The Reluctant Bet
segment 5 : Set Curse Template For Variable
disclaimer: Most char tm Rumiko Takahashi
Some characters not.
this chapter dedicated to those who felt i was too hard on
Genma & Akane, and not nasty enough to "Ranma"
uhm. this is even less seriously written as a fic and more
an attempt to have fun by bending the traditional SI
conventions. however, as some ideas presented here have not
(to my knowledge) been done, and could be interesting in a
fic of their own, they are presented. (hence the (sortafic)
label)
one might also note that everyone is OOC to some
degree, but only Akane (portrayed prev as the one trying to
protect her home from some insane immortal) was complained
about as being OOC. interesting, ne?
--------------------------------
"Aaaaaaahhh!"
The Guide finished smoking his pipe as someone appeared in
midair, plummetted twenty feet into a large bamboo
barricade, went through it (with a snapping noise that
indicated more than bamboo was breaking), and splashed into
one of the cursed pools.
The Guide sent a smoke ring up into the air, then sighed
and went to a large hooked pole from the side of the hut.
Tsking briefly, he pulled the body of the poor soul who had
been killed in such an unfortunate accident. He had just
gotten it ashore when it erupted in flames and was consumed.
This caused the Guide to raise an eyebrow. The other one
went up when the same body reformed over one of the OTHER
springs and gave a startled squawk followed by another
splash.
The Guide shook his head, commenting about a terrible
tragic story of boy who fall in spring, appear out of
nowhere and then drown in one spring, and then have
sufficiently bad luck that he fell in another spring.
"AAAAHHHHHHH!"
"Oh too bad, sir, you fall in..." The Guide came to a stop
as the girl in the spring held up a hand. "Don't tell me,
let me guess. Nyannichuan? Spring Of Drowned Girl?"
The Guide shook his head at the young woman slogging out of
the spring. "No. Drowned Girl is over there. You fall in
Uncursed Spring first. Then you fall in Spring Of Bishoujo
Bride."
The woman in the spring stared for a moment. "Well, that
explains the sudden desire to take up crochet. Oh my, and
i'll bet my hair's a mess. Where's the Spring Of Drowned
Man?"
The Guide pointed, a little surprised now. An American
tourist. Not unheard of, though unusual. Someone falling
into an uncursed spring and drowning. Fairly rare. Someone
falling in and getting cursed. Common, sometimes a daily
event. Someone deciding immediately that they weren't going
to stay cursed and asking for the correct spring to reverse
it, incredibly rare.
The woman got up, slogged partway to the Spring, went back
and got her pants, then continued on to the Spring Of
Drowned Man. Then hesitated. "If I do this, will the curses
mix or explode? Will they cancel out and the energy fry me?
Will I end up getting a worse curse as a result?"
The Guide was REALLY surprised now. Someone was actually
listening to the Jusenkyo Guide and asking intelligent
questions?! It was a sign of the Apocalypse. This was
completely unheard of! "Uhm. Jusenkyo Guide not really know
that much about Springs."
The woman gave him a flatly disbelieving look. "Come off
it. You were *at least* in the same job back at Pantyhose
Taro's birth. You've been around the springs and learning
their lore for over a decade. Try again."
The Guide blinked. "Uhm. Guide not know because Cursed
Spring use Wild magic. Magic operate by own rules and not
follow set pattern except when Springs want."
The woman thought about this. "Makes sense. Well, *i* know
what the bishoujo bride curse does. And even if i end up a
monster like Taro, i am *not* going to end up giving Martha
Stewart a run for her money." She leapt into the spring.
---------------------------------
"And who exactly are YOU?" Akane got ready to fight. Yet
another foreign bimbo had appeared.
"You wouldn't know me, Akane Tendo. Geez, this is only his
second day at the Tendo household, two weeks since his
insertion, and he's already messed up this badly." The woman
shook her head and frowned. "Good intentions, reasonable
skills, lousy application. Tsk."
"Uhm, excuse me." Kasumi held up a hand timidly. "But are
you..."
"Yes. Oh your Mom says hello." Edema turned yellow eyes
towards the two seated sisters. "She's *very* disappointed,
you know."
Kasumi and Nabiki both flinched.
"WHO ARE YOU TO SUGGEST..." Akane started forward, still
angry from Ranma and here some woman came out of the TV set
to tell some lie about her mother!
Edema made a pass of her hand and said a word that seemed
to evaporate somewhere after the ear and before it reached
the conscious mind. Akane, Nabiki, Kasumi, and Shampoo
vanished.
Soun freaked.
Genma didn't have a clue.
Squirtle decided to hide in the koi pond.
-----------------------------------
Mousse was not amused. Not in the slightest. First his
Shampoo, his love, his darling, the future mother of his
children, had done something awful and brought a fire
breathing monster into the Village.
It had ACTED docile, but after he had attacked it the beast
had shown its true colors. Mind you, he had thought that the
Beast was actually another suitor for Shampoo and he had
attacked it on that basis. Well, that was then, and why
dwell on the mistakes of the past?
WORSE, now Shampoo had left the village with some foreign
women and a TWIN SISTER nobody had told him about. He had to
find her before she did something foolish! Like find some
new guy when her True Love was HIM.
Now, if he could just find her.
-----------------------------------
Kasumi huddled close to the side of Shampoo, her Vulpix
riding one shoulder. Nabiki huddled close to Shampoo's other
side, her Eevee doing the same.
Akane was a bit intimidated at this point. Maybe it was
that they'd BEEN in the Tendo living room, and then just as
suddenly in this big stadium. Vaguely European in design,
except that the outer archways were all red-painted torii.
There were other elements that were Japanese present as
well, the arches simply being the most obvious.
"Where are we? HEY, YOU! DON'T GO WALKING OFF!" Akane
glared at the blackskinned woman who was just calmly
ignoring her and acting as if nothing was wrong. Akane
started forward only to be stopped by a hand on her
shoulder.
"Akane," said Nabiki sweetly. "We aren't in Tokyo anymore,
right?"
Akane looked around, seeing gleaming buildings all around,
vast mountains reaching up in the distance, and noted that
the air itself was phosphorescent. No sun. "Uhmm. Yeah..."
"So, this woman just popped us from our home in Tokyo to
wherever this is with about as much effort as you have in
pummelling Ranma. IE: none." Nabiki smiled at her sister,
doing her best to project calm. "Try to be a bit more
diplomatic."
"NO WAY! She brought us here, she can send us right back!"
Akane shrugged off her sister's hand and began running after
the woman. "You two stay right there!"
"Oh dear, oh my." Kasumi frowned ever so slightly.
"Stupid Ranma. Stupid Akane. Now we're stuck here."
"Shampoo think we ought to follow Akane. Rescue her when
she get in trouble."
"Sounds like a plan," agreed Nabiki.
"Ponyta! Shampoo need a lift!"
--------------------------
Akane strode after the vanishing figure, losing her a
couple of times, only to catch sight of the darkskinned and
whitehaired woman turning a corner.
She turned a final corner and ran on for a few minutes
before stumbling to a halt. She was on the field. There were
a lot of people around, all with what looked like very sharp
weaponry.
"Gee, little girl, are you lost?"
Akane flinched at the term used. Of course, the shortest
here was 6'4" so all things being relative. "Uhm, did you
see a woman with black skin, white hair, about so tall
coming running past here?"
"A DROW? HERE?!" A tall blonde man with an axe taller than
Akane snarled.
"Maybe she means Edema," suggested a second.
"Oh," the first one calmed immediately. "That's different."
"You know her?" Akane smiled, maybe they could lead her to
this woman.
"Yeah, she runs the 'Heart Of Darkest Chocolate' ice cream
parlor. Hey, I hear she's got Chocolate-Cherry for this
month's Special Shake."
"Do tell."
Akane frowned. Someone who ran an ice cream store wasn't
likely to be the one she'd pursued.
"Akane? Oh my." Kasumi, Shampoo, and Nabiki walked
hesitantly out onto the field. Followed by an Eevee, a
Vulpix, and a Ponyta.
"THERE SHE IS!" Akane started forward, there was that
blackskinned girl, leading some woman with a naginata
towards them. "Hey you! Put us back home!"
The woman with the naginata smiled at her, then turned the
same smile on the other girls. She looked a little puzzled
at Shampoo, though.
"Mother?" Kasumi slowly moved forward, Nabiki a moment
behind.
"WHAT DO YOU... mean... mother?" Akane's voice threaded
down into a whisper as she recognized the armored and armed
warrior woman before her. "M-M-M-Mom?!"
Kimiko smiled at her three daughters and indicated a set of
tables not far away.
-----------------
"Great. Just great."
"I not understand, sir. You turn into..."
"Look, it's obvious. Normally, every time i die, i
essentially reincarnate. While on *this* timeline, i will
always reincarnate as Ranma. So when i went into the pool
and it exploded, i died. i came back as Ranma, as always.
Except in this case, i reincarnated as a DIFFERENT Ranma. In
this case, the Ranma from 'Purple Haired Mountain Majesty.'"
"Sir is very strange."
"You don't know the half of it," groaned the purple haired
girl. "Well, i doubt i'm going to be able to get a better
deal. Time to go home and see who screwed up my life this
time."
"Sir not want to go to Amazon Village first?"
"NO!"
"Cafe of Dragon's Whisker?"
"No thanks."
"Musk Dynasty? Jusendo?"
"No, and i... Hmmm. Ya know, there IS something i'd like
before i go."
------------------
Five minutes into the conversation, Akane was having a
little trouble with some basic concepts. "Mom? You're..."
"The term is einherjar," said Kimiko steepling her hands
and considering her daughters over them. "A warrior of
Asgard selected by the valkyries for exceptional bravery.
Not the traditional Japanese heaven, but it's home."
"Actually, I think the term she was looking to use was
'dead.'" The drow woman swept her hair back with one hand
and examined the four girls.
"Since you're still here, Edema, maybe you can tell me. Why
did you bring them here? You know as well as I do that
contact between Heaven and Earth is heavily regulated. It
*is* the Trial Of Faith, after all."
"They haven't seen much, and frankly you should see the job
Grey's done. That timeline is so tangled that this barely
qualifies as trying to nudge it back into place." Edema
reached into her pocket and flicked out a pair of
mirrorshades. "Much as I like Valhalla, you know I've got
better things to do."
"Grey? Oh yes, I've read his file after he called that
time." Kimiko nodded.
"Grey?" Akane said. She'd heard the name but didn't
immediately place it.
"You know him as Ranma."
"THAT JERK!"
"Akane, let it go."
"How long do we have?" Kimiko raised an eyebrow at the
drow.
"Another fifteen minutes." Edema shrugged. "You know the
politics. Just getting it through that kind of group was
difficult. The only way I could manage it through all the
dueling egos was making it a bet."
"With Ares?" Kimiko smirked. "I'll bet that was difficult
to arrange even so."
Edema merely shrugged. Being a drow sorceress who normally
worked with Greek and Norse gods, one got used to
overweening egos.
"Mother?" Kasumi spoke hesitantly.
"Child, Edema brought you here because she your timeline
was altered beyond all recognition. I read the file.
Originally the timeline would have had Akane enslaved by
magic to a gentleman named Tatewaki Kuno."
Edema gestured and a globe appeared. In it was a *very*
lemon scene involving a pigtailed girl, Akane, and Tatewaki
Kuno.
Kasumi and Nabiki gasped. Akane looked ill. Shampoo frowned
and wondered if Akane could get enough air in a position
like that.
"Then was altered by someones so it happy timeline where
Shampoo marry Ranma, become Amazon wanderer. Eventually
settle in some place call Canada and live after happily!"
Shampoo smiled, having heard this before.
"Yes, Tiger Cafe: Vancouver," Edema smiled as she
remembered that. "Hephaestus' Bet entry. Bast was really
fond of it, as I recall."
"Then some sort of dimension-hopping adventurers added
another alteration in an attempt to undo Hephaestus entry
and return it to the one where Akane was a loveslave."
"WHAT?! WHY?!"
"Because they like you, Akane, and believe that by altering
a timeline there are repercussions beyond the immediate.
That altering things so that Ranma and Akane don't end up
engaged in an abusive relationship that usually ends about
the time one of you two dies, is wrong and needs to be
corrected. Unfortunately, they destabilized our timeline and
it will collapse or merge with another timeline." Kimiko
spread her hands.
"WHAT?!" Kasumi, Nabiki, and Akane exclaimed.
"Grey, who is Ranma for now, is there to try and stabilize
the timeline and then the REAL Ranma can be put back in and
his presence backtracked." Kimiko considered her words
carefully. "There is a good chance that his actions so far,
plus the previous alterations *have* altered our own
timeline to permanent. I'm just one of the einherjar and
we're sufficiently down the chain of command that a lot of
things are unclear."
Nabiki's mind was racing. "Where does Ranma, er, Grey fit
in this chain of command?"
Edema answered. "Currently he's a candidate for guardian
daemon, and he works at a place called the Rival Relief
Office. In an attempted break out from Hell which could have
started Armaggedon, he was placed in charge of a squad of
Penitent Souls auxilaries. If he makes guardian, he'd be
considered part of the Heavenly Forces and would likely
command a group of einherjar."
"That's a big if," pointed out Kimiko. "Now. I only have a
little time left. Let me get to know my daughters before you
must spirit them off."
"Mom, come with us!" Akane turned a pleading look to her
mother.
"I would be forsaking my place and my duty, Akane." Kimiko
reached out and smoothed her youngest daughter's hair.
"There too, I would be an immaterial spirit. You could
neither see nor hear me. No, my daughters. I am now of
Valhalla. Only those who die in a Good Cause and in battle
end up here. It's kind of an eternal training camp, as if
you were *really* good you'd have been able to accomplish
the task without dying.
"All these," Kimiko's gesture took in the vast arena full
of dueling warriors, "are Failed Heroes or else they
accomplished their tasks but failed to live afterwards.
Don't show up here or I'll run you ragged. I'm up for
promotion to Valkyrie in another fifty years, and so I *can*
make this slice of Heaven a piece of Heck for you."
"Mother," Nabiki said, slowly. She understood the warning,
not that there was any danger of her trying to be a great
Warrior. "You know what has happened to us since you died?"
"My daughters. I have not the time to tell you everything
in full. You make me so proud in so many ways. There were so
many things, like Kasumi's graduation, that I wanted to
share with you. But when I have had the chance I have
watched you and sometimes you just make me want to scream!"
"Eh?" Three young girls exclaimed, flinching as if slapped.
"Kasumi, why did you give up the Tendo School Of Naginata?
Your father has long spoken of the Way Of The Fist, and of
its strength. Why did not you, the daughter I trained and
taught as best I could, continue the art of your mother's
family? You rarely get out of the house, how will you start
a family or life of your own?
"Nabiki, you also have foregone the arts. You have turned
your back on your heritage and walk a path where others are
nothing more than pawns to your ego. And setting up your own
sister to have to fight that gantlet led by that Kuno fellow
every day at school, just for the betting pools!
"Akane, instead of defusing the situation or refusing to go
along with this man's conditions, you have allowed him to
dictate to you what you may do! And you call the man an
idiot and insane, yet follow his conditions? What of the
discipline of the Art?"
Kasumi looked saddened, Nabiki guilty, and Akane
thoughtful.
"What of Ranma, er, Grey?" Kasumi began, thinking of her
world. Maybe her mother had some advice on how to handle the
situation.
"Yeah! Where does he get off with that stuff anyway?"
Kimiko looked sadly at her youngest daughter. "Akane, you
have a kind and gentle heart. Use it. If you seek not to
aggravate him, he will cease to aggravate you. Has he not
already made this offer once?"
"Why is he so awful anyway?"
"Pardon me, but I can tell y'all about this later," the
drow interrupted in her soft Southeastern drawl. "Y'all get
reacquainted while I check on my bets."
"Put me down for 'Spring Of Drowned Toad' if it's not too
late." Kimiko turned her attention back to her daughters.
----------
"They're gone, they're gone, they're gone! Akannnne,
Nabiiikiii, Kasuuumi!"
"Oh, get a grip, Tendo." Genma rolled his eyes. "You've
been running around in circles, pulling your hair out, and
fussing like that for fifteen minutes. Just give it a
rest!"
"Easy for you to say, Saotome." Soun began weeping copious
amounts.
"You think it's easy, having my only heir possessed by a
demon from one of those springs?" Genma looked out the open
doors into the backyard. "If he weren't possessed, he would
have married your Akane by now."
Soun looked up. "Then what we need is an exorcist!"
"Why use a professional when we can do the same job
ourselves and save money?"
Soun smiled then thought about something. "But wait, he's
already slept with Nabiki and Kasumi!"
"And Akane snuck into the bath to watch him while he was
naked," Genma smirked. Surely Nodoka would see this as
evidence of Ranma's manliness.
"True. With all those sparks, it must be love!" Soun's eyes
sparkled at the thought of uniting the Houses.
Genma watched some sort of turtle-thing come crawling out
of the koi pond and seem to be looking for something. "So,
in order to force the spirit out of my son's body and get
him to marry one of your daughters, I have a plan that will
kill two birds with the same stone."
-------------------
"That's it," said Ukyo to her twin.
Shampoo's twin finished putting the grill in the back of
the truck, dusting her hands off after she set the massive
gas range in place. "Good, Shan could use break. That very
heavy."
Sakyo nodded in agreement as she cinched the straps into
place. "So what do we do when we get to Nerima? Other than
set up the restaurant?"
"We enroll in school and get reunited with Shampoo. Any
luck on that project?"
Sakyo looked at her original. "Yes, mother. Though which
project? I can alter my features by making alterations in
the stock chassis, doing the same for Shan later. Additional
marionettes are possible, I have complete data files on the
various processes involved as part of my Repair function,
but would require access to equipment not found on this
Earth."
"What about if something resets the timeline?"
Sakyo hesitated slightly. "It *is* possible, though I would
need access to some fairly sophisticated equipment, for me
to make a backup of your memories. Shan could store
Shampoo's. Then, after the reset, as we are not native to
the timeline we would be ejected and then would have to find
a way to return here to restore you from the backup. There
are several problems in pulling this off, not the least of
which is what happens to the new you when the backup is
restored."
"Not a problem, honey." Ukyo pulled herself into the cab of
the truck and then waited for the other two to get on their
side. "If you do it right, you'll just be adding experiences
to this other me. Bringing me up to speed."
"If say so," Shan said doubtfully.
---------------------------
Mousse adjusted his glasses. That was SHAMPOO! Buying some
weird clothes in the marketplace. No doubt she couldn't find
her usual manner of clothing. And she'd dyed her hair purple
for some reason. A smile ran across Mousse's lips as an idea
occurred.
It was the work of less than a half-hour to find a number
of clothes that Shampoo would like (and visions of some of
the other outfits being worn by her had caused him to buy a
few outfits that Shampoo normally wouldn't have chosen.)
Then, when she left her pack at one of the stores, it was a
simple matter to stuff it full of merchandise using his
mastery of Hidden Weapons to conceal the various items he'd
placed within. She would be so grateful when she found them.
Mousse could just picture how grateful she would be.
Finally, Mousse could restrain himself no longer and threw
himself forward. "SHAMPOO! MY LOVE!"
<snikt. VSSSHHHHHHH. VUM VUM VUM. SHHHHHHHHH.klik>
Shampoo put the lightsaber back in her vest, and walked
away from the figure on the street.
Mousse blinked a couple of times as Shampoo walked away
from him. "Shampoo, you're a Star Wars otaku?"
At that point the severed awning fluttered down over
Mousse, covering his vision. By the time he got it off
himself, Shampoo was nowhere to be seen.
-------------------
Edema watched the three daughters and their mother from a
distance.
"What mean Valkyrie?" Shampoo was puzzled but eagerly
watching the various warriors fighting. Who knows she might
pick up a new technique!
Edema tried to determine, from what she had seen of the
manga Shampoo, exactly how to explain it so that the Chinese
girl could understand. "Uhm, sort of a Norse Amazon that
traditionally carries a polearm and rides a winged horse.
Nowadays they just use teleport gates for the long haul and
some fast personal vehicle for shorter trips. They're the
'Choosers Of The Dead' who select the Einherjar."
"Ein Hairjar mean person who die in heroic combat? Why not
more Amazons?" Regional pride surfaced. "Should be many many
Amazon represented. Is one of two favored ways for Amazons
to pass into next life." The other being of old age and
surrounded by grandkids.
"Most opt for Reincarnation."
Shampoo stopped and turned her full attention to Edema.
"You say 'opt' - you mean you can choose here?"
Edema shook her head, surprised at the girl's ignorance.
"Child, one of the differences between Heaven and Hell is
that in Heaven you have options."
"So fake Ranma CHOOSE to do what he doing?"
"Yes, he's trying to better himself and help people out.
That's why he works at the Rival Relief Office," Edema
shrugged. "It's sort of a dumping ground for people who
can't make it anywhere else but aren't completely
unsalvageable."
"Oh," said Shampoo in a quiet voice. Her adopted brother
wasn't as well off as she had hoped.
Edema's eyes popped to comic proportions, coming to a
completely incorrect conclusion from Shampoo's sudden
sadness. "Oh... well, he's doing VERY well considering some
of the problems he started out with and some of the enemies
he's made."
Shampoo looked more interested. "Old saying is that measure
of hero is quality of enemies they make. How bad?"
Edema winced slightly. Maybe 'enemies' had been the wrong
term. Most of those who intensely disliked him didn't
consider him worthy of the effort of squishing him.
Particularly as he'd just come around again. Hmmm. Oh well,
she wasn't a goddess, not trying for a position, and under
no geas. She could play fast and loose with the truth, or
outright lie if necessary. "Yes, his enemies are legion and
powerful. (Though they work at cross purposes and their egos
are bigger than their talent.) They number some of the most
evil of the gods and demons. (He once ticked Marller off by
proclaiming that since Valentine's Day had its roots in
Christianity, (and yes, he knew better) that giving cards or
chocolates on that day was a form of worship, and she
believed it just long enough to have a severe allergic
reaction to the Reece's Pieces he dumped on her. Which kept
Marller from interfering in Keichi proposing to Belldandy,
and he did two weeks of peeling potatos for the troops in
Valhalla as penance for the lie.) His enemies have often
planned against him. (And he's died fairly frequently as a
result.)
"He's made frequent heroic efforts. (Sometimes dying more
than four times a day.) He's taken part in Epic Quests and
battles between Good and Evil. (Most often he's the guy who
gets splatted in the first melee round, or is Comic Relief.)
He's known many women but never found the right one.
(Rescues the Princess who dumps him the moment a better
looking male role comes on stage. Usually while he's still
recovering from the rescue.) Has made enemies in many
worlds. (Though who the heck worries about Team Rocket or
whats-his-name with the pink hair?)"
"They big enemies?"
"I don't want to drop names, sugar."
"Why you and Ukyo confuse me with Sugar. She shorter, have
green eyes, use ancestral weapon named Claymore in battle.
Use wooden one in challenge matches. Go ahead and drop
names, they no break."
Edema winced again. "Uhm, you don't mention their names
because it might attract their attention." (Ares, Haurvatat,
Hel, Tiamat, Marller, Senbei, Swishbuckle the Pirate,
maybe...)
"Oh," Shampoo said. Certainly sounded like powerful
enemies. "They is bad people?"
"Most are," Edema agreed, completely honest on this last
point.
Shampoo nodded, satisfied. Her adopted brother obviously
had powerful allies, powerful enemies, and was in some sort
of Epic Quest. Except that he was a bumbling idiot, but he
was a guy so what could you expect? All the more reason for
his beautiful and intelligent sister to look out for him.
Satisfied that she had reached satisfactory definitions for
their relationship, Shampoo again turned her attention to
the warriors battling all around her.
-----------------------
"Soun?"
"Genma?"
"Let's NOT engage Ranma and Akane."
"SAOTOME?! But why?"
"I ran out of Cheese Whiz."
"What about the Miracle Whip?"
"That too. Also the chocolate syrup, and I'm not sure the
buttercream filling will make an acceptable substitute.
Besides, merely exorcising the spirit may not be in our best
interests. If he's slept with TWO of your daughters, then
maybe..."
"True, true. And he doesn't seem to be terribly good at
violence."
"He's a 'tool user' Tendo. Compared to one who has studied
the true Art..."
"Yes, Saotome, I quite agree." Soun put aside the
snowblower and ostrich feathers. "Any threat to my
daughter's health could be quite easily dealt with."
Genma's head peeked up above the pit. "Exactly. And if he
gets exorcised AFTER the ceremony?"
Soun's head slowly nodded as he put away the handcuffs,
copy of the Kama Sutra, and cattle prod. "Then Ranma will
find himself already married to one of my daughters. But
which one?"
"BOTH."
"Illegal, Saotome. Unfortunate." Two of his daughters
married and only one ceremony/dowry. It would have been an
excellent solution.
"Ah, but you are of samurai roots, my old friend.
Therefore, it is quite possible. Merely difficult."
"Maybe..." Soun stopped and looked over the pit trap.
"Seems a shame to not use any of this. I haven't done any of
this since my dear wife..." Once again the floodgates
opened.
Genma waited for the waters to subside. "Well, maybe we can
do both... I have a plan."
------------------------------------------------
Ranma sneezed and continued backing away. Finding and using
hot water had been easy. Unfortunately, he'd been splashed
within five minutes of heading out on the road.
Punk kids, six of them, spread out a little bit as they
moved to encircle the purple haired girl.
"Nothing to do about then, but this..." Ranma reached into
her vest.
<VSSHHHHTTT. VUM. fizzle, fizzle, vvvvvrrrrr.klik.>
"Oh #$@&!" Ranma noted that the crowd had pulled back a
little at the appearance of a lightsaber but once it had
fizzled, were starting to recover.
Quick inventory: pokeballs - not present
lightsaber - batteries not charged
blaster- hidden as it was quite obviously
some form of gun and the local authorities were not fond of
anyone else having guns.
magical devices- mainly still on loan to
the Sailor Scouts of the world of his First Labor
bionic systems- not available until after
this Second Labor
martial arts skills- not sufficient for
THIS scenario
Situation analysis: Very bad.
One of the punks started flipping a butterfly knife around
in his hands and said something in Chinese. Ranma could
guess what it was, and wasn't reassured. Before they could
close the distance, Ranma reached into her carrypack and
started searching but someone had rearranged her stuff.
Noting that the punks were again moving to encircle, Ranma
chose one of the remaining options. Run, then try to find
the gadget as soon as she had some distance.
Unfortunately, the flight lasted less than five minutes in
an unfamiliar city before ending in a dead-end. Seeing the
youths getting ready for something Nasty, Ranma's hand
finally found the D-hopper and slapped the button at the
end.
Then, as the coordinates were still for *this* timeline,
she changed the settings randomly and pushed the button
again.
-----------------------
scene appears by request:
On a tiled rooftop, Ryouga shouted to the heavens his
battlecry. "RANMA! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"
"Husband have enough energy to stand on roof and make
righteous declarations, he need come back right now."
"That so right, Lin-Lin!"
Ryouga dropped the pose to stand a bit more resigned. Tear
tracks formed. They were incorrigible. Or, at least,
insatiable. "Yes, dears."
---------------------------
another scene that appears by request.
"So how is my husband coping?" Kimiko smiled. "I haven't
seen him, is he going frequently on training missions, City
style to Genma's Country?"
"Well... actually..." Akane wasn't sure how to say this.
She didn't want to criticize her father too harshly.
"He's an emotional wreck who goes from towering outrage to
a pathetic weeping ball at the drop of a hat," Nabiki didn't
have trouble with criticizing people. At least normally.
"Oh, that. Get your idiot father laid once a week to shut
down that faucet. <Hmph> After all these years, you would
have thought even with half his brains, he'd figure out why
its called the Way of the Clouds _and_ the Rain."
Three daughters sat in shock while their mother regaled
them with a story about the night Akane was conceived.
Kasumi was going into stone-faced shock about the time they
got to the animal trainer's costume. Nabiki had turned
bright red and staring after Kool Whip and lime Jell-o made
their appearance. Akane bravely struggled on until the
mortification factor got overwhelming (the trapeze, why Soun
grew that moustache, and strawberries played heavily in this
section.)
"Eeep," said Akane.
"Geeble," agreed Kasumi.
"Uhhhh," put in Nabiki, deciding that there were some
secrets she did NOT want to know after all.
"...but if you really want to get him stable again, she
doesn't have to be *nearly* that inventive. Most of it was
Soun's idea anyway, he is *so* inventive about such things.
Errrr, are you girls OK?"
"Time to go, girls," Edema said, approaching with Shampoo.
Edema had thought she would have to pry the girls away, and
was rather surprised when they practically lunged forward.
------------------------
The street was deserted, which was the first clue. Downtown
Tokyo? At 2:35pm?
Still looking identical to a purple haired, slightly less
athletic Shampoo, Ranma ran a tight corner and sprinted down
the street as if all the demons in Hell were after her butt.
Two buildings collapsed, threaded through by hundreds of
twisting tentacles, revealing that this was actually a very
accurate summation.
Ranma continued running down the street, repeatedly
slapping the button on the rod but too out of breath to
plead with it to start working.
Then one of the buildings in front of her exploded.
--------------------------
Soun finished covering the pit trap. "You know, Saotome,
you explained the Catfist training, and I know about the
legendary secret training of the Touched Soul! A training
technique that's quick, but leaves half those attempting it
dead and the remainder babbling idiots. But what about the
others?"
"Seeing how miraculously Ranma had survived the Catfist,
and he was rescued from that psychiatrist, I continued to up
the training. Each success spurred me on to greater and more
difficult training regimens. Ah, yes, there was the
Oceanborn training. I would *never* have tried wrapping
Ranma in lead weights, tying his ankles together, and having
him drag a boat across Lake Biwa. Except that he had done so
well with the Catfist and then the Touched Soul! After it,
though, he could swim as if born to the ocean's embrace
itself. And after the Oceanborn proved successful, well, my
boy needed some rest, and it occurred to me that if he could
beat the odds so well on training..."
Soun's face went to the quality of a mask. "The
pedophiles?"
"Yes," agreed Genma proudly. "Why, the boy was a little
shaky, kept twitching for some reason, but I knew at this
point he was destined for greatness. And we had to get extra
money so that we could travel abroad. This is why I sold
him, for his own good and for the sake of the Art. Then I
stole him back before they'd gotten too far. No sacrifice
too great for the sake of the Art. Right, Soun? You remember
the training under the Master!"
"Do you honestly believe that, Saotome?"
Genma spoke in a low voice, almost too quiet for Soun to
hear. "I tell myself that, Tendo, I tell myself that all the
time. And sometimes I can make myself believe it. I almost
didn't steal him back in time."
Soun nodded and backed away from the pit. "For all that WE
underwent under the Master, for all that your son underwent,
we must join the two houses. Only that will justify the
sacrifices we have made."
"So true, Tendo, so true."
-------------------------
Akane edged forward, afraid that a single touch would
disrupt this illusion.
A single word escaped from Akane's companion. "How?"
"I don't know, Shampoo. He looked like you. Now..."
"Only superficially. Shampoo have more muscle tone than
that. Not-Shampoo softer, weaker, no callouses from long
time fighting." Shampoo set the bucket of hot water to the
side.
"Shampoo, you've slipped back into your old pidgin."
"Well, excuse ME! Shampoo really major stressed out!"
"He's coming to," Akane looked to the shredded clothing
then back up to THAT face. "What do you suppose happened to
him before he fell through that rip in the sky?"
"Don't know. He waking up."
Ranma stirred, groaned, opened his eyes, saw Akane, then
screamed and fainted.
"Well, THAT was informative!"
"Oh, SHUT UP, Shampoo!"
----------------------
"Uhm, Akane, why not try being nice to Ranma?"
"You've got to be kidding. He's insane. You've heard what
he's gone through, nobody could remain sane through all of
that."
"You're partly right," agreed Edema.
"Excuse please. Mean Grey or Ranma?"
"Both." Edema activated the teleport circle. The dojo faded
into view around the five.
"Oh dear, you mean?"
"Akane Tendo." Edema turned yellow eyes towards the
youngest of the three daughters. "Might I suggest a change
of plans? I'll talk to Grey. I'll get him to stop
antagonizing you if you relax a bit on being confrontational
towards him."
"HAH!"
"Can you at least stop killing him?" The mage looked around
at the building, having seen similar setups before.
"Well, it's not like it really does anything," Akane
frowned, "and I never INTENDED to kill him in the first
place."
"Akane, that I know of, you've killed him twice."
"NO WAY!" Akane started ticking them off. "There was the
lantern in the yard. Oh yeah, the table. They were both his
fault."
"Well, it's not a problem,is it?" Kasumi smiled at their
guest. "After all, he gets better almost immediately."
Edema looked a little disappointed and pulled a small sack
out of her jacket. Setting it down on the ground, she eased
out a translucent green sphere contained within a network of
a dull black metal. "If you really think so, I want you to
try something. This is called a sensory stone, I picked it
up in a place called Sigil where it is used by a group
called the Sensates to record experiences. I had Grey
holding it when he was wounded and about to die. It recorded
his whole Rebirth experience. Just pick it up."
Nabiki, ever curious, started forward when she noticed
something. The drow had been VERY careful not to touch it
herself.
"Oh, this is pretty," Kasumi said and knelt down.
"DON'T!" Nabiki stopped her elder sister from reaching
forward to the stone. "Kasumi, you heard Ranma. It hurts
when he goes through that. You've seen how it takes him a
little time to recover. I'm guessing it *really* hurts."
Edema nodded. "I tried it. Grey told me that I shouldn't,
but I wanted to find out if it had worked. He's gone through
it forty seven times, so he recovers a bit faster than he
used to."
Akane stared at the stone, pondering. It may have been that
idiot's fault, but she HAD killed him twice. Experiencing it
would only be fair, wouldn't it?
All three of Kimiko's daughters stared briefly at the stone
before one of them slowly reached out and touched it.
-----------------------
That the van had abruptly been pulled (in a Star Trek
teleport effect, no less) out of the parking lot that was a
Japanese freeway was noticed by only two "people."
(The qualifier was necessary in that some opinions varied
as to whether an artificially crafted being of cybernetics
and cloned flesh developed from their "mother's" ovum
counted as a thing or as a person. The world of their origin
considered them one step below slaves, created items that
could be mass produced. Grey, among select others,
considered them the other category.)
Shan waved a hand in front of Ukyo's face, then checked the
chef more thoroughly. Noting that only Sakyo was listening,
Shan dropped her mother's mannerisms. "Ukyo asleep. Pulse
and respiration within normal levels. No response to
pressure point stimulation. REM state detected. Analysis:
synaptic suppression effect."
Sakyo agreed with a nod. "Vehicle has come to a halt.
Engine suppressed and my twin's lack of consciousness
occurred simultaneous with teleportation effect."
Shan looked around as a vast smithy faded into view around
them. "Analyzing. Disengaging safeties on combat routines.
Energy levels high."
Sakyo's eyes locked onto the figure walking towards their
vehicle. "Humanoid. Short height, heavy muscular build, no
evidence of bionics or energy weapons."
"Chi level high, but martial arts skills not indicated by
stance or movement. Crippling injury in left leg, old.
Estimate high probability that subject's cane is magical in
nature." Shan opened the door and slid out, ending up in a
ready stance. "Negative indication of hostility."
The figure finally limped up to the truck, eyed Shan
briefly, then turned his attention to the truck itself.
"Who you? What you do here?" Shan immediately began
emulating her twin again.
"A, well, I'm not exactly a friend, but rather a sometimes
ally of your Master." The man, who resembled an unusually
tall dwarf, grumbled slightly to himself. "Now, what I need
to do is tweak a few systems, add a bit here and there. If
you'll come this way..."
Shan exchanged a brief glance with the still seated Sakyo,
who had gotten Ukyo to the floor. "Not know what you mean."
"Oh fuss and bother," the dwarf slammed his cane home. The
two cyborgs stiffened and seemed to go to sleep. "That's
better, now to put in those upgrades. I've had some ideas,
you see, and making a few improvements on what are
essentially mass marketed units..."
Hephaestus didn't bother with the truck. It was just a
rental anyway.
------------------------
Kasumi's maternal instincts had been firmly engaged and so
she was concerned about this boy who had been
unceremoniously thrust into their lives. His antagonism
towards her youngest sister had been duly noted, and while
that wasn't understood, neither was why he seemed to
alternate between shy and a bit forward around her.
Nabiki again caught the hand heading towards the sphere.
She was curious herself, and a TV commentator from one of
those American programs had been going on about how one of
the inherent superiorities of women was the greater pain
threshold. So if a guy could put up with it, she could put
up with it, right?
Akane's talk with her mother had made her feel a bit
guilty. Maybe she did unleash her righteous wrath a bit more
than necessary. Maybe she *could* have headed off the whole
"Horde O Hentai" bit with a few words, as opposed to
accepting Kuno's rules by resorting to violence. She'd
accidently killed the (obnoxious, irritating, stupid,
insane) boy twice. If he'd been *normal* that would have
been the end of it all, and likely even in Nerima she'd have
been facing legal problems.
Shampoo, being a prideful warrior woman, and having decided
that this Grey person was her adopted brother (while if
Ranma appeared she'd switch that to airen as soon as he
defeated her), casually reached past the three hesitant
girls to pick the sphere up.
Shampoo stiffened and blinked a few times, a noise coming
from deep within her throat while the others watched. Then
they watched the Amazon gently set the ball down, go over
into a corner and curl up into a pale and shaking ball.
"She's taking it better than I did," said Edema admiringly.
"And *I* went through some nasty stuff when I rejected
Lolth's worship back in my homeland."
Kasumi stared at the ball, then looked back at Shampoo when
the Amazon moaned, then back to the ball innocently lying on
the floor of the dojo. "Oh dear."
Nabiki backpedaled away from it as if the mottled green
sphere were a poisonous snake. The desire to uncover secrets
was a major part of her personality, so was a certain
self-preservation instinct.
"What?" Akane was torn between offering succor to someone
obviously in fair distress and proving that SHE was at least
as tough and could take it too.
The ball, following the slight slant in the floor, rolled
slightly. Without thinking about it, Kasumi put out a hand
to steady it.
--------------------------
"Oh..." Ranma blinked, slowly picked himself up, and
noticed a black haired Shampoo watching him warily from near
the door. "Shampoo? Did i make it back, then?"
"You returning back from the dead? Yes. Neat trick. Why did
you scream when you saw Akane?"
Ranma looked Shampoo over a little more carefully, then
determined that they were *in* Akane's room. "Errr, i may
not be the *right* Ranma. How did i die?"
Shampoo sighed, it had been too much to hope that this had
been Ranma returning back from the grave. Maybe just a
lookalike. "Seven months ago, Mousse was challenging you
over me. Between your pride, Akane's manipulative manner,
and my stubborness, we managed to get you into a challenge
fight against Mousse. All *I* promised was that I'd go out
on a date with the idiot, for some reason Akane thought that
this would mean that we'd go back to China and leave you
forever. You had apparently decided to throw the fight, but
weren't actually doing so when push came to shove. Akane
lost her temper during the fight and hit you with a
two-by-four that had been dumped in the lot. Distracting you
enough that Mousse stuck four swords through your chest.
"I kept my word, and went out on a date with Mousse. I
promised him at the end, though, that as he had killed my
rightful husband - the next time I saw him he would die.
Your turn, when you saw Akane, you screamed. Why?"
Ranma fidgeted. "Well, other than I really intensely
dislike her and her habits? That most likely she'll kill me
again through her penchant for quick and overwhelming
violence? That the entire idea of pounding someone into the
pavement because you like them is abhorrent to me?"
"She's not that bad," Shampoo said. "Not anymore, at least.
Once I pointed out that her relationship with her friend
Kuno had many of the same 'things in common' with her
perception of the relationship between myself and Mousse,
she changed her mind about getting us reconciled. And since
that fight where you died, she swore that she'd never again
strike someone in anger. So far she's kept her word."
Ranma noted that he still wasn't back in the right world,
though he was closer. "So you and Akane made up."
Shampoo shrugged slightly. "No reason for me to go back to
the village. Without you, there wasn't as much reason for me
and Akane to fight. Once we got through the hostility and
fixing blame for your death, we each understood what the
other was going through. For the past three months I've been
living here and helping with the household chores, also
helping to train Akane in Amazonian styles. I have done a
lot of thinking, trying to decide where my place is in the
world and what to do."
"Uhm, did you happen to see a sack that I was carrying?"
Ranma checked around the room but didn't see it. It was
supposed to come to him whenever he left a universe. Of
course, not everything worked all the time. Case in point,
the D-Hopper had gotten balky recently.
Shampoo watched Ranma carefully. "Akane has it. Why?"
"For that matter, where's my clothes?"
------------------------
Downstairs from where a version of Shampoo was questioning
a ersatz Ranma, Akane was still sorting through the contents
of a carrisack.
She had made neat little stacks of the various items which
covered most of the dining room area. Sets of Chinese
clothes, lingerie (Akane suppressed the comments about the
frilly lace garments and repeated her mantra to suppress old
feelings about a guy wearing such things), a bedroll, a
small tent, a kettle, a thermos, a set of gadgets whose
purpose she wasn't sure of, some sort of toy gun, nine
flasks wrapped in soft cloth labelled "Danger - Jusenkyo
Water" in English, and finally something like an electronic
diary.
Flipping it open, Akane pushed a button and was rewarded
with a picture of some blonde guy.
"Hello, I am Dexter, a PokeDex programmed for Researcher
Grey. If lost or stolen I cannot be replaced."
Akane shrugged, that hadn't been Ranma's picture. She
continued pulling odd items out, stopping again upon finding
a telescoping rod.
Alien squiggles on the rings that encircled the rod made no
sense to her. Yet there was a button at the very top of the
rod. Akane thought for a moment, then put it aside until
later.
"Whoa, Akane, how'd you get all this out of that sack?"
Nabiki walked into the room and started inspecting things.
"I just keep pulling stuff out," Akane said with a shrug.
"You don't actually think that's the real Ranma, do you? He
turns into Shampoo when he gets wet. Besides, we saw Ranma
cremated. We saw his mother and father take the urn home
with them. Ranma is DEAD."
"I saw someone who looked like Shampoo come falling out of
a hole in the air, I saw what looked like tentacles trying
to get through the hole before it closed. I used hot water
to clean her wounds and saw this other Shampoo change to
Ranma. When he woke up, he recognized me. What am I supposed
to think?"
"Maybe it's Copycat Ken?"
"No magic dishtowel. No, I don't think Mousse found a way
to return either, though that's what Shampoo is trying to
determine."
Nabiki listened for a moment. "Well, no scream of someone
being slowly killed, so it's not Mousse. The last time
Mousse showed up, you had to physically pull Shampoo away
from shoving him into a mulcher-shredder. Otherwise he'd be
compost by now."
"Father's listening for the signs and will intervene if it
sounds like Beijing Duck is being prepared." Akane still had
a grudge against Mousse but was hoping for something a
little less extreme than what Shampoo fantasized about doing
to him. Shampoo still had a lot of the barbarian tribeswoman
in her, and some of the methods of vengeance she described
to end Mousse's life made Akane a bit ill.
"That's good," Nabiki wasn't that concerned about Mousse,
but incidental damage to the house hadn't occurred lately
and she wasn't that nostalgic about such things.
"Ah-HAH! A wallet!" Akane stared at her empty hands.
"Hmmm. Some sort of credit card," mused Nabiki as she
flipped through the contents. "Some sort of foreign
currency. A few meishi (Japanese style business cards)...
this can't be right."
"What?!"
"Ranma, with an organ donor card? Get real. And these
meishi are fake too:
Grey
guardian daimon petitioner
Rival Relief Office
'We do more with less.'
Alley of Lingering Sighs
Asgard, Heaven"
Akane blinked. "Ranma died and made it to Heaven?"
"No, Akane, he's a fake. Not even good enough to put
together a halfway decent story."
"True," came Ranma's voice as he came downstairs with
Shampoo. "i'm just a Ranma substitute who found his way here
by accident. i'm filling in for ANOTHER Ranma. This looks to
be a stable timeline, and so i shouldn't be here at all."
"Other Ranmas?" Nabiki winced at the thought. "Like
parallel worlds?"
"Exactly. Now, i just need to get my stuff together and try
to get back." Ranma looked around and wondered where that
large pile of lingerie had come from. Oh yeah, it had to be
Happosai's.
"Where you're going, there are other Ranmas?" Akane stared
at the boy who looked so much like her own Ranma.
Ranma looked back, seeing an Akane that wasn't angry and
had sworn never to strike anyone in anger. She might even be
a nice girl, what a bizarre thought! Talk about OOC,
though... "Yeah, i've seen a few."
"If you run into one, one that doesn't have anyone..."
Akane looked ready to break into tears as Shampoo came up
behind her and laid her arm across Akane's shoulder. The two
girls looked into each other's eyes and nodded.
Ranma smiled. Definitely a different pair. "i'll see if i
can send him by..."
-------------------
NOTES:
As i said, i'm trying to run amuck with different concepts
of the "typical" SI.
1) In SI stories, the SI character is always better than
the characters in the field that the characters normally
excel in. In Ranma 1/2 this is martial arts.
2) In SI Ranma stories, they're always trying to get Ranma
and Akane together.
3) Powers and abilities beyond mortal men. Other than the
Binding (which has its minuses), Grey as Ranma has to rely
on a few skills and a dwindling amount of equipment.
4) It's always a canon universe. Exception: Skysaber's
Choice. The Ranmaverse that this centers around has been
mucked about with repeatedly.
there are other conventions i'm bending. MANY others, but as
stated elsewhere, this is just a momentary amusement, with
some ideas sufficiently interesting that i'm posting the
story just to see if anyone else takes 'em on. just someone
let me know if this happens, cause the archives are still
down.
gregg
-----------------------------------------
"Of course i pray daily! i drive in Phoenix."
metroanime@mindspring.com
http://metroanime.home.mindspring.com/