Hi there. This is something I wrote a bit back, and I'm itchin' to know what people think. After this, I swear I'll stop putting so many fics up, as my limit is working on 2 things at once, but right now they're sorta backed up.
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-- Attached file included as plaintext by Listar --
-- File: MHv1e1.txt
[Hey! First off, these characters belong to me! I reserve all rights to this story, and everything within.
Period. Any resemblance this story or these characters bear to and people, characters, or settings, is
completely coincidental. So, if you happen to be named Lars Kofferkuli, sorry.]
[If you have any comments, criticisms, or would just like to drop me a line, feel free to do so at
Big_Joe@n2.com. Please use that address, and not just reply to this story. (I like to differentiate my
emails) Also, you can find this story, as well as other fics, and character information (It's cool, trust me) at
http://DUNOTS.tripod.com. Tanks!]
Modern Heroes
Vol. 1 Episode 1
"Improbable"
[Inside of a warehouse, several cops can be seen hiding behind crates and taking shots at criminals on the
other side. One of them has a walkie-talkie and is feverishly calling for backup, while being staunchly
denied. Of the police, the most noticeable one is the one closest, an officer with short blond hair and a
huge upper body. He has been taking potshots, but seems dissatisfied with this. He sighs and sets down
his weapon. He furrows his thick eyebrows and moves as if to stand.]
Cop: Hey! What the hell? Get down!
Cop next to blond one: Hey hey, William knows what he's doing!
Cop: ... I hope so...
[William puts on a pair of black leather gloves as he stands. When he closes his fists, rings of gray force
are sucked into them. The criminals pause for a moment, confused, then resume firing.]
William: [pulling back for an attack] CONCUSSION WALL!!
[As he pushes forward with both hands, a visible wall of concussion comes forth, nut slows and stops
about 3 feet in front of him. The bullets ram into this wall of compressed air and silently stop, the slowly
fall down, immersed in solid air.]
Criminal 1 [A big-jawed, dirty man with a bandana on his head]: AW SHIT! I'm outta here!
Criminal 2: You got that right!
[The criminals begin to retreat, but turn around as they hear several guns click into readiness, as well as
the same number of police ordering them to freeze. William walks d the now still miscreants and
handcuffs them, reading them their rights.]
William: And questions, Tony?
Tony [Criminal 1]: Yeah. How'd you get here without me noticin' ya? I'd sure as hell bolt if I'd saw you..."
William: [grinning slightly] I'm a good cop.
Tony: Yeah well, in that case can ya go a little easier? OW! [As his arm is 'accidentally' twisted a bit by
William]
William: I'm a bad cop too.
[As William hauls off Tony, and the police haul off the other criminals, the scene fades to black as the
Modern Heroes logo slams in dramatically, then breaking.]
[Opening sequence: Various action shots showing the characters to the tune of a Paul Johnson song.
Credits are given for the voice actors in the way live action does for its actors. Credits given for William,
Anja Jeleok, Lea Ealjea, K�-�ka, Max Raleigh and Officer Sanchez.]
[Fade in from opening sequence to show a large police gala. Hundreds of police are eating and talking as
awards are being given out on stage. Suddenly a hush creeps over the audience as they realize than next is
the award they have been awaiting: The Cop Of The Year.]
Announcer/Chief: [On stage, into microphone] This year, we give our award to one our most
distinguished, unappreciated, and, um, idiosyncratic boys in blue. He has been with us for a long time, and
has helped to keep Houston a clean, though sweaty [faked laughter] city. The man with only one name,
Officer William!
[William gets up, only somewhat surprised. It is almost as if he had been expecting this...]
William: Thank you. I am honored to get this gift. Domo arigato. Danke Schoen. [Pauses, then stares at
the chief for a moment, making the chief look nervous.] Hey Chief...
Chief: [suspecting the worst] Yes, William?
William: When do I start assembling that team?
Chief: [big sweats] You... don't... mean... [William simply continues to look at him.] You do... hey, that was
just a joke! It's not like I put it into writing!
William: Oh yeah? [Motions toward the audience, at which point a man in a suit walks onstage, carrying a
piece of paper.] This man is a notary public. He witnessed you sign the contract.
Chief: What??
[Fade to a flashback. The chief is in his office, dealing with phone calls when William walks in and sits
down.]
William: So, what do you think of my idea?
Chief: [distracted] Oh, you mean the superhero one?
William: It's not superheroes. Well, not really. But this town, and the whole word around it, has been
flooded by super-powered villains. It's obvious that normal police can't handle this. Calling the National
Guard won't work either. But I...
Chief: You what?
William: I can do something. I have these powers, too. And I've found some others who can help me. We
can become a special-forces team, to take care of and superhuman threats. Houston needs this chief, and
I'm not leaving until you let me found this team.
Chief: Yeah, well, sounds kinda doubtful. Hey, tell ya what! You make cop of the year, and I'll give you
your team. [Thinking] That oughtta keep him...
William: [calling in a notary] Okay then, just sign here...
Chief: [still distracted] Yeah sure... [signs]
William: [standing up] Hey, chief?
Chief: Yeah?
William: Why aren't you wearing any pants?
[End flashback]
Chief: [Thinking] Was I really not wearing any pants? [To William] Fine. You win. Gather your team.
We'll talk terms tomorrow...
William: Thank you, sir, and than you all! [to chief] And remember to wear pants...
Chief: [wincing] Dammit!
[Cut to a house in the suburbs, interior with a woman, about 40, sitting next to a phone. The phone rings,
and the woman picks it up.]
Woman: [In a Midwest accent] Hello, Harper residence... Yes, I am his Mother... Yes... [Eyes lighting up]
Really? It is? ... Of course he can! I've taken care of my end! ... Yes, that's fine... Oh, and one thing, Mr.
William... Take care of my boy, or I will kill you personally. [This time, instead of the faint sounds from
the phone, there is nothing] Are you there, Mr. William? Oh, all right then. He'll be there.
[She hangs up the phone and walks outside to where a man of around 45 is playing basketball with his
son, a brown-haired boy of 16.]
Woman: Oh, John?
John (the father): Yes Flora? [Stops playing ball]
Flora: I just got a call from that Mr. William. [The son visibly perks up] He says that the it's all working
out just great... and Brad should go to Houston tomorrow, just like we planned!
John: [Grabbing Brad] Now, son, this is a great opportunity for you. We Harpers haven't left Iowa for
decades, but you have something special. You can help people.
Brad: All right, Dad. I'll go get my things! [Starts to run inside]
John: Son? [Brad looks back] We're proud of you.
[Cut to a busy airport, full of signs primarily in German. A German announcement can be heard above
the din, and a boy of 17 with small glasses at the base of his nose, glasses, long blue hair and a bizarre
Shinto demon ward-like sash hanging from his neck leans against a telephone. The phone suddenly rings,
startling him from his daze and causing him to fall down. He pulls himself back up and answers it.]
Boy: Ahoy-oy! [Pause] Damn right I'm Lars! ... Whaddya mean 'last name?' ... So you can't hire me unless
I give you my last name, eh.... Um, ok, it's... uh... [Looks at a luggage-cart machine] Kofferkuli. ... Huh? ...
No, I don't speak German. ... That's a good question. [To himself] What AM I doing in Germany? [To
phone] ... Okay, yeah, I'll get the tickets. ... Yeah, all my stuff is packed [looks at a paper bag in one hand].
All right all right! Shut up! [Hangs up the phone.] Geez, what a grouch.
[Cut to external of a relatively small house in a nice neighborhood, with an '85 Ford Crown Victoria
parked in front. It is obvious from the scraped sides and blue paint that it was previously a police car. In
addition, it looks extremely run-down. Inside, we see William hanging up a phone and jotting down a few
notes.]
William: Well, that takes care of them. Now I just have to go hammer a deal out with the chief...
[Cut to the Chief's office. William walks in and sits in front of the Chief's desk. The Chief sees him and
smirks, a bit of malice in his eye.]
William: Hello, Chief. I'm not late, am I?
Chief: Oh, no, you're not. Now William, I've read that little contract, and my lawyers have told me
EXACTLY how much control I have over this little... operation of yours.
William: [Thinking] Lawyers? [To Chief] Well then, what have you decided?
Chief: Well, first off, I trust that you are registered as a legal guardian of those two hoodlums.
[William nods somberly]
Chief: Well, then, you three are to become a plainclothes unit. You will be a special force team who will
report directly to Sanchez.
William: Sounds good...
Chief: In addition, you are to be paid on commission.
William: [startled] WHAT? Commission?!? I'm not a bounty hunter!
Chief: Now, William, this is MY decision to make, so live with it. As long as you bring in, or at least stop,
enough criminals, you'll be just fine. If your theory about these 'superhumans' is correct, you'll have
nothing to worry about.
William: [fuming, but resigning himself] Yes.... sir. [Stands up and turns to leave]
Chief: [softening a bit] William? [William pauses] Prove your point.
William: Yes sir.
[Cut to a shot of a freeway. It is I-59, and on it Brad Harper is riding a bicycle made of disconnected
pieces of white energy at speeds in excess of 110 mph. As he is on a bicycle, this is, as far as he knows,
legal. He is also riding on the cement divider between sides.]
Brad: Man! Why's it so hot here? It's September; it shouldn't be in the nineties! [Looks at the sweater he is
wearing] ARGH! Why did I have to wear this thing?
[He continues to bike along until he sees a Greyhound bus station. Instead of using an off ramp, he
simply ollies off of the overpass entirely, leaping off of his bicycle at the last moment to avoid the ground.
His bicycle dissolves into nothing as he lands, a little shaky. He looks around for a moment until he spies
a blue LTD in the parking lot across the street. Hefting his pack onto his shoulders a bit more, he makes
his way to it. William steps out of the car to greet Brad.]
William: You're Brad, right?
Brad: How could you tell?
William: You jumped off the freeway.
Brad: Oh, yeah...
[Cut to the LTD driving past a sign reading "Bush Airport Parking." Quick cut to Brad and William
Standing in the middle of an airport, searching for the right gate.]
Brad: So, uh, what gate's his flight on?
William: It says... [Looks at paper] F23. We're at... [Looks at sign] A11.
Brad: [suspicious] Well, it can't be too far.
William: [Sighs] Don't travel much do you?
Brad: why...
[He is cut off as the camera zooms out to show the entire hall, then out, then out some more, then out
even more, then out again, until eventually the whole airport is below, with two arrows. One says A11. the
other says F23. They are exactly Too Far apart.]
Brad's voice: [Feebly] Sonuva!
[Cut to an internal shot of a plane-disembarking-passage (hey, I forget what they're called, ok?). The flow
of passengers is steady... and then stops. Shouting can be heard from the direction of the plane.]
Lars' Voice: Why can't I have the headphones?
Stewardess' Voice: You don't get to keep them!
Lars' Voice: You already told me that! WHY can't I keep them?
Stewardess' Voice: They belong to the airline!
Lars' Voice: Now that's just stupid!
Stewardess' Voice: What?
Lars' Voice: I'm sure you guys have tons of these things! Especially in a big corporation! It obviously does
NOT need the headphones! I do!
Stewardess' Voice: But, uh, but... They're really dirty!
Lars' Voice: [Shocked] What, you guys don't clean these things? Eww. You can keep 'em. But I get the
magazine.
[After a moment, Lars makes his way out of the plane, paper bag in hand. His hair is now red. Cut to Brad
and Lars standing in front of the terminal where Lars is about to exit. William is panting. Brad is not.]
Brad: Hey, uh, sorry I've only got room for one on that thing...
William: ... [after a moment of glaring at Brad] Ah, there's Lars.
[Lars walks out of the door, blue hair and all. He sees Brad and William, but continues walking. Brad and
William, who were waiting to greet him, big sweat as he walks right in between them. They seem to perk
up a bit when he turns around and makes for them.]
Lars: Hey, have you seen a guy named William? He's an old white guy.
[William and Brad sigh.]
William: I'm William.
Lars: So it seems... You don't look 58...
[Brad starts at this.]
Brad: 58?
William: I look young.
Lars: I'll say! Geez, gramps, [looking at William's slowly tensing arms, which are huge] you could lift a
house! I hope I'm that built at 60.
William: 58.
[Cut to the inside of the LTD. William is driving, with Brad shotgun. Lars sprawled across the back,
reading German porno. Brad turns around to talk to Lars, who continues.]
Brad: Is that...
Lars: Hmm? [Looking up from magazine]
William: What, is he reading porno or something? [Looks back briefly and sighs in disappointment.]
Lars: Fine! Fine! I'll stop... [puts it into his bag]
Brad: What else you got in there?
Lars: More porn, a Time magazine from the plane, a banana, and a, um...
Brad: A what?
Lars: I don't know... A... shirt.... [Pokes around in the bag cautiously] maybe...
Brad: Uh huh... So, Lars, where are you from?
Lars: [Defensively] Where are YOU from?
Brad: I'm from Pasqawshee. It's near Des Moines.
Lars: WHICH Des Moines? [Narrowing eyes accusingly]
Brad: [Confused] Iowa.
Lars: Oh. Good. Now if you'll excuse me, [Starts to pull out porn] I have things to...
William: [Interrupting] Not in MY car.
Lars: [putting away porn] DAMMIT!
Brad: So wait, where's all your luggage?
Lars: Where's all YOUR luggage?
Brad: At the house. We shipped it before I left.
Lars: Oh. Very Well.
Brad: So?
Lars: 'So' what?
Brad: Where's you luggage?
Lars: You blind? It's right here! [Holds up bag]
Brad: Where are your clothes?
Lars: In there.
William: Really?
Lars: Yeah, there's a shirt in there!
Brad: Maybe.
Lars: ... [peering into bag] Do shirts move?
[Cut to the LTD pulling up to William's house. The three men get out and make their way in, Brad and
Lars for the first time.]
Lars: [To Brad] So hey, what's this place like?
Brad: Dunno. Never been here before.
Lars: Didn't you get here before me?
William: We had to go straight to the airport.
Brad: Yeah, how would you have liked it if you were all alone in this city?
[Lars imagines himself, surrounded by women, most of them putting cash into his pants]
Lars: I would'a figured something out.
[They enter, seeing a relatively nice, but not too big, house. Down the hall are three rooms, all with signs
on them. One says 'Lars,' one says 'Brad,' and the third says 'KEEP THE HELL OUT!' Brad grimaces as
he reads the third one.]
Brad: [To William, who has already sat down and is reading a newspaper] So, uh, this is your room I
guess.
William: Keep the hell out.
Brad: Right...
Lars: [From his room] I've got a qualm.
William: [getting up, sighing] What's that?
Lars: This is a TWIN size bed!
Brad: [From his room] So?
Lars: Where'll she sleep?
Brad: [popping out of his room, shocked] Who?
William: [Who is simply standing in the hall, stupefied] You don't have a girlfriend, Lars.
Lars: How do you know?
William: Because you're an annoying teenage fool with no social graces.
Lars: [pause for realization] Dammit!
[Cut to Brad, Lars, William, and Sanchez, who is a friendly looking man in his forties. They are in
Sanchez's office. Brad and Lars look bored.]
Sanchez: First off, you need badges.
Lars: Badges?!? We don't... [William backhands him in the face.]
Sanchez: As I was saying, here are your badges. Officer Harper... [Hands a small walled badge to Brad]
Brad: [Taking the badge] What do I do with it?
William: You put it in your wallet.
Lars: We don't get uniforms?
Sanchez: You're a plainclothes unit.
Brad: Um, I see...
William: You obviously don't.
Lars: Me too.
Sanchez: What it means is that you don't look like cops. You don't talk like cops. You don't ACT like
cops.
Lars: [interrupting] Then why do we have the badges?
Sanchez: Because you ARE cops, technically.
Brad: So we can arrest people?
William: [shooting a glance at Lars] Unfortunately.
Sanchez: [Handing out the other two badges while talking. Lars fiddles with his before William makes him
put it away.] What it boils down to is this: You guys patrol around, looking for criminals to stop, like
normal police, and listen for reports of criminals, like normal police.
Brad: But you said we weren't supposed to act like cops.
Sanchez: [continuing] UNLIKE normal police, the criminals you are to combat first and foremost are the
S-type, or superhuman. That's why you're here, violating most of the HPD code...
Lars: What if we fight them first, bun NOT foremost? Or the other... [Once again, William backhands
him] OW! Is that legal?
Sanchez: No.
Lars: Than why do you keep letting him do it?
Sanchez: Better him than me.
[Cut to the shooting range, where our cadets are having varying degrees of success. William is reasonably
good but he doesn't seem to enjoy it. Brad is a novice, and while he like the novelty, is not doing
particularly well. Lars is grinning madly. His shots, however, have yet to hit the mark. They have, however,
hit everything else, including things behind him, and even a few birds outside of the reinforced concrete
range, somehow. After a few moments, everyone else sneaks up on him and tackles him to the floor,
wrenching the pistol from his grasp.]
Sanchez: Um, I think this team would be better off... without sidearms. [Everyone else nods their heads in
agreement madly, still holding a struggling Lars.]
[cut to a training course, like the ones where cadets shoot the targets. However, in this case, they have to
attack them. William does very, very well, because he knows what he is doing. When he is done, it is
Brad's turn. He summons his energy bicycle (which startles Sanchez) and rides into the course. he uses his
bicycle as a weapon, and even fires the front wheel off at one point. While not as fast or alert as William,
he is still quite effective and fares well enough. Lars then steps onto the course, smiling wickedly. All
others frown. He summons forth a spinning, yellow, glowing disc, slightly smaller than a CD, and much
thicker at the center. he moves it from finger to finger, showing a surprising amount of skill. He creeps
about the course, flinging it at anything and everything that moves with incredible force, slicing them to
ribbons. In the end, he has cut up a few buildings as well.]
Sanchez: Um, you killed the little girl.
Lars: No I didn't. Look. [points to cardboard girl, who is intact, but missing her hair] I gave her a haircut.
Sanchez: On purpose?
Lars: Yeaaahhh..... Sure....
[Sanchez writes, in HUGE letters, "RECKLESS." Lars sees it.]
Lars: You could write it smaller if you didn't want me to see it.
[Without speaking, Sanchez shoves the paper into Lars' face, and then begins to show it around.]
[Cut to Sanchez's office again.]
Sanchez: As frightening as it is for me to say this, you're cleared for duty. [shudders] Just remember; you
work on commission.
Brad: How does that work?
Sanchez: [As William frowns] For every Regular criminal you stop, you get a certain amount. For every
regular you bring in, you get a higher set amount. Then there's stopped S-Types, and you get the most for
bringing in S-Types. Of course, this amount varies depending on WHO it is, and then you get paid at the
end of the month. [grimaces] We just have to figure out how much to pay you...
Brad: The end of the month? What do we do for money THIS month?
William: I have a bank account. Do you?
Sanchez: It doesn't matter. [Smiling] You're their legal guardian now, William; you get to pay their way.
William: I don't enjoy breaking YOUR fragile spirit, Sanchez...
[Cut to the three inside of the LTD. Even though the day was somewhat embarrassing, they seem to be
prouder.]
Lars: Hey, Willy?
William: Don't call me Willy.
Lars: Chicks dig cops, right?
William: Yes. [Lars brightens] But you're not a cop. You're an honorary officer of the law. [Lars dims]
Sorry. [William actually smiles]
[Just then, the word S-Type comes over the already active radio. William turns it on as they listen to the
report.]
Voice: S-Type at Montrose and W. Gray! All available units, converge immediately! [William turns the
weel furiously, heading in that direction]
William: That's right around the corner! Looks like we get to see duty. Excited? I am.
[As the others look a little scared, the scanner continues.]
Voice: Target identified as Dr. Hwang Xiu Mint. Known to have elemental power of... is this right...
Mint... Oh come on, that CAN'T be a coincidence... [mumbling for a moment] He is an Asian male, late
40's, 5'6", 140 lbs., black hair and red uniform. Proceed with extreme caution... I guess...
Brad: Dr. Mint?
William: I think I've heard of him. He has some kind of Mint gauntlets.
Lars: Never worry about morning breath, eh?
[The scene of the crime. Dr. Mint is picking off all the police in sight with mint attacks, and is generally
causing a ruckus. He has a naval type cap with the letter M emblazoned on the front, and a pair of Gray
armlets, which he fires his blasts and such from.]
Dr Mint: HAHAHA! I am evil Dr. Mint! None can stop me! Now I make reputation, join the big leagues!
[to himself] I hear Chicago have very good evil business...
[Suddenly, the LTD crashes onto the scene. As it stops, William rolls artfully out. Lars tries, but fails and
gets stuck, and just waits until it stops. Brad is nowhere to be found. William and Lars are hiding behind a
broken poilce car as Mint focuses his attention on the LTD.]
Dr Mint: What? Now citizen are fighting? [Out to the area] Come out, I spare your lives! Just give up all
worldly possessions, ok?
Lars: Dude! [William shushes him] He's a living stereotype!
William: [Basically ignoring him] Move on 3... one... two... THREE! SANJOU!!!
[Lars and William burst out from behind the car, Lars throwing his disc far to Mint's right. Mint Whirls
and screams, "SPEARMINT IMPALE!" A green spike of pure mint (leaves? crystals? No one knows...)
stabs toward them. They dodge to either side of it, and it puts a good-sized hole in the car they were
behind. Mint brings up his other fist, but it is caught by Lars' returning disc (which Lars catches with
style), breaking his gauntlet.]
Mint: [furious] Who ARE you?
William: William and Lars, special forces. You're under arrest... you have the...
Mint: I know, I know. I do this before, you know.[smiles ever so slightly] I surrender.
[William walks forward to cuff him, but he shouts, "Peppermint Blast!" and makes a huge red explosion,
enveloping William. Mint runs off, and William and Lars fall down, not so much hurt as painfully irritated
by ungodly strong peppermint to the eyes, nose, and mouth. As Mint runs away, laughing, he is struck
down by Brad, who has been lying in wait.]
Brad: [Pulling out badge, proudly] Bradley Harper, HPD. You're under...
Mint: [as he passes out] I know, that, stupid...
[After, Brad, William, and Lars have finished giving their reports and are walking to the LTD when a
reporter stops them]
Reporter: Excuse me, were you the men who stopped his destructive rampage?
William: Yeah, I guess that's us.
Reporter: What are your names? What do you have to do with the police?
William: I'm William. No last name. We're a special forces unit, designed to combat...
Brad: [interrupting] Bradley Harper. We're superheroes.
Lars: And I'm Lars Kofferkuli, manly man... HEY [he gets dragged off]
William: [Walking Away] Sorry, we have to go. Good luck on the story.
Reporter: And so, out of the jaws of terror, terror named Mint, these men pull our city. These... [looks
around furtively as she thinks up a name] Modern Heroes! [to herself] Heh, that's pretty good... Score...
[As the scene fades, the shot pans to space, then to a planet. Cut to the inside of a building in which men
and women wearing black walk about, taking care of business. In one corner, a dark-skinned woman with
black-fading-to-magenta hair is talking to an agent. She is wearing shorts and a short-sleeved shirt, as well
as a ninja-esque mask on the bottom half of her face. She has two sheathed swords, as well as green and
white markings on the sides of her arms, legs, face, and neck.]
Woman: <<Is that all?>> (spoken in Gaian, with English subtitles)
Agent: <<Yessm. You are cleared for transfer to Earth, miss Jeleok...>>
[Fade to ending song, which has SD versions of the characters being funny. Hee hee, look at em go! Oh,
wait, you can't see it...]
* * *
Next time, on MODERN HEROES!
An alien woman named Anja Jeleok comes down in a spaceship to join the team! But who is she? Why
does she look human? And why do she and William seem to know each other? And what exactly is RGO
Colour?
Next time: DWA: Driving While an Alien!
[There you have it. I am currently writing episode two, and it should be on my site (as well as posted,
given positive response) within a week. for those of you just tuning in, that's
http://DUNOTS.tripod.com. In order to fully appreciate my Gaengerwelt stuff (that's what my original
universe is called), you'd do well to go there and read the RGO Colour history, though it contains
spoilers...]
Grrgbap