On Thu, 3 Feb 2000, Jamie and Bridget Wilde wrote:
The inspiration for this is, as might be guessed, the classic Who song;
however, it has little or nothing to do with the songfic for the same
song that was posted some time ago, and is also unrelated to the recent
fic "I'm a Guy."
I really really liked this story! It's made me smile more than almost any
other in recent memory.
Comments and criticism, public and private, are most welcome.
Just a very few things, and mostly praise...
"I must go," he declared sonorously, keeping his face stoic. "I
have neglected my art for far too long, lain at ease in the soft arms
of domesticity, pampered into weakness and dissolution. Such is not
the way of the warrior." He turned his profile to her, gazing into
the endless night, just as the samurai on that night's TV drama had
done. "I must go on this training journey, for the sake of my art...
and my soul."
Just lone wolf without the cub, hmm? :)
"Yes, your duty." He stepped forward again to lay a bracing hand
on her shoulder. "You must raise our children to be fine young ladies
- indeed, women among women."
"Women among women..." Her voice was hushed, hands clasped before
her raptly; he could practically see the stars in her eyes.
And here's where it happens. Nodoka is so literal! But I can really see it
for her character.
"I vow it, on my life and the lives of my children. Women among
women they shall be - or die."
Deep within her, there was a faint stirring, as if in protest -
but it was yet too faint for her to sense, barely a ripple in the
ocean, and it would be another month before Nodoka realized that her
vow had been spoken not for three children, but for four.
Poor Ranma. Always cursed one way or another.
What made it worse was that Akane knew that these
same rude, insulting boys would do almost anything to catch even a
glimpse of one of the girls they derided in the locker room, would
practically faint if one of them actually agreed to a date. Utterly
pathetic.
Very astute. :)
Ranko looked up in surprise. "You mean martial arts?" Her eyes
were wide with shock, and really quite lovely. Her face matched her
build, slightly wider than was comfortable, but not unattractive.
Ranma the bishounen. I can and can't see it.
"I... I just can't." Ranko busied herself cleaning up the
remains of her lunch, packing everything neatly into her Hello Kitty
lunchbag.
Yay, Hello Kitty! Poor Ranma, a new reason to hate cats. :) There's
actually a very interesting article about the submissiveness inherent in
Hello Kitty and some other Sanrio characters, good reading.
The next three girls were variations on the theme, though
obviously in the first bloom of youth, their hairstyles and kimono
less severe in style. They sipped from Kasumi's best teacups with
unconscious grace, their attention focused on the adults at the head
of the table.
Need a tab for this paragraph,
"Indeed." Mrs. Saotome's voice was like a viola, sweet and low
and clear. "Well, as I mentioned earlier, my husband has been gone on
a training trip for some time now."
Beautiful detail work, this scene is really alive.
"Now, Akane, please sit down. You're disturbing our guests."
Akane realized that the Saotome clan was indeed staring at her, the
mother with a tiny frown of disapproval, the three older sisters with
identical looks of polite curiosity, and Ranko with a peculiarly
fearful fascination.
Akane, too genki for the sedate Saotome women, this is just too funny.
"Really?" Ranko twitched the hem of her kimono to cover her now-
somewhat-dusty _tabi_ socks. "I think the Saotomes used to be really
great, too. I suppose we still are, if you count Father. But we
don't have a dojo."
Nice detail on the tabi. It's a little redundant, but good to explain to
general audiences.
"You'd think you'd never had sukiyaki before," Akane teased as
she followed them into the hall.
Ranko's back stiffened visibly. "Of... of course I've eaten
sukiyaki before. We have sukiyaki all the time at my house. Two or
three times a week, in fact."
I like this, still flashes of the Ranma pride and personality.
There was a note waiting for her the next morning when she went
to change her shoes, pink Hello Kitty stationery sealed with a sticker
that looked like a fishcake; Akane's name was written on it in purple
ink, in rounded, bubbly script.
Wow, perfect! You even got the girly script detail, color me very very
impressed.
"Hey, what are you doing?" Oh no, Ranko was one of those girls
who liked other girls, this was all some ploy to get to Akane... "Stop
that!" Akane made a grab for Ranko's hands.
Well, in a way... :)
"You will? Oh, Akane! I'm so glad you're a tomboy!" Ranko
bounced with glee in a most un-boylike way, clapping his hands
together.
"Gee, thanks... I think."
Heh. I'm very interested in more of this, though it could almost stand
alone with all the sheer possibilities it presents. It was light and
serious at the same time, it actually kind of reminds me of Kodomo no
Omocha for some reason. Anyway, thank you very much for the read!
Colleen
--
One more stitch in one more place.