All I ever knew about Evangelion, I learned from reading fanfiction...
So I've got no business doing this.
But it's too damn good to pass up.
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SLAM!!
<Ooooh... I *wish* she wouldn't do that. Especially after a night
like last night> Hangovers are supposed to go away after a few hours,
but Misato's had been hanging on all day, or so it seemed, if Asuka
was already home from school. Of course, Misato had consumed enough
'hair of the dog' throughout the day to account for a good-sized
litter.
Best to try to put on a happy face, though. If that slam meant
anything, it was that Asuka was mad. And if Asuka was mad, well...
things would be getting pretty noisy soon. And noise was the *last*
thing Misato needed about now. She drew a deep breath as she stood
up, and prepared to walk into the apartment's kitchen.
"Okaeri nasai, Asuka-chan!"
The redhead whirled violently on Misato, who cringed in pain as Asuka
screamed at her. "Don't you DARE call me that again! EVER!!"
-----------------
ASOKO LANGLEY SOHRYU
an Evangelion spamfic (with a twist of lime)
by Ukyou Kuonji
-----------------
Misato was sipping, reluctantly, at a chocolate milk that Asuka had
prepared for her as a peace offering. After peeling her NERV-
appointed guardian off the floor, Asuka realized that Misato had
actually said her proper name and not <shudder>...
"A nickname, huh?" The redhead nodded sullenly while Misato stared in
slight surprise at her drink. <Huh. Damn thing really works.> She
peered at Asuka, wondering how on earth she'd known this was such a
hangover remedy at her tender age. She sighed. "Kids can be so cruel
sometimes, especially when they're dealing with someone who's...
different..."
"Tell me about it... and they *have* to pick on me just 'cause I'm a
'gaijin' or whatever-the-hell it is, and my name sounds like that.
I mean, really, if someone deserves to be called 'It', it should be
Shinji. Commander Ikari treats him like an object, after all, and
he's his *father*..."
Misato arched an eyebrow. "Commander Ikari treats *everyone* like
objects, Asuka. Shinji just stands out because, as his son, he's the
one person the Commander *shouldn't* treat that way. But," and she
shrugged, "there *are* extenuating circumstances, after all..."
"Yeah, like Gendo being a prime bastard..."
A small smile began to form on Misato's pained face, mirroring
Asuka's. "Yes, well... that too." Then, she caught herself. "Did
you say... 'it'? That's what they called you?"
"Well, yeah. Asoko. That's what the kids started calling me today.
Means 'it' or 'thing', doesn't it?" A sweatdrop formed on the back
of Misato's neck as Asuka continued. "I mean, come on, *Wondergirl's*
a goddam thing, I tell ya..."
"Umm, Asuka?"
"...Flat as a board, no emotions... the kid's not human."
"Asuka?"
"I'll bet she isn't even a she... nothing there but 'Made in Japan'
stamped on her butt like a stupid Barbie doll, only uglier."
"Asuka!" Misato brought a hand to her forehead as the noise rang in
her ears. Noise *she* had created. "I don't think 'asoko' means what
you think it means..." She could feel her face begin to flush, and
wondered if Asuka suspected anything.
"Huh? Well, that's what that geek Kensuke told me it meant. He
seemed nice enough... not the sort to lie about something like
that..." She pondered Kensuke's expression as he had explained the
definition to her. "Maybe he was, though... he certainly couldn't
look me in the eye... and his face was kinda... well, like yours,
Misato."
The NERV lieutenant blinked. "Like mine?"
"Yeah, all red and everything. What's going on? Was he lying to me?
What's it mean?"
"Ah... no, he wasn't lying, not exactly. How to say this...?"
"Geez, just spit it out, already. How bad could it be?" Asuka's
voice dropped to a low grumble of Germanic oaths as Misato continued
to puzzle out a suitable explanation.
Finally, with a roll of her eyes and a resigned expression, Misato
began. "Okay, Kensuke wasn't lying... loosely translated, 'it' or
'thing' works just fine. It's just... that it's a *particular*
thing..."
Asuka gave Misato a doubtful look. "A... *particular* thing..."
she parroted.
"Uh, yeah. Literally, it means... 'down there.' *That* particular
thing."
Silence.
Absolute, utter silence.
Asuka stared at Misato in disbelief and horror, as the explanation
sank in, but otherwise, she made neither a move nor a sound.
The part of Misato's brain that was still recovering from the hangover
had just started congratulating the rest of the organization on a job
well done when a growl began to rumble from across the table. Every
functioning synapse grew a sweatdrop as her eyes were riveted
helplessly on the building volcano.
This was gonna hurt...
"yeeeee-AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGH!! I'M GONNA *KILL* THEM!!!!"
With a howl that would have drowned out an Angel attack and pierced
through an AT field, Asuka Langley Sohryu erupted, burying Lt. Misato
Katsurnagi under countless tons of unfocussed rage before mercifully
stomping out of the apartment, presumably to wreck holy vengeance
on the male population of Tokyo-3.
God help us all.
==========
This is the sort of thing that comes to you when you have a reference
book on Japanese swear words. You just gotta use 'em now and again.
I'm assuming that Asuka's grasp of Japanese isn't perfect when she
shows up in Tokyo-3, and what with the language being so difficult to
learn and to relate to for a non-native speaker (ask anyone trying to
translate manga or anime, why don'tcha), she may have missed some of
its more, ah, colorful, aspects.
Come to think of it, I hope *I* understood the word properly, or the
whole thing falls flat. It seems like the sort of things kids might
do; your typical playground name-calling and all that. And what I've
read about Asuka suggests that she's quite the tease as it is, so the
moniker fits her better than would seem at first blush.
Anyway, enough chatter for now. Just proving I'm alive and kicking.
Till next time, ja!
Itsu mo,
Ucchan ^_^