First off, let me say thanks for the C&C. Rain tried very hard to
steer me in the right direction on some of this and I shipped it before
she had a chance to do a final review of it. The reason I did that is
because I had promised to post the piece some time over the weekend and
it was late on Sunday evening when I finished the last re-write. So
yours is the first serious commentary on this version of the yarn. My
answers will be enclosed in square [ ] brackets.
The writing on this one was pretty good, give or take a few
homonym problems and other typos, but I have some major problems with
the characterizations.
[I do try very hard to spot and remove these, but almost never get them
all. I will go over it again to see if I can spot and correct them.]
1) Tofu: Here is a guy who went through thirty-eight volumes of the
original series basically uninvolved in Ranma's affairs -- so uninvolved
that he remained invisible for the last two-thirds of the series. Now he
practically wants to run Ranma's life for him. Why the change? If this
is to be believable, you need to show us what his reasons were for his
previous behavior and what's causing him to make such a hundred and
eighty degree shift.
[Yes, well that gives a little room to play with Tofu's character. Now I
will agree that I was pushing the envelope a bit, but it is nothing like
some of the grotesqueries I've seen made of the Tofu Ono character. To
be honest, I decided to model him after Kurosawa's "Redbeard," played by
Toshiro Mifune. Here, I am taking advantage of Tofu the Martial Artist,
as well as Tofu the Physician. He is not so much trying to "run Ranma's
life," as he is trying to heal a patient. If I get many more complaints
on this issue I will pitch this thing and start over. Takahashi uses
Tofu primarily as a foil, I need him to be a little more than that. He
needs to be someone a group of rough and rowdy Martial Artists can
respect.]
Why hit Genma? You, as the author, may feel (I'm guessing) that
Genma had it coming. But why would Tofu think that? He's never been
shown to have any animosity toward Genma.
[Unlike many, I find the Genma character to be rather likeable. He is a
bit thick though and when you really need his full attention, you had
best come at him from the direction he understands best. Now, is this
overplaying things a bit? I must admit to the possibility. I did feel
the story needed a little action at this point and thought that the
readers might find it amusing to see Tofu Ono surprise the rugged
Martial Arts Master and launch him into the koi pond. Again, if I get
several complaints about Tofu's action towards Genma, I'll rewrite that
scene and have him get Genma's attention another way.]
Also, talking about a "shit list" seems quite unlike him. Is the
way he thinks is so very different than the outward image he projects?
[The nicest people I know have a "shit" list. I have one as well,
although mine is fairly long because I am not one of the nicest people I
know. I'm sure that I myself am on a number of shit lists because I went
to a great deal of trouble to earn a prominent place on one or two of
them. So we may well be dealing with a bit of bias on my part. It's hard
to keep such biases out of a story, just watch the evening news
sometime. If I get more than one complaint on this issue, I'll remove
the line. It's just a one line gag, anyway. Look at it this way, how
would YOU like to be Ranma Saotome's gynecologist?]
2) Ranma: The whole "combat fatigue" thing is difficult for me to
swallow. True, he's been in situations that might cause you or I to fall
apart; but Ranma isn't you or I. I can't think of anywhere in the manga
where he's ever shown symptoms of over-stress.
[Strictly speaking, I am out of canon on this issue but not too terribly
far out of canon. The nekko-ken is a stress-related disorder, not at all
unlike the "thousand-yard stare." I am sorry you find it such a
violation of verisimilitude, but without it I have no dramatic tension
to build upon, which would then necessitate scrapping the story and
starting over. I hope you will forgive me if I wait to see how many
other readers this bothers before taking such a drastic course of
action.]
Also, his attitude toward the others is changed without
explanation, most notably Shampoo. In the manga, Ranma considers Shamps
something of a friend, enough so that he braved his fear of cats to save
her from the bake-neko. He's never (since her initial appearance) acted
as if she were a serious threat to Akane and himself, and never really
held a grudge against her or anyone else. Why start now?
[Because he's older? Actually, you would have something of a valid
complaint were I writing strictly "in canon." I am not writing a story
that falls completely "in canon." I am writing about a young man
beginning to grow up and face a less protected world. A zany, mostly
comical, barely believable world, which remains mostly "in canon," but
one in which he finds it necessary to exercise a little more judgement
and self-responsibility.
Shampoo has repeatedly threatened to kill Akane throughout the
series. In Volume 18, the first Pantyhose Taro episode, she did plot and
did attempt to murder Akane Tendo in cold blood. The only reason Akane
survived, was because Shampoo tripped one of Taro's booby traps, thus
frustrating her intent. Granted, neither Ranma nor Akane ever knew that
this is what Shampoo had in mind. In Volume 38, Shampoo again waits
until Ranma is at extreme disadvantage and is fullyengaged in yet
another major struggle, before again threatening Akane.
What am I to assume is canon given Shampoo's intentions towards
Akane in Volume 18? She has throughout the series been patiently waiting
for an opportune moment to permanently eliminate her rivals. Now time is
growing short for her. What are we to expect of her? What are we to
expect of Ranma, given that he is by all accounts, a first rate
tactician? Remember the episode wherein Shampoo gave Akane a case of
amnesia? Ranma was very much afraid that Shampoo had murdered Akane in
that episode. At the end of Volume 38, Ranma Saotome has slain a kami
and demolished an entire mountain in order to save Akane Tendo's life.
Is it really that far-fetched to assume that he would become a bit
sensitive to potential threats against her at the end of such an ordeal?
I have gone to considerable length to explain Ranma's change in
attitude towards Shampoo and Genma, enough so that I have received one
or two complaints about the length of those efforts. His being angry
with Happosai is not OOC, insofar as I can tell, nor is his anger with
Kuno or Kuno's sister. The depth of his anger is different, but such
depth is a product of his current mental and physical condition which I
have tried to explicate in the story. So I must assume that this
complaint is a logical inference drawn from your rejection of Ranma
suffering from a stress-related disorder. Your logic here is
irrefutable, if one accepts said rejecton as the governing premise.
To tell you the truth, the one relationship I thought I had bent
the worst, is the one between Ranma and Nabiki. I expected a firestorm
over it and may still have to endure one. You will note that he is not
angry with Ukyo, Mousse, Ryoga, or even Soun and Nodoka, who most
certainly had a hand in arranging the botched marriage ceremony in the
first place. I have him give credit strictly where it is due. He is
angry with those that have directed insults or threats towards Akane
Tendo.]
I do very much appreciate your efforts Gary. I do lend
considerable weight to your opinions. I will consider your complaints
against the story carefully over the next few days, even though I must
admit to being somewhat disappointed at how the story has been received
by you. Clearly we see the outcomes of the Ranamaverse canon in a
somewhat different light. Should I decide you are entirely correct, this
story will be scrapped.
Regards,
Don Granberry.