In a message dated 4/1/00 11:02:05 AM Eastern Standard Time,
bert.miller@unisys.com writes:
Good to see you trying your hand at TM! work. IMO, Tenchi
has a lot of comic potential which I don't often see
realized; this could be fixed very quickly with you on
the case.
THanks! I do what I can.
> One Hour challenge-- start time 7:20 PM ET
>
> Growing Up-- sort of
Title was sort of hidden, here.
Oh? But you found it! Next is my Where's Waldo? fic!
> did. Her priorities normally ran along three paths--
>
> (a) Eat Carrots.
>
> (b) Let Sasami scratch her behind the ears.
(b2) Eat Carrots
>
> (c) Cheer people up when they were down.
(c2) Eat Carrots
You know, carrots are very important, after all.
>
> Ryo-oh-ki was beginning to see a pattern here.
Heh.
Heh indeed.
>
> A mature Ryo-oh-ki in a green miniskirt and tube top walked up,
> sat in his lap, put her arms around his neck, and licked his nose.
8... What an image! This could only happen to Tenchi...
Well, it COULD happen to Ranma, but he's not in this story.
> It was true that Ayeka and Ryoko were not fighting. They WERE,
> however, arguing fiercely.
>
> "It's a comedy!"
>
> "It's a ROMANCE!"
>
> Sasami sighed. Personally, she thought that Ranma show
> was both.
Good one. (Although the Ranma _show_ isn't all that romantic.)
THey have the manga too. And they fight over that as well.
> Said argument was interrupted by a screaming Tenchi as he tore
> through the room at speeds approaching that of, well, not light, but
> sound was a possibility.
Typical of your style, but this comparison falls a bit flatter than
most of yours (at least, to me). How about:
'Said argument was interrupted by a screaming Tenchi as he
tore through the room. Ryoko blinked. Ayeka blinked. Both looked
down at the rug as if to check for rubber traces or burn marks.'
Hmmm... If I do a rewrite, Imay use that. Arigato.
> "I'm not seeing this, am I, Ayeka?"
>
> "Ryoko-san, I hope not, because that would mean I was seeing it
> too."
Heh. Very nice.
THanks again.
> "She... seems to have frightened Tenchi somehow, Washuu-chan,"
> Ayeka said doubtfully.
Nitpick: Ayeka prefers 'Washuu-sama'; she uses '-chan' for Washuu
only under duress.
Right now, the whole situation has her under duress...
> "Oh, she was probably imitating you girls, and got a touch
> affectionate. Nothing to worry about." Washuu personally found the
> whole thing a hoot.
Heh. Of course.
Well, that was kinda the POINT... Washuu finds almost ALL of it a hoot--
except for Mihoshi. ^_^
> "AFFECTIONATE? HER? WITH MY TENCHI?" squawked Ryoko in shock.
> The concept was almost alien (Sorry!) to her. Not only Ayeka as a
> rival, but... but a CABBIT?
I'm inclined to agree with the previous commenter here. Ryoko would
see this as a betrayal. Though this can't really come as a surprise
to any of the girls, as they all saw Ryou-ou-ki's thoughts on Washuu's
screen dominated by caring for Tenchi (in the same episode where she
receives this body).
I know... that's an inmteresting point. But I was pressed for time (One
Hour, remember?) And I saw the shock being more about "She a CABBIT, for
Pete's sake!" Still, if I ever rewrite and/or expand, I may take that into
consideration...
> "Could be a cute couple, you know. Study of the offspring might
> reveal all sorts of things..."
..says Washuu, looking out of the side of her eyes at Ayeka and
smirking...
Well, that's a GIVEN. ^_^
> "OFFSPRING?" said Ayeka in tones very much akin to those of
> Ryoko.
Heh.
The concept DOES boggle the mind a bit, doesn't it? RYo-oh-ki, empress of
Jurai... odly enough, during the challenge, another writer did exactly that.
Great, or demented minds think alike.
> Tenchi was finally coaxed out of his room as Washuu gently
> explained that Ryo-oh-ki was probably just imitating the other girls.
> Still apprehensive, he found himself staring in fascination at the
> sunning cabbit-girl, who had been joined by Mihoshi, who personally
> didn't see what all the fuss was about.
Of course. "Anooo... Ryo-oh-ki? Maybe you should have some
sun-tan lotion, so you won't get burnt? Oh.... That's right..."
Mihoshi punches her own head lightly. "Your skin is designed to
handle radiation in space. Silly me. Well, then, do you mind
putting some on me?"
HUNH. Perhaps if I DO rewrite and expand, I'll use that too. Perfectly
Mihoshi.
You know, I didn't expect any commentary for this-- and instead I get lots. 1
hour is GOOD for you. ^_^
Kenko/Robert Haynie-- Author of Girl Days, Paragon,and Redheads-- and
part-time memetic virus. (Resistance is futile. You will all be assimilated
and funny.)