Scenes From An Elevator:
An Idiotic Utena Spamfic
By: Dreiser
EPISODE TWENTY THREE: Shower Violence.
SCENE: A nondescript broken elevator at Ohtori Academy where
the shadows of Mikage Souji and Chida Mamiya are seen sitting
inside of it. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the
background.
MAMIYA: (Sighs.) You know, it really is boring just sitting around
in this stupid elevator.
MIKAGE: (Nods his head.) Tell me about it.
MAMIYA: (Stares at him.) But I just did.
MIKAGE: (Sighs.) It was a figure of speech.
MAMIYA: (Puzzles.) Speeches have figures?
MIKAGE: (Groans in frustration.) Why me?
JURI: (Distantly shouts.) That's my line, dammit!
MIKAGE: (Eyes go wide.) Juri-sama? Is that you?
MAMIYA: (Sniffs.) Who is she to claim a line anyway? Her only
true line in this series is that whole schtick about there not being any
miracles in the world. (Grumbles.) I knew hiring snotty French
people to work on this story would just end up causing trouble.
JURI: (Distantly shouts.) I'm Japanese, not French!
MIKAGE: (Looks around in wonderment.) How can she keep
doing that? Is she related to Superman and has some type of
enhanced hearing or something?
MAMIYA: (Dryly.) Hardly. The author has a crush on her so Juri
gets to hear everything that goes on here.
MIKAGE: (Thinks on this.) Lucky Juri...
JURI: (Distantly shouts in sarcastic tones.) Lucky?! You meet the
author of this thing then say that I'm lucky!
SCENE: The wonderful and oh so elegant apartment of Arisugawa
Juri. I'd go on in greater description of it but it would just annoy
her. Anyway, the sound of running water can be heard. The Sunlit
Garden no longer plays faintly in the background.
JURI: (In the shower looking elegant. Mumbles.) Why did this
have to happen to me? Why must I always have the most obsessed
fangirls in all of Otaku-dom liking me?
(As Juri continues to complain in her uniquely charming and
absolutely perfect way, a figure can be seen hovering outside of her
shower. Unfortunately, Juri doesn't notice the figure until the
shower door flies open to reveal them.)
JURI: (Shocked tones.) What are you doing here?!
(The sound of a slight scuffle is heard then a thump sounds to signal
Juri's defeat with the mysterious figure. When the figure comes out
of the shower, they hold an unconscious, and drop dead gorgeous,
Juri in their arms.)
SHIORI: (Gives an evil smile.) What? Don't tell me that you were
expecting someone else.
SCENE: The Dueling Arena stairs. Tenjou Utena is slowly making
her way up them. As she does so, the song Zettai Unmei
Mokushiroku or the Absolute Destiny Apocalypse plays in the
background. The Sunlit Garden (of course) no longer plays faintly
in the background.
UTENA: (Huffs.) Why are these stairs so long anyway? Who the
hell designed this place? An imbecile?
SCENE: The Upside Down Castle. Ohtori Akio is sitting in a
lazyboy recliner next to Dios who sits on his own. They're staring at
the big screen television in front of them. The Sunlit Garden no
longer plays faintly in the background.
(Out of nowhere Akio sneezes loudly.)
DIOS: (Looks at Akio.) ...
AKIO: (Smiles.) Thanks, that was very polite of you.
SCENE: The Dueling Arena stairs. Tenjou Utena is slowly making
her way up them. As she does so, the song Zettai Unmei
Mokushiroku or the Absolute Destiny Apocalypse plays in the
background. The Sunlit Garden (duh) no longer plays faintly in the
background.
UTENA: (Grimaces as she continues to walk up the never-ending
and twisting flight of stairs.) It doesn't matter how long it takes me
to reach the top of these stairs because when I finally do, I'm going
to challenge Akio to a duel. Once I beat him then Anthy and I will
be free to live happily ever after. (Pauses to huff.) That or we can
go to another fairy tale like situation that would be appropriate for
two lesbians used to a Disney based fantasy world environment
complete with mind altering drugs.
SCENE: Some wall in Ohtori Academy during an unusually timely
and frequent sunset. The figures of the Shadow Play Girls A-ko,
B-ko, and C-ko are seen. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly
in the background.
B-KO: (Laughs madly.) Now we're at full strength! With three
Shadow Play Girls giving eerie moral synopsis of each episode
we'll be able to take over the world!
C-KO: (Sweatdrops. Says quietly to A-ko.) Is she always like
this?
A-KO: (Nods her head.) I'm afraid so.
C-KO: (Warily.) Great.
B-KO: (Whirls around to face them.) Are you two talking about
me?! Because I really hate that!
C-KO: (Nervously.) I didn't say anything, I swear!
B-KO: (Narrows her eyes.) So you say... but I bet as soon as I
turn my back again you'll start talking about me.
A-KO: (Heaves a sigh.) Quit it, B-ko. You're starting to sound just
like Touga when this series began.
B-KO: (Mulls over this. Sounds disturbed.) Hey... you're right. Is
that freaky or what?
A-KO: (Shakes her head. Looks to C-ko.) Have any ideas about
what the moral of this episode should be?
C-KO: (Ponders.) Watch out for Shiori in showers?
A-KO: (Snickers.) That works for me. B-ko?
B-KO: (Mutters to herself.) I can't believe that I'm acting like
Touga... maybe I should seek counseling. I must be sick.
(As B-ko continues to mutter to herself the scene fades to black.)
To be continued...
All characters in this spamfiction are from Utena. This is a
nonsensical out of character piece of tripe that I wrote when
extremely bored. I'll continue to write this series when I'm
extremely bored because sometimes I just feel like being silly. In
other words don't take this stinky poo seriously. It's just for fun.
Send comments to: Dreiser1@ix.netcom.com
The not so thrilling trailer line: What will happen next time?! Will
Mikage and Mamiya still be, for whatever reason, in the elevator?!
Can Utena make it to the top of those never-ending stairs?! And is
B-ko really going to seek counseling?! Stay tuned!
Chat with me on ICQ! My ICQ # is: 37674780
Thanks to Red Death all of my fanfics are archived at:
http://www.lvdi.net/~reddeath/dreiser.htm
For SFAE in text and other spiffy Utena fanfics go to:
http://www.duellists.tj/~utena/index2.html
To hear the excellent SFAE radio production go to:
http://michiru.com/utena/
A RANDOM QUOTE AND ANALYZATION:
"Pu!"
-Mokona; Magic Knight Rayearth-
ANTHY: (Stares at the quote.) Frankly, I find this more than a bit
insulting to my intelligence.
CHU CHU: (Nods his head.) Chu, chu, chu chu!
ANTHY: (Looks at Chu Chu.) He really said that to you?
CHU CHU: (Scowls fiercely.) Chu chu! Chu!
ANTHY: (Shakes her head a bit.) Well, of course. If Mokona said
something like that to me I'd be forced to challenge him to a duel as
well. But who won?
CHU CHU: (Smirks.) Chu chu chu! Chu!
ANTHY: (Eyes widen.) So now you're the one engaged to Umi
and you've set the wedding for July of next year?
CHU CHU: (Shrugs.) Chu, chu chu.
ANTHY: (Smiles.) Yes, I can see your point in allowing her to plan
the wedding. It makes more sense.
Juri Rules All.
Mokona is Satan.
Yes, I'm a girl.
-Quotes from my dinky self-