Yes, I'm still writing this. Only half a chapter this time, but better
than nothing, no? :)
Definitely better than nothing. One could wish for a faster pace,
but I'm hardly one to talk.
"Greetings, 'General.' Or should I call you...."
Oh, go ahead, _tell_ us that the General is someone we already know...
"We're letting you go because you told us what we needed to
know."
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He'd tell the major how he'd been taken prisoner and forced to
reveal everything he knew.
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Grunting impatiently, she spun him to face the other direction.
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"His hair. I smelled some kind of 'essence of flowers' stuff on
it. A guy wouldn't use that junk unless he was trying to impress a
babe."
Perhaps a little _too_ sneaky. It doesn't strike me that you
really want, or need, your readers to have to make a major feat of
deduction here to realize that Shampoo used the Xi Fang Whatsit Gao.
OTOH, the bit with the subordinate taking the shampoo's scent for
aftershave _is_ kind of funny.
mercenary. He'd joined up to fight for his country, for what
he believed in.
Sauchuk is interesting, in that he's definitely _not_ a bad guy,
but perhaps a bit more detail would help here. "Fight for his
country, for what he believed in" usually takes some additional
sophistry to reconcile with an actual invasion, or at least an
ideology ("we're here to _help_ the South Vietnamese | Afghans").
If he honestly believes that advance bases are required to defend
Mongolia, which is possible, maybe a bit more distaste for the
unpleasant necessity of occupation should be on display here.
"Fiancee," Sauchuk answered curtly. "We're getting married as
soon as my hitch is up."
Yes, we're definitely not going to enjoy it when Sauchuk buys
the farm...
Like most of the enlisted men, he felt a growing resentment
towards the officers. Rou may have been an idiot, but he was
a friend -- until the 'Amazons' had knifed him to death. When
the men had heard, some of them even wanted to go out shooting
villagers until the killers were found. But orders came down
that no reprisals were to be taken, and that Command would handle
the situation. Morale dropped, sinking lower and lower as the
men waited to see which of them would have to die next before
the officers did something about it.
Very authentic air to this.
Akane ran after. "Shan Pu, I'm sorry." It was her fault as much
as Kodachi's; she had deliberately thrown oil on the fire.
Nice touch to have Akane do this.
Why, she wondered, were things like this so painfully obvious,
but not until *after* it was too late to stop herself? Enough was
enough. Okay, maybe she couldn't stop herself from being jealous. But
she could lock her jealousy away deep inside herself where it wouldn't
cause harm to anyone. After all, it wasn't as if those
feelings ever did any good for her.
And this. Looks like Akane's growing up. Still, this is pretty
accurately and well phrased to seem like the Akane we know, who's
not much more articulate (when it comes to feelings) than Ranma.
Ranma crawled quickly and quietly from vehicle top to vehicle
top. They were parked bumper to bumper in neatly arranged rows.
Heh. To prevent sabotage? (Pearl Harbor reference)
total. Ranma wondered why the tanks were here; from what he'd
been able to find out, they hadn't been used against the Amazons.
Maybe they'd been brought along just in case.
Seems like the Amazons are to be a supply base for the next
conquest? I would've thought Ranma might figure that out.
BTW, why _are_ you using 'Amazons' rather than 'Nujiezu'?
"He got... we chased him off." Yuan glanced past the rows of
wrecked radiators and punctured tires. "But at least we stopped him
before he could damage anything!"
Heh. Nice scene. Your own answer to martial artists vs. bullets,
I take it.
The sad truth was, this was a different kind of fight from
any that she and her friends had been in before -- fights where
all they'd needed to do was pummel their opponents into submission.
Akane was only beginning to realize -- in her head, if not her
heart -- how different it was. The stakes had been raised, and
they had to either call or fold.
She had to make Ranma understand that, for his own sake as well as
everyone else's, even though she didn't want to believe it herself.
Nice. Ranma is being rather extreme in holding out against the
thought that is _war_. Having both Ranma and Akane fully realize
that is bound to lead to changes.
A sudden feeling shook through her head like a jolt of
electricity. *DANGER!*
Without thinking, Akane darted to the side. Instantly, something
came pouring down on the spot where she'd just been. Liquid splashed
onto the dirt. Mud splattered, leaving brown speckles on
Akane's pants.
She looked up. A figure on the roof, shadowed by the sun's
glare, was visible for the briefest second before he/she/it
faded back.
Akane's reaction argues that this is Kodachi; this is exactly
what always happens when Kodachi ambushes Akane in the series.
OTOH, this oculd be Zhen Biaozi.
At the camp in the mountains, Hikaru Gosunkugi sat with Ti Pi
atop a flat boulder.
BTW, are you following Takahashi and Alan Harnum for the terrain
around Joketsuzoku and Jusenkyou? Or the actual geography of
the area? The real Qinghai, even in the Bayankala, is pretty
open; it would be hard to hide from searchers out in the open
like this.
"I'm sorry. I know it's not nice to laugh at others'
misfortunes. But just think of how they'll feel when they take their
clothes out of the wash, and they're still dirty." She giggled again.
So the priestess is still Kasumi...
rescue her village. And after that, he'd be gone. No matter how he
looked at it, it seemed that Hikaru Gosunkugi was going to
end up alone.
Kind of sad that he doesn't (yet) realize that the opportunity
is for him to seize.
Saotome's wife, also a martial artist. And some others that
nobody knows here much about."
Typo: "nobody here knows much about."
"Yes, sir," Shagdarsuren repeated. "The locals' stories were
surprisingly consistent. I think they've really told us all
they know."
Consistency doesn't get him suspicious?
the memories they held. It was very strange. All the other buildings
Shan Pu had seen had been looted and emptied; why not this one?
Hmmm... Perhaps Zhen Biaozi has a reason? Like the Linghungbao?
"Hello, kitty."
Groan. Intentional?
No, she knew better than to fight a battle that she could
not win.
Interesting... Might we see Shampoo give up if the odds look
bad enough? Certainly Ranma wouldn't.
Not a great deal in the way of plot developments in this section
(so far). But entertaining nevertheless, and intriguing.
Looking forward to more (whenever).