HARD TO SAY GOODBYE
~By Kayu-chan~
k-chan@rocketmail.com
http://www.yasha.fsnet.co.uk/hard.html
*Ranma 1/2 belongs to the ingenious of Rumiko Takahashi and company.
I own nothing on these characters or their unusual situations. Ranma
1/2 characters used without permission.*
~Be warned, this will be a sorrowful fic, but as for a bitter end?
You'll just have to wait to find out... ^_~
~I recommend reading the previous chapters. It will be pretty
confusing otherwise. Check it out on my website or e-mail me for
details. If you still have problems after reading, then tell me.~
~BTW, in the end scene of the last chapter (15) I wrongly referred
to Nurse Nanao when I actually meant Nurse Chigusa. Oh, my. This has
now been changed.~
~To those who still remember this: Hey, it's been a while, hasn't
it? Summary of previous chapters included to hopefully refresh
people's memories about what this is about.~
When his only family died in a house fire, a homeless Kuno fell
into denial, then hospital with a broken leg from a car accident and
then ran away when depression finally got him. Nabiki felt sorry for
him, partly due to bitter feelings about her mother and other
reasons she hasn't quite sorted out yet. Guilt and self-imposed
loneliness drove Kuno burn the few remains of his home, which Nabiki
was seriously injured in.
Then he ended up in hospital also and started to act undepressed,
which Nabs found odd. Then she discovered he was actually planning
to die. When she found him, they'd barely started a conversation
when he collapsed, holding a blood stained knife. Nabiki left
hospital, deliberately not finding out what had happened to Kuno and
going back to school, where she'd found she'd changed. Then Kasumi,
who's pretty clued-up on all of this, told her what had happened to
him. And that's how the last chapter ended.
Also, Akane also accidentally overheard a conversation between
Kasumi and Nabiki that she shouldn't have, revealing a secret about
her mother all the Tendos knew of but her. She also senses
something's wrong and feels shut out by Nabiki and Kasumi, and has
no idea what's going on with Kuno.
Kasumi, after a few incidents and remembrance of things past, is...
less calm than she used to be.~
Chapter 16: The Trick Is To Keep Breathing
"He's in a coma...."
She closed her umbrella as she entered the building, leaving
the relative silence of the streets and the shower.
"He's dying...."
Voices chattered in the hospital reception, but they fell
around her like the raindrops outside. Sounds, only background
sounds.
"The doctors say that he's weakening...."
She strolled past the receptionist, knowing her location all
too well.
"Twenty-four hours to live at the most...."
She looked out of the side windows and saw the sun continue
its descent into the land, leaving burning reds and oranges chalked
onto the skyline.
"If there's a chance that he can hear you...."
There was no-one else walking near her along the corridor.
"If you don't tell him what I know you feel...."
All she could hear as she tread along was the sound of
breathing, her lone footsteps tapping in the corridor, and Kasumi's
voice repeating the same things over and over. Things Nabiki didn't
want to hear. Though the words had such clarity that it felt as if
Kasumi were in the corridor with her.
"...You'll regret it."
Regret what? What was it Kasumi expected her to say? Nabiki
ruminated on this as she entered her old ward and scanned around for
a certain nurse. A hand landed on her shoulder and she spun around
to face an older Kasumi in a nurse's uniform. Chigusa.
"Hello, Miss Tendo," Chigusa said, her hazel eyes sparked with
a pity that annoyed Nabiki almost as much as the apologetic tone the
nurse took.
"Hello."
"Do you want to go somewhere to talk? I-"
"No. Here's fine." Nabiki's stare and clipped voice told Chigusa
what she thought of her pity. "Tell me how a knife to the stomach
put him in a coma."
Chigusa's sympathetic expression quirked with confusion. "What
are you talking about? There was no knife wound on the stomach. His
hand was badly cut, but that wasn't what caused his present
condition."
For a second, Nabiki's demeanour also faltered with confusion,
which she quickly hid in a way that suggested habit, not conscious
shame, to Chigusa. "What did?"
"It was a... drug-induced coma, Miss Tendo," Chigusa said,
almost whispering so as not to let anyone else in on what she wasn't
supposed to even know in the first place, never mind be telling
anyone about.
"Right," Nabiki said, suddenly smiling. "I learn something
new, everyday."
Unnerved by the expression of wryness soothing the girl's
face, Chigusa found it hard to speak. "The thing is, um, I, well, I
better take you there now. I have, to get back to work before, er,
anyone notices."
"Thanks, Chigusa." Nabiki's smile held in place.
"Fine, f-follow me." After stammering out her words, Chigusa
turned around and walked away, with Nabiki just to her side. The
nurse didn't notice as the teenager's smile became strained.
* * * *
"Here goes."
As Nabiki stepped into the room, she could see that the
evening sky had enveloped the room with a mustiness. There was
a light on, but it was soft and subtle. It didn't exactly add any
optimism to the room.
She walked up to the side of the bed, the click-clack of her
shoes mimicking the rhythm of the beeps from the heart monitor.
Shadows crawled over her skin as she ventured further into the room,
saying nothing as her hands clamped onto the bed rail. She gazed
down at him, at his pale face, at the quiet it held and a hush of
silence wrapped around the room. He was so peaceful, so devoid of
lines showing emotion, so still and unmoving.
If it weren't for the hissing of the respirator and the beep of
that machine, she would've thought he was dead. Maybe he was. Maybe
she was looking at a dead man breathing. Maybe that was all he could
do anymore.
"Maybe," she murmured, unable to acknowledge anything more
than that.
For a moment, one filled with the overwhelming quiet, her hand
hesitated over his face. Then, as the tension slackened in her hand,
she let a finger brush back a stray lock of hair from his face. Her
finger lingered on his face as she used the slight warmth emanating
from his skin to convince herself that he was still alive and would
stay alive, that he was going to wake up any second because of her
touch. But he didn't.
It had been the right decision not to let Umi know. The poor
girl would have broken down by now.
"Wake up." Her half-lidded eyes betrayed a dragging weariness
as she withdrew her hand and grasped the rail once again. Silence
began to gnaw at her edgy patience, constantly stabbed at by
highly-stung nerves. "I said, wake up! Why won't you wake up? Just
open your damn eyes! Just look at me! Just look...." She let go of
the rail and dropped into the seat just behind her. How could he do
this to her? She felt guilty - she didn't do guilty! If he just got better, then
she wouldn't have to, anymore.
"Tell me that you don't hate me for, that it's all right to be
feeling what I do, that I'm not alone." But again, no answer came
back. Why did this place have to be so quiet?
There were the noises of the machines, yes, and the occasional
doctor or nurse, but they didn't really register. The contrast of
the dying natural light with the accenting shadows added to the
resigned atmosphere of the room. But she wouldn't accept this
pessimism. She wouldn't let him die. To do so would be to fail and
she couldn't fail. Not again.
Leaning forward, she reached out and took his hand into her
own, examining his palm. Only a slight scar lay where once blood had
flowed and convinced her that she was only seconds, and not minutes,
too late to save him from himself. She'd spent all that time trying
to persuade a dying man not to die. Perhaps if she had been quicker
and smarter, he'd still be here. In fact, if he woke up now, he'd
probably wonder what she was doing holding his hand and jump to the
entirely wrong conclusion.
"So wake up," she murmured, clutching his hand tighter, "and
embarrass the hell out of me." Closing her eyes as she threaded a
few of her fingers though his, she waited for even the subtlest
reaction. Anything at all, even a twitch of the thumb, an extra beep
out of that machine, a choked breath. But no, nothing at all. Not a
thing. Nothing! So much time passed by, time that he didn't have,
and... nothing!
Was there anything she could do or say? She'd heard of songs
that woke people up, or idols that visited the patient and said
encouraging words to them. The problem was that he'd been such an
unknown quantity lately that she didn't know what would work and
what would push him further away. If he could hear, of course. If
anything she said would even register in his mind.
Night continued to encroach on the light of the ward but she
didn't let go of his hand, the only connection she had with him, as
bittersweet memories kept her company.
He'd always been such a pompous jerk.
But not lately.
He'd hurt her feelings and let her down.
But he had apologised.
Thanks to him, she'd cried in front of Kasumi.
And once, he had made her smile when no-one else could have.
What was she supposed to think about when she didn't even know
what to feel? How could she be worried for someone whom she used to
view with nothing but disdain? The answers, once so clear in
her mind, were now muddied by unshed tears.
After hours of refusing suggestions to go home and get some
sleep, she found herself smiling sleepily in the glow of the lamp.
"I don't know if this will help, but I'm here."
Outside, a sunset began to slip into the sky and threw shadows
over the streets.
* * * *
A cushion supported Nabiki's neck and her arms clutched a
blanket against her body. An anxious expression claimed her face
as she slept on, having given in to the temptation a few hours
earlier.
"No!" she gasped, her eyes shooting open. With the anxiety
still controlling her senses, she looked around wide-eyed and
breathing heavily, waiting for any signs of danger to appear. After
a few seconds of dawning realisation, her heartbeat slowly went
back down to normal as she calmed down. "A dream, girl. Just a bad
dream." The sunrise caught her eye. It was morning. Oh man, how
long had she been here? She looked at her watch and saw it read
eight o'clock.
Yawning despite herself, she wondered what to do. He hadn't
woken up yet and there wasn't long to go, according to the doctors.
Her heart skipped a beat, a stark image appearing in her mind.
No, she didn't want to be there when....
It was time to go; she had done all she could. As she stood
up, she let his hand slip out of hers and fall softly onto the bed.
After placing the cushion on the seat, she wrapped up the blanket
and put it over the back of the seat. If nothing else, it felt good
to be constructive in some small way - like keeping the place tidy.
Maybe she was turning into Kasumi. Well, it beat being Akane.
In spite of all her words, he hadn't stirred, but she had to
make a last attempt before leaving.
"I won't say goodbye," she found herself saying. "That would
only give you an excuse to slip away." She paused, trying to think
of the right thing to say next. What would be right? Her heart
seemed to be beating in her throat and tension seized her body as
she drew near to him. What would bring him back? Her cool features
melted into something softer.
"I need you," she said firmly as her face hung over his. After
a few minutes of just studying his features, checking for any
reaction, she lifted her head up and sighed almost imperceptibly.
Well, last-ditch honesty didn't work. For her it looked like those
sentimental movie scenes in hospitals, where people woke up at
critical moments with piano music in the background and it all
descended into even more slush, couldn't be further from reality.
No pianos played this morning, not in this room.
Without a second glance, she turned and left.
* * * *
It was not Akane's day. First of all, she'd accidentally set
her alarm an hour early and still had ages to go till it was time to
leave. Secondly, she hadn't realised it was an hour early, until
she'd gotten ready for school and gone downstairs to find nothing
moving but... a draught. Luckily, Kasumi had woken up a short while
later and made Akane some breakfast. The rest of the household was
only now getting up.
Well, Akane mused as she sipped on her lukewarm drink, at
least that gave her some time alone with her sister. Time to talk
about the weather, that cute soap on television last night, the
silly rumours always circulating around the school... without the
pressure to talk about anything serious. Just lazy morning chat, and
it had felt refreshing.
She smiled amongst the clatter of breakfast chaos. Maybe it
wasn't such a bad day. Maybe-
The ring of the doorbell through the noise interrupted her
contemplation.
"I'll get it," she called out and headed for the door. Who
could be ringing on a weekday morning? Ukyo? Ryoga?
She opened the door to see a slight, nervous girl clutching
at her schoolbag like a shield. The blast of cold air into the house
was the only dramatic thing that happened.
"Hello?" Akane enquired after a few seconds, wondering if the
girl would ever speak. "Can I help you?"
"Um, hello," the girl said in a whispery, high voice, her
eyes refusing to meet with Akane's eyes. "DoesaNabikiTendolivehere?
I'msorryforwastingyourtimebye." Just as the girl was about to turn
away, Akane caught her sister's name in the babble and guessed the
rest.
"Nabiki?" she answered before the girl could bolt. "Yeah,
sure. Are you a friend?" The girl circled back round, finally
looking Akane in the eyes. The intensity of the girl's blue-grey
eyes startled Akane, but the girl noticed her reaction and the
intensity died away.
"Kinda, well, in a way. Classmate, well, the.... I'm in her
class," the girl stammered, blushing. "Umi, Umi Otanashi. That's my
name. Sorry."
"Don't worry about it," Akane replied, not quite sure what the
'sorry' was for. "My name's Akane, I'm Nabiki's sister." She noticed
that the girl was shivering, despite her jacket, and felt a little
guilty. "Why don't you come in while I get her?"
"Oh, I couldn't-" A howl of wind swept by the doorstep. "Thank
you. I won't stay long." Umi stepped into the house and stood on the
mat as Akane closed the door, glad to get rid of the outside
weather. The girl's tense posture didn't change as she refused to
move from the mat. After a few awkward moments, Umi whispered,
"I'll, I'll wait."
"Oh, right! Nabiki!" Akane gasped, grinning as she realised
the silliness of such strange tension. "I think she's still in bed.
She was up late last night studying, I think. I'll go wake her up."
As Akane went up the stairs to Nabiki's room, Kasumi emerged
into the hallway, a tea towel grasped in a hand. Just as her mouth
opened to speak, she heard Akane call from upstairs, "Nabiki! Wake
up! There's someone here to see you! Nabiki!" After a pause, Akane
appeared half-way down the stairs and spotted her. "Hey, sis, Nabiki
won't answer me. Do you know if something's wrong?"
Kasumi hesitated in reply as she took in the worry ageing
Akane's face. She could tell that Akane was remembering the last
time Nabiki had not answered a call at breakfast, and that those
thoughts would eat at her until Kasumi could tell her something
comforting. Kasumi's heart beat faster and she held down a gulp.
No, she couldn't tell Akane another lie, but she couldn't tell her
the truth, either. Why couldn't honesty always be the best policy
for all involved?
"She's out," Kasumi said. "She's safe."
Akane looked relieved, but still seemed curious about the
vague answer. "Where is she?"
Kasumi smiled; that was all she could think of to do.
"What's up, sis?"
"It's a long story, dear," Kasumi finally said. "Now, why
don't we save you and Umi time? After all, you both have school to
get to." She looked at Umi, trying to use a soft smile to put the
girl at ease. "What is it you wanted to tell Nabiki?"
"Well," Umi said slowly, trying to find the right words, "even
though Nabiki said she would call if she heard anything about Kuno,
I just found out a piece of information that might interest her."
Kasumi's face began to pale.
"Since she didn't call me about this, she mustn't have known,
so I thought it only wise to let her know. I guess there are
advantages to having relatives working in hospitals. Heh."
Umi forced a weak smile, and Kasumi pushed forward an even
fainter one. Akane could only watch in fascinated confusion at the
two.
"The thing is that... that... he's seriously ill in Intensive
Care and they don't know how long he has to live. There's a high
chance he won't... that is...." Umi's grey eyes narrowed and
darkened, her voice even more of a whisper than before. Akane had to
come down the stairs to hear her. "I'm going to see him."
After a few moment's silence, Akane spoke, "I always wondered
what had happened to him." Pausing, she let out a sigh. "But now, I
wish I didn't. Do you want someone to come along? Will you be all
right on your own?"
Umi, biting her lip, looked over at her. "I don't know."
* * * *
Click.
The door opened and she stepped inside to the sounds of a
happy house. The faint clattering of plates in the kitchen as they
were put away, gentle laughter trickling through the hallway, and
the murmurings of a conversation in the living room. Shutting the
door behind her, Nabiki leaned up against it and let out a long
sigh, tired and sleepy. Finally, it was all over with. Now she could
get some proper sleep, do some studying for tomorrow's class, wake
up in the morning, walk to school, and pretend that she had a normal
life.
Just as she was about to fall asleep while standing, the phone
rang. Her eyes narrowed in annoyance. The phone had caused
all the trouble in the first place. With every ring, she could hear
light feet come closer and closer to answer it.
Let them deal with the consequences. Let them carry the
emotional baggage attached. She didn't want it or need it. If it
was the phonecall she thought it was, then it was better left
ringing away. It had been nearly an hour since she had left the
hospital; anything could have happened.
"Hello," Nabiki said as she picked it up just before Kasumi
came into view.
"Hello!" replied a familiar, chirpy voice. "Is that Miss
Nabiki Tendo?"
"Unfortunately, yeah." Nabiki's hand tensed, on the verge of
hanging up. She didn't need to be told what she already knew. "What
is it, Nurse Chigusa?"
"I have some news. It's about-"
"Oh, look at the time. Gotta go," Nabiki replied coolly,
preparing to put the phone down.
"Please, listen to me!" Chigusa said. "Just this once more! I
wouldn't call if it wasn't very important."
"Why do you care, anyhow?"
There was a long pause on the line as Nabiki waited for
Chigusa's answer. If the nurse insisted on letting her know things
she didn't want to, then it seemed reasonable to know what was in it
for the older woman. Plus, it was a great distraction from hearing
the inevitable.
"Well, I...." A barely contained melancholy tainted the
nurse's usually upbeat tone, as she whispered her reply: "I lost
someone because I never told him how I really felt. Now I have to
spend every day working alongside him, listening to his marriage
plans and how he can't wait to transfer to this other hospital to be
near his fiancee. I just don't want to see anyone lose the one they
love."
"Hey, you've got my sympathies." Nabiki's reply was calm, like
her face, refusing to give a curious Kasumi a clue about how much
the nurse's words were getting to her or why they were. "But what
does that have to do with me? I was never in...."
"Isn't he your boyfriend?" Chigusa interrupted, regaining her
light tone.
"No, he wasn't. Ever." Nabiki refused to let her frustration
at this annoying mistake show through, but it was hard. People
seemed to take an passionate denial as a declaration of love.
"Are you sure he isn't?"
"Quite sure. And what's with the present tense? You're acting
like he's-" Nabiki's words caught in her throat as she realised what
she was about to say.
"He is. Goodbye, Miss Tendo," Chigusa said, with a smile in
her voice, and hung up.
Nabiki stared at the receiver for a few seconds, listening to
the endless burr.
"Sister?" Kasumi asked, stepping up behind her. "Nabiki?"
"I, I," she replied tonelessly, putting the phone back on its
hook, "have to go back." She turned around, facing Kasumi, with a
calm look still painted on her face. "Hi."
"Hello," Kasumi said unsurely.
Nabiki headed back to the door and opened it. The breeze
whistled into the house, with scattered dots of rain flitting across
Kasumi's blouse and making her shiver.
"Bye." Nabiki shut the door behind her and the breeze died
away.
"Goodbye," Kasumi said to the door, trying to figure out what
had just happened.
As Nabiki walked out onto the street, and looked up to the
dull sky, she smiled.
"It worked." Suddenly, the pattering rain started to shower
down, washing over her, all of her, slowly managing to soak through
her jacket with merciless abandon. But the weather couldn't matter
less. The smile spread further across her face, lighting her eyes as
a sense of exhilaration swept over her tired body. "At last, a
second chance, and I earned it."
* * * *
Nabiki walked through the hospital, with moist strands of her
hair grasping her neck and leaving an icy shiver lingering down
her spine. Although the wet clothes plastering cold to her skin
added realism, she still felt like she was in some sort of haze.
Unfortunately, doubts were beginning to intrude that haze. What if
she had misheard Chigusa or only heard the words she had wanted to
be spoken? What if that whole conversation with the nurse was a
dream?
Well, she thought as the room came into view, I'll soon find
out. Her heart seemed intent on pumping far too much; the sensation
of blood rushing around her veins unsteadied her sense of balance
and she felt light-headed. This was it. Either way, her life would
be affected... man, she really shouldn't think about this too much.
It wasn't that big a deal. She was just visiting a classmate.
Smirking at her own self-denial, she pressed her fingertips
against the slightly ajar door.
"Thank you for your words," his weak, soft voice spoke out.
"If it were not for you, I would not have awoken."
"It was no problem, really," came the quiet reply. "I, um, I'm
just glad that you're alive."
Fingers still against the door, Nabiki's lips parted but
nothing came out. She hadn't spoken, said a word, nothing. Someone
else's voice was accepting his thanks for saving his life. Not her,
but Umi. What was Umi doing here? How did she know? And what did she
say that woke him up... what could a wallflower like that say?
Nabiki's fingers tensed against the wooden door , a sense of
hopelessness bringing on an anger she would never let be shown. He
was supposed to wake up to her voice, no-one else's! What was the
point of going through all she had these past few months if it was
someone else who saved his life in the end?
Turning away from the door, she leant on the wall just by the
door, and tried to relax.
Breathe in.
-This wasn't her.
Breathe out.
-She was stronger than this.
Yes, stronger. The fact that he was alive meant more than any
loss of success. But-
"Miss, are you all right?" a nurse asked her, suddenly.
"I'm fine," Nabiki said with an impatient tone. She held onto
an impassive, cold appearance, silently willing the old nurse to not
ask any more questions, to go be helpful somewhere, because if she
asked anymore-
"Nabiki?" came that soft, weak, but alive, voice.
Oh, no.
Her lips pursed as she hesitated. She wanted to move away, to
get away from this place and never come back, to forget everything
that had happened so that nothing more in this hospital could hurt
her....
"Nabiki?"
...But it felt so good to hear his voice, again, and know he
was alive.
No, she couldn't make up her mind now. She had to think before
doing anything, saying anything. She'd lost too much by going along
with impulses.
"No," she said in a higher voice, trying to disguise it, "sorry."
Turning away from the nurse, she walked down the corridor.
****
She should've just stayed with money. That way, she could have
at least afforded a decent umbrella and not one that collapsed the
minute it met a breeze a week ago. No, she just had to try out that
caring, compassion thing and get stuck with it. Now, she was in one
of this hospital's ladies' rooms, trying to dry her face and hair
with a bunch of paper towels.
The umbrella was looking more tempting by the minute. Oh, yes.
White harsh lights staring down on her, she looked in the
mirror to try and sort out her hair with a comb. She could see the
weariness in her eyes, and felt so old for her seventeen years.
Why was she still here? What did she have left to give, to
help, to make her feel better? Nothing she did made any difference
in the end. Why didn't she just walk away from this sorry mess?
"Because I can't." Her voice sounded so quiet, the sound just
about echoing around the strict white panels of the empty room.
Lips barely open, she barely breathed as she spoke, but the words
had still been said and she couldn't take them back, they were too
strong. "I won't."
Why? There was still a chance, despite Umi, that she could
help him find some semblance of normality or peace in this life.
That, in itself, might help find her some peace along the way, too.
And... and....
What more could she want?
"To stop thinking and caring about him so much it hurts."
Taking the necklace out of her pocket, she studied it for a few
seconds before looking back at the mirror. "To stop wanting that so
badly, at the same time." She smiled wryly and the weariness
lightened in her eyes. "Most of all, to stop talking to my
reflection."
A sneeze jumped into her thoughts and her heart skipped.
Turning around in trepidation, she saw Umi standing at the exit with
a handkerchief to her nose, blushing deeply.
"Hey, Umi," she said, her face refusing to show any shock,
"how's life treating you?"
Umi took the hanky away from her nose and sniffled a little.
Her grey eyes were wide open, scared and enjoying the pattern of the
wall tiles immensely.
"It's-it's-it's...."
"Confusing, embarrassing and conflicted?" Nabiki finished for
her with a smirk.
"That's it," Umi squeaked. Her fingers tapped against each
other, hands palm to palm.
"Don't worry about it," Nabiki said, "just forget you ever
heard me speak to a mirror, and we're fine."
Umi let out a nervous laugh, and then abruptly stopped. For a
few moments she stood still, her brow scrunched up in deep thought
with her eyes faraway. "C-could you please answer a question for
me?" she asked, her eyes showing that her focus was still partly in
another place.
"What?"
"Have you ever fallen in love?"
"No," Nabiki answered. "Not in this lifetime."
Umi walked out of the exit, whispering, "Then you can't
answer."
* * * *
Despite the noise buzzing like a plague of locusts in his
head, it felt so very empty. A hospital, that's what he'd been told
he was in. The people in white coats must be, what was the word...
doctors. It was so difficult to clear a path though all this blur of
pain, to gain clarity into... into the outside. It was difficult
enough to keep on breathing and thinking, never mind focus in on the
nonsense noises surrounding him. He was... he could barely... that
was, one could....
A dagger sliced through his throat as he took in a deep
breath.
One couldn't think straight in fuzziness. Occasionally, it was
possible to catch a sentence from the locust's flapping wings and
reply. Yet, some of the time, he couldn't even put a word to what
the noise was. All he knew was that all the many sorts of pain
invading his body seemed to fall into a cacophony, barely
distinguishable from one another. Soon, soon, he would be able to
think about why he was in this hospital, but not right now. Right
now, complete clarity was what he desired. If only that voice from
earlier would come back, the one that batted through the insects to
become a welcome balm on the pain they caused. It had reminded his
drowning mind of....
"I'm sorry, Miss, but you can't go-"
"-I won't be long, Nurse, I promise you."
A memory flashed by his eyes, but he couldn't place it,
couldn't hold onto it.
"I'm sorry, Miss, but you cannot go in," a commanding voice
said back. "He's still in serious...." Once again, the voice
disappeared into the huddle of sounds surrounding this unnatural
place of white. Breathing was all he could do, and so, as he closed
his eyes, the clear sound of shallow breath haunted him. Weak,
cowardly breath. Surely there must be more to him than this?
"Is he going to be okay?" that familiar voice intruded again.
"I'm sorry but I can't-" As the second voice started to talk,
he began to lose his connection to clarity. He needed the familiar
voice; for some reason, it gave him a centre to grasp onto. Opening
his eyes slowly, he focused on the direction of those two voices and
took in as much detail as he could before the pain screwed up his
eyes.
A tall, domineering female nurse stood by the open door
looking at a girl partially out of sight. But he could see most of
the girl's face: intense, dark brown eyes with a gaze that could
shatter glass despite the weariness softening it, and skin so pale
she could be a ghost. All of her features seemed so sharply defined
in his mind, even as his eyes could not hold on. He knew this girl,
her voice, her eyes, her confident stance, her name, even though his
mind felt so damnably slow today in connecting such information
together.
Finally, he could begin to piece things together. She wasn't
just a faceless name that evoked deja vu of someone else, she was
that person.
"Nabiki."
Even though his eyes were closed, he could feel her eyes on
him as she stopped speaking to the nurse. A bleeping noise was all
that permeated the hush. There may well have been more noise, but
all he concentrated on was the sound of her voice, or would be if
only she would speak. Please let her not be an illusion, he thought,
please. The blizzard of pain was forcing his mind back into oblivion
and it was so very easy to....
"Heya." Her voice was so soft, so different from what he
expected, that he wanted so much for the pain to abate so he could
see the emotion in her eyes. He had to know if the warm tone was
actually nothing more than fatigue. Whatever it might have been, it
had momentarily given him a sense of peace.
"Will you please stay?" he asked, desperately hoping that
no-one in the room, especially her, would protest to her presence.
There was a moment's quiet before, suddenly, light footsteps
clacked against the floor.
"I can't stay here," she said, her voice nearer but lacking in
the softness that it held before. "You're not well enough for
visitors."
"Why?" Slowly, painfully, he began to open his eyes, screaming
at the darkness in his head to leave him alone. "What happened to
me?" His mind still felt so hazy despite her presence; he needed to
grasp some sort of reason for why he did lie here.
"You don't want to know, believe me." The finality of her tone
belied the casualness of her words, but he had to know.
Opening his eyes completely, he followed the sound of her
voice to see her standing a short distance from his bed. She shifted
slightly as he tried to establish eye contact with her.
"What happened to me that was so very...?" Language left him
as his eyes, at last, locked with hers and he suddenly wished he
hadn't. Unlike her flat voice, Nabiki's eyes seemed marked with so
much darkness, such sadness and regret. Oh, what lengths would
he got to for it to leave her alone, if only he knew how.
"You did," she replied. Barely hidden shards of anger
sharpened her gaze. A second later, the shards disappeared, but he
knew that the bitterness had been directed toward him.
Guilt splintered his own worries and he welcomed all punishment
for whatever it was that he had done. The agony coursed through
his veins and he almost begged to black out from it, to save him from
having to see her like this. But at the same time, she was his only
focus in this blur.
No, that darkness shouldn't be a part of her, she deserved so
much better than that, so much better than a life like his. He was
bereft of any hope, and, unlike him, she deserved not the torment that
had led him to....
He gasped in shock, a terrible clarity sweeping away the
haze, and started choking as the gasp caught in his throat. Oh,
dear gods, oh no! She had been there when he....
His vision started darkening, and dizziness sent his head
reeling along with his shocked mind. Coughing and gasping, with
sharp pains slashing through his chest, he could barely concentrate
on her. No, he couldn't let go of his focus! He couldn't let go of
her, or she might never-
Losing sight of Nabiki, something covered his face and his
frenzied thoughts were lost into nothingness.
~Fini~
Thanks to a very patient Tami for pre-reading this. :)
~Notes~
Woohooooooooo!!!! I'm so happy it's finally finished that I decided
to be rebellious and break the rules of punctuation with all these
exclamation marks!! *calms down* I was beginning to doubt that I'd
ever finish this sucker. I'm really, really sorry that it took so
long to do, I didn't realise that it would, believe me. There are
plenty of reasons why this took forever, but I won't bore you with
my sob story.
If anyone's still reading this fanfic, thanks so much, and I hope
you have a nice week. Well, heck, even if you didn't read and have
just skipped to the end, a nice week to you, too. ^_^
I know I'm not perfect, and neither is my writing. I'm very, very nervous
about this and utterly neurotic. C&C of whatever kind craved from
those who have the time and inclination. I treasure every one I get.
~Kayu-chan
"Life's never more cruel than when it gives a person what she asks
for."
-'The Ghost Prison' by Gary Kleppe