Hey Jed.
I finally figured out what was bothering me with the timeframe(either
that, I I told you in my last email, and promptly forgot). Mousse appears
with the Hidden Weapons technique only after Ranma is stuck as a girl.
So, if Ranma hasn't learned the Chestnut Fist yet, he should still be
stuck as one.
Every inch of Ranma seemed to throb as she dumped a fourth bucket of
cold water over herself and began to wash again.
Perhaps you ought to specify 'throb in pain', unless you -really- mean
throb, as in getting hit with a Fist of the North Star attack.
As she scrubbed at grime that wasn't there, Ranma tried to push the
thoughts of him out of her mind. The things Rei did were almost deplorable,
dishonorable in an extreme.
Almost deplorable? Or deplorable? This first does imply some personal
acceptance, something I don't think is IC for Ranma this early in the
series.
He didn't care about fair combat, just killing
his enemies as quickly and as brutally as he could. Despite all that,
however, Ranma couldn't bring herself to hate him.
Take out the 'however'.
regained its true proportions. Ranma leaned his head back, the first
birdsongs of the morning filtering in through the open window as he did what
he always did after one of Rei's jaunts, try to believe that it didn't
happen.
...window, as he did...
"Damn..." Homicide Detective Yoshiro Takaguchi was not a man prone
to swearing, but such a case had him doing it anyway.
such = this
He ws still in decent shape for a
man his age, but the whiskey and cigars weren't helping matters.
ws = was
"This wasn't an accident."
"Good call," Yoshiro said, "what gave it away?"
Nice. Rather than have the first character mull over it in his mind, and
make a boring monolog, you put it in conversation.
Now, why would Genma react like that? The question bounced around
inside her head, an answer stubbornly refusing to take shape.
Though it might detract from the tone of this piece, I'd think it would be
-real- funny if she made a couple of wrong assumptions about Genma here.
I feel her eyes on my back as I close the door, but it doesn't
bother me.
It doesn't? A witness to this violent crime, one that could potentially
get the police involved against both him and the 'kid', and he doesn't
care? Not likely.
I'm not Ranma. I'm Reiraku, and I'm gonna be their downfall.
Damn. For awhile I had this image of Kodacha's Rei going postal.
-Natsume Ranma Ranma
-------
The sardines weren't worth the trouble. A few more shots, then
Ryoga-san would overheat and explode. Ducking around a corner,
I managed to lose him as I entered the ramshackle residence of
my Anime supplier.
One look at his face and I knew that I had been betrayed. "Tell me,"
I insisted. He refused, so I slammed him against the wall.
"Last chance. Where can Ranma-Ranma find good fanfics?"
"Try Jason Liao," he whispered, before he slumped to the floor.
I heard the sounds of a door splintering as I left through the
window, one step ahead of Tendo Heavy Industries...