More grammar comments snipped and saved.
It's been seven months(!) since part twelve was posted, so I'm
providing a recap of the core plot for those who don't remember what
this thing is about and don't want to reread the old parts. :j
Yay! NATC13!
^_^; If you must shorten it, "Nature" is prefered. I usually
have no clue what people are talking about when they throw these
acronyms at me. "NOTC?" "Huh? Something Officer Training Corps?"
"You know, your fic?"
This is one of my favorite series, so I'm quite happy
to finally see it continued. Of course, that measn I had to reread
the entire series up to this point, so this response isn't as
quick as it could've been. ^_^
Wow. I'm honored. ^_^;
Oh, and I hope you don't take another seven months for the
next chapter. ^_^
I want to finish another series, and put the ecchi stuff into
that, instead of having it spill out here. So it depends on
when that series is done.
Akira pulled back. "I know that. That's the point." He leaned
over and barked, "That's what I'm, trying to CEBEL-- CELEBRATE for you!
But some reason, you decline to drink."
Heh. So *did* Akira really draw any conclusions from Ryoga, or his
he just trying to convince Ranma he has reason to drink? Heheh. ^_^
Well, he said that Ranma's a guy, and Akira claims that he
never lies. I'll let you take that however you wish. ^_^
I was gonna say I would've prefered that whether Ranma *did* have
a reaction or not was still uncertain, but I think I changed my mind.
Uncertainty does have it's appeal.
After a few minutes of questions and gentle probing, the doctor said
that there was nothing wrong with the girl that a few hours of rest
shouldn't cure. It wasn't a concussion or anything more serious. She
had sprained her wrist, however, which the doctor left to me.
Me? Using this perspective feels odd to me - the scene has changed
from Akira telling the story to Ranma, to a flashback of the events
when they happened - IMO, using standard third-person here would feel
a lot less unnatural.
The flashback was a large reason for the delay of this part. I didn't
want to use the first person, not one bit. But I don't use an omniscient
3rd person narrator; I describe things from the point of view of one of
the characters.
In an attempt to make Akira less annoying, I had a self-imposed rule to
never ever get inside his head. I didn't want to sympathise with him too
much and Mary-Sue him.
But this is a flashback, told by Akira. *He* didn't know what the other
people were thinking, so I can't really use anyone's point of view
besides his own. And since I'm not going inside his head, the only
option I had left was a literal narration.
And making the entire flashback a running quote was too cumbersome.
"Are you alright?" I took his hand, and felt the wrist. Judging
>from his grimace, it was obvious he'd hurt it somehow. Fortunately, no
bones were broken. "When did this happen? Never mind, let's get out of
here before the rain really starts falling." Indeed, the mist had given
way to droplets, which were starting to fall.
Perfect, perfect. And Akira isn't even being annoyingly unperceptive,
as is otherwise usually the case with situations like these, since
he doesn't know of the pool...
Nature is in part a reponse to the fics I've read where Nabiki or
some new character gets cursed and has the good sense to actually
check for the Spring of Drowned (Man/Woman) so they can change back.
Almost invariably, the author makes it so the pools mix, or "The boy/
girl pools don't work like the others." They read like a cop-out;
the authors want a smart character who would have used the cure, but
they still want to stick them with a curse. So they have to change
how Jusenkyo works.
It's an author's perrogative, but I don't think it's necessary.
So I asked myself, how could I curse someone intimately familiar
with Jusenkyo, and get it to stick without changing the way the
springs work?
It almost worked. I felt the urge to get off her and scramble away
before anyone could see. It didn't look good, with me straddling him
and pinning his arms down. But this was Rei, not really some girl. He
had to break free of the delusion that he was one.
Considering Akira arrives only shortly after the failed marriage... That
was only shortly after the events in China, and (unless I'm mistaken),
it can't have been too long before that that the Akane-pool was
created. Thus, Rei must have been cursed relatively recently when
Akira arrives in Japan. Considering how much information Akira has
on Jusenkyo, he must've been gathering it from long before this all
happened... in other words, it seems strange that he doesn't already
realize that his friend's mind is being affected by the curse.
Firstly, you're assuming Akira knows as much as he says he does. ;)
Secondly, knowing about all the pools does not equate to actually
knowing people who have fallen into the pools, or how their
personalities might have changed...
Akira started giggling. "Mu-Su blew his chance when he was a kid!
You've been using Mu-Tsu before. I think.
Yeah. I'm going to retcon Mu-Tsu and Xian-Pu to Mu-Su and Shan-Pu.
He didn't start to learn martial arts until AFTER Shan-Pu kicked his
butt. Now he'll never get another chance to challenge her for her hand.
He spends his free time trying to convince her to marry him without
fighting. The bitch."
Oh, and just a thought - Akira seems very clear of mind throughout
all his storytelling and this, considering how piss-drunk he seemed
to be when Ranma first arrived at the scene.
True. He should be making mistakes here and there, but I'm loath
to put them into the narration. Maybe he sobered up? ^_^;
"Preciser-- uh, exactly!" He swung his hand about enthusiastically,
spilling the contents of cup at Ranma. "Hey, what do you know? Sake
triggers your curse, too."
Um. Sake. Served warm, you know. ^_-
As I understand it, sake is served warm and cold, warm being
preferable. (Did I just prove I'm a cultural illterate? ^_^)
"Huh? I thought you said the nyannichuan didn't have any mental
effects?"
Umm. He's just been spending the past few chapters trying to convince
Ranma of its mental effects (even if he's admitted that they haven't
affected *Ranma*).
Urk. I think I need to make some clarifications in the story... Damn.
Akira's was just guessing. He was making educated guesses, but
nonetheless... Ranma didn't establish that he's a special case; he
broke Akira's whole theory.
Akira clarified, "You're the first person I've told about the test;
she still thinks your girl-side's one hundred percent girl, right?"
I haven't gotten the impression that they thought Ranma's girl side
was 100% girl, just slightly affected by being a girl... then again,
I'll forgive that for the interesting misunderstandings this here
will cause. ^_^
Well, Akira hoped Ranma was as "girly" as Rei, and Akane's living in
her strange fantasy world. But you're right, "100 girl" is too extreme.
Akira adjusted his glasses. "Well, it does makes sense."
"MAKE SHENSE?!?" screached Ranma. "You just made it UP?!"
Except he said he'd interviewed one more person who'd also fallen
in the spring of drowned girl...
Ooh, someone's been taking notes! Well, now that the sordid
truth is out... The one person Akira "interviewed" was Rei. ;)
"Letsh go to your place."
"...OK!"
...
Eep.
Why is everyone surprised by this? ^_^
The girl disagreed. "You got me drunk, you asshole! You slept with
me, and now I've got morning sickness!"
Bwaahaha. Poor stupid Ranma. Though it strikes me as kinda odd that
he'd *know* of morning sickness, and not think more immediately
of being hung over. Especially considering that he should be feeling
said hangover quite clearly if he actually threw up in the *morning*
(as opposed to, say, in his sleep or *before* passing out, which would
make more sense)
Well, Ranma's never been hung over, before, so he doesn't know what
it's like. Okay, he's probably never had morning sickness, either. :D
I'll admit this was largely for the amusement value, but he also woke up
in another boy's bed, so his rationalizations are taking that into account.
If he woke up with sake bottles around him, it would have been a different
story.
Back in his normal body, Ranma was already feeling much better.
Filling up on the miso soup, pickles, fish, and plenty of helpings of
rice helped, too.
Honestly, after getting that drunk, and the previous events, there's
no way I'll buy Ranma *not* feeling like utter *shit* for the rest of
the day, ot at least a significant portion of it.
And yet, how quickly did Ranma get completely drunk (and then completely
snap out of it) in the Romeo play, and during the onsen race? Alcohol
does not work the same way in the Rumik world.
Mrs. Ichinose: Thank God!
"It's because," he paused for dramatic effect, "You're all martial
artists!"
Heh. This guy likes coming up with theories, eh?
You noticed? :)
"Oh, not just drunk," replied Akira helpfully. "A loss of
inhibitions will do it, but I imagine anything that would make you
forget your training would have the same effect. That's probably a good
motivation to continue training for the rest of your life. Perhaps it's
another reason why Jusenkyo is a training ground?"
Like... getting hit over the head, eh? :)
Assuming the theory is true, it would be *so* easy to bring
"Pretty Woman" Ranma back. Kinda hard to resist, but I'm not
that cruel to Ranma.
His pants and shoes, however, were lying on the wet ground.
Heh. Nice timing. *Just* when he happened to be speaking of the
soap... ^_^
And for those of paying attention, WAY back in... well, whatever part
he took Shampoo home in the rain, the soap was *just* starting to wash
off when he took Ryoga's umbrella.
"I didn't find the old guys, and it was so late that I, ah, just...
slept over at... a... friend's house?" Yeah, right. "And it was so
late, I didn't want to call." She was so drunk that she probably
wouldn't have remembered how to use a phone, anyway.
"I left a note!"
Umgumbuh? Who's saying this? Who left a note, and to who? I can't
make any sense out of it.
It was Ranma. (Remember the oppening scene?)
I'll put it back at the end of the last paragraph.
He'd take what he could get. If Akane thought he was all the way a
girl in his cursed form, and wanted to be 'friendlier' with him, who was
he to tell her different?
Heheheh. Though this strikes me as a pretty un-Ranma thing for Ranma
to think. I'm pretty sure he'd want her to like him as him.
True. I'm going to have to reel things back in a bit.
At one point it looked like they were bouncing on the bed. Kasumi's
small brow had furrowed with jealousy. They never let her jump on her
bed! After a short period, the movement stopped, and Daddy started
snoring. Well, they weren't playing anymore, so Kasumi could go back to
bed. Closing the door with a click, she went up the stairs, and started
climbing them back to her room.
No.
While the rest of the chapter have been *skirting* the edge rather
nicely, *this*, I think, has passed it and gone on to being just
crude... and Kasumi's mother explaining to her about what "making love"
is is something I think would be better left out.
I agree that, of all the fic, the "Kasumi scenes" are the most
objectionable. That being said, I don't think it's "too much."
Disturbing, perhaps, but not over the edge.
The scene shows a little girl's curiosity, and a mother's frank explanation.
There's no biology depicted. I don't think anyone should have a problem
with that. The only bad part (in my opinion) were the lines innocently
spoken by Kasumi.
[...]
It got more interesting after that.
This *DEFINITELY* is going one step too far.
What, don't you think Nodoka and Genma make a cute couple? ;)
You would have had a heart attack if you saw my original post-fic
outtake. ^_^;;;
I like it. It goes somewhat further than the series has previously,
and I'm not sure I agree that it should - it does feel like the tone
has changed in one big step rather than subtly and gradually (and I
say that based on reading all 13 chapters in a row) - but I still
like it. This remains one of my favorite currently ongoing series.
Are you sure? I reread the earlier parts (a month or two ago),
and I think that this part was reasonably close in tone to the
earlier parts where Akane had her instant curse, and Ranma was
revealing all.
I mean, erection jokes? Talk about menstruation? Nodoka wanting
Ranma to strip?
This is really the same sort of thing. Your reaction might just be
because *Kasumi* is the one involved in the sexual situation. Heaven
knows I find it disturbing when she ends up in lemons. "B- But,
that's Kasumi! That'd be like making love to your mother! Ewwww!"
I find the varying theories about how and why jusenkyo works quite
amusing, especially since you skillfully dodge around having to
confirm or deny whether they're actually *true*; we still have no
way of knowing how close or far Akira is from the mark. I just hope
other people don't take it and use as fanfic cliches without
thinking about why (but that is, of course, irrelevant to this fic).
I used to put in disclaimers about what was canon and not, so there'd
be no misunderstanding, but don't you think it'd be cool to start
your own fanfiction cliche?
Alan "Evil Tofu" Harnums can't have all the fun. ;)
The varying misunderstandings are, as always, wonderful. Poor,
confused Ranma, and poor, confused Akane.
I think there are some other confused people running around, too. :j
Kuno: Why are you looking at me?
And you still manage to
get in a good amount of Ranma-Akane waff, which is of course always
a good thing in my book.
Ah, the relationship between Akane and Ranma is so warm and fuzzy...
Did I mention I like plot twists? [evil grin] Nya HA Ha ha!
Characters are behaving closely enough to how I'd expect them to
for me not to be bothered by any slight steps out of bound, except
where so noted in the comments. The language also works well; it's
level (in descriptions and otherwise) and style seems well suited
to the story being told.
Thanks!
Can't wait to see the next part.
Hopefully it won't be too long. After finisding the other series,
I plan on twiddling the old parts of Nature (especially Part 12)
before posting anything new.
Thanks for the comments. You gave me a lot to think about!
Doug
----
Douglas MacDougall "You were nicer when you were evil.
http://www.dougmacd.net Cuter, too. Definitely more sexy!"