Subject: [FFML] [fanfic][LIME][ranma][3rd Repost]Comes the Cold Dragon Pt1 Rev3
From: Don Granberry
Date: 1/30/2000, 11:37 PM
To: ffml@fanfic.com
Reply-to:
lunohoco@lunohoco.com

       What follows is REVISION 3 of _Comes the Cold Dragon_. I have
made numerous small changes to the text. Many were made to repair
typographical errors, spelling, et cetera. However, I have also made
numerous changes in answer to Allyn Yonge's criticisms of the piece,
especially those criticisms which were echoed by others. The
conversation between Tofu and Akane on their walk from the school to the
clinic is now somewhat shorter, as well as having undergone a number of
changes in wording. Most of you should find this considerably improved.
Some will not. The language of the opening is now significantly
different. I have also made some minor changes to the handling of
Nabiki. I am getting about even amounts of pro and con on the handling
of that character. Hopefully, this version will present readers with an
adequate compromise on most of the issues that have been raised.

       Many thanks to everyone that has gone to the trouble of reading
and critiquing this piece, especially those of you that have read it all
three times now. To those with the courage to read it again, this being
yet a fourth time, my hat is off to you.

Regards,

Don Granberry.



       Most of the characters in this piece and the setting for it, were
conceived of by Rumiko Takahashi for her Ranma1/2 series of Manga. All
such characters and the setting are the property of Takahashi-san and
her licensees. All other characters in the piece are purely fictional
and any resemblences to actual persons living or dead, are purely
coincidental.



 -----------------------------------------------------------------
Comes the Cold Dragon
(Samui Ryuu ga Kita)
 Part One REVISION THREE
-----------------------------------------------------------------


       Onna-Ranma woke up weak at the knees and nauseated, only to
discover he was standing at the front of a room crowded with people.
Someone was holding his right arm and some unidentified jerk was playing
music so loud it made his head hurt. His abdomen felt all puffy and he
had that greasy feeling that he got a couple of times back when Ko Lon
had given him the Full-Body Cat's Tongue. Worse, he was wearing his
boxers and could not feel a pad. He felt something tickling his ears and
realized that some idiot had let his hair down. He looked down. He was
wearing a white dress.

       "Oh, man! What idiot dressed me in white on a day like...wait a
minute! Wait _just one stinkin' minute_! This is a wedding dress!"

       Onna-Ranma glanced around quickly, trying to figure out what was
going on. Sure enough, there was a priest in front of him, going on
about obedience and fidelity and ...CHILDREN? He glanced to his right
and the nausea became much worse, forcing him to gulp at the bile in his
throat. He was standing next to Tatewaki Kuno, who was now fumbling
around in his pockets as though trying to find something. He glanced
over his left shoulder and spied his father, sitting on the aisle end of
the front pew.

       "What the hell is going on, Old Man?"

       "Look boy, since you and Akane never got along all that well,
Tendo and I decided to make a deal with the Kunos."

       "With the Kunos?" Onna-Ranma felt a flood of adrenaline slam into
his bloodstream. "Both of 'em?"

       "Yes! Just think son! This is your lucky day. You'll have two
weddings! First to your new husband and then, in an hour or so, to your
new wife. The truly great beauty of it is, they're both rich!"

       Onna-Ranma gritted his teeth in fury.

       "And you needn't worry about Akane, either!" Nabiki interjected
from out of nowhere, "Her future happiness is secure! The Kunos set up a
permanent, irrevocable trust for her, Ryoga and their kids."

       "You may now kiss the bride!" The priest happily proclaimed.

       Ranma woke with a start that shook his entire body. He regretted
the jerk immediately. The sudden motion caused the soft gauze of his
bandages to grate against his burns like so much sandpaper. Nor did
moving around do his head any favors. Sharp pains snaked though his
skull, accompanied by bright flashes of false light that he felt as much
as saw behind his tightly shut eyelids.

       "Ouch!"

       He opened his eyes only to see a stinging, blurry mixture of
fluorescent light and squirming ceiling tiles. After his vision cleared
somewhat, he realized where he was.

       I'm in Tofu's clinic, Ranma said silently to himself. Why am I
here? What happened? Why was I dreaming about marrying...Oh, shit! The
wedding! Why won't the stupid bastards give us a rest! Akane's gonna be
furious.

      The effort needed to contain his anger made him grit his teeth.
Gritting his teeth made the pain in his head nearly unbearable. He went
through the flashing lights and blurred vision ordeal again.

       "Note to self," spoke an echoing voice in his head, "Do not! I
repeat, do _not_ grit your teeth until this concussion has healed."

       "Concussion?" he whispered to himself, "I got a concussion?"

       "Yes!" The echoing voice answered as a great wave of pain broke
just behind his eyeballs and washed around them, "So don't grit your
teeth and try to lie still! It hurts when you do that, dipstick!"

        "All right already! I only did it because I was mad, okay? The
way they told me that I was getting married was by knocking me out and
dressing me in a white tuxedo--stupid jerks! I was so pissed when I
finally understood what they were planning, I couldn't see straight. We
hadn't been home from China for more than two days. They didn't even let
us get a decent rest from that long-assed trip," he told the voice in
his head.

       "Yeah, that was pretty rotten, all right." The voice sounded
doubtful for some reason. The voice was both feminine and familiar, but
Ranma could not identify the speaker. He found this annoying. He knew
the person was someone close to him.

       "So I broke loose from Pops and ran up to Akane's room," Ranma
told the disembodied voice, "I wanted to see if she was okay. If they
had knocked her out just to get her into a wedding gown like the time
before, I was going to whip every ass in the house."

       "But she was okay, wasn't she?"

       "She was more than okay. She was beautiful!"

       "Yeah, that western-style wedding gown looked great on her. She
glowed, didn't she?" The voice asked, sounding slightly envious.

       "Glowed, hell! She shone like the morning sun on a clear day in
winter."

       "Yeah, you're right, Saotome!" The voice said, suddenly sounding
like a little girl lost in the stygian depths of a great cavern, "She
was beautiful."

       The word beautiful echoed around the inside of Ranma's skull a
few times, making his eyes water.

       "The funny thing was, she was willing to go through with it. She
said it was because I said I loved her while we were at Jusendo."

       Ranma paused to swallow at the burning pain he now found in his
throat.

       "She was willing to live with me forever, even after nearly dying
because of me and my stupid curse! Just a few days ago I was holding her
in my arms and feeling her body cool as she died, then yesterday she
stood in front of me looking for all the world like an angel."

       "But you argued, didn't you?" The voice asked, quivering with
anger. "You big jerk!"

       "Yeah, we argued. I never told her I loved her and I knew it."

       Ranma managed to stifle a sob, but he could not stop the tears
which now began to stream down his face.

         "I remember thinking of how much I loved her. I remember
regretting never telling her that I loved her when I felt her dying, and
I yelled out her name in my ki voice. I put everything I had into it."

       He shuddered involuntarily at the memory. The movement generated
many little ripples of pain in his skull. He wanted to howl, but held
the urge in check. Such an act would only make matters worse. The pain
faded after a minute or so.

       "Then she hugged me and I knew she had returned. I must have been
heard on the kami-plane and they sent her back, but I still never told
her that I loved her. I didn't want her thinkin' I did."

       "Why?" The echoing voice asked.

       "Because I don't want any more lies between us, that's why! Who
the hell are you, anyway?" He asked the voice.

       "I'm your smarter half, Saotome. I know all the stuff you won't
admit to," the voice answered sarcastically. "You're bad about that, you
know!" Its echoing made Ranma's head pound. "Now then, why no lies
between you and Akane?"

       "Because I really do love her, that's why!" He answered the voice
mentally, "I love her more than my own life, but I can't do anything
about it right now."

       "As if not revealing the truth to her isn't a kind of lie!" The
voice answered in a cynical tone, "So, O wonderful and noble
Saotome-sama, why won't you marry her?"

       "I ain't worthy of her yet," he whispered aloud to himself, "What
the hell do I have to give her besides me? Ain't I some kinda sweet
deal! What good am I to her? I'm a girl half of the time! How am I gonna
take care of her? Sure, I'm a world class martial artist. So what? That
don't put no rice in her bowl by itself. Besides, all I've ever done is
make life hard for her. Akane's lucky to have lived through all the crap
that followed me here."

       "You worry too much about the curse, Saotome." The voice sounded
miffed.

       "How do you know?"

       "Trust me. I know!" The voice sound confident. "It bothers Akane
some, but not enough to spoil her love for you."

       "Whadda ya mean her love...for me?"

       "Oh, come on, Saotome! She loves you and you know it. You worry
about the curse because you think you're starting to like it."

       "I don't like the stupid-- ."

       "Bullshit! You use it all the time. It's handy."

       "I'm afraid I'll turn into a girl full time. What if I start
likin' it too much after I marry Akane, then what? I expect her
to...to-- ."

       "That ain't gonna happen and you know it."

       "Yeah, you're right. I'm a guy. Even when I'm girl and tryin' to
act like a girl, I'm a guy. I don't know how they do it. Bein' a girl is
a pain most of the time."

        "And sometimes it's an even bigger pain, right?" Now the voice
sounded positively impish.

        Ranma shuddered and the new waves of pain made his ears ring.

       "Please, I don't want to think about those times."

       "So the curse is something you can live with, right? It isn't
holding you that much."

        "Yeah, I suppose."

        "It's money you need to worry about, right?"

        "Yeah."

        "Why?"

        "Whadda ya mean, why?"

        "Why should you worry about the money? You never worried about
it before?"

        "'Cause when you ain't got money ya hafta depend on somebody who
_has_ got money. I don't like depending on anyone else. I don't want
Akane havin' to depend on anyone else," Ranma said as rising anger made
his headache worse. "All me and the old man have done for ten years now
is bum around and leech off other people. I'm sick of that! I haven't
made a fuss about it before because it would be embarrassing, but I want
to end the mooching. I wanna earn my own way and Akane's."

        "Your's and Akane's?

        "Yeah!"

        "Why must you earn enough for you _and_ Akane, Saotome?"

        "That's what a husband's supposed to do, ain't it?"

        "Just so long as you know where you going, pig-tailed boy."

       "Did I just say the word hus...husband?"

       "Yes, you did and its about time. You can teach the Art to make
money."

        "To do that you gotta be able to hold classes on time."

        "So?"

        "So when do I have control of my time?"

        "I'd say you need to take control of it, Saotome."

        "Easier said than done!"

        "Not so hard you can't do it though. All you really need to do
is end the chaos."

        "Things are never goin' to be neat, peaceful and orderly around
me. No one has that much control. Whadda ya think I am? Lord High Daimyo
of the Universe or somethin'?"

       "You act like it often enough!"

       "Well I ain't, and we both know it."

        "No, but you can put a stop to much of it, and you should," the
voice said, "Trouble is, you _like_ the chaos."

        "Huh? Wadda are you talkin' abou..."

        "Gimme a break, Saotome!" the girl's voice said angrily. The
echoes in Ranma's head became deafening. "You, my pig-tailed friend, are
an adrenaline freak. About half the trouble around here is your fault,
and what ain't been your fault, you made worse."

         Ranma made no answer. The pain was too much for him to come up
with one and not all of the pain came from his concussion. The voice
would not let matters stand though.

        "So if you really wanted to end the chaos around here, you could
end half of it just by cleaning up your on act, right? I mean the least
you could do is try and be nice to Akane!"

        "Yeah," Ranma whispered aloud, "I guess I could."

        "But will you?"

        Ranma almost made the mistake of nodding his throbbing head.

        "Yeah," Ranma finally answered the voice contritely, "I'll stop
all of it I can. Then I'll marry Akane."

        "Not quite."

        "Whadda ya mean, not quite?"

        "There are a couple of other things you need to take care of
first."

        "Such as?"

        "Well for starters, you have some ass whippings to hand out."

        Ranma felt as though a jolt of electricity had passed through
his body.

        "Damn straight, I got some ass whippings to hand out! Plenty of
people there yesterday had reason to be mad at me, but none of 'em had a
reason to hurt Akane. It was _her_ wedding. It should have been regal
and nice and...and sacred...Yeah, sacred! They're gonna _pay_. Some of
'em are gonna pay a lot."

        "Better make a list," the girlish voice said in a grim tone,
"You don't want to miss one or kick the wrong ass by mistake."

       "Pop comes first."

       "Why your dad first?"

       "Because he's the one that talked Tendo-san in to setting up this
wedding, then went and made a mess of it by trying to steal our most
important wedding present."

       "You mean the water from the Spring of Drowned Man?"

       "You got it! That water was as much for Akane as it was for me."

       "I suppose you're right about the water," the voice said,
sounding unhappy.

       "Damned straight I'm right about the water! What girl in her
right mind wants to be married to a guy that spends at least part of
every day as a girl? I mean, I got the nekoken because Pops was trying
to make me a better martial artist, right? Okay it was a stupid mistake,
but he was just trying to help me out. I can forgive him for it. I got
this curse because he took me to Jusenkyo. Okay, he was trying to make
me a better martial artist. That's fine. Another stupid mistake. I can
forgive him--sorta. But this time he's got no excuse. He set this
wedding up, then he help make a mess out of it and shamed Akane.  I may
donate him to the zoo and leave him there for a year."

       "What about Happosai?" The voice asked in a tone so cold that
Ranma felt icicles forming on the roof of his skull.

       "We'll hold off on the old lecher."

       "Good idea, Saotome!" The voice said sounding regretful, "I don't
think we want any more blood on our hands, now do we?"

       "Whadda ya mean, more blood?"

       "You killed Saffron, remember?"

       "I didn't kill Saffron--not really anyways."

       "Bullshit, you didn't kill him! You shattered him like he was a
piece of cheap pottery."

       "But he didn't really die, did he?"

       "Yes he did," the voice said, sounding as though it were near
tears, "just because he was reborn a few minutes later, don't mean you
didn't kill him. You know damned good and well you meant to kill him."

        "Yeah, I did. I killed Saffron and I did it on purpose, but only
to save Akane."

        "You were angry, Ranma!" The voice said, obviously crying now.
"You _wanted_ him dead."

        It was not a vision Saffron's shattered body filling the eye of
Ranma's mind, but the sight of Happosai clinging to Akane in her wedding
dress.

        "Okay. I'm still pretty angry with the old freak for gropin'
Akane on her wedding day. Let's give me time to cool off. Put him on the
bottom of the list."

       "Do it this way," the voice said sounding much calmer, "Wait and
cool off a little so you know you can stay in control, then you can make
him miserable for a couple of months."

       "I really like that idea."

       "I knew you would. What about Nabiki? She invited every nut case
in Nerima to the wedding, you know."

       "Yeah, I know. But she's just trying to pay the bills. Besides,
we need her help."

       "Okay. Her punishment will be helping us clean this mess up--and
no posing for her for a month. Note to self: Search out, steal and hide
all of Nabiki's cameras as soon as possible. Better yet, search out,
steal and hide her collection of negatives while you are at it. Even
better, no more pictures until things are settled between us and Akane.
This is for certain sure going to be on top of whatever it is Akane is
already doing to her."

       What are we going to do to Kuno?" The voice asked. Apparently she
could clench her teeth without making Ranma's head hurt. "What that
asshole did was unforgivable."

       "I will think up something massive for Kuno." Ranma answered
calmly. "He drew steel at Akane's wedding. Worse, he thinks he can lord
it over her and tell her and her family what they can or can't do. That
shit is going to stop as soon as I can get out of this bed. I am going
to hurt him so bad that the very mention of Akane's name will make him
break out in hives."

       "Okay, what about his sister?" The voice asked, sounding as
though smoke was beginning to pour from her ears. "The silly bitch
arrived at Akane's wedding wearing a wedding gown."

       "Hmm, better let Nabiki work on that one. If I can get Big Sister
good and mad at Kodachi, it will be the end of the Kodachi
problem--maybe forever. Why are you so mad at Kodachi, anyway?"

       "It's strictly a girl-type thing," the voice said in answer, "You
don't wanna know. What about Ukyo?"

       "Jeez! I can't really blame Ukyo for being angry with me and Pop,
now can I? Okay. I'll let her off with no more than a spanking."

       "Careful, Saotome! You know how much Ukyo craves attention. She
might actually enjoy being spanked by you. Ignoring her for a couple of
weeks would work much better, and would be a whole lot safer for all
concerned. Besides, Akane might not understand if she saw you spanking
Ukyo."

       "Come to think of it, Akane might have already beat the tar out
of Ukyo. Ukyo is pretty good, but no match for an Akane on the Warpath."

       "I was wondering when you were going to..."

       "I'm going to kill Xian Pu," Ranma thought, feeling his heart
grow heavy, as it shrank to the size of a small, hard pebble.

       "What? Come again, Saotome?" The voice asked sounding alarmed.
"You don't even like to hit girls, now you're thinking about killing
Xian Pu? What the hell has gotten into you?"

       "She's going to try and kill Akane if I don't!"

       "What? Oh, you just remembered what she said when she threw that
bomb at you during the wedding, didn't you?" The voice quavered as it
asked.

        Ranma's blood ran cold as Xian Pu's words came echoing back up
to him from the well of his memory.

       "Aiya! Xian Pu aiming for Akane, not Airen!" the Amazon had said.


       "I remember what she did at Jusendo, too!" Ranma said as he
almost forgot and gritted his teeth.

       "Do you really think for one second she ever had any intention of
using that bottle of water to cure Akane? No way! As soon as I had been
engulfed by one of those surokomi egg things, she would have thrown
Akane's body out with the trash. Then, once I came out the egg and
became Xian Pu's slave, I would have been her slave forever because she
would never be able to release me and stay alive. Remember how she
threatened to kill Akane after the bottle of water got broke and Akane
was still untreated? Do you really think Xian Pu was kidding? What do
you think she's planning to do right now?

Something Xian Pu had said on other occasions came back to haunt him,
"Obstacle is for killing."

        "Killing Xian Pu won't solve the problem, Ranma!" The girlish
voice said in pleading tones. "You gotta stay in control!"

       Ranma's blood ran cold again. He shivered and it ran even colder.
Actually it was his ki that had begun to run cold. So cold in fact that
the room temperature began to fall. He was so preoccupied that he was
unaware of the effect he was having on his surroundings.

       "Xian Pu saw how you really felt at Jusendo, boy." The echoing
voice now sounded like his father. "She is going to become desperate and
a desperate foe is the most dangerous kind of foe. How many times did
you have to stop her from killing Akane just after she came here? Twice
was it?"

       "I will stay in control! I will stay in control," the girlish
voice chanted softly to Ranma, "I will not kill Xian Pu. That will not
solve anything. I will stay in control."

       "What do you mean it won't solve anything, boy?" Genma's gravelly
voice ground it's way around the confines of Ranma's mind, "Killing a
snake leaves you with one less bite to worry about."

       "Yeah, but then I'd hafta worry about every Amazon in China
coming over here lookin' for revenge,  you dumbass!" the girlish voice
shrieked back at the Genma voice. "Think straight!"

       "Well you had better come up with something soon, little girl!
Amazons don't let anything stop them from getting what they want and she
knows you and Akane are getting closer! Do you really think she's going
to just stand by and let that happen?" The Genma voice grated. "Xian Pu
ain't laid up on her ass and helpless like you are right now, boy!"

       "I _will_ stay in control!" Ranma said aloud to what he thought
was an empty room.

       "Ah, Ranma-kun! I see you are awake at last," Tofu Ono said with
a wry smile, "How are you feeling?"

       Ranma quickly realized that Tofu was having to struggle to
maintain his usually affable, bed-side manner. Something was clearly
wrong, Ranma thought to himself. What's bothering him?

       "Mornin', Doc." Ranma grunted from the pain the effort of
speaking in a normal voice caused him. He lay still for moment wondering
if he had the strength to get up.

       "I feel like somebody just dug me up out of a bomb crater," Ranma
said with a forced smile. "Do I look that bad?"

        Tofu laughed nervously. "No, not quite that bad, but you won't
be back up to full speed for a week or so, Ranma. That blast of
Happosai's was pretty heavy. You have cracked collar bone, a mild
concussion and some pretty rough flash burns.

        Ranma suddenly realized that Akane was happily going about her
daily affairs, completely unaware of the danger she was in. Xian Pu
could strike at any time, and Akane would not have the least bit of
warning. Akane's anger always burns out right away and she's trusting by
nature. By now she's beboppin' around, not even thinkin' about what else
might goin' wrong.

        "How long have I been here, Doc?" Ranma asked, unable to keep
the fear out of his voice.

        "Half of a day yesterday, all night last night, and half the day
today. It's Monday. I didn't think missing one more day of school was
that important, given your physical condition--and everything else."

        "I've gotta get outta here, Doc! Where's Akane? Is she at
school?"

        "You aren't going anywhere for a couple of days," Tofu said
sternly, "but I am pretty sure that's where Akane is. She stopped by to
check on you on her way to school this morning."

       "I've got to get out of here!" Ranma tried to get up but the pain
in his head nauseated him and the burns on his neck, forearms, and
shoulders hurt so badly he nearly screamed.

       "There, you see? I'm not keeping you here to be mean. I'm keeping
you here so you can heal."

       "Doc, you don't understand! I can't leave her alone right now!"

       Tofu froze in place and regarded Ranma with a sad expression.
Ranma had seen that look on Tofu's face before. Now he thinks I've
flipped my wig or somethin', Ranma thought. He watched in horror as the
doctor fetched a chair and sat down next to the bed. The air in the room
seemed to be clouding up with a fine mist. Is the air conditioner on the
blink? Why is Tofu shivering? How come I don't feel cold? Who gives a
shit right now anyway?

       "Ranma, tell me what happened in China."

       "It would take too long!" Ranma said, trying not to sound
desperate and failing, "Anything could happen before I finished!"

       "Would you feel free to talk about it if Akane were here?"

       "Yeah, but I can't let her go walkin' around by herself!"

       Tofu stared at Ranma for a moment with a very thoughtful gaze.

       "You are worried about something or someone nearby."

       The burning pain in the back of Ranma's throat was so intense he
knew that his voice would crack if he tried to speak. He stared hard at
Tofu, aware that his eyes must be burning like those of a madman, but he
could not help it. Tofu seemed to understand.

       "Have you told Akane about any of this?"

       Ranma shook his head and immediately regretted it as waves of
nauseating pain washed through him.

       "I didn't realize there was a problem until just a few minutes
ago," Ranma said with an involuntary gasp. He could feel bile rising in
his throat.

       "Do you need a pan?" Tofu asked.

       "No," Ranma said being careful to not shake his head, "Some
aspirin would be nice."

       Tofu handed him a small bottle from his pocket, then glanced at
his watch.

       "I'll tell you what I'll do, Ranma. I will personally go get
Akane and escort her back here. Then, if the three of us decide it is
best, she can stay here until you are able to get around. Is that a
deal?"

        Ranma felt a sudden surge of relief. Tofu was a more than
capable martial artist, one of the few Ranma knew to be capable of
concealing his aura to the point of masking his presence in a room.
Akane would be safe with Tofu around.

       "You'll stay with her the whole way and never let her out of your
sight for a second?"

       "Since you think it is necessary, Ranma. I will."

       "You'll have to watch for trouble like you were up against a
bunch of ninja, Doc."

       "Oh?"

       "As long as you are around Akane, that's the fix you are in."

       "Oh, really? How many will I be up against should hostilities
break out somewhere between here and the school?" Tofu's voice remained
perfectly even and serious. Ranma was not too terribly sure that Tofu
understood, or could even be capable of understanding. He was too nice a
guy.

       "Just one...I think...I don't think she will risk asking anyone
for help."

       Tofu cocked an eyebrow at this last as he stared at Ranma again,
his gentle, brown eyes were unreadable. He reached into his pocket as he
stood and pulled a heavily laden key chain from his pocket. Tofu walked
across the room and unlocked a metal cabinet. Ranma's eyes widened with
shock as Tofu withdrew a shoulder holster from the cabinet and put it
on. Even more shocking was the fact that Tofu had something suitable for
filling the holster. What the hell? Ranma thought to himself, Tofu owns
a gun? Then, watching Tofu load the weapon, he realized that it was a
tranquilizer gun.

       "How many times have you had to use that thing?"

       "Only twice so far," Tofu said with a rueful grin, "I had to use
it on your dad once down at Miyagi-san's Place."

       "Let me guess, he was in his panda form, right?"

       "Yes, but that isn't why I used a tranquilizer dart on him. I did
it mostly to make the police happy. They were going to use something
rather more potent."

       "He must've been drunk out of his skull."

       "No, not really. It was just one of those situations where a
number of people leapt to erroneous conclusions."

       "Oh," Ranma said, "I see." He really did understand in spite of
being angry with his father. He had been the victim of such
circumstances too many times himself to think what ever happened would
necessarily have been his father's fault. He knew his father would not
have gone to Miyagi's in his panda form, so there must have been some
kind of accident involving cold water. A panda in a beer joint with a
bunch of drunks had to have been a rather volatile mix.

       "I'll be back here with Akane in a little under an hour I should
think," Tofu said reassuringly as he put on his lab coat, "You just try
to relax, okay?"

       "Just be damned careful, Doc."

       Tofu flashed Ranma a toothy grin. "Ranma, I've been practicing in
Nerima for quite a while now. One thing I do know how to do is to be
careful."

       Tofu walked over to the bed so that he could lean over and look
Ranma closely in the eye.

        "Now, I want you to stop pulling all the heat out of the room!
It's already cold enough to store meat in here and getting colder. Do
you want Akane to get a chill?"

       "Do what?" Ranma asked sounding startled. Pull heat out of the
room? He had never done anything like that before. He looked around and
realized that the mist he noticed earlier was becoming a fog. Am I doing
this? He silently asked himself. He looked inside himself and realized
that he was indeed the cause. He took a deep breath and stopped it from
happening. He looked back outside himself to find a sadly amused Tofu
smiling at him.

       "I'm sorry, Dr. Tofu! I didn't realize I was doing it."

       Tofu smiled and said, "I know that, Ranma."

       "I didn't even know I _could_ do it," Ranma said, sounding
puzzled, "What the hell was I doing?"

       "We'll talk about that when I get back here with your fiancee,"
Tofu said and patted him carefully on his upper, left arm.

       "Okay, Doc."

       "I won't be gone long," Tofu said over his shoulder as he started
to leave the room.

       "Oh, by the way, Doc?"

       "Yes?"

       "If you happen to see Nabiki, tell her I need to talk with her as
soon as she can come over here."

       "I'll make sure to find her," Tofu said, "You get some rest,
okay?"

       "Okay, Doc."

       Tofu flashed him one more smile and left.


                                                   -----------

       Tofu Ono had treated Ranma Saotome for numerous injuries. The
overwhelming majority of them had been minor and sports related--that is
assuming that the Martial Arts might rightly be considered a sport.
These injuries however, were different. No single injury the boy
suffered this time was any more serious than the injuries Tofu had
treated in the past. The frightening difference this time was their
overall number. Happosai had never been on Tofu's list of favorite
people, but now the old man was on the very short list of people for
whom Tofu Ono bore genuine malice. It was time some one taught the
callous old fool a lesson. He would have a word with Soun and Genma as
well.

       Ranma's alarm over Akane's welfare had confirmed something Tofu
had already come to fear about his observations of Ranma's mental
condition. The boy was showing every sign of suffering from a classic
case of traumatic stress disorder, more commonly known as combat
fatigue. Tofu had gone to the trouble of bringing the tranquilizer gun
mostly as a sop to Ranma's fears, but now as he walked towards Furinkan,
he began to wonder if he might have not also taken a wise precaution.
While it was true that victims of combat fatigue sometimes suffered from
unreasonable fears, they frequently had good reason to be afraid. Having
something to be afraid of was the primary cause of the malady. Akane had
been kidnapped several times during the past two and a half years, Ranma
could easily have good reason for his concerns about her. If Ranma's
fears were well founded, it made matters worse for his young patient,
not better. It merely confirmed the validity of Tofu's diagnosis and
worsened the prognosis. Tofu gritted his teeth.

       The bad thing was, simply treating Ranma at the clinic would not
affect a permanent cure.  He would very quickly begin to deteriorate
again once he returned home. Hardly a day went by without Ranma being
challenged by a first-rate martial artist, or something even more
formidable. Sooner or later, something would happen to push Ranma over
the edge. That could spell disaster given Ranma's special talents and
techniques.

       Tofu had a great many patients suffering from a stress-related
disorder of one kind or another, but nearly all of them were work
related. Related to the kind of work that did not entail the constant
risk of serious, physical injury. Ranma on the other hand, was much like
a soldier trapped in a war zone with no end to the war in sight.  He
knew of no one he could bring in on the case. Japan had not been at war
for a very long time. Tofu Ono found himself in the the ticklish
position of a man trying to disarm a fast fission device, equipped with
a poorly translated manual and a crescent wrench. He knew quite a bit
about Ranma, but he would need to know more before he could cure him. He
needed to know more because the only hope he had of helping his patient,
was to alleviate the stress. That meant finding the most constant
sources and either reducing them, or eliminating them altogether.

       Once at the school, Tofu simply informed the principal of his
intentions. The principal complained, but not too loudly after Tofu
began giving him a cold stare. As far as Tofu was concerned, this
irresponsible boob was the cause of problems for many of his patients.
He allowed no argument from the fool. He was surprised to find Nabiki at
the nursing station. He did not know that she served as student nurse
there. It was unlike everything he knew of Nabiki to volunteer for that
sort of thing, but then after he thought about it for a moment, he
realized that the best gossip post anywhere in the world was a nurse's
station. He gave her Ranma's message. She seemed to be expecting it,
which surprised Tofu yet again. Nabiki promised to come to the clinic as
soon as she had taken care of a few things at home that evening. Akane's
teacher proved to be very cooperative, suggesting that Akane take Ranma
a binder laden with makeup work. Akane maintained a frightened silence
as she gathered her things and accompanied Tofu out of the building.

       "Dr. Tofu?" Akane asked as they left the school grounds.

       "Yes, Akane?"

       "How bad is Ranma? He isn't going to..."

       "He is in no danger of dying, Akane," Tofu said tiredly, "but his
mental condition is quite fragile and will worsen rapidly if something
isn't done quickly. I need you to stay with him for a little while so
that he will calm down. He became deeply concerned about you as soon as
he woke up this afternoon."

        Akane stared straight ahead as they walked along the street
saying nothing, nearly oblivious to her surroundings. Tofu noticed her
apparent lack of concern for her own safety as he scanned the area for
potential threats.

       "I knew Ranma was worried about me before you got here," Akane
said with a sigh, "I felt him touch me a little while ago."

       "He touched you?" Tofu said, feeling a bit taken aback.

       "Mm-hmm," Akane noised as she nodded her head. "He does that
sometimes. It always makes me sneeze."

       "There must be a very powerful bond between the two of you," Tofu
said, as much to get Akane's reaction as anything else. He needed to
know for Ranma's sake how Akane really felt about the boy. Tofu had
already inferred an answer, but wanted confirmation from Akane herself.
Nothing beat an open admission in his business.

        "There is," Akane said sheepishly , "but neither of us has a
clue as to what to do about it."

        Tofu could not suppress a chuckle.

        "Why don't you try doing what comes naturally?"

        "Because neither of us is ready to have children," she said
emphatically.

        Tofu had not expected quite so frank an admission.

        "Well you needn't let things go that far, Akane!" He said as he
nodded at a passerby.

        "I...I..." Akane stammered and wiped at the sudden tears without
even realizing they were welling up at the corners of her eyes, "We live
in the same house. We eat at the same table. We see each other every
morning of nearly every day. If we were to...I don't think we could
control ourselves if we ever let anything like that start, Dr. Tofu.
Sooner or later the temptation would be too great."

       "I'm certain Ranma could," Tofu said in a soothing tone, "and I
think he probably would, Akane."

       "That pervert?" Akane sounded incredulous. "Stop himself from
doing something like that? No way! You didn't see what he did the first
day I met him."

       Tofu suppressed a laugh as he continued to check for threats.

       "I think I've heard this story. You walked in on him in the bath,
right?"

       "Yes," Akane said with clinched teeth, "I did. I thought he was a
girl and I wasn't wearing any clothes."

       "Let me guess. He became erect, didn't he?"

       Akane's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates as she nodded
her head in agreement. They walked on in silence for a few steps while
Tofu did not laugh even though he felt like it. Young people were so
funny sometimes. It was not their fault of course. Ignorance and
hormones had combined to make a volatile mixture for eons. They would go
on doing so for as long as humanity existed, and Tofu had firsthand
knowledge of how hard self-control could be on occasion.

       "He couldn't help it, you know," Tofu said, unable to suppress
the grin in his voice. He could feel his own face growing hot.

       "What do you mean, he couldn't help it?"

       "He couldn't help feeling what he felt anymore than you did at
the time."

       An ominous blue glow began to form around Akane, but Tofu ignored
it. The time for these two to face themselves had come and gone.

       "You see, the trouble with us men, is that we can almost never
hide what we feel in that sort of situation, even if we try thinking of
something quite different. As you no doubt noticed, our plumbing is a
little revealing."

       The glow around Akane dissipated. She nodded her head again and
giggled.

       "I'll say it's revealing! It scared the hell out of me."

       "Oh, really? Why?"

       "Because...because-- ."

       "Because you felt a brand new form of very intense excitement
when you looked at him, right?"

       Akane began to turn several shades of red. Tofu smiled to
himself.

       "You needn't answer that, Akane. Just listen to me for a moment,
okay?"

       Akane nodded silently, blinking back a new flood of tears. Tofu
gave her a handkerchief.

       "There was nothing perverted about happened to the two of you
that day. Ranma was and is a very healthy young male. You are a very
healthy young female. Reacting that way is part of your natures. So long
as the two of you maintain a little self-control, you shouldn't feel
ashamed of feeling that way about him anymore than he should feel guilty
about feeling that way about you. The race must go on, after all." Tofu
flashed a smile at her and was gratified as Akane seemed to relax a
little, but then she tensed up again.

       "But what if...what if I feel that way about him while he's
female?"

       Aha! Tofu thought, to himself. I thought there must be more here
than what meets the eye. The poor girl is wrestling with her own
hormones so much she's afraid to look inside and see what she might find
out about herself.

        "Is it just Onna-Ranma you feel that way about?"

        "Mostly," Akane said and then hesitated for a moment, "other
girls only excite me when my mind is really on Ranma. Well...Oh! I never
felt that way about anyone before until Ranma got here."

        Tofu wanted very badly to sigh, but suppressed it. People were
taught such foolish things as they grew up. All he could do was his best
to help them sort matters out on their own.

       "When did you first start feeling an attraction to his female
form?" Tofu asked Akane.

       "Not long after I met, him actually," Akane said in a distant
voice. "He had gotten splashed during a fight. When he got worried that
I might get hurt, he took me into his arms and jumped to a rooftop so I
would be safe. It made me tingle all over."

        "Onna-Ranma picked you up and jumped to a rooftop?" Tofu was
impressed. There were any number of martial artists in Nerima capable of
jumping to a rooftop, Tofu himself among them, but Akane was half of a
head taller than Onna-Ranma and probably outweighed her by a couple of
kilograms. That meant that Onna-Ranma had made the leap at a little over
twice the weight of his own body. He wondered if Ranma had taken time to
notice which form he was in at the time.

       "Was it being carried to safety that made you tingle all over, or
was it the physical contact with Onna-Ranma that did it?"

       "Both, I think. I got...I got very excited that day and I've had
trouble with it ever since."

       "Akane, there is nothing inherently wrong about any of this,"
Tofu said with a sigh, "your attraction to Ranma, whether male or
female, is perfectly natural. Neither of you are perverts."

        "How can you say that, Dr. Tofu? It isn't natural!"

       "I am not saying you are homosexual. In your case, feeling a
sexual attraction for Ranma is not the least bit questionable or
abnormal, given Ranma's unique condition. Which form of him attracts you
the most?"

        "His male form mostly, but...but his girl half-- ."

        "You, my dear girl, whether you want to admit it to yourself or
not, are very much in love with Ranma Saotome...both halves of him."

        Tofu watched Akane's face as carefully as he could for her
reaction. Clearly she understood the truth of her situation, but she was
not prepared for what it meant. If Genma and Soun had possessed three
ounces of sense between them, they would have taken the opposite tack
with Ranma and Akane. If the idiots wanted the pair married now, all
they really needed to do was to sit back and relax. Ranma would damp the
fires of hell with his own body for this girl. Looking at Akane's face,
Tofu realized that she would spit in a demon's face for Ranma. In a way,
she was already doing exactly that.

        They walked on silence for a few steps before Tofu thought of
another question.

       "How long has he been able to touch you from a distance?"

       "Oh...," Akane hesitated to recall. "I think it must have been
right after he learned the Umisen-ken."

        "Umisen-ken?"

        "Mmm!" Akane nodded her head. "It's a secret technique Uncle
Saotome taught him. Ranma can disappear from sight right in front of
you."

        "Ninjutsu?"

        "No, I think it's a special ki technique," Akane said, then
grinned. "But the big jerk messed up."

        "How?"

        "To practice, he started coming into my room late at night and
replacing my things with things from the kitchen. I found out that if I
think about him, I can feel his presence."

        "Why your room, I wonder?"

        "Because he knew I'd clobber him if I caught him," Akane said
with large grin. "He's like that about his training."

        "Does he know you can sense his presence?"

        Akane shook her head. "I'm saving that for a surprise."

        Tofu grinned even though he was beginning to tire. Counseling a
patient while watching for unknown threats was strenuous. He took a deep
breath and continued.

       "On the whole Akane, I'd say you are one of the most fortunate
people I've ever met."

       "How so?" Akane asked, sounding slightly alarmed.

       "For starters, you are engaged to a man who, as he gets older,
will come to understand more about being a human than anyone else on
earth."

        Akane glanced up at Tofu and he was fairly sure he saw the
sparks of realization flashing in her eyes.

       "He owes me some things, first," Akane said grimly.

       "Such as?" Tofu asked.

       "Respect, mainly," Akane said with a sigh. Then, in a more
menacing tone she added, "He especially owes me more respect as a
student of the art."

        Tofu smiled to himself. Rivalry between spouses was not
necessarily a bad thing, especially if it gave both an incentive to
improve. In this case, a mutual love of their art could easily result in
a mutual love of one another for a century. Neither of them was likely
to suffer the ills the majority of his patients suffered from. Either or
both could die in an accident or a fight, but heart disease or lung
disease or any of the most common killers of people were pretty much
ruled out for this pair.

        "I think Ranma respects you a great deal as a person already,
Akane," Tofu said, "but when it comes to the art, I think you need to be
sure of two things."

        "What's that, Doctor?"

        "Be sure you understand his training methods, and be doubly sure
to earn his respect in the dojo."

       Akane suddenly stopped walking and took in her surroundings, then
gave Tofu an intent stare.

        "I don't undersand."

        "Every sensei has his own teaching style. Many of them expect
you to figure out what is they want you to learn without them telling
you. Sometimes, they can't put it into words. Have you watched Genma
teach Ranma?"

       Akane made a sour face. "All Uncle Saotome ever does is spar with
him and call him names."

        "So? What does that tell you?"

        "Ranma teases me and calls me names whenever we work out."

        Tofu said nothing, but raised an eyebrow at her instead. He
quickly went back to checking for potential attackers, even though the
streets were quiet and nearly empty.

       "You think Ranma has good reason to worry about me," Akane said
as she looked him in the eye. "Don't you, Dr. Tofu?"

        "He may. Why do you ask?"

        "Because you are watching everywhere at once as though you were
expecting an attack."

       "Ranma is suffering from what can best be described as combat
fatigue, Akane. Victims of this condition often have good reason to
worry. In this case, Ranma's fears may be nothing more than a symptom,
but until we know for sure, I think it best to remain cautious."

       "I understand," Akane said as she too became watchful and
remained so until they reached the clinic.

       Akane dropped her books on the couch in the lobby and kept going
until she reached the room Ranma was in.

      "Ranma, you dummy! What's the big idea? Having me pulled out of
school?"

      "No chairs or skillets! Okay, tomboy?"

      "Okay, but only so long as you don't do anything perverted."

      Tofu grinned to himself in the lobby as he locked the entrance and
hung up his closed sign. So far so good. The fractious pair were dealing
with one another in their usual fashion. In some ways this would
actually help his patient, but he made a mental note to talk with Akane
about the name calling. As comforting as it could be for both of them,
the proper course of treatment called for greatly reducing the stress in
Ranma's life.

      "Okay, we gotta deal then. Where's Doc Tofu?"

      "Right here, Ranma," Tofu said as he entered the treatment room.
"Now how about telling us what's going on, and why you are so worried."

       "Xian Pu," Ranma said simply as though he had explained life, the
universe, and everything in it with a single word. Akane turned livid
with fury, then paled with fear.

       "Xian Pu?" Tofu asked, "Maybe you had better elaborate a little,
Ranma. I'm not sure I understand."

       "Well gee, Doc. It's simple. She's gonna try to kill Akane
sometime soon."

       Tofu quickly put his hand on Akane's shoulder, hoping she would
take it as a cue to remain silent. Much to his relief, she did.

       "What makes you say that?" Tofu asked.

       "What she said during our attempt at marriage yesterday. And the
things she threatened to do to Akane and me while we were in China."

       Akane buried her face in both hands.

       "What did she say at the wedding, Ranma?" Tofu asked.

       "She threw some pretty heavy bombs at the wedding yesterday, Doc.
Just before they went off in my face, I heard her say she was aiming at
Akane instead of me."

       "I see," Tofu said speculatively, "but didn't Ukyo throw some as
well? That's what I was told."

       "Yeah, but she was throwin' her stuff at me because she meant to
hit me, not Akane. Her argument is with me and she knows it. I didn't
mind that too much. I can understand her bein' mad at me. Xian Pu was
aimin' for Akane. That was just plain spiteful."

       "But it was never your fault, Ranma!" Akane cried. "It was your
dad that caused all the trouble engaging her to you after you were
already engaged to me! Ukyo has no right to take it out on you, anymore
than Xian Pu has a right to hurt me!"

       "Yeah, but I owe Ukyo, Akane. Me or Pop neither one has done
anything to make things right with her!" Ranma said, "Trouble is, I'm
not at all sure of what to do for her. How can I pay her back for
everything she's been through?"

       Tofu sighed and asked questions until he understood about Ukyo,
the loss of her dowry and her subsequent treatment by her family. He had
to bite his tongue in anger at the behavior of Ukyo's father. He had to
try and put the matter aside for the moment. It was an issue he would
look into later. Chances were good that there would be little that he
could do to help the poor girl, but he would try.

       The truly disturbing news was what he learned of Xian Pu's
behavior. Most people would consider a person like Xian Pu to be
completely insane. Tofu knew better. The girl had been raised in a
society held together by harsh rules. She was simply doing what she
considered to be both legal and morally necessary. This made her far
more dangerous than a person suffering from mental illness, because she
had full control of her mental faculties. Xian Pu could and would make
full use of her intelligence to serve her purposes. He looked at Akane
as she stared at Ranma and realized that Nerima might soon be embroiled
in a feud little different from that between the Taira and the Minamoto.
Tofu broke from his reverie with a shudder, only to find Ranma staring
at him with a fevered gaze.

      "Runnin' won't work, Doc," Ranma said grimly, "Xian Pu followed me
here all the way from Qinghai. I know she didn't know where we were
going in advance because even I didn't know until after we got here. And
my old man is one of the world's best at coverin' his tracks. Now that
she thinks she might be losin' me,  Xian Pu will find Akane no matter
where she goes."

       Tofu swallowed back the sour taste in his mouth and asked, "Won't
Ukyo be at considerable risk as well?"

       "Only after Akane is out of the picture," Ranma said, "but you're
right. Xian Pu would probably go after Ukyo next--just to be safe if
nothin' else."

       Tofu searched around the room and found another chair. Pulling it
over close to Ranma's bed, he sat down heavily, struggling to banish the
vision of introducing Genma to some of the more refined techniques of
ubijutsu. Then he had to struggle with the pity he felt for the two
youngsters now in his care. Pitiable though they were, pity was not what
they needed at the moment. He needed to think clearly. After a moment,
he hit upon what he thought might be a good solution for the interim. At
least it would buy them some more time.

       "What if you were to announce that you and Akane were no longer
engaged, Ranma?" Tofu asked. The suggestion caused both of the young
people to blanch visibly. He could tell that neither of them liked the
idea. The funny thing was, they were both looking at him and not each
other.

       "What is announced, need not necessarily be true," Tofu added
quickly.

       "I thought about it, Doc," Ranma said in a quiet voice. This
caused Akane to give Ranma a very hurt look, but much to her credit, she
allowed Ranma to finish his thoughts aloud. "It would never work. The
only thing that has held Xian Pu back is the knowledge that I have
feelings for Akane and Ukyo. Her fear of offending me is the only thing
that has kept either of them alive. If she thinks she is about to lose,
she'll attack. If she thinks she's gonna win, she'll want to close the
backdoor."

       "Ranma," Akane asked in a small voice, "How long have you known
that Xian Pu was this serious?"

       "From day one really, but after the Cat's Tongue thing, I thought
for a while that maybe she had changed. Now I know better. After what
happened at Jusendo and at the dojo yesterday, I'm sure she is as
dangerous as ever."

       The silence which then pervaded the room was profound and
lengthy. It was Ranma that finally broke it.

       "After you left to go get Akane, Doc, I started thinkin' maybe
I'm down to two choices. I can marry Xian Pu, or I can kill her. I ain't
very happy with either option."

       Tofu studied Ranma's face and did not like the lines of growing
tension he saw there. Even worse was the horrible conflict of emotions
running across Akane's face. Now he would have to separate them long
enough for Akane to recover. Otherwise, Ranma would begin suffering from
even more stress.

       "I think I'll make us some tea," he said trying to sound hopeful,
"Akane, could you give me a hand with the dishes and tray?"

       Akane said nothing but merely rose from her chair to signal her
acquiescence, then obediently followed Tofu into his kitchenette.

       "Akane, what do you think of all this?"

       "I am not all sure. I know he's right about Ukyo, but Xian Pu has
tried things in the past."

       "So you think he may have valid cause for concern?"

       "I don't know for certain," Akane said, as tears began to run
down her face in a solid stream, "All I can tell you for sure is that
Ranma doesn't scare easily, but he hasn't acted as though he were
worried about what Xian Pu might do for a long time now. It's...it's
hard for me to believe, but Ranma might be right."

      Tofu placed a calming hand on her shoulder.

      "Would you mind staying here with Ranma over night?" Tofu asked,
"I know it must seem to be a rather unusual request, but I'm afraid
Ranma won't rest unless you are nearby. Try to keep him thinking about
some other subject. His mental condition is quite fragile at the
moment."

       "How long will he be like this, Dr. Tofu?"

       "Hmm, well combat fatigue is very similar to other stress-related
illnesses. It usually fades quite rapidly once the source of the stress
is removed. If we do not do something about it now though, Ranma could
easily end up like your father."

       "Dad has had combat fatigue all these years?" Akane asked in
shock.

       "His condition is not combat fatigue _per se_, but his symptoms
are almost the same. Your father's condition arose from prolonged
exposure to a great deal of emotional stress. He suffered from it for so
long, he has never been able to fully recover."

        Tofu paused to marvel at the look of revelation on Akane's face.
Now you see, don't you my dear girl? Tofu thought to himself. Your
father is worthy of a little more credit than you've been giving him all
these years.

       "Ranma's condition is not that bad yet, Akane. He will improve
rapidly, provided he gets some rest from the things that are bothering
him. Without a respite, he cannot recover. He will become increasingly
irascible and find it increasingly difficult to maintain his
self-control."

       The thought of Ranma Saotome completely losing control of himself
frightened Tofu. The aftermath of a major earthquake would be far easier
to deal with on an emotional level than the havoc a Ranma could wreak
while in the grip of an all-consuming rage. Tofu thought about some of
the things that happened in the Pacific during WWII and shuddered.

       "Poor, Ranma!" Akane said, almost in a wail, "We can't ever let
his mother see him like this."

       "His mother?" Tofu asked, sounding shocked, "What..."

       Akane quickly explained about Nodoka and the agreement Genma had
made with her regarding Ranma's manliness. Tofu felt his face begin to
turn red and had to fight down a wave of nausea as he realized that he
would have to act immediately on the behalf of his patient, even if it
meant going to the authorities. He would avoid having Genma and Nodoka
declared incompetent parents if he could. The authorities disliked doing
such a thing and Genma Saotome was still a hero in the minds of older
Nerimians. They still remembered the days when Soun and Genma were
instrumental in ridding the town of ne'er do wells. Disgracing Genma
and, by extension, Soun Tendo would hurt Ranma's prospects as a teacher
of his art. It would also be certain to harm Tofu's own practice. Be
that as it may, Tofu had a patient at risk and he resolved to do what he
must.

       He took a clean teacup down from the shelf and walked over to the
refrigerator. He opened a plastic container full of small, odd looking
fruit. He took one of them out and put the lid back on the container.
After closing the refrigerator he walked over to the sink and scored the
fruit with a paring knife. The he squeezed a few drops of juice from the
small fruit into the teacup. He rolled the cup around so that the clear
juice coated its interior surfaces.

       "Akane?"

       "Yes, Dr. Tofu?"

       "Make sure Ranma drinks his tea from this cup."

       "Yes, Doctor."

       "After the two of you finish your tea, I want you to be sure and
clean this cup very, very thoroughly with soap and very hot water,
okay?"

        "Okay, what are you putting in it?"

        "It's the fruit of a cactus, _lophocereus ono_," Tofu said with
a little pride in his voice, "It's an extremely rare, slow growing plant
I found while I was away on my research trip. The juice of the fruit
isn't exactly a narcotic, but it does help a person relax and maintain
their self-confidence and self-control."

        "Help with self-confidence? Ranma needs help with his
self-confidence?"

        "Yes, for the moment. He feels that he has very little control
over his own life right now. It has eroded his self-confidence a great
deal. This is one of the major causes of combat fatigue. A lack of
control over one's own life and circumstances. It can destroy the
strongest of men."

         Akane inhaled sharply as though experiencing a sudden
revelation.

        "Much of Ranma's behavior has been overcompensation for this
lack of personal control in his life. He has borne up quite well, all
said and done."

        "That's why he's always so happy in a fight!" Akane exclaimed,
"He feels as though he's in control."

       Tofu nodded as he thoroughly washed his hands. "And he usually is
if half of what I hear is true."

        Akane giggled in spite of herself. "I'm sure you haven't heard
the half of it."

       Tofu involuntarily shuddered. How much more could have possibly
happened to this young man? He poured the treated cup full of green tea,
then filled another cup for Akane.

       "Here, go have tea with Ranma. I'm going to be gone for a while.
I am going to lock the outer doors. You are not to allow anyone else
into the clinic until I return."

       "Okay, Dr. Tofu."

       "I may be gone for several hours, so don't be alarmed. You'll
find a cot in the hall closet if it gets to be too late."

       "Where are you going, Dr. Tofu?"

       "I am going to go have a little talk with Ranma's parents and a
few other folks. Be sure to rinse that cup in hot water before you touch
the inside of it!" Tofu said over his shoulder as he hurried towards the
lobby. The last thing he wanted at the moment was an argument from
Akane. He was going to need that energy to deal with other matters.

        Akane watched Tofu's departing back through the glass doors of
the clinic. Much to her shock, he was emanating a battle aura. I wonder
if he is going to beat up Mr. Saotome, she thought, more power to him if
he does. Remembering her assigned duties she fetched the tray and
carried it into Ranma's room. His eyes were closed and for the very
first time, Akane saw something in Ranma's face that she had never
noticed before. She wondered how she could have missed something that
now seemed so obvious. Perhaps it was because worry engraves a person's
face slowly and no one notices it until the person breaks. Akane sadly
shook her head. The seams in Ranma's face were shockingly deep. She was
still studying his face when he noted her presence and opened his eyes.

       "I brought you some tea."

       "Where's Dr. Tofu?"

       "He had a few errands to run," Akane said as she helped him raise
his head. Rather than simply hand him the cup, she held it to his lips.
"Drink this."

       "What is it?" Ranma whispered in hoarse voice.

       "Tea and a little something to make you feel better."

       "It isn't going to knock me out is it?" Ranma asked suspiciously.


       "Dr. Tofu said it would ease your pain and make you relax. He
didn't say anything about sleep."

       Ranma did not refuse the tea. She did not think he would. He
never refused anything from her when she really wanted him to take it.

       "Aw, man!" Ranma said as he laid back against the pillows,  "That
hit the spot!"

       Akane smiled. Some small part of her mind warned her that she was
letting her true feelings for Ranma show. She told it to go to hell.
Even though beat up and bandaged, the classic lines of Ranma's god-like
body thrilled her. Being held by him was like being caressed by a bronze
statue, but one that was warm and alive--Oh, so very, very much alive!
Ranma looked back at her, his eyes shining in a way she had not seen
before. She got lost in their ocean blue depths.

       "Ranma, I..."

       She did not get to finish because he wrapped his arms around her
and kissed her. This was not a platonic peck on the cheek, nor was it a
gentle brush of his lips on hers. This was a full blown, fully
passionate, R-rated, let's go make babies together type kiss. He did not
let her come up for air for a very, very long time. Akane was so shocked
she almost did not take time to enjoy it until the very end. She sat
down heavily in the nearby chair the instant he let her go. Her legs
were too weak for her to remain standing.

        "Akane...I'm...I'm sorry. I...I've been wanting to do that since
the first day I met you...I would have too, but...but I was a girl at
the time. I won't let it happen again! I promise!" Ranma said, then
passed out as though some unseen hand had pressed his off button.

       Akane dropped the teacup and it shattered unnoticed upon the
immaculately polished tiles of the clinic floor. She began giggling,
then she laughed so hard her ribs hurt.

       "Ranma Saotome, you big dummy!" Akane said, blinking back
unbidden tears, "I love you! How could you not know that by now?"

       Ranma snored obliviously as the lines of worry in his face showed
signs of fading. Akane took his hand and clutched it to her breast.

       "Oh, Ranma," she whispered, "Whatever will we do?"

                                                   -----------

       By the time Tofu reached the Tendo home, the tiny quantity of
drug that had soaked through his skin while preparing Ranma's dose, took
its full effect upon him. It was not very much, but he was thankful for
it just the same. Kasumi answered the door.

       "Oh, my! Good evening, Dr. Tofu!"

       "Good evening, Nurse," Tofu said, "Is Saotome-san here? I need to
speak with him."

       Kasumi blinked at his calling her nurse, looked hurt for a second
then recoverd with a smile. Tofu hated being so impersonal with her, but
now was not the time for him to lose control of himself. He had a
patient in need of care and that came above all else. Pretending Kasumi
was someone else helped.

       "Why yes, he is. This way if you please, Doctor," Kasumi said as
she led Tofu into the living room. Tofu was grateful that she caught his
cue and played along. As usual, Soun and Genma were sitting in the
engawa, engrossed in another shogi match.

       "Mr. Saotome?" Kasumi said cheerfully as ever, "You have a
visitor."

       Both Genma and Soun looked up at Tofu, then stared at him in
shock for a second. They got up quickly and bowed.

       "Good evening, Sensei," Soun said as he bowed.

       "Is Ranma all right?" Genma asked as he straightened up and
looked concerned.

       If I try to explain this straight out, he is simply going to
scoff and say the boy will recover the same way he always has before. I
have to do something to make him realize the seriousness of this
situation. Much of Ranma's trouble comes from that damnable nekoken
training anyway. Genma's a good hearted soul, it's just that he is
entirely too rough and doesn't listen very well. Aha! There's my
solution I think, Tofu said silently to himself as he carefully studied
Genma's physique. What he had in mind would not work on everyone, but he
could now see that Genma was among the few susceptible to the particular
treatment Tofu had in mind. The technique was commonly used as a prank
on new trainees, just beginning to learn the rudiments ubijutsu.
Ubijutsu sensei often used it on new students to teach them caution.

       Taking full advantage of his lanky frame and deceptive movements,
Tofu quickly closed on Genma and rubbed Genma's neck and shoulders. He
was of course, applying judicious amounts of pressure to specific parts
of Genma's body.

       "Now you should be able to hear a gnat land a hundred meters
away, Genma-kun," Tofu said in a voice so low he should not have been
heard by anyone.

       Genma quickly covered his ears with both hands as his eyes grew
wide with shock.

       "Don't worry," Tofu sub-vocalized, "It will only last a few
hours."

       "Why don't you have a seat at the table?" Tofu asked in a normal
voice. "We need to talk."

       Genma winced as though Tofu had shouted into a large, powerful
public address system, then nodded his head.

       "Nurse?"

       "Yes, Doctor?" Kasumi said.

       "I think Saotome-san needs some aspirin."

       "Right away, Doctor," Kasumi said. Tofu noted that she seemed
quietly amused. She must realize that I've done something to Genma, he
thought.

        Soun Tendo was staring at Tofu too shocked to cry, but looked as
though he might start. Tofu reached over with his left hand and pinched
Soun's right shoulder. Soun collapsed to his knees. The ubijutsu
technique was not quite as effective as those suggested by science
fiction movies, but it worked well enough under these, rather more
mundane circumstances. Soun was not unconscious, just very, very calm.
Hearing a faint noise behind him, Tofu raised his left hand into the air
without turning around.

       "Don't go anywhere just yet, Nabiki! "Tofu said grimly, "This
involves you just about as much as it does anyone else here tonight."

       Nabiki first froze in her tracks, then quietly walked over to the
table and sat down. The sound of her steps suggested she was more than a
little apprehensive. Good! Tofu thought to himself, she should be.

        Out of the corner of his eye, Tofu could see Genma pressing his
hands against his ears, and holding his mouth open. Good! Tofu thought.
Now you cannot help but hear what needs to be heard. You won't miss a
thing, Genma-kun! Even if you do cover your ears, and going panda will
only make matters worse.

       Tofu was about to ask about Nodoka when she came down the stairs.

       "Good evening, Sensei," Nodoka said.

        Genma winced.

       "Good evening, Saotome-san. Please excuse me for intruding upon
you this evening, but we need to discuss the matter of your son's health
and future well being."

        Tears came into Genma's eyes. Tofu smiled inwardly at this.
Genma was only just beginning to feel the technique's full effect.

       "Of course, Sensei. Would you care for tea?"

       Kasumi returned with a bottle of aspirin and a glass of water,
setting them on the table in front of Genma. He blinked and drew back as
though she had just entered the room astride a large frontloader and
dumped a load of gravel on the table.

       "That would be very nice," Tofu said with short bow, "Thank you
very much."

        Genma again covered his ears with both hands and moaned as Tofu
spoke. Clearly he regretted the latter action, stopping in mid-moan with
a little squeak that was almost equally devastating.

       Kasumi pried the adult-proof cap off the aspirin bottle. It
opened with a faint pop, causing Genma to dive for cover. This action,
of course, caused several noises which Genma seemed to immediately
regret. He returned to an upright position, but looked as limp as a wet
rag. Just as he got straightened out, Kasumi shook two aspirin out of
the small, plastic bottle. Tofu knew for a fact that Genma was bald, but
he could have sworn the man's hair stood straight up as Genma tried to
shield his face from what was obviously an exploding aspirin bottle.

       Nodoka began setting the table. The noise she made caused Genma
to vibrate as though he were caught in a paint shaker. He reached for
the aspirin bottle.

       "I wouldn't take any more of those for an hour or so, Genma-kun,"
Tofu sub-vocalized, "They might make your ears ring."

       Such a prospect obviously terrified Genma. Tears welled up in his
eyes, whereupon he promptly put on a show of trying to locate the loud
noises coming from his tear ducts. Tofu recalled that the tear ducts
made a dreadful, squishing sound when they pumped tears, as though one
were being stalked by an evil, gelatinous monster from a popular horror
flick. Tofu smiled.

       By the time the tea was served, Genma had begun to adjust to his
new condition, that is until Soun sipped his tea. Genma shivered from
head to foot and stared at his old friend as though he were some kind of
horrible, movie monster.

       "Tendo Soun, what is your opinion of Saotome Ranma's manliness?"
Tofu asked, nearly choking on the question.

       The question caught everyone in the room by surprised. Tofu could
hear their vertabrae as their backs straightened from the unexpected
shock of it. Genma winced and jammed a finger in each ear, then looked
down at his chest. Uh-huh, Tofu thought to himself. When you do that
your heartbeat drives you nuts and the sounds from outside get through
anyway.

       "I have no worries about Ranma's manliness, just his
indecisiveness," Soun said sounding more than a bit tentative.

       "Ranma has good reason for some of his indecisiveness, Tendo-san.
I think perhaps we should discuss that topic on some later date. What is
your opinion of him has a martial artist?"

       Genma was beginning to look like a middle-aged man trapped on the
dance floor of a disco joint. Soun nodded enthusiastically before
answering. This got him another wild-eyed stare from Genma.

       "Gifted is the only word for him. He has a great deal yet to
learn, but he is already better than all but a handful of martial
artists that I know about. I do believe, however, he should spend a bit
more time in meditation and he has neglected serious study in the use of
weapons."

        "Saotome Genma, what is your opinion?

        "I agree with Tendo-kun for the most part. I do not doubt my
son's manliness." Genma said in a soft, tiny voice. He paused to allow
what Tofu knew sounded like the echoes in a vast cavern to die down,
"Of his skill in the Art, I think he will soon be a match for Happosai,
if he isn't already. I suspect he sometimes holds back to avoid
embarrassing or hurting the master."

       Much to Tofu's surprise, Soun nodded his head in agreement at
Genma's last statement. Genma seemed about to succumb to exhaustion,
until he noticed that Nabiki had been watching him out of the corner of
one eye and now looked as though she might erupt into hysterics. Genma
stared at her with a pleading look.

       "Tendo Nabiki," Tofu asked, "What is your opinion of Saotome
Ranma's manliness?"

       Nabiki's shock had not lasted long at all. She had quickly begun
regard Tofu with an open look of speculation. She tried, but did not
quite suppress a smirk before answering, "You mean when he's a guy or
while he is cursed?"

       Tofu worked very hard at not appearing to be flustered.

      "In both his forms, please."

      "He is very much a guy. He's even worse when he's a girl," Nabiki
said as her smirk became more pronounced, "He is especially bad when he
is a girl and it is that time of the month."

        This took Tofu Ono considerably aback. How had the boy endured
this many problems and remained essentially sane? Tofu thought, anyone
else he knew would have turned homicidal long before now. Aw, nuts! Now
I've got to explain to him about visiting a gynecologist. That won't be
any fun. Do I have any lady gynecologists on my reference list? Only
Takahashi-sensei. That means I'll have to go with Ranma across town to
see her. The change of scene would do him some good, but it wouldn't do
to let him wonder about Tokyo on his own right now. Tofu let out an
involuntary sigh. Thankfully at least, Takahashi-san specialized in
strange cases.

       "It's only happened the one time, Doctor," Kasumi said, "A long
time ago. When Ko Lon gave him the Whole Body Cat's Tongue."

       Tofu noted that Genma was beginning to calm down considerably.
Must be the aspirin kicking in, he thought. He checked his watch. Yep,
it's the aspirin.

       "Oh, I see! So it is an irregular occurrence. I wonder why he
never..." Tofu cut himself off as he eyed Nodoka warily. Her face was as
serene as ever, but she was beginning to shake. Time to change the
subject, Tofu old buddy!

       "Thank the gods it's irregular!" Nabiki said much to Tofu's
consternation, "He was as mean as Uncle Saotome with a hangover while
that went on."

       This proved exactly the right thing to say at exactly the right
moment. Everyone in the room, including Nodoka, laughed about it. Genma
of course, visibly regretted it all. Tofu worried about what might
happen now that Ranma could deliver ki attacks. It would not be too
terribly worrisome had he grown up as a girl, but he had grown up as a
boy. Menstruation could easily cause him serious trouble with his
self-control. He would have to remember to discuss it with Ranma later.

       "I happen to know that you make book on Ranma's fights,
Nabiki-chan," Tofu said quickly, "What is your opinion of him has a
martial artist?"

       "I never take even bets against Ranma in a straight up fight,
unless his opponent is someone of extraordinary ability, like Happosai,
or someone who is engaging Ranma in a competition he does not have the
requisite skills for. Even then, I never take the bet without very good
odds in my favor. Since this last trip to China, I am not so sure that I
would take bets against him if he were fighting Pantyhose Tarou." Tofu
noted that Soun and Genma both shuddered at the mention of Tarou.

       "Thank you, Nabiki," Tofu said.

       "Tendo Kasumi, what is your opinion?

       "I think he is a very manly man, indeed," Kasumi said, "but I
think he could be much, much more than he is. He is not allowed to be
everything he could be."

        "How so, Kasumi-san?" Tofu silently thanked all the kami of
Japan for his recent exposure to the confidence drug. Kasumi's presence
would have otherwise turned him into a gibbering idiot.

       "Please excuse me for I mean no offense. I love Ranma dearly. He
is like a brother to me, but Ranma is almost too manly. He is fiercely
protective of those he loves, but he does not know how to show love.
When he tries to encourage someone else, he insults them because he
knows nothing of nurturing. He knows next to nothing about manners,"
Kasumi said, then paused to let her words sink in.

       "You forgot to mention that Ranma's promises are as good as gold,
Kasumi," Nabiki said. Kasumi nodded her head in agreement, then spoke
again.

       "I think Ranma is like this because he grew up without his
mother. We learn most of the things Ranma does not know from our
mothers. I had mother's journals and did a lot of reading to learn for
myself, and to teach my sisters, but poor Ranma has never had any such
help. His life is out of balance. I have never met anyone like him. He
is completely masculine despite his curse. He has not been around women
enough to know how to talk to one, let alone be like one. Personally, I
think it is time for Ranma to begin teaching. I believe that in teaching
his art to others, he will find it necessary to face up to his
shortcomings and correct them. I think he will learn to show love and
how to nurture once he begins to teach, because a great teacher must
know how to do those things."

       Tofu noted that everyone but Genma was staring at Kasumi in
shock. He decided to let this go on for a bit. He knew from observation
that they seldom gave Kasumi credit for her real genius. The people of
Nerima treated her with a good deal more respect than her own family
did. She had, over the years, become Nerima's version of Solomon the
Wise. Whenever neighbors got into a dispute, especially if it was one
man arguing with another over something, it was almost always Kasumi
they turned to as an objective arbiter. She specialized in untangling
complicated knots with a gentle tug upon a single strand, in making the
crooked straight, and in making the obscure plainly seen. In a way, her
family's ignorance of the role she played in Nerima was not surprising
to him. When you are very close to something, it is often difficult to
see all of it. Stay too close too long, and you will forget everything
but what you can see day to day.

        Genma, for his part, had been staring down at the floor.
Sometimes gentle little Kasumi's words could tear at a man's soul like a
thousand gnashing teeth and Genma had just heard every little nuance in
her voice. Tofu shuddered. He had not meant to be quite so cruel to the
elder Saotome, but there was little help for it now. Genma's
boulder-like frame was beginning to sag visibly.

         It was Nodoka that broke the silence first. "I am very pleased
to hear many of the things everyone has to say about my son, but I still
worry about him in one respect. He seems to lack a manly interest in
girls." Nodoka's face was as serene and cool as a mountain lake on a
calm day, but Tofu could see tears building up in the corners of her
eyes.

         Genma, whose posture was now suggestive of a slumping pile of
human goo, stared at Nodoka as though she might be the gelatinous movie
monster. He's listening to her tear ducts, Tofu thought. Poor Genma.

        "You mistake Ranma's innate nobility for a lack of manliness,
Auntie Nodoka!" Kasumi said, "Thanks to the attractiveness of his cursed
form, Ranma has a profound understanding of the more painful things
about being a woman."

       "I'll say!" Nabiki said, clearly suppressing a laugh, "He's the
only person I know that gets ogled by as many guys as he does girls."

         Much to Tofu's relief, he could see the light of revelation
dawn in Nodoka's tear glazed eyes. Finally! Now maybe I can get to the
point. This seppuku business has to stop immediately. It was time for
him to speak.

       "With the respect that is due to all of you, I have a rather
higher opinion of Saotome Ranma. I see a great many different people
suffering from a great many different ailments. Ranma is the only person
I know capable of enduring what he has endured without breaking.
Everyone else I know would have run away, or become insane, or become a
criminal. Ranma has done none of these things. Most of his flaws, stem
from undervaluing things he shouldn't."

         Tofu paused to see if he still had their attention. Satisfied
on this point, he continued.

       "I do not question Ranma's manliness, I envy it. Courage and
self-control such as his are rare, even among the highly trained.
However, this is not the main reason for my being here this evening. I
have come to you because I am deeply concerned about his future
well-being. Despite Ranma's prodigious durability, he is human and, like
all humans, he has his limits. Those limits were reached yesterday,
perhaps sometime before yesterday."

       This earned Tofu a round of concerned stares and everyone looked
as though they were about to speak at the same time, so he held his hand
up for silence and hurriedly continued with what he had to say.

       "I treat a great many people who suffer from stress-related
illnesses. It is a very, very common problem in modern-day Japan. Ranma,
however, has a rather unique, stress-related illness. One that no
Japanese person that I know of has had in many years."

       Tofu fell silent and waited for someone to ask, mainly because he
wanted to see who felt themselves most qualified to help. As he
expected, it was Soun Tendo who spoke up first.

       "What is so unique about Ranma's problem, Sensei?" Soun asked.

       "He suffers from combat fatigue."

       Tofu's highly trained ears told him that every heart in the room
but his had just stopped beating for a second. Here it comes, he
thought.

       "Combat fatigue!" The family chorused, all but Nabiki that is.
She nodded her head, looking not the least bit surprised. Cool, Tofu
thought. She is always so very god damned cool. She's basically a
warrior at heart, but I'll bet she falls to pieces while she is alone in
her room at night. I'll have to keep an eye on her. Tofu waited until
the flurry of questions, claims, counterclaims, conjectures and
accusations faded away before trying to speak. Sometimes it was best to
let a group of people vent their emotions. It helped them clear their
minds. The noise of course, greatly accelerated Genma's rate of
liquefaction.

        "As I said before, I treat a great many patients with
stress-related problems. Most of them are salarymen, who, by the way,
are often very manly. Because stress-related illnesses are so common, I
have studied them a great deal over the past few years. Combat fatigue,
though it is a stress-related illness, has unique symptoms and unique
causes. The primary cause is the victim's constant fear of dying. The
other sometimes unrecognized cause is--."

       "The dread of having to kill others," Nabiki said, interrupting
Tofu.

       "That is correct, Nabiki."

       Nodoka both stared down at the table in morose silence. Tofu cold
see that she was struggling to hold back a flood of tears. Genma, still
slip-sliding into a viscous puddle of utterly boneless humanity, fixed
his large, staring eyes upon Nodoka as though she were about to change
into some horrible, new shape.

        "Fortunately, the cure for Ranma's condition is quite simple.
All he needs is rest. A refuge from the source of his stress. What would
be better though, would be to completely eliminate the stress or as many
sources of it as possible."

         The silence was now smothering. Tofu watched as Nabiki and
Kasumi exchanged quick glances with one another and their father. Genma
and Nodoka continued to stare at the table as three pairs of Tendo eyes
settled upon Nodoka. Tofu let it go on for a minute or so, but it seemed
a century came and went. He could tell that Nodoka was not going to
mention the contract she and Genma had made with Ranma, as he had hoped.
Probably too embarrassed, Tofu thought. Had it been any other patient
with most any other family, he would have allowed matters to stand as
they were and hoped that the family would have done what was necessary
to help their son, but this was no ordinary family. They were proud and
strong and both those traits were hindering them now. Suddenly, a
potentially face-saving solution occurred to him.

         "I am curious about something and have long wanted to ask Ranma
this question, but I have not wanted to risk embarrassing him. I should
like to ask it now and I will apologize if it causes anyone here any
discomfort or concern."

         During another prolonged silence, Genma somehow pulled himself
back into something resembling a semi-human shape and responded.

        "Please ask your question, Ono-sensei. We will do our best to
answer it honestly."

         "Isn't Ranma qualified to carry a clan sword, by now? I should
think he is more than worthy to be a protector of the Saotome Clan,
given his skills."

         No one said anything, but Nodoka nodded.

         "I am glad to hear that my estimate of him is accurate," Tofu
said with his sunniest smile, "I do admire him very much." Tofu realized
that he might as well have used a cat 'o nine tails on the Saotomes. He
winced inwardly. He really wanted to get the contract away from Nodoka
and burn it right here on the table with their assent, but that would be
asking too much of them too quickly. He would wait and hope Nodoka would
think of it on her own.

         "I have given Ranma a special sedative. I expect he will wake
up just before noon tomorrow. I would imagine that he will be ravenous
when he does. Perhaps you should all come to the clinic then and try to
cheer him up."

         Even Nabiki smiled and nodded at this. Tears were running down
Nodoka's face in small rivulets, but she smiled and nodded her head
vigorously.

        "Good! I should be getting back to my patients," Tofu said in
his most cheerful voice, "Oh, by the way. I have asked Akane to stay at
the clinic. One of Ranma's symptoms is a profound fear that something
will happen to her. He is much calmer in her presence. I hope you don't
mind, Tendo-san."

         Soun began to blubber, "If it will help Ranma, I have no
objections Sensei."

         Genma's head jerked around to face his best friend and stared
at Soun in wide-eyed horror. Good, Tofu thought. You need to listen to
the tears you cause, Genma Saotome. Perhaps tonight you will learn a
little more about being fully human.

         Tofu bowed, then said, "I must be going. I thank you all for
your attention and please forgive my intrusion."

         Everyone began to protest that he had not intruded and began
asking him to stay for dinner as he stood up. Out of the corner of his
eye, Tofu caught the rapt admiration in Kasumi's eyes and felt his
self-control begin to slip. He squeezed his eyes shut in frustration.
Why, oh why can't I get a grip on this? Fortunately for him, the ever
patient Kasumi seemed to understand.

         "Nabiki, would you see the Doctor to the door for me? I need to
check on some things in the kitchen."

         "Sure, sis," Nabiki said cheerily, "May I walk with you to the
clinic, Sensei?"

          Tofu was relieved at this. He wanted to speak with Nabiki
before she spoke with Ranma, anyway.

       Once outside the gates, Nabiki's curiosity got the best of her.
Her nimble mind had inferred a great deal, but that only whetted her
appetite for more facts to chew on. She was not driven by her intellect
alone. Something had touched her earlier in the day just before Tofu had
come to the nurse's station. She knew in the core of her soul that it
had been Ranma, but she could not understand how it had happened. She
had done everything she could think of to kill the feelings that would
make such a thing possible. Why were they surfacing again? Why now?

       "How bad off is Ranma, Ono-sensei?" She asked as she took Tofu's
right arm.

       "Well, he hasn't got a case of the thousand-yard stares just yet,
but it could happen without warning. Given Ranma's abilities, the
results could be tragic."

       "Thousand-yard stares?"

       The lower edge of the sun, now a huge, flaming red ball, touched
the distant rooftops.

       "A condition diagnosed by every major combatant during World War
Two. It is hard to describe, but once you've seen the pictures of
someone afflicted with it you can never forget. A man in that condition
is deadly dangerous to everyone around him, even his friends and allies.
The technical term for it is "hyper-arousal" Of the two terms, it is the
more descriptive of the two without showing a picture of a victim."

       "In other words, Ranma is ticking away like a bomb."

       "More like an old fashioned bomb. The kind with a lit fuse. The
"bomb" if you will, is easily defused by giving him some time away from
the source of stress. Without that rest, things could go tragically
wrong--and with almost no more warning than we have now. A sudden threat
of any kind, real or imagined by the victim, will trigger the worst of
its symptoms. It's not too terribly different from the nekoken really,
except that Ranma would be able to use his intellect better."

       Nabiki shivered at the thought of a Neko-Ranma gifted with
intelligence and some of his more advanced techniques. The immediate
destruction of several people she knew would be a foregone conclusion.

       "Do you think he might slip into the nekoken without warning?"

       "No, this would be different. This state of hyper-arousal could
be triggered by almost anything Ranma perceives as a threat, not just a
cat. Quoting a military officers manual on the subject, the fact is that
overstressed human beings with loaded weapons are inherently dangerous.
Ranma, thanks to his extensive training, is a loaded weapon in his own
right. Unfortunately, he is also overstressed. Have you read any of the
old legends about the berserks or the amoks?"

       Nabiki nodded.

       "I am reasonably sure that both the berserks and the amoks were
sufferers of combat fatigue. The Nekoken training was a deliberate
attempt to create a berserk. It was abandoned because the majority of
the trainees became listless masses of quivering nerves. Combat fatigue
is much the same. The majority of its sufferers simply become listless
wrecks, but Ranma's case, the nekoken is a kind of hyper-arousal state.
I don't want to take any chances with his combat fatigue. He will most
likely go into state of human type hyper-arousal."

       "How long have you been watching this develop, doctor Tofu?"

       "I've been worried about him since I learned of his nekoken
training. The effects of psychological stress are cumulative. The signs
of stress-related trouble have become a little worse with every visit he
has made to the clinic. I became seriously worried about it just before
this recent trip to China."

       "Why didn't you say something about it months ago then?"

       "Because I was not certain of my diagnosis and I was fairly sure
that neither of Ranma's parents would listen."

       "You've got a point, Doc. I'm certain Panda-man would have
scoffed at you, especially if you had said anything in front of Aunt
Nodoka. I'm pretty sure Daddy would have listened though."

       "Perhaps I made a mistake then," Tofu said, sounding contrite.

       "No, I don't think you can call it a mistake. You made the best
call you could based on what you knew at the time. What do you need me
to do?"

       "I want you, to make your sister's life a little easier," Tofu
said with a smile, "because I happen to know it is well within your
power to do so."

       Nabiki smirked at him. "Oh, you think making things easier for
Ranma would Akane's life easier, right?"

       Tofu nodded his head. "A calm Ranma makes for a calm and
supportive Akane.

       "What does Ranma want with me?"

       "Anything I might tell you at this point would be a guess, and
I'm sure your guesses would be much better than mine."

       Nabiki walked alongside Tofu in silence for a little way, her
mind racing. Logic suggested that Ranma would be only slightly annoyed
with her over what had happened at the wedding. Neither he, nor her
sister was ready to marry. All she had really done was to buy them a
little more time. Sure, she had made money off the wedding. So had the
family. She had made sure of that, just as she always did. Still, she
would have to find a way to make it up to Akane. They had not spoken to
one another since Sunday night.

       "I'll do everything I can do for Akane, Ono-san. Much of what
I've done so far really has been to help."

       "You needn't explain, Nabiki-chan. I know much about your family
from my other patients. The elderly ones who have lived here for a long
time love to tell stories. You'd be surprised how many comment on how
much like your mother you are."

       Nabiki felt the sting of tears at the back of her eyes, but
maintained her composure. She was not surprised by this news. Since she
had begun loaning money to the skilled labor  working in the shops and
small factories on Forges Street, she had heard that statement more than
once. Apparently, her mother could be a certifiable bitch when it came
to collecting debts. On the other hand, she also very often heard how
much like Kasumi her mother had been. It all depended on who was telling
the tale. Several even mentioned how much like Akane mom could be from
time to time, usually while rubbing their heads. The thought of it made
Nabiki smile.

       "The stories about how nice my mom was I can understand," Nabiki
said, "What I have never understood is the high regard so many have for
my Dad and Saotome-san."

       Tofu smiled at her, almost laughing, "Sometimes one sort of demon
is very much preferable to another sort."

       "Even if the demons are Fiends of the Happosai?"

       "Especially, if they are friends of Happosai." Tofu laughed.

       "Ono-sensei?"

       "Yes, Nabiki-chan?"

       "Can Ranma ever be cured of the nekoken?"

       "I don't know for sure. Certainly he cannot be cured without a
lot of therapy and unfortunately, the normal course of treatment for
such a phobia is very risky in his case."

       Nabiki stopped walking forcing Tofu to pause with her. Somewhere
in the distance, a nightingale sang. A gentle breeze rustled their hair.


       "Why?"

       "Because the usual method of treatment is to expose the victim to
his or her fears until they become desensitized. In Ranma's case, he
enters a special kind of hyper-arousal state that is dangerous to him
and everyone around him. It would not be so bad were it not for his
ability to use his ki so effectively."

       "So, as Ranma becomes a better martial artist, the more dangerous
his Nekoken becomes."

        "It can't get much more dangerous than it is now," Tofu said
with as shrug as he led Nabiki towards the clinic, "Everything has its
limits, but a Ranma with the thousand yard stares would be much, much
worse. In his cat state, he can be distracted. In a purely hyper-arousal
state with his intellect fairly intact, distraction will not work. He
would tend to destroy anything that moves without distinguishing between
friend or foe. Everything becomes a target to men in that state."

         "How come this has not been more of a problem in the past?"

         "In times of war it is very often a problem, but it is seldom
reported. Even so, cases like Ranma's are pretty rare. Only about one
case of combat fatigue in two hundred manifests these symptoms."

         "He is like this because of his parents," Nabiki said, the
words fighting their way past the lump in her throat, "Isn't he?"

         "You may well be right. Current research suggests that
upbringing and an unstable home life are far more important than
individual personalities as predictors of who will, or will not suffer
from this malady. Almost all of them led lives of harsh discipline or
home lives bereft of love and nurturing during early childhood."

        Nabiki hated what she was running through her mind now. She had
harbored doubts about Ranma from the moment she laid eyes on Genma in
his human form. Learning of Ranma's nekoken training had deepened those
doubts considerably. She had gone from having doubts to misgivings after
being around Nodoka for a few days. She would have found a way to drive
the three of them out of her house had it not been for Ranma himself. He
seemed to thrive on adversity and well, she did not really want to think
about what else she felt about him. It did not matter. Now it was time
to worry more about Akane.

        "How likely is Ranma to become abusive of his own family?"

        "He may become quite abusive of his father in the near term, but
if you are asking about a wife or children, I'd say the probability is
quite low in Ranma's case."

        A street light came on overhead as they walked beneath it.

        "Why?"

        "What irritates Akane about him the most?"

        "He doesn't take her training seriously enough," Nabiki said,
then stopped in front of the clinic door and stared at Tofu. "He's
scared to death he might hurt her!"

        Tofu smiled. "If he trains her, he will hurt her. It is part of
the process. Ranma cannot bring himself to do her any harm, even though
she very much wants and needs the training." Tofu unlocked the door and
the two of them went inside.

        Akane was still sitting in the chair next to Ranma's bed,
leaning forward to use the edge of the bed as a pillow and clutching
Ranma's left hand with both of her own. He was awake.

       "Doc?"

       "Yes, Ranma?"

       "You got a cot or somethin' for her?"

       Tofu nodded his head.

       "Would you mind setting it up? She's cutting the circulation off
in my hand."

       "So that's why you're awake," Tofu said.

       "Yeah."

       "I'll get the cot," Nabiki said, "Hall closet, right?"

       Tofu nodded yes, then noticed that Akane's teacup was still full
and saw the pieces of Ranma's cup lying on the floor.

       "Ranma, did Akane drink anything from your cup?"

       "No, Doc. Why?"

       "You didn't see her touch the inside of it or anything did you?"

       Ranma thought for a minute before answering. "Not that I saw. I
went to sleep for a while after drinking the tea. Why? What's wrong?"

       "Well the medicine in your cup is pretty potent and it can be
absorbed through the skin."

       Ranma looked alarmed. "Will it hurt her?"

       "No, but she may behave differently for a day or two."

       "Doc, I uh...I uh...kissed her right after I drank the tea."

       Tofu stared at Ranma in surprise for a moment then burst out
laughing.

       "What's so damned funny?" Ranma asked with a little heat in his
voice, "Is she going to be all right?"

       Tofu composed himself then answered. "She'll be fine, Ranma. She
is going to be very cheerful and sweet for the next couple of days, but
it won't hurt her. It's my fault anyway. I should have anticipated
something like this."

       Ranma blinked thoughtfully for a moment.

       "Will it improve her cooking?"

       "I can't say for sure. What's wrong with her cooking?"

       Ranma looked down at Akane with a bemused look, mixed with humor
and affection. He reached out and stroked her hair with his right hand.

       "It's like everything else she does, Doc. She tries too damned
hard."

       "Well, in that case, the drug might help a little."

       Ranma's face lit up with a huge grin.

        Nabiki came in and set up the cot for Akane. Tofu had to use a
pressure point to break her grip on Ranma's hand, then he and Nabiki
tucked her in.

       "How's the hand, Ranma?"

       "Starting to tingle. It'll be fine."

       "I've got to go catch up on some paperwork, Nabiki-chan," Tofu
said, "Don't keep him up too long."

       Nabiki smiled at Tofu as he left, then turned to Ranma. Her knees
became unsteady as the memory of all those nights she had fought off the
urge to sneak into his bed came rushing back in an unanticipated flood.
You can't have him, Nabiki! She silently admonished herself, he belongs
to Akane. You turned down your chance, fair and square. Besides, he
won't want anything to do with you by now. You wanted it that way,
remember?

       "So, what did you need to see me about, Saotome?" Nabiki asked,
making sure to keep her voice cool and her face calm.

       Ranma's stare was both angry and affectionate.

       "What will you charge me to help Akane and me keep up with our
school work?"

       "No charge for that one, Ranma. What else?"

       "I need your help dealing with Kodachi."

       "What do you want me to do?"

       "Whatever it takes. She showed up at Akane's wedding wearing
a...wearing..." Ranma was so angry he could not continue.

       "Okay, Ranma," Nabiki said as her eyes went flat, "Consider her
ass fried."

       "Freebie, right?"

       Nabiki nodded. "She insulted my little sister! She suffers, her
brother picks up the tab."

       "She belongs in a nut ward, you know."

       "When I'm through with her, she'll have herself committed. Don't
worry, Saotome. I know what you are after. Now then, who else?"

       "This one's dangerous, so I want you to think about first. Okay?"


       "Who?"

       "I need you to put a tail on Xian Pu...around the clock if you
can swing it."

       "Around the clock might be a little hard to do..." Nabiki stopped
speaking for a second as her face reflected sudden horror. "You think
she's going to go after Akane! Don't you?"

        Ranma nodded grimly. "I think we can just about count on it."

        The fires of hell suddenly flared in Nabiki Tendo's eyes.
Careful Nabiki! The more objective side of her mind warned her. Both of
you could easily be wrong. But what if we're right? Xian Pu's deadly!

        "Don't get carried away, Nabiki-san," Ranma said, "I've got a
plan for dealing with this, but I need your help covering all the
bases."

        "What do you have in mind?" Nabiki's voice was grim. Better to
be cautious for the time being, she thought to herself. Xian Pu might be
plotting murder and she might not. If we prepare and she does nothing,
fine. If she does, we make sure she can never try it again.

        "I'm going to be in here for at least another week, so I plan on
keeping Akane here until Doc Tofu says I can go home. After that, we can
never leave her alone anywhere she goes, except around the house, got
it?"

        "Xian Pu may get desperate and kill Akane and anyone else she
thinks might be potential witnesses, Ranma."

        "No she won't."

        "How do you know that for sure, Ranma? This is my little
sister's life we are talking about here."

        "She won't because we are going to give her another option
that's easier. We'll let her think we aren't guarding Akane while she's
in her room at night."

        "Umisen-ken?" Nabiki asked. He's finally learning to think ahead
a little! she thought to herself. Damn! I should have taken him when I
had the chance. He's going to turn out to be a first rate partner.

        Ranma nodded.

        "You aren't going to tell Akane, are you?"

        "It's a case of what she knows might kill her. Akane is like an
open book, especially if she's angry about something."

        Nabiki regarded him with sly eyes for a moment. What I wouldn't
give to have you in my room all night, Ranma! She thought. She tried,
but failed to suppress a shiver of delight. Akane is such an idiot!
Well, they're both idiots, but they are getting better and he is
positively edible. Better focus on business, girl.

        "I don't think it makes sense to put a tail on Xian Pu until you
two are out of here," Nabiki said aloud.

        "You might be right about that Nabiki-san,  but I would feel
better knowing about where she is and what she is up to."

        Now what would I prefer Xian Pu to be up to about now, Nabiki
asked herself. Sleeping would be nice. She's a very nice girl while
she's asleep.

        "Oh, haven't you heard? The Nekohanten has the best ramen in
Nerima!" Nabiki said in a cheerful voice, "Their take out is even better
than what they serve at their tables!"

        Ranma grinned, causing Nabiki to gasp at him. It was an
unpleasant sight. This was a side of Ranma she did not know existed.

       "You are my kind of evil, Tendo-san."

       "What about the rest of them, Saotome?"

       "The rest of them belong to me," Ranma said in a voice so cold it
made Nabiki shudder. It was not just his voice of course. The room
temperature dropped precipitously. The air conditioning came on and
Nabiki realized that it was producing warm, not cold air.

        "Ranma?" Tofu called from another part of the clinic.

        "Sorry, Doc!" The air in the room began to warm up as the
central air unit quickly began to catch up with Ranma. Nabiki's eyes
widened with the realization of what had just happened.

        "Ranma did you just...?"

        "Yeah, it was me," Ranma said with an irritable wave of the
hand, "I didn't mean to. I'll have it under control in a couple of days.
Don't let it bother you none."

        Nabiki wanted very badly to say she was sorry, but how? There
was so much for her to apologize about, and there was no way she dared
explain why she had been so mean to him all this time. She hated to
think what he might do if she told him the truth. I've been mean to you
because I wanted to jump your bones, Ranma. I was afraid I might fall in
love with you. I was afraid I might try to take you away from Akane. I
wanted to make sure you were never attracted to me.

       Ranma broke her out of her reverie.

       "Big Sister?"

       Big Sister? Did he just call me Big Sister? Yes, Nabiki. That's
what he did. He just called you Big Sister.

       "Yes, Ranma-kun?"

       "No picture sales for two-months."

       Nabiki clamped down hard on the laughter that rose in her throat.
If only you knew how much I enjoyed those pictures myself, she thought.
How typical of Ranma. Trying to soften his punishment before he
delivered it. He and Kasumi had souls that were mirror images of one
another. They were just the same, but opposite hand.

       "You're going to let me off that easy?" Nabiki asked aloud.

       "I figure Akane will take care of you in her own way."

       "Actually, it's Kasumi that has me worried."

       Ranma managed to give her a bleak look, while somehow still
getting across a modicum of sympathy.

        "I'm sorry to hear that," he said.

        Nabiki smiled at him, then stood up by the bed and bent over so
that she could whisper in his ear.

        "I'm sorry, Ranma-kun."

        "You don't owe me an apology, Big Sister. You should apologize
to Akane."

        Nabiki kissed his ear, then his cheek, then his lips, taking
great delight in the reaction she got from Ranma. She slid the palm of
her hand over the unbandaged parts of his muscular chest. Ranma
shivered. I thought so, Saotome. Nabiki said silently to herself, I do
turn you on a little.

        "I'm not apologizing to you for the wedding, Ranma-darling. I'm
apologizing for what I didn't do when you first came into our home."

         Ranma's eyes grew wide with shock.

       "It's too late now," Nabiki said with sigh as she straightened up
and stretched. Ranma vigorously nodded his head in agreement, then
winced at the eye-watering pain the motion caused.

       "I guess I'll just have to let Akane keep you."

        Ranma's very wide open eyes became firmly fixed upon the
ceiling.

       "Have I ever told you how handsome you are when you're
embarrassed?" Nabiki asked. Ranma, to her great delight, became even
more flustered. She brushed his bangs away from his eyes with one hand,
causing him to look her in the face. Nabiki did not mind. She wanted to
show him that he really was loved.

        "Boy! I never had a chance, did I?" Ranma asked.

        Nabiki shook her head and smiled. "Never did. Never will,
Saotome. You are going to marry a Tendo," she said as she continued to
play with his bangs.

       "I got lots of stuff to do first."

       "I know, Ran-chan," Nabiki said, pausing to swallow back a knot
in her throat,  "You both do. Just don't take too long, okay?"

        Tears began to swim around the edges of Ranma's eyes. He nodded
his head.

       "Doc Tofu says you need to rest, so rest now. I'll go get
Operation Rose Garden underway."

       "What about Xian Pu, got a project name for her?"

       "Nope. I'm gonna cover it all under one allocation for
expenditure," Nabiki said with one of her most predatory of smiles, "Get
some sleep, Little Brother."

        Nabiki quit playing with Ranma's bangs and left. He let out a
sigh and thanked all the kami of Japan for Akane Tendo. Then as an
afterthought, he said a prayer for whoever it was Nabiki eventually
chose for a husband. He would need divine intervention more than any
other man who had ever lived. It began to dawn on him then that Akane's
sisters regarded him as family. As he basked in this new found warmth,
sleep crept up on him quietly and took him without a struggle.

        A few moments later, Nabiki came back into the room and cleaned
up the remains of Ranma's shattered teacup. Rather than throw the shards
away, she tipped them into a resealable, plastic bag. Nabiki held the
bag up so that she could see the pieces in the dim lighting and smiled.

       "Nothing like a fire to fight a fire with," she whispered to
herself.

       Nabiki Tendo rushed home. She needed some sleep for tomorrow
would be one of the busiest she had endured in a long time. She smiled
at the prospect of it. She loved challenges.

                                                   -----------

        Nerima is subject to have a strange day on any given day of the
week, and usually does have. However, the strangest days in Nerima
usually occur between Friday and Monday as may be logically expected.
After all, even the denizens of Nerima must strive to earn a living. The
district's strangeness index tends to go up on the weekends when the
majority of Nerimians have a little more time on their hands that what
is entirely healthy for them. Such circumstances do not however, prevent
Nerima from having a very peculiar day arise during the week. This
particular Tuesday was one of those not so rare exceptions.

        Ko Lon suspected that the incoming tsunami of chaos had actually
begun to build up on Sunday, the day of Tendo's attempt to wed his
daughter to her son-in-law. She also suspected that Shan Pu had
something to do with germinating the nascent, strange attractor because
she had dressed in her finest clothes and was absent for most of that
day. Late that Sunday evening, something woke Ko Lon up. This was not
unusual in and of itself. Ko Lon had been elderly for some three-hundred
years and she, like many of the elderly, needed little in the way of
sleep, often had trouble going to sleep, and was easily wakened. What
was so unusual was the nature of what woke her up. It was a very
peculiar surge of ki. The event was nearby but faint. Unlike most faint
surges of ki, this one was steady, not staccato, and it did not taper
off. It stopped abruptly without a trailing tingle. She had felt it
again on Monday evening while in the bath and it had wakened her again
shortly after going to bed on Monday night.

       Still, such a surge was not in and of itself a frightening thing.
Nerima had more than its fair share of accomplished martial artists. Ko
Lon remembered experiencing a similar event in her early youth. No, what
had been frightening was the voice she heard in the wee hours of this
Tuesday morning. It had made her sit up in bed with a start. It had been
Most Revered Grandmother using her ki voice, speaking to Ko Lon from far
off Qinghai. "Beware the Cold Dragon, Ko Lon," Ancient Mother had said.
The sheer weight of centuries had made the old woman's voice dry and
dusty. Hearing the message delivered in muffled tones, late at night,
born by a distant person's ki made Ko Lon feel as though someone had
spoken to her from the grave.

       Ko Lon had at first thought she had simply heard Revered
Grandmother's voice in a dream, but she knew better after a mere
second's worth of thought. No, Revered Grandmother's ki signature was
unmistakable. The voice had not been a product of her sleep-ridden
imagination. Ko Lon understood down to her very bones the terrible toll
sending a message in such a fashion took on Revered Grandmother's frail
body. She herself had been bedridden for two days the last time she had
accomplished such a feat, and Revered Grandmother was twice Ko Lon's
age. If Revered Grandmother thought the matter important enough to run
such a terrible risk to her own health, then something important and
probably very dangerous was afoot.

        Ko Lon immediately consulted the ancient texts she had brought
with her from China. After three hours of searching she found the
reference she needed. It had been written in a text so old that Ko Lon
found it difficult to follow. Another hour of searching produced a list
of names. Names of those that had been given the gift of the Cold
Dragon. Much to Ko Lon's surprise, two of those names were from her own
family line, but from long, long ago. There had been talk at one time of
breeding a family line for this particular gift, but nothing came of it.
The ancient text was clear on why those efforts would fail, "The Cold
Dragon gifts only those who winnow the coals of hell and live."

        More reading warned of the signs and portents manifest when the
Cold Dragon woke. Ko Lon shuddered. There was no longer any doubt in her
mind about what she had felt for the past two days, nor was there much
doubt in her mind as to who had received the Cold Dragon's gift. She
carefully put the tattered old scroll away, then looked at herself in
the mirror. She looked herself in the eye and considered all she had
learned, all her accomplishments, all her failures, her strengths and
her shortcomings, then she wept. She wept for Ranma Saotome. He was
beyond her help. She could not help him and she knew of no one who
could. So she prayed to the kami and asked them to show the boy a little
mercy.

        By the time she finished praying it was time to begin work on a
fresh batch of chicken stock. The only thing worse than owning a
restaurant is owning a dairy. Actually, no one owns either sort of
establishment. Those establishments own the people holding their titles.
One either enjoyed the work involved in running a restaurant, or got out
of the business.

       At nine in the morning Ko Lon began to get a feel for just how
strange this event would be. She had just finished putting the
vegetables into the soup, Muu Suu had just done the last of the dishes
and Xian Pu was gratefully taking a break having just completed
polishing the floors and tables when the telephone rang.

       "Hello?" Ko Lon said into the infernal device.

       "Yes, we do deliver takeout. Where and when, please?"

       Ko Lon scribbled down the order and hung up the telephone.

       "Xian Pu?" Ko Lon said.

       "Yes, Great-grandmother?"

       "I want you to..."

       She was cut off by another ring of the telephone.

      "Nekohanten, may I help you?"

      "Yes, of course! Where and when would you like it delivered?"

      "What's that? Oh, certainly we can have there right on time. We do
that all the time. Yes, of course! No problem. Bye, bye!"

      "Xian Pu I want you to..."

      The telephone rang.

      "Nekohanten, may I help you?"

      "I see. Where and when would you like it delivered?"

      Ko Lon wrote down the specifics for the third takeout order of the
day. It was long an complicated.

       "Xian Pu I need you to..."

       The telephone rang.

        "Answer this damned thing so I can cook!" Ko Lon said in a near
howl of fury, "Mu Suu!"

        "Yes, Honored Elder!" Mu Suu said, looking obeisant with every
fiber of his being.

       "Check stock!" Ko Lon said, sounding for all the world like a
seasoned officer extricating her troops from an ambush, "Have you fixed
the tire on your bicycle yet?"

        "Not yet, Honored Elder," Mu Suu said as he dove down into the
basement storage room.

       "Hurry every chance you get! We are in for a busy day."

       The telephone rang.

       "Nekohanten! What Xian Pu do to you today?"

       "We're low on noodles and there isn't a shrimp in sight!"

       "What about pork?"

       "Sure, I deliver plenty!"

       "Okay on pork. Low on chicken though!"

       "What you mean? Xian Pu not desert! Xian Pu delivery person!"

       "Go fix that tire then get in here and take care of that bloody
ring-a-ling thing!"

          "Where that is? No way! Xian Pu no deliver that place! Is love
hotel!"

       Xian Pu was not slow witted and she could do a perfectly good job
of receiving an order while getting it right, but her telephone presence
sometimes invited delay. It was amusing on slow days, but this was not a
slow day.

       "How are we on vegetables, Mu Suu?"

       "Is okay. Xian Pu deliver there, but you no behave you be sorry!"


       "Tons, still!"

       The telephone rang again before Xian Pu could remove her hand
from the headset.

       "I'll go fix the tire now," Mu Suu said, emerging from the
storeroom.

       "Nekohanten! What Xian Pu do to you today?"

       "Never mind the bicycle, Mu Suu! Just get your ass in here and
take care of this damned, ring-a-ling-a-thing!"

        "Sure! Xian Pu deliver anytime, anywhere!" Xian Pu said into the
phone, followed by her chirping giggle. "Whipped cream? What that for?"


                                                   -----------















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