Vincent Seifert <seifertv@ccshp1.ccs.csus.edu> wrote:
Saotome Akane looked embarrassed for a moment. "No, I'm
afraid--" She frowned. "Michi? Michi!"
Michi nodded happily. "That's me!"
"My goodness, it's been, what, fifteen years? Come in! And
what's this 'Akane-san' nonsense?"
MICHI: Sorry, Akane-sama.
"More like twenty," Michi said, stepping in and removing her
shoes as Akane closed the door behind her. "Twenty years, six
hairstyles, and about ten kilos...."
MICHI: So, enough about me... what have you been doing all these years?
AKANE: Working as a narcotics officer, actually. Now tell me about those
ten kilos....
"You would have had trouble with the competition, that's for
sure," Akane said dryly. "There never was a time when other
girls weren't chasing him."
Well... there was vol. 1-2, and everything before it... yes, Shampoo was
chasing Ranma then, but not in THAT way. :)
"Akane...." Michi paused and decided to try tact again.
"Look, I should have been around for you when Ranma passed away,
and I'm sorry I wasn't, but maybe it's not too late. Get help,
Akane."
That's her idea of tact? :)
"Itadakimas'," Ranma said cheerfully, and dug in.
*sigh* Dead men can't dub, I guess... :/
This may be the first deathfic I've seen that still manages to be WAFFy.
(Well, other than "A Sixteen-ton Weight Falls On Sasuke, of course, but
that was never released. ^_^) Something of an accomplishment there in
and of itself. In a way, it's a little dissatisfying to have Ranma kick
the bucket and no real change in his and Akane's life together result.
Not that it wasn't a good read and an emotional story, but it feels like
it should've been at least tougher for them.
One comment on the opening section. You might want to think more about
narrative point of view. You're using mainly a sort of cinematic POV; a
limited view centered on Michi might be more effective, since we the
readers are discovering Ranma's fate along with her.
Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics.html