The writing on this one was pretty good, give or take a few homonym
problems and other typos, but I have some major problems with the
characterizations.
1) Tofu: Here is a guy who went through thirty-eight volumes of the
original series basically uninvolved in Ranma's affairs -- so uninvolved
that he remained invisible for the last two-thirds of the series. Now he
practically wants to run Ranma's life for him. Why the change? If this
is to be believable, you need to show us what his reasons were for his
previous behavior and what's causing him to make such a hundred and
eighty degree shift.
Why hit Genma? You, as the author, may feel (I'm guessing) that Genma
had it coming. But why would Tofu think that? He's never been shown to
have any animosity toward Genma.
Also, talking about a "shit list" seems quite unlike him. Is the way he
thinks is so very different than the outward image he projects?
2) Ranma: The whole "combat fatigue" thing is difficult for me to
swallow. True, he's been in situations that might cause you or I to fall
apart; but Ranma isn't you or I. I can't think of anywhere in the manga
where he's ever shown symptoms of over-stress.
Also, his attitude toward the others is changed without explanation,
most notably Shampoo. In the manga, Ranma considers Shamps something of
a friend, enough so that he braved his fear of cats to save her from the
bake-neko. He's never (since her initial appearance) acted as if she
were a serious threat to Akane and himself, and never really held a
grudge against her or anyone else. Why start now?
Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics.html