? Why did he have to have some weird, twisted, pedophilic feelings for that girl Usagi? Why did he have to black out almost everyday? Why did he have to be so alone that the only one he could share all of this with was his journal? In the name of all the kami, why?!
Mamoru growled low in his throat and punched the nearest wall. He leaned against it for a long moment fighting off tears.
"C'mon Chiba," he told himself, "pull yourself together. Only weaklings and idiots cry in public. And silly little girls like Usagi." Mamoru smiled despite himself and shook his head. "Why do you always have to think about that girl? She's a junior high school kid.... Pedophile."
Laughing hollowly at himself Mamoru walked on.
"When you're willing to die, that's when there's not anything that anybody can make you do anymore."
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