<snip>
Okay, I'm commenting a little late due to circumstances beyond my control,
but thats the way it is.
I've read both chapters 1 & 2, and the original chapter 3 in addition to
this new one.
I'll agree with X-ile, this version is much better. <takes a deep breath>
BUT.
It still suffers from the same problem that the first two chapters did, as
have many of your other works:
It starts out just fine, with no real problems to point out...but as it
goes on, the grammar declines steadily, to the point at which it actually
became hard for me to understand. And I've been speaking the crummy
language my whole life.
Well, not counting the year I thought I was a chimpanzee and spoke
Monkese...but that's neither here nor there.
In short, I really like your stories. All of them. They're quite good.
And this one is shaping up to be excellent, particularly with the plot
involved.
Except for this little problem.
I'd recommend finding a prereader or two, that would catch a lot of these
errors and clear them right up.
I'd be happy to do it myself, but those same circumstances that I mentioned
above are still making me a wreck.
<grins wickedly>
I *loved* the ending of this chapter, by the way.
Red Death
Ranma 1/2 Superhighway
Links to any Ranma fanfic that I can find!
http://www.lvdi.net/~reddeath/index.htm
ICQ# 3799370
"You're only killin' time and it'll kill ya right back."