Three Sailor Moon Lemons
Part 1: A Slumber Party, written by Vurgine
MSTed by Rob ��Suzaku Soldier�� Kelly (patkelly85@hotmail.com)

Pre-MST: Hey there! I��m back from the net-dead to bring you this triple-bill MSTing. My old (Pentium 166) PC got a kicking several days ago, but I bought a new Celeron, so everything��s OK. This also features a couple of guest riffers, Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot from MST3K. I��m also trying out writing the host segments in script format, instead of prose like I always do. Be sure not to be sick on the keyboard when you get to the other two��
=======================================================================

Cue Mystery Lemon Theatre Opening�� Now.

Since when was Virginia funny?

In the not too distant future,
Somewhere in time and space,
Four anime boys in their Queen of Hearts,
Are caught in an endless chase.

Nakago and Tomo are aboard a ship,
Piloted by fangirls who made ��em sick.
They found a teen that was dumb, they deemed,
So they took him by force to carry out their schemes!

(Rob) GET... ME... DOWN!
(Nakago) We��ll send them crappy lemons, the worst we can find. (Lalala)
(Tomo) The boys will sit and watch them all, and we��ll monitor there
Minds! (Lalala)  Now keep in mind that Rob controls, Where the lemons
Begin or end, (lalala)
The guys have got to keep their sanity,
Or they��ll be used on our friends!

RIFFER ROLL CALL:
Ranma! (What, now?)
Yaten! (Minna baka!)
Tamahome! (Get me down!)
Heerooo! (Oy��)

And if you��re wondering how we eat or breathe and other science fact, (lalala)
Repeat to yourself ��It��s just a file, I should really just relax��, For Mystery Lemon Theatre 3000!

*Guitar twang*

(Door 6)
(Door 5)
(Door 4)
(Door 3)
(Door 2)
(Door 1)
(QoH)
**********************************************************************************************************
[It��s afternoon aboard the QoH. Heero is seated at a computer typing up something while Tamahome is sitting at the table examining a vial of liquid that has little purple and red bits inside it. On the vial is a label marked ��A. Powers Mojo Sample��.]

Heero: I��m telling you, Tamahome, there��s nothing in that vial that matches any genetic or biological data in the computer.
Tamahome: In English, please?
Heero: Dummy talk? There no way in hell I can analyse that ��mojo��.
Tamahome: Well, there��s only one thing for it�� [Opens the vial and brings it to his lips]
Heero: [O.O] TAMAHOME, ARE YOU NUTS?!
Tamahome: What? This is must be important if you lose it like this.
Heero [regaining his composure]: I��m not wanting to lose someone thanks to a stupid decision. You drink that sample you could be dead.

[Ranma enters the room, inexplicably in girl form]

Ranma: That sounds good!
Tamahome: What happened to you?
Ranma: Toilet went haywire. I��m just waiting for some hot water.
Heero: I��m just keeping Tamahome from drinking that mojo sample.
Ranma: Mojo? Sounds like to me like bottled libido.
Heero: Na ni?

[Yaten sneaks behind Heero, then wraps his arms around Heero��s chest.]

Yaten: Hey Heero, maybe you shouldn��t be so uptight all the time. Look what it��s doing to you.
Heero: Well, I��m the one in charge here. I��m just trying to keep order.
Yaten: Why not take a break for a second?
Ranma [imitating Yaten]: Oooooooohhh!
Tamahome: Look at that, Yaten��s trying to get Heero into bed with him!
Yaten: Why don��t you two try it as well? You��d make an excellent couple. Especially as Ranma��s a girl right now��
Ranma & Tamahome: Would NOT!
Heero: I think I will. Ranma, make sure Tamahome doesn��t drink that�� Mojo.

[Yaten giggles as he and Heero leave the room]

Ranma: Did you get anything out of him?
Tamahome: Nothing. We tried everything from super-neurotic-whacthamacallit to eletra-whoo-haa and got nothing out of it.
Ranma: Why not drink it?
Tamahome: I tried to but all I got was�� [Goes SD in cosplay of Heero waving a little toy gun around] TAMAHOME ARE YOU NUTS?! YOU��LL DIE IF YOU DRINK IT! [goes back to normal]
Ranma: But he��s a dick! Why not do you own thing?

[Tamahome looks at the mojo and looks back at Ranma]

Tamahome: Why not? [unscrews the top and takes a huge drink out of the vial] See, nothing wrong with it at�� [Suddenly looks at Ranma, lovestruck] Ranma��
Ranma: Uh I��.. [also lovestruck] Tamahome�� Baby��
Tamahome [beckoning to her]: Come here baby. I��ll show a how to have a good time��

[Ranma giggles and goes with Tamahome to unknown parts of the QoH. Of course, now would be a perfect time for Nakago to call us�� Yeah right. But he appears in the hexfield anyways]

[Slick]
Nakago [with his back turned to the camera]: Hello there, sea monkeys! Today��s experiment is�� [turns to camera to no-one there.] Hello? Anybody? Heero? Ranma? Tama-chan? Don��t you think for a minute you could run away from me!
Tomo: Maybe the Chibi-Relenas will bring them out of hiding! [Pulls a lever]

[QoH]
[An army of little Chibi-Relenas suddenly swarm into the bridge, running around and causing havoc. A little red light flashes and then all the Relenas are herded into the theatre by a giant hand.]

[Slick]
Tomo: OK, that was a little strange. That damn boy must have constructed security measures.
Nakago: I hate it when they outsmart us! Well, we��re short four test subjects.
Tomo: But we can summon more. They��re supposed to be expendable, right? So Rob can get us more right?
Nakago: Oh why not? [Activates the intercom] ROB! WE��VE LOST OUR TEST SUBJECTS! SEND FOUR MORE!

[SCR]
Rob [Rubbing his ears]: OK, OK! No need to yell, it hurts my ears! [types up some co-ordinates] Here goes�� [Pulls lever]

{QoH]
[Four Half-Life style transportation energy balls flash, as Tom Servo, Crow T. Robot, Akito Tenkawa and Katsumi Liquerer appear on the QoH]

Tom: The hell?
Crow: What��s going on? [Spots Katsumi] Oh, man, I��m in heaven��
Tom: I don��t think heaven looks much like the SOL.
Crow: What? [looks around] Oh, jeez, not again!
Katsumi: Where are we?
Akito: Captured?
Tom: Looks like it. [Looks at the hexfield] Hey blondie, you know where we are?

[Slick]
Nakago: A starship in deep space known as the Queen of Hearts. And guess what? YOU��RE STUCK HERE! You��re gonna watch bad lemons or erotic fanfics ��till you crack! ROB! SEND THEM THE POST! BWAHAHAHAHAA!

[QoH]
Crow: If he starts spanking himself with a clipboard, yeling, ��I��m a naughty boy! Naughty, naughty, naughty�ġ� etc, etc, then that��s Dr. F in a new body.
Tom: Like in Robotrix?
Crow: Without Amy Yip.

[SCR]
Rob: OK! [thinks] I wonder what happened to those Relenas?

[turns on a viewscreen to see the Relenas watching Hime-chan no Ribbon in theatre]

Rob [hick]: We��ll I��ll be! [pushes the button]

[QoH]
[Customary sirens and flashing lights]
Crow: OHH, WE��VE GOT MOVIE��
Katsumi: LEMON!
Tom: WE��VE GOT LEMON SIIIGN!!!

[Everyone runs around in panic then enters the theatre]

**********************************************************************************************************
Door Sequence!
Door 1: A shower cubicle. You pull back the curtain to reveal�� nothing. Damn.
Door 2: A giant TV. The screen suddenly explodes, allowing you through.
Door 3: A wall made of Jigglypuff plush toys. You knock them down with a wrecking ball.
Door 4: A DVD drive. It opens for you and you get inside the loading tray as it closes.
Door 5: A drawbridge. It falls, narrowly missing your head.
Door 6: The Tubes.
[QoH Theatre]
**********************************************************************************************************
[The guys enter the theatre; Crow and Tom sit where Heero and Yaten usually sit while Akito and Katsumi sit in Ranma and Tam home��s seat]

*** A Slumber Party? ***

Akito: Wait, lemme check�� [Rifles through a little black book] Yup! Wait a tick�� Oi, Tom, what does BYO mean?
Tom: Bring Your Own. Why?
Akito: BYO vibrator says here.
Tom: Ah.

A Sailor Moon lemon by Vurgine!

Tom: Which rhymes with turbine!
Katsumi: Or Borgine.
Akito: No it doesn��t!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Katsumi: White lines? All Vurgine needs now is a drinking straw and��
Crow: Oh, do shut up!

WARNING!

Crow [Lost in Space Robot]: Danger, Will Robinson!

If you are under 18 then DONT READ THIS!!

Akito: So we can go? See ya!
[Akito leaves his seat, but Crow stops him]
Crow: We all have to suffer, Akito.

If you are caught reading this and
you are underage then I believe the correct phrase to use is "DOH!".

All (except Katsumi): D��OH!!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Disclaner

Tom: And what is a ��disclaner�� exactly?

I accept no responsibilty for anyone who goes blind as a result of this fic.

Akito: While we accept no responsibility for any potential offensive remarks brought on by this fic.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Intro

Katsumi: T��was a stormy night on the Pacific��

Hiya! I'm Vurgine! This is a lemon fanfic! Have fun!

Crow: Depends on what kind of fun you mean.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part 1

Akito: Integrity 0
Tom: That must be pretty overused by now��

Serena was running down the road from her house, her hair was flowing
backwards in the light breeze, she was holding a green sports bag in one hand.

Katsumi: Must be a small bag.

It was obvios to anyone who was watching her that she was very exited
about something.

Crow: ��Exited about something��? She can��t stop blabbering on about it?

"This will be great!" She thought to herself "I've never
been invited to a slumber party before."

Tom [Serena]: Wait a sec, I _was_ invited to one last week! And the week before! And the week before that�� And they all ended the same way!
Crow: Group orgy right?
[Tom nods]

She giggled "I'm suprised Rei even
asked me. Still I suppose it would be strange if one of us was missing.".
Yesterday a note had arived at Serena's door adressed to her. "Serena," It had read "Chad and Granddad are going out for a few days and leaving the temple for me to look after.

Crow: No proper adults in the room for a few days�� Not good.

So I'm going to hold a slumber party! It will just
be the 5 of us. Come to the temple on Monday at 3:00." Serena looked at her
watch. It was 2:45.

Katsumi: These times are brought to you from Accurist.

Serena arrived at the temple at 3 exactly and went into the door.

Akito [Serena]: I was on time? Something must wrong with me!

Ami, Lita, Mina, and Rei

Crow [Rei]: This isn��t Hikawa Jinja! We��ve gone the wrong way!
Katsumi [Ami]: Well, the next time you travel with Bugs Bunny, make sure you��re the one leading the way!

were already waiting and chatting to each other. "HI!" Rei said "Well now were all here I guess we can start" She looked over to Mina who smirked knowingly.

Akito [Mina]: We��ll kill ��em in one of these rooms and we��ll take their money!
Crow: You have a beef with Sailor Moon?
Akito: Even since I had a relationship with Rei. It only lasted one day, then I was dropped like a wet fish!
Tom: I thought you wouldn��t have the guts to even chat her up. I wonder why Yurika��s attracted to you? Uh, on the other hand��
Akito: Alright, I never had one with Rei! When I tried to chat her up she brushed me off!
Crow: Figures.

Rei ran up the stairs and into one of the unused rooms. She turned round and asked Mina "are you ready?".

Crow: All together now��
All: ��for some FOOTBALL?!

Mina winked and walked to one of the walls and said, "of course!". Rei went up to her and said "good..." Then rapped

Tom: Hey, can I rap too?
Katsumi: ��Wrapped��, not ��rapped��!
Crow: At least it��s better than ��raped��.

her arms round her waist and kissed her. The other
three had no idea what was going on and couldnt quite believe what was happening, but they didnt say anything,

Katsumi: Oh, for Kami-sama��s sake, say something, do something!
Akito: Take off your clothing or something!
Crow: It��s too late, guys, they can��t hear you��
Tom: Oh, God, nook!

Just stayed staring at the two girls.
Mina reached down and unbuttoned her shirt letting it fall to the ground in front Of her then grinning took hold of Rei's blouse and ripped it off.

Katsumi: Getting ravenous are we, Mina?
Crow [Nurse]: Time for your Prozac, honey.

Rei reached
Up and grabbed one of Mina breasts and then covered her mouth with her's, her tounge plunging deep into her.

Akito: Detachable tongues!
Tom: The latest fad from the USA!

Mina moned between kisses an then let down her skirt and unbuttoned Rei's bra. Rei giggled slightly as her bra fell down to
the floor and her breasts were left exposed.

Katsumi [Mina��s boobs]: I don��t wanna be exposed!  Put me back in the bra!

She reached her hands down Mina's
cleavage and pushed gently

Tom: She��s pushing the wind outta them!
Crow: This is the leading cause for saggy breast in old age.

so that Mina's bra was pushed off her and slid down
her body to her chest.

Tom: Wait a sec�� If the bra slid down, then it would be underneath her breasts, not on her chest!

The two of them god as close as they could and kissed Pasionatly their tongues intertwining.

Crow: Make sure they don��t get tied up.
Akito: All this, all free, no commas!
Tom [Drill Sergeant]: Akito that was your only riff in�� [Page Ups to check] ��24 lines! You must try HARDER! Now drop and give me 20, maggot!

While all this was going on Serena couldnt
belive what she was seeing "Mina and Rei are lesbians?? And they never told us??

Katsumi [Serena]: Closeted lesbianism is not the lemon way!

Why are they being so public about it now? They dont want us...." She gasped and
looked round at Lita and Ami.

Crow: But they were gone after getting a little too turned on from the scene before them, and were copulating in the living room.
Katsumi: Crow��
Crow: Jeez, they do it here too! This sucks!

It was clear that Ami was thinking the same things as she was but this wasnt happening with Lita, who was getting more and more turned on every minute she watched the show.

Akito: A variety show?
Tom: Magic by the Amazing Rando!
Akito: Who��s Rando?
Crow: Just a running gag on the SOL.

The two lovers were now compleatly naked and Rei was pushing Mina up against the wall >their breasts rubbing against each other. Mina held Rei tightly and fell back onto the floor.
Rei put her mouth to Mina's ear and whispered seductivly "Are you ready for me?"

Akito [Mina]: I��ve been ready for you ever since we got going, you baka!

Then trailed oneoher fingers down from Mina's breasts to her chest, her thighs
and just flicked the edge of her cunt lips. Mina gasped as the feelings flowed
through her body and responded breathlessly "Yes! Please, please!!!"

Tom: She��s begging! Shall I feed her, Katsumi?
Katsumi: Just table scraps, Mr. Servo.

Rei giggled and gently teased Mina's cunt apart with her fingers, Mina's breathing >quickening as she moaned in pleasure. Rei then stuck one of her fingers inside of her and
explored Mina's vagina.

[All imitate the Indiana Jones theme]
Akito: So she has eyes in her fingers?
Crow: Eww, that��s a _baaad_ mental image.

Mina couldn't take much more, she could feel her
climax mounting

[Tom and Crow imitate a dramatic crescendo]
Akito: What the hell are they doing?
Katsumi: Adding dramatic effect.

"Oh Rei, REI!!" She was screaming at her. Rei's finger flicked over Mina's clit and Mina errupted into an orgasm

Akito: Great Mina, a live volcano island which offers spectacular views from the town below!
Crow [quickly and quietly]: Residence on Great Mina may resulting in your untimely death.

the waves of pleasure sweeping
over her body as she screamed in extacy. When her orgasm finished she lied down
tottaly drained. She smiled weakly at the others who had been watching the show.

Akito [Mina]: I like cheese.
Tom: Dude, what the hell is that?
Akito: It just popped into my head.

"Well, I guess our secret is out now..." she said quitely. Rei kissed Mina one
last time and then stood up. "You see, Mina an I have been seeing each other
for about a month now and we were wondering when we would tell you guys.

Crow: Wouldn��t it be better if you told them, oh, I don��t know, [bellowing] LIKE ABOUT TWO WEEKS AGO?
Tom: You didn��t have to yell, Crow.
Crow: Oh. Sorry.

Then when Chan and Granddad told me that they would be leaving the temple in my
posetion for a few days we had the idea of this party. Anyway, I'm all turned
on now and Mina's far too groggy for anymore sex.

Akito: No stamina, No stamina at all.
Crow: Akito�� Hey, I did a Crow Syndrome riff!

So which one of you is going
to help me get off?" The three looked at each other then Lita grinned and
stepped forward.

Crow [French waiter]: An excellent choice, madam.
Tom [ditto]: And what will the sir have?

"I'm still a virgin, you'll have to show me what to do." Rei
grinned "Don't worry, I'l show you EVERYTHING!"

Katsumi: Everything? Will she show her the Matrix?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WOOHOO! Part 1's over! If you liked it or have any suggestions for part 2
mail me at Vurgine@hotmail.com

Akito: Here��s a suggestion: don��t continue it, and stay away from the computer for a few weeks.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Crow: Aaaand that��s it!
Tom: Now all we have to do is wait ten seconds and��
[The doors unlock]
All: Whoo! Yeah!
Rob: Hey guys, I��ve found Heero and Yaten. I��m sending out Akito and Katsumi!
Katsumi: Well, see you.
Akito: Bye!
Tom: Buh-bye!
[Katsumi and Akito get enveloped in a Half-Life-esque teleport energy ball and disappear.]
Crow: C��mon, Tom, let��s blow!
[They leave the theatre]

Reverse Door Sequence!

Door 6: A trapdoor opens in front of the Tubes and you walk out.
Door 5: The drawbridge shuts up behinds you.
Door 4: You get on the DVD drives loading tray as it opens.
Door 3: You negotiate the nicely roasting Jigglypuff plushies.
Door 2: You climb through the remains of the smashed giant TV screen.
Door 1: Still nobody in the shower. Great.
[QoH]

[Heero and Yaten enter the bridge arm-in-arm, and with their clothing rearranged, just as the  other enter from the theatre.]

Crow: Boy, was that ever crappy. I�� Who the hell are you?
Tom: And you are?
Yaten: Current tenants.
Heero: Just had a little fun. Hold on.. Where are Ranma and Tamahome? [Spots the half-drunk mojo] Oh, Kami-sama, no��
Yaten: What? [Sees the mojo] Stars! Tamahome you idiot!
Crow: And that��s what��s left of the other two. They say it��s not good to mess with nature. Now science should be added to the list.
Tom: Hey lemme look at that. [examines the vial] ��A. Powers Mojo Sample?��
Crow: Austin Powers? As in the super spy?
Heero: Who��s Austin Powers?
Crow: Just the most shagadelic secret agent on the planet. That mojo is the essence that gets him all the girls!
Heero [thinks of Tamahome]: Kami-sama, they��ll have nightmares for a month!
Yaten: Well, at least they took my advice. [Contact light flashes] Oh, our little Seiryuu friends are calling on the hexfield. [presses a button]

[Slick]
Nakago: Oh, so Mopey and Girly are back. What happened to Tama-chan and Piggy?

[QoH]
Tom: Oh nothing much. They��re just making out somewhere on the ship.

[Slick]
Nakago: Oh, that��s fin�� WHAT? Tama-chan with another man? You bastards! I knew that boy was acting suspicious.

[QoH]
Yaten [sarcastic]Uh-huh, Tamahome showed definite affection towards him.
Heero: Tamahome had some attraction towards the boy. I guess it��s like Ranma��s relationship with Akane��

[Slick]
Nakago: I was talking about _RANMA_ being suspicious! He must have  forced love on him, just so he could up the ante on me!

[QoH]
All: *_*;;;;;;;

[Slick]
Nakago: Just for that, you four must must put this in your homo-loving pipe and smoke it! A lemon featuring Tuxy and the Yam-headed Pink Spore! ROB! SEND THE SECOND POST! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHH!

[SCR]
Rob [looking worried]: Oh, shit he means it. [puts the CD in the drive and pushes the button]

[QoH]
Tom: OHHH, WE��VE GOT MOVIE SIGN AGAAAAAAINNN!!!
Others: AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGHHHH!!!!
[All run into the theatre]

-----------------------------------------------------------------
TO BE CONTINUED�ġġ�..can��t wait, can you?
___________________________________________
=============================================================

Next Episode: Never mind that Katsumi and Akito are gone because Heero and Yaten are back in business! Tom and Crow will need experienced partners when Rini starts on one of her numerous sexual quests for her prize. Darien! Reeny��s Crush for Darien, next time!

(Cue End Credits...)

Credits...

Cast...

Riffers:
Tom Servo [MST3K] ("And what is a ��disclaner�� exactly?")
Crow T. Robot [MST3K] ("[Nurse] Time for your Prozac, honey.")
Akito Tenkawa [Martian Successor Nadesico] ("Integrity 0")
Katsumi Liquerer [Silent Mobius] ("Well, the next time you travel with Bugs Bunny, make sure you��re the one leading the way!")

Mads:
Nakago [Fushigi Yuugi] ("Don��t you think for a minute you could run away from me!")
Tomo [Fushigi Yuugi] ("OK, that was a little strange. ")

Mads' Reluctant Assistant:
Rob [IRL] ("[Hick] Well I��ll be!")

Disclaimer Time!

Sailor Moon is Naoko Takeuchi's copyright.
Ranma 1/2 belongs to Rumiko Takahashi.
Fushigi Yuugi is property of Watase Yuu
Gundam Wing from Sunrise
Kia Asamiya owns Martian Successor Nadesico and Silent Mobius.
I partly own MLT3K, 'cuz it's inspired by MST3K (in particular, Season 8) which
is property of Best Brains Inc.
A Slumber Party comes from the nutso noggin of Vurgine and HE CAN HAVE IT!

Think of the MST is funny C&C.
Call me for C&C at suzaku@madasafish.com

Keep circulating the fanfics, MSTs and lemons(not to mention the tapes)...

And now, the Stinger...

"Oh Rei, REI!!" She was screaming at her. Rei's finger flicked over Mina's clit and Mina errupted into an orgasm

______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com