SailorMoon is the property of Naoko Takeuchi. I am most likely,
completely infringing on the copyright for this series- however,
this is not meant for profit, only entertainment value. Please do
not sue.
If you get tired of the story- at least skip down to the end.
"With destiny my armor and fate my sword, the battle is won."
-Apocryphal idiom of Silver Millennium, satirical in nature,
lit. "To be defenseless"
STARLIGHT FALLEN
*
Falling.
I was always falling, and above me was always you, and I,
still falling, down into the depths of deep blue, azure skies
without escape, cried that day, when with wings you flew, and
like an angel fluttered away, flying from my fingers--forever.
But now I, embraced in your arms, fallen, caught too late with
your white wings folded over, and blue skies raining, find myself
falling once again, down, down into darkness. But now I, gasping
in your arms, still falling, falling downwards, run down my
fingers and stain your gold halo red and grieve that I unworthy,
have dared to touch, have dared to defile, such pure beauty,
cascading down dreams that I have dreamt for so long, for
forever, and lie weeping at destiny's cruel curse.
*
A storm fell that day--such a short time ago. I remember, so
clearly. You stood at my door--beautiful. Do you remember? Do you
remember how you looked, your eyes haunted, seeking--beautiful.
And I stood at the entrance, stunned, watching the rain fall down
as I took in your beauty, that which I had dreamt of for a
hundred years, decades. The smell of innocence was still with
you, flowers barely blooming in the spring, a child bathed in a
brook and yet--
You looked up at me with eyes that had already seen far more
than they should have, eyes that could destroy a galaxy, eyes
that could make one--the bluest skies in that gray of storm that
howled outside, eyes that I had dreamt of for a hundred years
come to life, and stared back at me with a plea no mortal could
refuse. I reached out, cupping your cheek with my hand--soft, so
soft, so real--and you smiled, simple, trusting, and my heart
broke and trembling I stepped back. Thunder struck, and you
whimpered, begging.
Why now? Why then? Why...? You were a phantasm until you took
my hand in your own, and still smiling so that it wracked me
inside with unimaginable hurt, you whispered out my name. You did
not die--and I wept that day, shedding tears I thought lost for
decades when you had disappeared.
A hundred years--and never a word. Do you remember?
She stood, drenched in the furious storm outside. There was
water everywhere, and it fell down in droplets from her golden
streamers that ran down her head. He stared, uncomprehending,
watching as the wind outside blew her soaked clothes into her
tiny curved form and shivering her skin as they looked at each
other.
"U-usa---"
He could not even complete her name, and instead when she took
his hand, he began to weep, and listened to her sweet voice
murmuring his own name, and her soft hair, brushing against his
skin. He felt her clammy hand tighten around his, and then she
began to leave, hastily whispering apologies, and he caught her
before she had taken a step outside.
"Stay."
A simple word, a request- and she smiled at him in that way
that tore into him, and acquiesced.
*
How I mourn the rain pattering, the crystal showers, pouring,
down, down and sparkling, shining, above white feather clouds and
into scarlet seas.
For death has made you weep.
*
You came out of your wet clothes, and dressed in mine,
blushing at the shirt that eclipsed your small frame. There was
food, and I marveled and almost wept as you ate it with a
voracity that reminded me of a thousand other times. You were
still Usagi, the little girl--not unlike the rest of us. You were
still beautiful at heart.
I did not want to ruin you. You were lost, unknowing of the
past, and I found myself unwilling to tell. But you pressed, and
you stared at me with woeful eyes and so with shaking hands I
told of the war that had spread plague-like across worlds.
It had begun when you and the rest of the saviors had
disappeared, at the dawn of the twenty-first century.
Some simply called it death. Others named it the Holy War, the
Shadow Struggle, the Dark Age, the Black Millennium.
It was Apocalypse.
*
Farther falling, dimmer, but around me, light, circling
strands of bright, burning gold, soft silk brushing dead skin,
and in my eyes nothing but blue skies, shimmering. It tears my
heart apart and slower, slower it bleeds, and so faster, faster
do I fall, and in the din of darkness my name, you gently call.
I will say goodbye soon, princess.
*
The storm only grew worse, and I made your sniffling body take
my room. You looked at me with sad eyes, broken with knowledge,
and I cried out silently with immeasurable grief when I saw a
little part of that innocence forever gone. I wished I had no
mouth, only eyes and hands so I could see and touch your beauty,
and never get full from such a spectacle, and never relate of the
horror that I wished could never touch you.
You were tired, and flopped down on the bed so that your
loosened hair made a halo upon the soft covers and your pale-moon
legs dangled recklessly over the edge. I stood in the doorway,
captivated, and then you noticed, and smiled and looked back with
wide naive eyes. There was a moment when everything froze, and
then you leapt up, and ruffled my unruly black hair, and my eyes
went wide as your arms flowed around me lightly and whispered
gratitude. You smelled like rain.
I stared, wide-mouthed at your golden hair nestled against my
chest, my own limbs stiff from shock. It had been so long since I
had felt an embrace, and when I placed my arms around you I was
tempted to never let go. You stepped back, a flush creeping up
your cheeks, and looked away from my eyes and downcast to the
floor. I made a sound like a gasping animal, trying to keep
myself under control, and watched as you shifted from bare foot
to foot in my white shirt.
"I-I never told you-" I stood there desperately, trying to
force the rest of the words out, but you looked up, and your
questioning voice drifted in my ears, and I became red with
embarrassment, stuttering about blankets and then bowed, and made
my way out. I was a coward, and when I looked back, the door had
not been shut properly, and through a little slit I saw you take
off my shirt and slip into a shorter one that served as a
nightgown.
My God you were beautiful.
*
Your smile eclipses everything, like the Lady of Night veils
the scathing Morning Star with a touch, and I laugh in kind, and
the liquid burns past my lungs, with I uncaring, falling.
Impossible, that a smile, could strike so deeply, undefended, so
many times.
Impossible that there is a more beautiful sight.
*
She was lying curled up in that bed, her long legs peeking out
from the short night-wear, and her blankets sprawled a dozen feet
away as she sobbed in her dreams. It was cold, and she was
feverishly sweating, and the smell of fear and sorrow and the
sounds of a little girl weeping filled the room. He opened the
door, and watched her stain the sheets with so much tears before
he began moving towards her hesitantly, his legs working
nervously as he neared her. He called out her name gently, and
when she did not respond he edged closer, and closer until he
could hear her murmur as the tears flowed freely down.
*
Did you know, I knew of you, princess of stars, all my life--
for when I first I spied your heart filled eyes, I knew of you.
Nothing could compare to the windows so clear, underneath the
yellow sweeping tresses, entrapping, blinding to stare for so
long. But you were never My princess, and I was never your prince
though I tried, for you needed none of us along the path, and
alas it was all of us that needed your light to guide.
My god you are lovely, my goddess.
*
I walked closer, and I heard you murmur a name I thought dead
for a hundred years. A name that was whisked away at the same
time you were.
"Mamo-chan."
Did you truly still care? It hurt to go on, to find out if a
hundred years had changed anything, but I did, and the name
struck my heart and almost brought me weeping to my knees.
"Mamo-chan."
You were beautiful, and when the storm light cut jaggedly
through the window, it broke over the room and washed over your
balled-up form with bright light flowing, and I wanted to take
you into my arms and wrap my warmth around you. I wanted to
protect my vulnerable princess. But I stopped, and I took hold of
the blankets scattered on the floor, and prepared to drape them
over you. Lightning cut the sky nearby, brightening the room so
it seemed like day, and then the sound of thunder roared through
the house.
And finally, finally you said my name.
"Seiya."
*
Did you know, I loved you? Did you know, I stood and sat and
wept for so long that night, praying? Did you know, for a hundred
years, I waited?
Did you know, I waited?
*
She woke when gently, he prodded her, and then he cocooned her
slender body with that thick blanket, and looked into her
reddened eyes. She asked him if she had said anything in her
dreams, and he smiled, saying nothing and holding her close as he
sat down on the edge. He brushed her golden hair with his
fingers, and then lowered his head down.
She called out his name, twisting her head to look at him, her
cheeks flushed red with embarrassment. You called out his name,
he said, and then you called out mine. Blushing, she scooted away
from him, and he again cupped her cheek in his hand, but this
time, the touch was gentle, caressing.
"Seiya..."
He shook his head, and then smiled at her. "I'm a friend,
Usagi, I'll listen."
She smelled like spring rain, like autumn leaves in an autumn
night. Wide, bright blue eyes blinked at him, and he lowered his
face down to hers. She still stared at him, flushed but still
innocent. He felt her heat across his own body, even through the
blanket.
"What are you afraid of?" he asked, and then the thunder
roared, and the fear came in her eyes. She shivered, and he
embraced her, resting his chin on her shoulder as he wound his
arms across her frail frame. He felt the tears pierce his shirt
when she wound back, and then sobbed into his chest, curled into
a ball in his arms.
"I'm so lost, Seiya," she whimpered. "I've lost my path."
I did not know what you meant, I did not care. You were crying
and that was all I cared about, and all I knew was that I wanted
to hold you, and to protect you, and to take you away to another
world where you could smile forever. I wanted--I wanted the same
from you. Tomorrow I would die when you would stand forth and
challenge the face of impossible odds, I knew that from the
beginning, for I would never let you disappear again. I would
take a hundred thousand deaths, over another hundred years. And
in the face of impossible odds you would stop the apocalypse, and
I would be there to protect you.
To die for you.
I carried you in my arms, trying to keep you forever,
pretending that for one moment we were lovers, and not two lonely
souls, seeking each other out in desperation. You told me that
you were lost- I thought you meant time, for that is what you had
told me before. I could not fathom anything else in your
ideologue nature. I could not fathom that you did not know
anymore if you were right, if love would conquer all in the end.
I could not fathom that you would ever doubt yourself, because
you were the pillar that even when not there held me up.
I would have gone willingly with you, my princess, anywhere,
everywhere, I would have gladly sacrificed myself to save you--to
save anyone, because it is what my heart tells me to. For you
taught me--you showed it through your own actions, and triumphs--
that love is eternal.
For it is as strong as death.
*
White wings stained, brush over me, timidly, holding my face
in your palms, and lower you bend until your lips flutter across
my own. A parting gift- one last time, and you look up with
crystal clear eyes at the ruins of the silenced city with its
ruins spread far, determined.
*
I held you for so long on that bed, and finally you moved, and
looked up at my own eyes, and across my lips you pressed your
own, hesitantly, fearfully. I pressed against you in return,
taking your arms and pining them against your side while I took
your mouth with my own, not caring, until you began to gasp for
breath. I released you, and you fled, nearly falling form the
edge of the bed in your escape, and I simply stared at your
huddled for seemingly trapped in the corner before I stood up,
and crawled to you, apologizing, asking for your forgiveness. You
stared at me with doe-eyes and then scooted forward, and kissed
me once on the forehead, and I took you hands that had wrapped
around my head, reluctant to let go, not wanting to break contact
with you. You murmured into my ear, and I began to weep because I
knew that it would be the last time I saw you, and it was your
turn to hold me as I began to say that I was sorry, so sorry.
We found the path together that night, the one that fate had
laid out.
*
Falling, past the brink and beyond, the chasm, and you with
sad eyes, never angry, not anymore, raised your hand. Light
flowed out, enveloping, engulfing, and as I fell I saw you
reaching out over the edge, holding out your hand, and I raised
mine, but I knew, and only smiled sadly when my grasp slipped
past your slender fingers. I knew.
For it was a hundred years too late my princess.
It was too late my only love.
Falling, and I smile up above at the blue skies with the rain
pattering down. Goodbye, my love.
Falling, down. down into darkness.
*
I came with you and up above the city rise bloomed, and you
flew upwards, towards your destiny, and I followed. They could
not touch you, their weapons useless against your light as you
shone with power--as you showed them the light, and they then to
my amazement they turned, and the battle was already won.
I came with you into the citadel and up above-
Darkness.
Darkness that burned, and I foolish, thought to stop it with
my own power.
I, foolish, dying as all around the castle crumbles down,
down, down.
*
Light.
And suddenly there is a sense of rising, and I see a pair of
violet eyes and green hair beside the princess, the angel of
light, and everything is washed away in a sea of feathers and
white that leaves nothing, nothing, nothing in its path but
butterfly dreams.
The apocalypse is gone, washed away by your gentle rain.
Goodbye, my love.
*
Seiya paced back and forth across the rug, biting and chewing
his fingernails. Yaten snorted observing their captain's
nervousness, "You know," he remarked, "you're paying for that
rug."
"She said it would be instantaneous unless something went
wrong," he growled back. Yaten laughed, "Oh? And have -you- ever
time-traveled?"
"Just shut up, okay? Its been over five minutes, they should
have been back by now."
"Sheesh, you worry too much."
"What if they don't come back, Yaten? We don't have anyway of
contacing them. Zilch, nothing. What would happen then?"
"Well, knowing you, you'd probably wait around until they came
back, even if it was fifty years from now," Yaten joked. Seiya
glared at him.
Taiki looked up suddenly, and smiled.
"They're coming back."
Seiya looked eagerly on, but had to put a hand over his eyes
when the bright flare of their entrance became blinding. He
placed his hand down, and smiled when he saw all of the sailor
senshi intact. Rei was scowling at Usagi as usual, and the rest
were studiously ignoring them, exasperation setting in quickly.
"You had to get lost, didn't you, meatball head?"
Seiya grew concerned when he saw Usagi look up, a haunted look
on her face, and even Rei became taciturn when she noticed.
"I-I found my way back..." she answered.
Seiya walked up to her, after first nodding to Mamoru, and to
his surprise Usagi did not step forward to hug him but instead
waited until he came, and embraced him weakly, and then with a
grip he found surprising for a girl her size. He backed off, and
saw her wipe a tear away with a glove.
"Are you okay, Usagi? Did I hurt you?" Seiya asked in a
panicked voice. She shook her head.
"No- I- Thank you."
He blinked, confused.
"For what?"
She smiled.
"For waiting."
FIN?
Dedicated to the memory of Shiho Niiyama- may the stars shine eternal.
/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /
Author's notes
This fic probably (to a good part of the FFML population) didn't make
much sense. That is because it was a part of a SailorMoon
story that I was working on [dropped half-way through on account of
technical and personal reasons] and the backstory is mainly
explicated there in normal [horrible] prose. I have tried to add
in enough information to at least draw a general picture of the plot
without breaking the flow of this section itself- but I'm not sure I
succeeded. It would seem pedantic if I began to yawn on with
summarizing an entire plotline. I hope you don't mind the
vagueness.
Most of the 'really flowery' sections was actually written in
poem format- hopefully, it wasn't too garish. I think I made some
of it actually rhyme.
The POINT of releasing something this confusing?
I just wanted to have something where Seiya succeeded in his
dreams- at least for a time. Plus- I've never liked tux-no-baka.
This was sent to my brother's e-mail on Feb 12, 2000.
Shiho Niiyama, best known for her voice acting work as
Seiya Kou/SailorStar Fighter in the Japanese animated television
series 'SAILOR MOON", died on February 7th, 2000. She suffered
'Kyuusei Hakketsu Byou' - sort of like leukemia.
She was only 29 years old.