PFML: New Leadership!
By Tybalt
MSTed by Rob "Suzaku Soldier" Kelly

In response to the recent annoucment of the FFML being renovated into the PFML, I'd just like to say:

Turn Down your lights, where applicable.


In the not too distant future,
way down in Deep 13
Doctor Forrester and T.V.'s Frank
were hatching an evil scheme
They hired a temp by the name of Mike,
just a regular joe they didn't like
Their experiment needed a good test case,
so they conked him on the noggin
And they shot him into space! (GET ME DOWN!)
We'll send him cheesy movies,
the worst we can find (la la la)
He'll have to sit and watch them all
and we'll monitor his mind (la la la)
Now keep in mind Mike can't control
where the movies begin or end (la la la)
He'll try to keep his sanity
with the help of his robot friends;
ROBOT ROLL CALL!
Cambot ! (Show yourself)
Gypsy ! (I'm not ready!)
Tom Servo! (Hello there)
Croooow! (That's one "o")
If you're wondering how he eats and breathes
and other science facts (la la la)
Just repeat to yourself "It's just a show,
I should really just relax"
For Mystery Science Theater 3000!
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[SOL bridge, morning. The bridge looks as if a nuclear warhead has hit it, obviously because last night was New Year's Eve 1999. Mike is asleep, sprwaled across the table like a discarded towel. Crow is shutdown, sitting propped up against the door. Tom Servo is... well, hanging upside down from the streamers. Unfortunately, Tom is the first to wake up, from a very bad nightmare....]

TOM: AGGGGH! NOOO! HOTARU, DON'T DO THIS TO ME! No, I will NOT call you Queen! No, what's that? Omigod NOOOO! AAAAGGGGHH!
MIKE: Tom, shut up, you're givin' me a headache! [Notices Cambot.] Oh, hey there. Welcome back to the Sattelite of Love, where you we just had a humble little party in honour of the new millennium.[cringe] Yeah right.
CROW: What? What's going on? Tom, what the hell are you doing up there?
MIKE: Man, I wish Joel never came up with the idea of making synthetic digestive systems to allow you guys to eat and drink like humans do. My head's spinnin' like a Tilt 'o Whirl.
TOM: Joel, do something! Get this bitch offa me! Hotaru, put down the whipAAAAAAH!
[Tom plummets down onto the table]
TOM [waking up]: Ouch, did I have a horrible dream last night...
CROW: What happened?
TOM: Well, I was hanging from a chain, when suddenly Hotaru Tomoe appeared in _bondage gear_!
CROW: YAAAH!
MIKE: Oh my GOD!
TOM: She took out this leather whip from God-knows-where and starts whipping me thick! And Joel was there too! Turns out she was his mistress!
MIKE & CROW: AAAH!
MIKE: Uh, we'll be right back... [Hits commercial sign...]

[MST3K logo]
{ALCE EMPIRE: BE REALISTIC! DEMAND THE IMPOSSIBLE!!}

[Back to the SOL we go...  M&tB are staring in surprise at the commercial we've just seen..]

CROW: Uh, we only play the commercials here.
TOM: Guys, I tell you, that was the weirdest dream I had since... since I got that REM chip installed!
CROW: Tom, shut up about the dream!

[MAD light flashes]

MIKE: Hold up, Trotsky and Stalin are calling.... Did I just say that?

[As if by magic... Dr. F appears on the viewscreen.]

[D13]
DR. F: Hello, boobies! Welcome to a new millenium of PAIN! I think that's Tom's nightmare was a success for my Nightmare-O-Matic program...
TOM: YOU made up that nightmare! Why I oughta...
DR. F: Oh boo-hoo. Today's movie is... Uh... Today's... FRANK!
FRANK: Yes, Steve?
DR. F: This Bad Movie Seeker Machine isn't Y2K compliant is it?!
FRANK: Uh, Y2K compliant? What's that?
DR. F: Oh, it just means that computerised stuff that record dates like 1984 and 1999 as '84 and '99 GET COMPLETLY MUCKED UP WHEN 2000 COMES BECAUSE IT THINKS IT'S THE YEAR 1900!

[SOL]
MIKE: So no bad film for us! Alright!
[Mike & the Bots start to party like it's 2099]
M&TB: No movie for us! No movie for us! No movie for us!

[D13]
FRANK: Hey, Steve, I think I have a back-up plan...
DR. F: And what is that, pray tell?
FRANK: The only things not messed up are the supercomputer with internet access, and that Prose Visualiser you bought from eBay.
[Dr. F starts to smile evilly.]
FRANK: And I found the perfect starter...[shows him a FFML post]
DR. F: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAA! This is perfect! Just PERFECT! How better to start the new millennium than with this communist twaddle?! SEND THEM THE POST, FRANK! Ohh, boooys!

[SOL]
[Mike and the Bots stop the party]
MIKE: Yeah?

[D13]
DR. F: Take a look at this! Apparently, an old experiment of mine, a Robotic Humanoid Mailing List Adminstrater (or RHiMiLA for short) known as Tybalt was also non Y2K compliant, and now thinks that he's the leader of a communist fanfiction mailing list called the PFML. One look at this and I'll guarantee your brains will be fried! Now I must leave with my date so, until I return to your gibbering, twitching bodices, adios amigos!
[Dr. F leaves with the leather clad Hotaru in Tom's dream, while Frank pulls the lever.]

[SOL]
[The alarms and sirens go off]
M&TB: AAAAAH! WE'VE GOT COMMIE SIGN!!!
[Cambot flies into the dog-bone door as Mike and the bots panic]

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[Crow enters first, followed by Mike, carrying Tom, who sits to Crow's left]

Workers of the list!

CROW: You all suck!
MIKE: Crow, not already!
CROW: Bite me!

It is the pleasure of the glorious people's revolutionary front

TOM: "Glorious people's revolutionary front"?
CROW: He means "malevolent citizen riot army".

to announce that the imperialist tyrant White Wolf has been deposed.

MIKE: NOOO! That means no more Vampire: The Masquerade!
BOTS: GYAAAH!

A new tribunal of people's deputies is now in total control of this mailing list.

CROW [Henchman]: Let's see... Stalin, Hussein, Hitler, Pot, Mussolini, Bokassa, Marcos, Amin and Gaddafi... Check! All present and correct sir!
TOM [Leader]: Excellent. Now no-one can stop us! MWAHHAHAHAA!

Comrades! This is an exciting time for the former 'FFML'. We are now the People's >Glorious Revolutionary Fanfiction Mailing List.

[M&TB start laughing their heads off]
CROW: What kind of name is that?
TOM: Why can't they call it the Commie Fanfic Mailing List, that's what I wanna know!

This may be abbriviated as PFML. Abbriviating it as anything else is treason against >the revolution;

MIKE: So if we call it the PGRFML or PGML, we'll be arrested, right?
CROW: Guess so.

those who do will be given a fair trial before a jury of their peers and then sent to the >Gulag Mailing List.

MIKE: The _what_?
TOM: Never heard of it. Maybe it's something they made up to scare us.

This list shall usher in a glorious new era of Marxist-Leninist anime fanfiction.

ALL: Commiefics?
CROW: I guess they're saying that this is a SovietUtena fanfic ML.

Counterevolutionaries are everywhere, however, and will seek to hinder us.

MIKE: What, like Atari Teenage Riot?
CROW: ATR VS PFML... My money on those DHR kids.
TOM: Wow Crow, three acronyms in one riff!

Comrades! Report all capitalist running dogs at once. They will be given a fair trial >before a jury of their peers and then sent to the Gulag Mailing List.

CROW [Leader]: Remember, DHR must die! So says the Leader!

In keeping with the tenets of the dialetic, the old, corrupt codes of the oppressive >tyrant-leech administration have been updated. Obey all new rules!

TOM: Bite me!

Those who do not obey all new rules will be given a fair trial before a jury of their >peers and then sent to the Gulag Mailing List.

MIKE: Again with the Gulag Mailing List! Can somebody shut him up?

Here, fellow workers, are the new codes:

* Obey the Supreme Soviet of the PFML unquestioningly.

TOM: I am KING!

* Report all counterrevolutionaries.

CROW [Alec Empire]: Use our music to drive out those F~@king commies! We'll shall crush Tybalt under our feet! BE REALISTIC, DEMAND THE IMPOSSIBLE!
[Mike and Tom applaud Crow for his Alec Empire impression]

* Report at once any member of the VT123. We mean it.

* All authors shall endeavor to increase their yearly quota of Utena fanfiction.

CROW: Thought so!

* There is now, and has never been, no such person as Nabiki Tendo. All fanfics must >reflect this, save ones in which the nonexistant imperialist dies horribly.

MIKE [Nabiki]: Well, looks like I'll have to pay some hitmen and assassins to kill him.
CROW: That's IT! ATR, smite his happy commie ass!
TOM: Crow, are you going into DHR/ATR Obsessive mode again?

* As a way of reeducating Comrade Ukyou, she must no longer be portrayed as a >business owner and exploiter of the proletariat.

MIKE: Ucchan's will never die!

Instead, she must be portrayed in all fanfics as a steelworker.

* Ranma may no longer fight for Akane. He must fight for the proletariat.

TOM [Ranma]: What's a proletariat?
CROW [""]: I'm not fighting for your screwy proletariat, I'm fighting for ATR! REVOLUTIONARY ACTION!
MIKE: CROW!!

* More mention must be made of Shishio Makoto's banking activities, and of >Kenshin's role as a good Marxist.

TOM: Kenshin? Marxist? MAHAHAHAHAA!!

* The series formerly known as 'A!MG' is now 'Ah! My Non-Divine Hero of the >People's Revolution'

MIKE: Now that is just stupid!
TOM: Communism was stupid in the first place!

* It must be made clear that Crystal Tokyo is a place of True Communism, and that >'queen' is merely a mistranslation of 'chairman'.

MIKE: O god, what has Naoko-sama done to deserve this?!
CROW [firing up]: REVOLT NOW! F @ C K  P F M L! THIS EARTH MUST BE PURE! ATR ARE THE REBELLION! THEY LEAD THE BLACK ARMY OF DIGITAL HARCORE TO THE UNHOLY GROUNDS! WHITE WOLF IS GOD! WHITE WOLF IS GOD! WHITE WOLF IS GOOOOD!
TOM: Nice rant. I'd give it 9.0.

* We really mean it about the VT123 running dogs.

* Good citizens will refrain from spamming. Those who spam be given a fair trial >before a jury of their peers and then sent to the Gulag Mailing List.

MIKE: AGAIN with that screwy ML!
TOM: It must really be a bad ML.

Comrades! Rejoice in the socialist democracy of the revolution! Exceed your fanfic >quotas! We're watching you.

ALL [English accent, Giving the V sign]: PLUCK YEW!

-The Supreme Soviet of the People's Glorious Revolutionary Fanfiction Mailing List

CROW: LONG LIVE ATARI TEENAGE RIOT!
TOM: Let's bolt before Crow starts destroying the screen...

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[SOL bridge. Crow is busy making a sixty strong army of gun laden mecha, each with the ATR logo pasted on the breastplate. Mike walks in with Tom... And promptly facefaults.]

TOM: Crow... Are you taking this opposing stance a little too seriously?
CROW: No way, Tom! That little commie's gonna get it, and get it good! Just one of these babies can lay waste to a twelve kilometre area! Judging from what these Avatars are like, sixty should be enough!
MIKE: Are you telling me that you're gonna go blow up a commie robot with robots affilated with a resentful, goverment and religon hating German "Digital Hardcore" band?
CROW: That's about the long and short of it. [To voice activator] Send down the ATR bots!
[The ATR bots are loaded onto a tram and carried to the SOL shuttle bay]
CROW: Fire in 3... 2... 1...
[The MAD light flashes]
MIKE: Hold that thought.
CROW: Hold launch.
MAGIC VOICE: Lauch held.
[Mike pushes the button and a beaming Dr Forrester in bright green combat fatigues appears on the Screen..]

DR. F: Good news, boobies! There's a counterrevolutionist terrorist faction known as Free the Fanfiction Mailing List forming, designed to fight this new red menace! And they've requested our assistance! Send all weapons on the SOL to these coordinates, Mike, WE'RE GOING TO WAR! Push the button, Frank!
FRANK: I can't Steve, the reader has to push it!
DR. F: Oh, fine then!

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|    THE BUTTON  |
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*FWWOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSH!*


=============================================================
MST3K is property of BBI.
Atari Teenage Riot is referred courtesy of Digital Hardcore Recordings
Join The Revolt, Save The FFML
Be Realistic, Demand The Impossible
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