"The 49 Inverses, Part 1"
"Female Bonding"
Slayers is copyrighted...blah, blah, blah...I'm such a sucker for red-heads...
(We open up with Lina Inverse wandering around your typical forbidden
and supposedly empty castle. She's holding a map of the place, and a note.)
Lina: Hmm...if I'm correct, the throne room should be this way. I wonder...
(She wanders through, and leaps and ducks under rolling saw blades,
slicing ginzu blades piercing from the bottom, and generally avoiding a
lot of sharp objects.)
Lina: And the damn place won't let me use my magic... (She leaps over
another pile of sharp pointy scissors, complete with red handles.)
Man...who ever wrote this scene has obviously watched too much Indiana
Jones crap. (Well, I'm partial to Lara Croft.)
(Anyway, Lina finally gets through the knives part of the Double Dare
competition, and she slides through a whole room made out of jello and
slime. Don't ask me how they made it. Finally, she finds herself in the
throne room. She then trips over someone.)
Lina: Ow! Hey, watch it...(She gasps as the face is revealed to be her
sister...Luna Inverse.) Ack! Sis! I...I...I didn't know you'd be here!
Luna (smirking): You got the same letter that I did? (Lina nods.) Ha!
(The two girls look at each other. Luna looks a lot like Lina, red-hair,
same sort of shape, except her hair is cut in a more tomboy-ish style
while Lina's looks like it hasn't been tamed in years. Oh, yeah, and
there's the thing about Luna's bigger breast, but we won't dwell on it.)
Lina: S-s-so...do you want me to leave?
Luna: Well...let's just see what the guy wants and we'll see. Say, look
at those chairs. (Luna points to two velvet covered throne chairs with
the names Lina and Luna written in big 70 point Cornet fonts. If you
don't know what Cornet fonts are, let's just say it's a Script-like font
you'd see on Wedding invitations directing you where the
bachelorette-keg party is.) I suppose he's waiting for us.
Lina: Well...I suppose we s-s-should go. (Lina lets Luna proudly go in
front of her and Lina carefully trails behind her. After the two of them
sits down, the chairs, and the two sorceress, fall down a trap door,
down below the basement, and landing in a cave. A waterfall covers the
enterance of the cave, and it's well lit.)
Luna: Wow, that was quite the ride!
Lina (screaming): Are you kidding?! We could have died!
Luna: What, my sister afraid of a little fall like that? (Lina glares
back at Luna.)
Lina: Hey, I'm...
Woman's voice: Greetings, great sorceresses. I am pleased you have come here.
Lina (sounding a bit braver): Yeah, we got your message. Come alone,
bring no one else.
Luna: Say...you sound familiar...
(The woman appears, and she's covered with long, golden yellow hair. The
two red-heads gasp.)
Lina: The Lord of Nightmares!
Luna: What are you doing here?
Lord: Well, I got tired of playing Sailor Moon roles...(she looks
confused) No...wait. Got it. I have a quest for you two.
Lina (eyes glowing, smiling): A quest! Great!
Luna (not smiling): Um, yeah. Great. Fine. Okay-dokay.
Lord: Let me explain...before time began, a portal conjured itself out
of the nothingness. This portal then began to multiply itself. Then it
created the Lord of Nightmares. Thanks to its teachings and discussions,
I was able to create this world with an A- grade. Then, the portal let
it for me to use as I wished. It's sole purpose was to be a servant,
regardless of the person. After the gods were created, I realized if the
Gods knew about the portal, bad things will happen. So, I hid the
portal, hoping it would never been found.
Luna: And let me guess, bad things have happened?
Lord: The Mazoku have discovered the portal and used it to trick the
gods to come through the portal, and in doing so, losing their power of immortality.
Lina: Power of immortality? Just that?
Lord: It is sufficient enough for that alone, since the powers we wield
are so great, even attempting one spell would kill the average dragon or
Mazoku, let alone a human. Therefore, I must have you to find and
destroy the portal, since I know that the Mazoku has probably already
moved the portal to a more accessible spot.
Luna: Oh? Is that all? One portal? Well, if that's what you want, then
I'll defer to my sister, Lina here, and let her and her merry band take
care of it. (The Lord of Nightmare shakes her head.)
Lord: Truly, for a Knight of Ceephid, I am truly surprised of this
disdain for such a quest. Your sister, as powerful as she is can not do
it alone. (Luna is about to speak, but the Lord holds up a finger.) No,
I insist that you help your sister in this quest, and Ceephid agrees
with me.
Luna: B-b-but she's my sister. Besides, I'm a loner. I don't do groups.
I can't stand company. And I've got this little business as a waitress
back home---
Lord: I have taken care of that as well. I wrote in your resignation
papers yesterday. (Luna looks at the Lord of Nightmares with a wide-eye,
dropped jaw look.)
Luna: You did what?!
Lord: I told them that she was on a quest and that it was not likely
that she'll come back afterwards, and thus she was quitting being a waitress.
Luna: No!
Lina: Gee, aren't you being a little harsh, L-sama?
Lord: Harsh? This sister still enjoys the pleasure of making you look
like an idiot all because of that naked image you conjured up many years
ago. (Lina blushes.) And, you could use a little social training
yourself. And besides, when was the last time you had a haircut?
Lina: Um...six?
Luna: My job! Gone! Now what will I do?
Lord: You will join your sister to find this portal and defeat it!
Luna: Oh, yeah? Well, there's no way I'm going to go with her (pointing
to Lina)!
Lina: Well, I'm not exactly fond of you either.
Lord (sounding exasperated): Girls, you hardly know each other! (Lina
and Luna look at each other, blinking.)
Lina: I don't remember sleeping with you...
Luna: Yeah, wouldn't that be incest? (The Lord of Nightmares face-fault.)
Lina: Well...besides, I'm sure I could figure this out on my own. I
mean, I've faced worse problems.
Lord (sigh): Well, it seems that I must do this to keep you together.
(singing) I call upon the four elements, the five rings, and the six
degrees of Kevin Bacon, and call on your most powerful of jewelry, the
most dangerous of toys, and the most stupidest of comedic humor. I
summon the chain of love!
(Suddenly a golden chain appears. It's not very long, and on each end is
brace with each girls' full name on it. It magically zooms towards Luna
and snaps the chain on her right wrist, and pulls her over to a now
running Lina and catches her, attaching the chain to her left wrist.
Suddenly, the chain pulls itself in the middle, and the two girls knock
into each other. Somehow, the Lord of Nightmares has disappeared.)
Lina & Luna: Oof!
Lord's voice (singing): The Chain of Love has a mind of its own, only it
knows when to release you from its spell. It is indestructible, and not
even I can destroy it. It has connected you two physically and
magically, such that whatever spells one has, the other has, and uses
the magical powers of both of you. If one is injured, both of you are,
and whatever one feels, the other feels as well. In short, if you try to
hurt your sister, you only end up hurting yourself.
Luna: Um...wait a minute, that doesn't make sense.
Lord: And how so?
Luna: Well, my sister is an expert in black magic, I'm the best at white
magic. The two don't coexist...
Lord: But, remember, Love conquers all, and (sings) it doesn't matter if
your black or white...Wooo! (Stops singing.) Wait a minute...oh no...
Lina: W-w-what?
Lord: Something has gone terribly wrong. Somehow, during the spell, I've
somehow turned myself into this chain...and I can't get out of it!
(Suddenly there's a hideous sound of laughter.)
Luna: Com..pany. Figured.
Lina: I don't like the sound of that laughter...it sounds like...
Voice: That is a secret! (Lina groans.)
Lina: Xelloss! What are you doing here?!
(An earthquake rumbles through, causing the two girls to roll over as
the Xelloss and a very large Stargate-like looking portal appears out of
the cave...)
Xelloss: Well, hello, dear Lina...and ah, this must be your sister.
Charming. So, Nighty, how does it feel to be apart of this family?
Lord: The portal! Why is it here? I thought it was heading to Walla
Walla Washington.
Xelloss: Well, I wanted you to save the time and trouble of making the
girls go through a clumsy fifteen part episode in finding their way to
Walla Walla Washington.
Lina & Luna: Walla Walla Washington?
Xelloss: It's where Mazokus go to gamble, sleep with protestitutes, and
gamble on the Super Bowl, which isn't even on this universe.
Lord: Portal, how could you obey his command to turn me into my own spell?
Portal: I only obey what is asked of me. Besides, you would have died
after conjuring that spell. Have you forgotten? (The chain slaps itself,
pushing the two Inverses onto the floor.)
Lord: OH, yeah, "Thou shall not invoke any one of the six degrees of
Kevin Bacon, or really bad things will happen. NO exceptions." Sorry, Sorceress...
Xelloss: We all make mistakes. I'm sorry, girls, but I'm going to have
to take you in. We Mazokus really can't trust you two girls to ruin
things for us, now, right? But, I'll tell you a little secret that I've
been waiting to tell you.
Lina (frowning): Secret? And what kind of secret is that? That you're
wearing briefs?
Xelloss: Well, suppose I told you I knew your father. (The two girls
look at each other.)
Luna: Mr. Xelloss, for your information, Father died before Lina here
was born. I'm sure of that.
Xelloss: Ah, but that's what Leda would have told you...she would never
wanted it known that she was in love with a Mazoku...(Luna looks concerned.)
Luna: Wait a minute...h-h-how'd you know mother's name?
Lina: Xelloss is a very nosy Mazoku, sis. (to Xelloss) Now, if had you
hurt Mother...(She stops as Leda Inverse enters. She's a bit shorter
than Lina, but still has the patented red-hair, and curious smile.) MOTHER?!
Leda: Yes, Lina, it's me, your mother. I'm still here. I do wish you
would write more often. And you really need a haircut, dear. (Luna
laughs, flopping Lina over.)
Luna: Okay, this is got to be some kind of illusion, right? A damned
good one...
Leda: Luna! How dare you talk to your mother and father like that! That
is so improper, child! (The two girls blink and drop their jaws.)
Lord of Nightmare (sighing): I was afraid of something like this. I was
afraid the first thing the Mazoku would ask the portal is to give them a
better brain.
Xelloss: Well, Lordy, I'm still smarter than the average Mazoku. Anyway,
your mother's right, kids. Lina, Luna (he hugs Leda)...I'm your father.
(He then grabs the motionless girls and hugs them.)
(We pan away from the portal and we can here both Lina and Luna scream...)
******************************
Author's Notes:
Hey, what can I say? I've always wanted to do a Slayer's fic...the Title
I got was from a suggestion at the FFIRC, who mentioned a movie called
"The 49 steps." So...I kinda played with it, and here it is.
Next time: Lina and Luna talks to their dad...sleeps in a bed together
for the very first time...and Gourry finds the portal while everyone
else runs away from a very annoyng Amelia. This and Naga in a bunny
suit, next time on The 49 Inverses, Part 2: "Bunnies, Beds, and Blonds"
Comments, Criticisms, and other types of correspondences are welcome.